You know, once I was fully vaccinated I felt so enormously protected in terms of spreading COVID-19. I felt as though in the midst of this shiteous pandemic with all these terrible ongoing repercussions I had been given the miraculous opportunity to take myself out of the equation. All the mysterious grim algorithms driving who gets sick and how badly, I could just remove myself from ALL of that fucked-up math because I was fully protected which meant everyone was fully protected from me.

I have been having a really hard time accepting the fact that none of us have the luxury of thinking this way anymore. Of course, if everyone was vaccinated we almost certainly could, but that’s not the case because too many people are terrible and/or terribly foolish/misinformed.

So now we all have to forge onward in this new world of probably you won’t accidentally kill that person you just walked by but WHO EVEN KNOWS ANYTHING AMIRITE which I suppose is technically how we have always lived but it sure feels more goddamned fraught.

Meanwhile, I now sneeze three times. THREE TIMES, that’s how many times I sneeze, consecutively, whenever I sneeze. Three rapid full-bodied sneezes, complete with Michael Jackson crotch-grab if I’m alone (because I’m a slave to the rhythm just kidding my pelvic floor is nearly half a fucking century old), which is not at all a thing I ever used to do. In fact, I’ve always been secretly irritated by multiple sneezers, like one is worthy of a “Bless u” then the second one you kind of politely ignore, but a third?? IN A PANDEMIC??? Who even DOES that, except now I know who: Me. ME! Three sneezes and don’t even try to completely stop the third while you’re in the frozen aisle at Safeway or you will make a horrifically loud fart-squeak out the side of your stupid mask and no one will be protected from you being you, NO ONE.


7 Responses to “Stupid and contagious”

  1. Elizabeth_K on September 29th, 2021 8:22 am

    I remember so well how I felt (years ago, it seems): NOW I’M VACCINATED! SOON WE ALL WILL BE!! MASKS OFF!! Now I worry if my mask if off that I am killing someone. Sigh.

  2. Swistle on September 29th, 2021 8:33 am

    Favorite part: “which I suppose is technically how we have always lived but it sure feels more goddamned fraught.”

  3. Hillary on September 29th, 2021 10:04 am

    The French actually have an escalating, three-part form of bless you: A tes souhaits, a tes amours, a tes reves. (to your wishes, to your loves, to your dreams) Perfect for your triple sneezes :)

    I wish people would just get vaccinated. I keep waiting for the “and then we put it all behind us” moment, but it keeps not happening.

  4. Heather on September 29th, 2021 1:52 pm

    My mother always sneezed in 3s. We’d just wait for the last one to offer the ‘bless you’.

  5. Shawna on October 1st, 2021 8:57 am

    My family has been struggling with how to behave now that we’re all vaccinated (and have been since early July).

    We shake our heads at the couple we know who still washes all their groceries and quarantines books for 14 days after drop-off by vaccinated friends, and the husband won’t let the wife even enter a store. How over-the-top, right? And on the flipside we judge our friends and colleagues that go to malls for fun, attend concerts or sporting events inside, or take airplanes anywhere for recreational travel – ESPECIALLY TO THE USA which we view as a land of crazy infectious people. How insane and irresponsible, right?

    We haven’t slept anywhere but our own house since the start of this whole thing. We haven’t gone to a movie theatre or eaten inside a restaurant, not even since the passport system came into effect which assures us that all our fellow diners have to be vaccinated, because the staff don’t have to be vaccinated. But we have eaten on patios a couple of times. We have been in a couple of small independent stores just for fun Christmas shopping. I had to let my daughter try on jeans for the new school year so we went into a mall, beelined for the store, tried them on, got three pairs, and got the hell out. All the while, we resent the fact so many people are doing way more than this without apparently a qualm. So the struggle is: are we being too cautious? Are we not being cautious enough and taking risks that aren’t really necessary at this point? At some point, life will have to go on with acceptance and management of the risk of Covid-19 falling in with other diseases. My area is over 80% fully vaccinated, and my mother’s county is over 90%. Is this enough to go to a restaurant sometime soon? To let our kids have multiple fully-vaccinated friends over for the evening for a movie? To go on an overnight visit somewhere fun? “Fraught” really is the best word for describing this feeling!

  6. on October 2nd, 2021 4:59 am
  7. Nine on October 2nd, 2021 6:35 am

    With the lights out it’s less dangerous.

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