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It has been SO COLD lately. Sunny and clear, but frigid temperatures.




Monday, February 20, 2006

Well, after two hours of stroller-jiggling and half-remembered Thin Lizzy lyrics ("I first produced my pistol and then produced my rapier. I said stand o'er and deliver or the devil he may take ya. dum a do..") I have not yet figured out how to flip Riley's Evil switch back to Good, so in lieu of typing - how the boy hates the sound of typing - here are some softer "insert image" clicks, for the purpose of delivering up some piping hot fresh content this morning.

(Why do the words hot and fresh sound so porny, and speaking of porny here are two porn references from this weekend: Porn Reference the First, I was at a baby shower for my good friend Jen and when it came time for the guests to write down their guesses for her baby's name all I could think of were those websites where you can learn your porn name - you know what I'm talking about? - and so I wrote down BOY: RAINIER STEELE, GIRL: TRIXIE MUSTANG, which was, in retrospect, super classy of me*; Porn Reference the Second, I was warning JB against dangling the baby over his face because I'd just fed Riley a bottle and some mashed banana, and the words that came out of my mouth were "Watch out, or you'll get a hot wet banana delivery," and of course JB had to say that I should watch out because he had a hot wet banana delivery for me, and really, things only got worse from there.

*Thankfully I was not alone in my debauchery because Chiara immediately said "Hey, did you know mustang is like a combination of mustache and poontang, and therefore is the dirtiest word ever?"

Then JB said "Well, plus horses." And raised his eyebrows significantly. Which, what?

Anyway. The typing! Makes Suctopus mad!!)



Okay, I am on some seriously obnoxious mailing lists now, with all kinds of ridiculous baby-item catalogues (including the doomsday "Right Start" publication which contains thousands of safety related gadgets with accompanying copy like "To prevent baby's accidental inhalation of asbestos, try the Bubby Asbestos Bouncy! Seals baby in, harmful Vermiculite out!") arriving on a weekly basis, but THIS? This nightmarish collection of Little Lord Boogerface and Lady Shriekalot outfits is too much. My god, BOWTIES. Whoever is forcing their children into these clothes needs to pull the giant gold-encrusted stick out of their ass, because -

Oh yeah, the typing. Well, to sum:



Clearly the fine people behind Wooden Soldier Children's Wear had the wrong demographic in mind when they targeted my address. I mean, I'm not sure we're quite up to their standards.

Riley will get back to Good Night Moon as soon as he finds out what Jessica Simpson's been up to.


Hello! Here are the pets. Dog would like a biscuit, if it's not too much trouble, and Cat would like you to know she crapped in your shoe.


Ah, the Baby Bjorn, sometimes my only frail link between sanity and plastering the boy with stamps and mailing him to Florida.


I am struck by 1) how big Riley looks here and 2) how Tonya Harding my roots have become.


You can't really tell, but I believe he's performing a scene from Riverdance.


Birthday dinner preparation on Sunday night: JB rocking some steamed clams with garlic and curry. He did an awesome job, and even minced the garlic cloves all by himself, although he now knows they require peeling first.


Now the dinner was great and everything, but let's just take a look at this cake, shall we? That right there is a super-fattening combination of chocolate, ice cream, and peanut butter from Cold Stone Creamery, and I personally have gained twelve pounds since it made its appearance last night.

Ahh! Typing! I swear, I need a silencer on this keyboard. Okay, quicklikeabunny:


JB gave me a killer flash for my camera, which means I can shoot photos indoors now when there's no natural light without washing out the subject completely. ROCK.


See? This was at night! Normal colors, normal skin tone! OH BOY NOW I CAN TAKE EVEN MORE PICTURES.


And finally, some hot wet banana potential for you all. Because I love.


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