all & sundry

Yesterday I drove the rental K-k-k-k-KIA! over to Kirkland, dropped it off, and drove on to work in my freshly fixed Corolla. The damage had cost just under 2K, which Geico had paid, less my $250 deductible. My car was pristine. I don't know what all they did, but even the smudges and scrapes that were on the front fender from years ago were gone. It was like nothing had ever happened to it!

Today, I backed out of my driveway, pulled forward, and promptly slid on a hill of black ice directly into my neighbor's parked car. Hard.

So, let's see...my car had been out of the shop less than 24 hours before I drove it up the ass of a fugly red Ford Probe.

Not only did I just get in an accident a WEEK ago, but I even made some comment yesterday right here on this website about being careful out there. Clearly I do not follow my own freaking advice.

It's weird, since we've had this cold weather over the last few days I've been able to see frost on the road - our block always gets icier than the surrounding ones, and I have been careful to look out and decide whether to wait a while for it to warm up before heading out. This morning, there was no frost. My car wasn't icy, I didn't have to let it run for ten minutes or so like I've had to do all week. Everything looked FINE. Until I hit the gas, and my car turned into a fucking Zamboni.

After the impact, which both propelled their Ford about fifteen feet and stopped my car with enough force to shake CDs I hadn't seen in years out from underneath the seats (ELpH vs. Coil, anyone?), I made my way tremblingly to my neighbor's front door and knocked, practicing my "Hi, you know your car? Well, heh heh..." speech, but no one was home.

I called JB, who laughed at me. Bastard. "I guess we can start calling you Lucky," he said, from LAS VEGAS where he's hanging out this week on business instead of, I don't know, making sure I don't HIT things with my CAR. "You should call the cops, get an accident report filed."

So I called the Bellevue police. "Lady," they said in a tired tone, "we've got over 70 accidents this morning. You need to just exchange insurance information. Pull off the road." "I AM off the road," I whimpered. "I can't exchange information because they're not home. I just got my car back."

Then I called Geico, who is probably going to drop me like a sack of dog shit, and filed a claim. They asked me if my car was driveable, and I replied that I tried to get it back in my driveway but was thwarted by the ice, and also the car seemed to be making a lot of weird noises, so I wasn't sure. "Is your vehicle leaking any fluids," asked the Geico rep, and I said yes, something green. "Do NOT attempt to drive your vehicle!" he trumpeted in response. My god, was my car going to....explode? I pictured a giant ball of flame, me sitting on the curb weeping.

After he learned of the Green Goo of Death, he arranged for a tow truck to come take my car back to the exact same body shop, which is, well, kind of - I don't know, embarrassing as fuck is the probably the term I'm looking for here. I went and left a note on my neighbor's door that included my insurance information and started with the words "I'm very sorry to tell you..." Then I called Enterprise, who came and hooked me up with a Mercury Sable, which I spent ten minutes sitting in trying to figure out how to disengage the parking brake. Then I drove to work where I spent the day muttering about cars and ice and deductibles.

I'm home now and I may never leave the house again. Also, I had a message on our answering machine from the neighbor, who had called around 3 and seemed very annoyed that I hadn't moved my car yet. "If you could take care of this immediately," she said, "so I can move MY car. Thanks." Um, except my car was parked several yards back, not blocking anything - after all, I had helpfully moved her car forward and out of the way with mine...sure, I might have been a little rough in the process....then re-parked after I saw I couldn't get it back up the hill and in my own driveway. I don't know what she was talking about. Also, lady! I couldn't drive it, because of the green stuff! We're talking explosions here!

Startin' the new year right, that's me.

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