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Old photo, but it goes with both the Snout Theme and the lack-of-home-internet-access-therefore-no-recent-digital-camera-photos situation.
| Thursday, June 2, 2005
On 5/30/05, <Swiss guy> wrote: Hello Chris, Please let me know what your plans are. -- Von: JB I am not coming over; as I have decided we should terminate our relationship. I am sorry. Chris -- On 6/1/05, <Swiss guy> wrote: Hello Chris, Best regards -- Von: JB Frankly speaking I heard what one of your associates said to my daughter; and I think giving her so much alcohol in order to get her back to his hotel room was very improper. Chris -- From: <Swiss guy> Chris, I'm shocked to hear your story and I think you must mix up something because we are located in Switzerland. Which month did it happen and in which city and I will check if we had one of our stuff at the time at that location. Best regards and look forward to hear from you. Roger God, is he going to hell, or what? Apparently I'll be right there in the handbasket with him, because I laughed at this exchange until, well, until the stability of my pelvic floor came into question. ::: In JB's absence this week, the house is totally falling apart. Witness: • Living room light burned out, no replacement bulbs to be found ::: More and more, we are referring to the baby by his name. "Riley, what's going on in there?" I'll ask at night when my belly ripples alarmingly. JB will talk into my stomach, his scratchy goatee tickling my skin, "What's up, Riley? How's it going, kid." "Riley, my bladder is not a toy." "Don't listen to your mom, Riley, you are going to love Bob Dylan's music." "Riley, I apologize in advance for the number of hats with ears on them I will force you to wear." Etc. It makes him seem more real, this tiny person whose face I have not seen, whose proof of existence lies mostly in the realm of gastrointestinal upset and alien-pod weight gain. Riley! We like you already, peashooter. Now stop making me fart. I had planned to keep his name secret until the birth, but I became gripped by a weird paranoia that it would suddenly show up in Us magazine as some crappy celebrity's recent offpsring and no one would ever believe that I thought of it on my own. "Riley," people would say, "oh, like Tori Spelling's baby?" And so we'd have to pick another name, which would have been really bad news for the kid, considering how much actual thought we gave to "Rainier". I can't imagine anything other than Riley now, though, even if the name was plastered all over newspapers nationwide due to some horrible scandal, like: "SCOUT LEADER RILEY VON POKERBOTTOM ACCUSED OF MANHANDLING 287 YOUNG CUBS. 'HE MADE MY SWIMSUIT PARTS HURTY', SOBS UNNAMED BOY SCOUT." Uh, actually, that one would change my mind. Yyyyeah. I'm sorry I went there. Let's all move on. ::: Well, I up and redesigned this website, if we can loosely interpret "switched out two graphics" as a "redesign". Maybe if my web skills had progressed since 1998 I could do something else, you know? JB says the top graphic is kind of lame because "where's Cat? Or me? Why just Dog?", but seeing a giant snout on this page makes me happy. Sundry Mourning: Now With Extra Snout!
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