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There was a talky sort of woman next to me in yoga last night who issued forth many loud happy sighs and grunts during the poses and afterwards turned to me and said, “Boy! I always feel like Gumby after this class!” and I nodded and immediately thought of this incredibly hilarious offensive and juvenile (NSFW audio, don’t say I didn’t warn you) video I saw a while back and while I smiled in what I hoped was a polite manner and she nattered on about something or other I helplessly replayed that entire dubbed-Gumby script to myself and when she told me that she was going to have a popsicle when she went home because after a workout like that she’d better stay AWAY from the candied peanuts, ha ha ha, my brain was going, “Looka my head, it’s lopsided bitch — suckadick!”

Also, the yoga instructor had either padded pants on or she was wearing knee pads under her pants and while I realized after the fifty-millionth minute of balancing on one knee with only a quarter inch of mat between my kneecap and the hard-ass floor that she was definitely onto something, I also couldn’t help thinking what JB would say if he saw me in a similar getup, and how he would probably sprain something trying to get out just the right sausage/protein snack/beefstick/Administer Orally Every Twelve Hours Preferably With a Meal joke.

Honestly, I don’t know what my problem is. Basically I am a twelve year old boy trying to pass off as a thirty-something suburban mom. It’s sad, really.

So hey, I need some new music (again). I start work next week and I need some fresh iPod content to make my commute tolerable. What have you been listening to lately that you can’t get out of your head? Loud/upbeat/butt-shaking stuff particularly appreciated.

There were two days in a row when I successfully put Dylan down for a nap the same time as Riley and then had two (TWO) lovely hours all to myself and at the time I thought AH HA, I have totally figured out this baby’s schedule and now everything is going to be so EASY! And then he was all, excuse me but I think I’d like to spend about a week sleeping in 10-minute intervals during the day, does that work for you? And I was all, well, shitballs.

He’s not entirely predictable about how he chooses to spend his daylight hours but oh my god he is such a good baby at night. He usually goes down around 8 PM in his crib, and JB wakes him up around 11 for a last feeding before putting him back to bed. His one night-time wakening happens anywhere between 3-5, and it is completely painless: he milkpigs 4 or 5 ounces, farts a few times (he is such a frat boy), then falls back asleep in his swing.

(And now that I’ve described this fantastic behavior I’ve probably doomed myself to an entirely new routine involving round-the-clock feedings and a sustained bout of screaming from 2 AM onward.)

It makes such a HUGE difference when babies start sleeping more. I don’t even think I was aware of how fractured I was feeling as a result of not getting enough sleep, I just powered entire cases of energy drinks at a time and tried to ignore the fact whenever I stopped moving for five seconds my eyes drooped shut and a line of slobber hung from my lower lip.

Oh, and the other big difference? Getting him out of our bedroom. I knew that would help and yet I resisted it, but now that he’s at least starting out the night in his crib and I’m not waking up over every snort and whuffle (and I’m not getting up to feed him at his first squeak), I think both of us are resting better.

In other news that has nothing to do with babies, sleeping or otherwise, JB has been wearing these beige camo-print cargo shorts paired with white socks and clunky Keen shoes, and it is SO DORKY LOOKING, in a very Pacific Northwest dorky kind of way. However, when I made fun of his ensemble, I couldn’t come up with an answer to his question of what the fucking hell he’s supposed to wear with shorts then, Mrs. Fashion Plate?

So what do you think? What should a guy wear with cargo shorts when it’s not quite warm enough to sport the open-toed Teva mandals?

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