May
31
Here is something that is very very terrible when you have a giant longhaired dense-pantaloons cat and that is diarrhea, cha-cha-cha! Every now and then Billy gets the boot scootin blasters and I simply cannot complain enough about the household effect but that is not going to stop me from trying, here goes: WOW IT IS SO BAD OMG. First of all there is the smell, which defies all immediate scoop-and-remove actions and lingers like a Cranberries song except far less wistful and more of a full-scale aggro olfactory assault. It’s the scent equivalent of Pete Hegseth and it resists open windows, air fresheners, and thoughts/prayers. Then there’s the litter pan itself which I will not describe out of respect for your just kidding it’s a whole Jackson Pollock situation that leaves me baffled as to how he physically managed it, we are talking about the walls getting involved okay???? And then the aftermath in the furry nether regions which is like trying to get peanut butter out of a down pillow only the peanut butter is of course liquid feces and the down pillow is doing crocodile rolls while you try and strategize the best approach: wet paper towels? Deshedding tool? Just set the entire house aflame and walk away in slow motion? There is in fact something called a ‘sanitary trim’ for longhaired cats but it leaves them looking oddly naked, like yes hello here is my shaved børthole on display for all to enjoy! Probably preferable to the muddy tailflap though.
I do give him probiotics and his diet is steady, it just seems to be something he periodically goes through and another reason my once-welcoming house is a bit rough for visitors these days. Sorry for the deranged Vienna sausage who is barking your head off, sorry for the eighty trillion pet toys underfoot, sorry for all the hair on your nice black pants, sorry for the aroma of a beer festival porta-potty on a hot summer day.
May
24
A cat can be slotted into one’s existence with relative ease but a dog is a Whole Entire Thing and so I do feel fairly upended again these days, although I have largely passed the “was it all a terrible mistake” phase of any big life change.
Something new in my routine is standing in the backyard at night while Mabel does her business. I have not spent a consistent amount of time under the night sky in a long time and I am finding it restorative in a touch-grass sort of way. I mean it is also a big pain to put on real clothes post-bath and go out there and I hope by the time the weather is truly dreary she won’t need a chirpy “go potty, c’mon go potty” partner at her side but in the meantime I am enjoying being regularly dazzled by the stars and the impossible-seeming vastness of it all. The moon has been especially bright the last few days and last night it looked like an x-ray of a lemon slice.
I had already been talking to Billy but now I carry out full one-sided conversations most of my days at home, Mabel’s main response to being spoken to is to wriggle with joy and with such a warm reception how could I not develop a maybe-weird narration habit? Sometimes I singsong my activities: paper towels go in that cupboard there, this here yogurt goes in the frigidaire… while Billy watches with avid curiosity and Mabel does ecstatic tippy-taps.
There’s no loneliness with these guys, they trail me everywhere. Everything is a bit messy now too, toys strewn about and sticky tree pods tracked in from the backyard and the pervasive whiff of Nature’s Miracle in the air. Sometimes I think back on the time before pets when I was wholly unfettered and only had to clean up after myself and how delicious that was, but of course it’s like children. Incompatible with tidy care-free living; worth it.
A dog does a better job at helping fill the ache of missing hands-on parenting, I think. There are potty schedules and various things that require care, while a cat can slink into the background and coolly smoke a cigarette on its own. With a dog you get a little of that shared dopamine feeling where their enthusiasm lifts your own spirits. They can be needy and it can feel so very good to be needed.
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