I’ve been looking for a job off and on for many months now. I’ve applied to several without luck and I am not despairing about it but I have to say I don’t feel great, Bob. I don’t like feeling … well, useless is the word that comes to mind.

Or maybe obsolete is the better term, at least for my particular skill set. Oh, you don’t need someone whose marketing expertise and knowledge is largely based on a world that simply does not exist anymore? You’re not looking for someone who hasn’t worked from an office environment or among coworkers for, what, sixteen years now? You don’t need writing language and tone that can be if not duplicated outright at least workingly mimicked by any number of free LLMs? You don’t have an eager Gen Z team that’s looking for a 52-year-old whose software skills are pretty much limited to text editing docs and photo apps and whose water cooler banter could not rise above “How about that new season of Euphoria, crazy amirite fellow kids???”

I do think I would enjoy something very different from what I have done before. As an example, I volunteered with a conference recently in a fancy-ish hotel. After setting up the tables for the attendees, my job was to help check them in, which mostly involved light chitchat and offering to validate their parking. I found this DEEPLY pleasurable, so I feel I would very much like a job that:

• Is somewhat limited in nature to providing a service rather than potentially annoying people (ie, nothing that involves people being mad about what a thing costs or how long it takes, etc)

• Nestles me amongst likeable coworkers (the other volunteer was so nice to chat with!)

• Gives me the chance to greet people with a smile and be friendly with them, because I truly feel that nearly everyone has become much more wary/closed off and it is a delight to see them relax when met with good energy

• Allows me to provide helpful info, like ‘oh the restrooms are right over there’ or ‘yes, we definitely can validate that ticket!’

• Is part time, has easy parking, isn’t too far away

• Doesn’t matter if I am older and also have weirdly colored hair and a 90’s armband tattoo

Let me know if you have ideas! I immediately thought of the wonderful often older-people ushers at events where they help you find your seat, but there seem to be too many downsides: actually needing to know where the seats are (row what now?), wearing a uniform with a vest, and the real deal-killer: having to be at a place when it is WELL past my bedtime.

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There is more to talk about than MABEL DOG but she sure has been a great distraction lately, in plenty of good ways and some potty-related frustrating ones. I was telling my mother about how baffling she can be, peeing on the floor after so much time outside, and I had about one trillion excuses for why she might be doing it, and my mom was like, you may have to consider the fact that she simply does not care, and I must say that did ring true. I DO think she cares in the sense that she appears to know before I even react that it is Unwanted Behavior, but there does not yet seem to be any connection on her part that it is possible to make a Better Choice. Or, perhaps she does not consider Consequences until after the Action.

Well, I am working on it. I keep taking her out, praising her to the heavens when she goes outside, and correcting her with a sharp but not scary “AH!” sort of sound (as opposed to NOT AGAIN JESUS FUCKING CHRIST ARE YOU KIDDING ME) when she goes/starts to go inside and then hustling her back out.

(It has occurred to me many times that this will be all more difficult/maddening when the weather is not so pleasing and summerlike and the yard is a treacherous mudzone.)

On a friend’s suggestion who also owns a very small unreliable dog, I have ordered some dog diapers. Apparently some/many dogs will not go with the diaper on and so that might be a way to let her at least romp around the house without me having to keep my eyes glued to her at all times.

Oh, and I have a dog trainer scheduled for later this month! This is a behavior-focused specialist who comes to the house, and I’ve requested that we work on 1) potty, 2) barking, and 3) walking on leash properly. There was a field to enter the breed, and I assume whoever reviews these will take one look at “miniature dachshund” and burst out laughing. Ma’am, a meth-addicted incontinent donkey would’ve been less work.

Taking her on walks around the neighborhood has been a comical new hobby, sort of like being hauled around by a crazed centipede. She’s eager to explore everything but also hugely overwhelmed by traffic, which is unfortunate since you have to cross busy areas in all directions to get somewhere more peaceful. She does seem good with other dogs and people when we are outside, which I’m thankful for.

I myself have been on less of my own longer, exercise-focused walks; I find that I’m kind of bushed after all the hyper pet wrangling and just want to secure Mabel in her crate for a while and hunker down. Thank heavens for crate training, honestly. At first I was hesitant to pop her in there, but it’s clear she views it not as a cage but rather her tiny little private wolf cave. I put some soft bedding in there and she likes to root around until she is fully burrito’d and it is both cute as hell and a massive relief: okay, time for a breather.

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