Dec
19
The problem with snow and Seattle is that it’s a hilly-ass city and there’s, like, one plow.
(Call Mr. Plow
That’s my name
That name again
Is Mr. Plow!)
The streets are a mess and since we’re all a bunch of Starbucks-sucking, socks-with-sandals-wearing Pacific Northwesterners who don’t know what to do in freezing weather you see a lot of this:
Which, dude, sucks to be you, driving your car into a damn tree and all, but it could be worse — how’d you like to be the bus drivers who surely filled their pants in unison as this happened?
(Photo credit: Seattle Times)
The weather is predicted to get worse: tomorrow we’re supposed to experience some unholy combination of more snow, gale-force winds, and freezing rain, so JB’s been scurrying around stocking up on emergency supplies and reminding me it was TOO a good idea to get a generator. My tactic for dealing with being mostly housebound is to eat pretty much constantly, because what the hell, if we lose power at least I’ll have some extra blubber for warmth.
This brings me to the Big Easy, which my family just sent us as a holiday gift. I’d heard of this product because my aunt’s client manufactures it, but I had no idea how awesome it really was until we set it up yesterday. It’s an oilless turkey fryer which cooks via infrared (I have no idea how it works, really, there could be tiny grilling elves crammed in its innards for all I know), and we gave it a test-run with a chicken.
Here’s what it looks like. Like my aunt says, it sort of resembles R2-D2.
I seasoned a chicken (sorry, I know: gross raw dead thing, SORRY) and we stuck it in the rack with a meat thermometer.
You put the rack in the grill . . .
And that’s IT. You just LEAVE IT THERE.
When the thermometer said it was up to temperature (about an hour or so), we pulled it out. HELLO MY ROASTED MEATY FRIEND.
And it was, no lie, the best chicken I have ever eaten in my entire life. No shit. It was super juicy and the skin was crispy and delicious.
Very very cool product, we are going to use it a ton. Especially if the power goes out this weekend.
Oh, and since I’m already blathering away about food, please enjoy this recipe for chocolate chip cookies:
3 1/4 cups of all purpose flour
1 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp salt
1 cup (2 sticks) butter, softened
1 cup granulated sugar
1 cup packed brown sugar
1 tsp. vanilla extract
2 large eggs
2 cups Semi-Sweet Chocolate Morsels
Preheat oven 375 degrees.
Combine flour, baking soda and salt in small bowl. Beat butter, granulated sugar, brown sugar and vanilla extract in large mixer bowl until creamy. Add eggs, one at a time, beating well after each addition. Gradually beat in flour mixture. Stir in morsels. Drop by rounded tablespoon onto ungreased baking sheets.
Bake for 9 to 11 minutes or until golden brown (pull ’em out when they’re still a little doughy). Cool on baking sheets for 2 minutes; remove to wire racks to cool completely. Makes about 5 dozen cookies.
I know, I know, you’re thinking, I already have a recipe for chocolate chip cookies. All I can say is, there is a chocolate chip cookie and there is something that’s like an edible, involuntary pelvic muscle spasm, and this recipe produces the latter.
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How much does that charbroil magic maker cost? I want it. NOW.
The turkey looks great, we’re frying one on Christmas day. Ah yes, the busses. My dad and boyfriend just chained up our Peterbilt and are on their way there along with Lincoln Towing to pull them back over. Watch for the Columbia truck on the news recovering them (that’s us!). Hope you’re at least staying warm in this crap.
Kirida: Looks like $160 on Char-Broil’s web store.
Clealy I did not read properly. The CHICKEN looks great!
“involuntary pelvic muscle spasm” – sounds like mini-‘O’ to me. I’m in.
reading your blog makes me feel jealous! I am in Tucson and my daughter is running around in undies and a t-shirt, with all windows open, hoping it gets cool enough to start a fire tonight!
Cool chicken cooker and all (really!), but shouldn’t that recipe read “2 and 1/4 c flour?” (and not 3 and 1/4 c?) I’m almost positive I’m right. Tell me I’m right!!!
Oh that looks good. The snow’s pretty crazy here too. It still hasn’t stopped (9 hours and counting).
I’m a vegetarian, and I want that chicken now.
We sing Homer’s Mr. Plow song to my son (with his name substituted) all the time. The poor child is going to someday find out that it is not really a song about him…
Kirsten: I thought the same thing, but NO, it is in fact 3 1/4 cups. Maybe that’s the secret for its kegel-icious goodness.
food porn at its best…
I saw that story on KOMO and freaked out a little bit. Imagine if you were the cars on the freeway. Good lord. My parents live right on Melrose, too. ACK
I seriously had to laugh at this post! I’m down here in Portland, another hilly-ass city where we don’t know nothin’ bout drivin’ in dat damn snow with our H3s! Let’s all just go snowboarding and suck down copious amounts of caffeine!
I’m keeping this post FAR away from my husband as he will surely drool and weep over that infrared roaster. Really, we don’t need another THING in our garage next to the 17 chainsaws (for real) and the generator.
Stay safe (and SANE!)
My favorite part about the grill is how jaunty and relaxed the chicken looks in there. It sort of looks like the chicken is kicking back in the sauna or something. Which I guess it is.
And at this time of year we SWestern BC’ers are Peppermint Mocha Starbucks Swilling Pussies who can’t navigate in 5 centimetres of snow (and, for the most part, completely ignore conditions and drive the same batshit insane way as usual). Thankfully I have no intention of riding anything on wheels over the next few days.
Love the turkey infrared broiler thingy but am a little apprehensive about the propane part. Can it be used indoors at all?
I was just talking with someone about how I have two different chocolate chip cookie recipes, they have the EXACT same ingredients, but in different amounts – one uses one egg and one uses two, which seems like it would make a huge difference but I’m not sure what the difference was. . .
This recipe has all the same ingredients, but again in different amounts. I’ll try it next time!
I hear ya. I was loading up my Mini(van) today to head OUT, for pete’s sake, and Mr. Snowplow Man drove by and said “You’re gonna drive that out? How confident are ya?” After two long days housebound with two small ferocious children, I AM VERY CONFIDENT I will make it out. Or die trying.
p.s. I am so totally making those cookies. Who couldn’t use more involuntary pelvic muscle spasms.
I am making choc chip cookies for Santa Wednesday night so will have to try that receipe! Stay warm!
That is… a very big chicken. A very big, delicious-looking chicken. I could go for a nice chicken salad sandwich, with a handful of those cookies for dessert. I’m thinking the involuntary muscle spasms will burn off the extra calories. Win-win! And I hope your power stays on. Power outages in the winter with little kids are not any fun at all. Charge your laptop so you can show them a movie if it goes out after dark and they WIG THE FUCK OUT. Not that that’s ever happened to me or anything.
The Big Easy is now on my Amazon Wish List. If I get 150 clams from the in-laws for Christmas, it will be mine. I HATE/CANNOT cook so this will save my boonkie.
I officially think I love you. My husband and I LOVE frying turkeys…especially at Patriots game tailgates. But the clean up of the oil is such a bitch…not to mention dangerous. My man is on Char Broil’s site right now researching. I’m SO getting him one for his birthday. Awesome tip- thanks!
I have been making that exact cookie recipe all week…I think I’ve made it 4 times so far and have wrapped them up for the kids’ school and for neighbors and have eaten at least a couple of dozen by myself. It’s the best recipe ever and I think I’ll make some more right now!
Okay, FINE. I WILL MAKE THE COOKIES.
I needed a new chocolate chip recipe, looks perfect. Thanks!
I’m so delighted by reading “kegel-icious goodness” here in the comments that I can’t remember what my comment was initially going to be.
Must store that away for future squeezy-sex reference. WHAT?
We deep fried a turkey for Thanksgiving this year. It was SO GOOD! I am intrigued by this machine too…no oil means less of me freaking out that my husband will burn the house down :)
Stay warm friend!
We are going through the same thing right now. Snow started yesterday at 1ish, but living in New England we are in for many many more snowstorms.
Speaking of the mini-O and food related (and dream related) pelvic floor activity, I have to recommend the non-fiction “Bonk” by Mary Roach. All about the whys the what’s and the hows of all things frisky and slightly naughty. She also wrote “Stiff” which isn’t about sex at all, but an even better read IMHO.
What I’m wondering is what is the texture of the cookies? I’m continually searching for recipes for more-chewy, less-cake-y chocolate chip cookies. Into which camp would you say these fall? We too are making chocolate chip cookies for Santa Wednesday and would be willing to try these out. Hm. On that note, would this recipe halve well? 5 dozen seems like a LOT of temptation at once. I suppose maybe I could freeze half the dough for another time?
The chicken looks heavily violated by the thermometer. But also rather delicious, so I say…VIOLATE AWAY!
Hey, those cookies DO look the shiz! Can you tell me (cos we call them different things in Australia), is “all purpose flour” just PLAIN flour, or is it the one with baking powder in it (which we call “self-raising flour”)?
please help so i too can enjoy the wonders of the cookie asap kthanxbai ;)
Shawna: I haven’t tried making less than the full batch so I’m not sure on the halving — texture is crispy/chewy. Susan: just plain flour.
Linda – that chicken looks AMAZING. I am drooling here. I’m also going to bake up a batch or two of the orgasmic cookies! Plus, I think snow just makes EVERYONE drive like asshats. I live in Michigan, where lots of snow is normal. We got 13 inches yesterday and I can’t tell you how many scenes like that I saw! But that bus photo?! ACK!
Linda, I’ll have you know that, because of this post, I spent three hours on the phone, calling over town. I FINALLY found it at Lowe’s (I got the last two at the one store that still had them).
$111 each and now I am done Christmas shopping.
The chicken looks awesome!! Now I want one of those things.
That greaseless Turkey Fryer looks AWESOME! It will allow my husband to continue to live with me if he EVER decides he is going to fry another turkey on my back porch! I still have the grease from LAST Christmas out there!
Mr Plow is a loser
And I think he is a boozer.
Okay, fine, I will bake those cookies.
HOLY MOTHER, those pics are scary! What an awful thing. Thank God no one got hurt.
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That chicken looks delicious! And no oil, did you say? Very cool!
Because I didn’t have enough of all of the ingredients on hand (& couldn’t be arsed going out to get more) I halved the recipe. YUMMO.
SO yummy that when I can be arsed to go shopping, I’ll be buying enough ingredients to make batches for our neighbours, too. Then I will make another batch for my home, this time with some green butter my husband concocted just last evening. (The great thing about our neighbours is that if I give them the wrong batch by mistake they’ll just think I was being extra thoughtful :)).
I loved that Simpsons episode. :)
Thanks for nothing you Christmas witch, now that wretched song will be stuck in my head for DAYS!
DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT!!!!!
Sorry about the Christmas witch comment, that may have been a little uncalled for.
We made the cookies yesterday. That recipe is very similar to the one I usually use, except mine calls for 2 1/4 cups of flour and also calls for baking powder as well as baking soda. In following your recipe, we found that the dough looked so dry when we had most of the flour mixed in, we decided to add a third egg. We also used pretty large-granular sugar instead of normal white sugar and very dark brown sugar, I don’t know if that accounts for the dryness we encountered. Maybe if we’d trusted in just 2 eggs they would’ve come out crispy, but they were still yummy.
I need to be alone with that chicken and do things to it. It looks terribly and sexy delicious.
Ok, I made the cookies. I thought some of them were a little undercooked, but maybe it’s just the way my drool moistens them when I bite into them.
I’m late to this post, but it’s never too late to say holy shit! I’ve never seen anything like that fryer, but now feel I must have one. If I show my husband this post, he’s going out in the worst weather we’ve had in two years to get one, I can feel it. Guess I won’t show him this until we are back to our usual rainy selves here…
I just made the cookies, and it’s safe to say they are the best chocolate chip cookies I have EVER made. THANK YOU!
Pelvic muscle spasms beginning…now!
The cookies are teh awesome. In case anyone is still reading these comments, I made them with kosher salt, so they had big chunks of salty goodness in with the sweet chocolate. Yum-E.