Dec

5

Sealed

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Dylan has a cold, and thanks to the perma-runner of snot coming from both nostrils and a juicy, say-it-don’t-spray-it cough, he’s been sadly transformed into the sort of child that civilized adults turn away from with a delicate shudder. I suppose another household illness was inevitable, after all, it’s been like four whole days in a row without someone being sick.

It’s no fun plowing through all these childhood coughs and runny snouts and midnight urpings, but how exactly do you germ-proof a kid? I remember when I was first talking about going back to work after Riley was born, and more than one person lectured me on how unhealthy he would get being in daycare — well, sure, he’s been sick a few times, but not overly so. Neither of my kids have been prone to ear infections (despite being formula-fed, which as you know typically results in ear-addled, cross-eyed, inverted-nipple children), and while we’ve had our fair share of snot around here, it certainly seems no worse than the kids I know who stay home. Plus, if you’re that paranoid about germs, what do you do when you have a second child, and your first one goes to school? Add a glug or two of Purell to the baby’s bottle for protective purposes? Expose the toddler to antibacterial UV light when they get home?

It is a big old drag when someone in this house isn’t feeling well, though. If it’s one of the children, then life gets about 392751 times more challenging, and if it’s my husband, then I have to listen to this crap all day long (ha ha! Just kidding, sweetie!) (SECRET EYEBROW RAISE TO YOU GUYS: NO I AM NOT).

More and more I think that someone really needs to come up with a real version of that much-referenced mythical plastic bubble for children. It should have air holes, obvs, and possibly some sort of clever suction technology like an astronauts’ toilet, and you should be able to still give belly zerberts and om nom on cheeks and so on, but it should ultimately seal away all viruses and whatnot while simultaneously keeping your child from harming themselves in dangerous head-bonking, bone-cracking situations until they’re . . . oh, say 20 or 25 years old.

Dec

4

Close-mouthed

Filed Under Uncategorized | 56 Comments

Whoah, that last post was kind of a bummer. It sounds like I’m just sitting around constantly thinking about this Terrible Thing that could have happened to my baby, when in fact we have moved into the black humor stage, as evidenced by JB cheerily announcing to me this morning that he had checked the monitor and that Dylan was just sleeping with his toy cord, but gosh it sure was quiet in there.

Oh, I know. I could never even tell you half of the awful things JB and I joke about, because it’s really . . . well, we’re clearly going to straight to hell in an Astroglided handbasket.

Anyway, I’m posting again to move the creepy entry down the page a little and to ask you something that is driving me CRAZY lately: those of you with experience dealing with that mysterious creature that is the three-year-old, is it normal for a kid to refuse to say what’s wrong with them? Like when they’re whining and half-crying about something but they will NOT tell you what it is, even if you practically give yourself a hernia trying to sweetly and supportively cajole it out of them? And later it turns out they stubbed their toe or some shit? Because Riley has been doing this a lot lately, and it sort of makes me lose my damn mind — I spend X amount of time trying to get him to talk and trying to comfort him, then I try to distract him, and then if it goes on too long and I’m really having one of those oh-so-admirable Mommy Dearest moments, I bark at him to just STOP it already. Which, ugh. Smooth move, Ex-Lax.

It’s super frustrating, but it also just makes me feel bad, because I want to help. I’m not the most capable human being on earth but by god I can kiss a boo-boo and I can whip up a PB&J for a hungry belly, you know? But it’s like we’re the interrogators and he’s the stubborn prisoner refusing to give up his comrades’ location.

Are you familiar with this behavior? What course of action would you recommend when we’re dealing with it?

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