Dec
27
There is only one way my Christmas could have been better, and that’s if I had been able to be in two places at once. I would have loved to somehow also been with my mom and aunt in Port Angeles, but failing that, it was the very best of holidays.
I bought a whole frozen meal from Honey Baked Ham, and let me tell you, I can STRONGLY endorse that strategy. Was it expensive, sure it was, but was it more expensive than buying everything I would have needed to make the same meal from scratch? Ok I don’t actually know but I think it might have been pretty comparable! And it certainly saved me a lot of stress, because the only thing I had to worry about was getting everything out and hot at the same time and that’s what everyone has to worry about. I bet even Julie Child was like OH MOTHERFUCKING BOTHER on Christmas Eve while confronted with the hot-and-ready-to-serve math.
I did sort of assume the food itself would be just okay dawg but it was so surprisingly delicious! The ham itself was outrageous, sweet and salty and meltingly juicy and tender, and every side was a banger, from the cornbread stuffing to the sweet potato souffle. I also made a pot of regular mashed potatoes (the instant kind, you can’t tell me that’s not NEARLY just as good when you add butter and milk) and frozen Texas Roadhouse rolls (they are stupidly tasty, don’t sleep on these lil guys, I found them at Walmart) and I got some decadent cream puffs from the fancy grocery store with the stellar bakery.
So the whole meal was a success and that was a relief, but also I had such great company! Dylan came over early to distract Billy for me, and then Riley arrived and we had a lot of fun convo while getting everything ready. I had Sprite and grenadine syrup for Shirley Temples, and lots of nuts and sweet treats. Billy gave me the holiday gift of snoozing in the open chair instead of launching a full-scale attack on the table, so it was kind of like he was eating with us, drunk uncle style.
Afterwards, we played a long and hilarious game of Uno — I was inspired by joining this tradition at my sweet friends’ house for Thanksgiving. This particular game went on and on for just the right amount of time, long enough to include a terrific amount of shouting and screech-laughing but not so long as to wear out its welcome. It was just so funny, all of us kept getting down to one card then having to draw back up again. At one point I had to draw and draw and draw and it became so side-splittingly ridiculous I could not even breath.
That was all just perfect, a truly memorable time and one of the very best Christmas Eves I can remember. But wait, like Ginsu knives, there was more! The boys came back over late Christmas morning after they opened gifts with their dad’s family, and we had oven-fresh monkey bread and exchanged our own presents. They got plenty of stocking gifts, which I so enjoyed, and they did too. I felt so cherished and loved by them, with just-right gifts that made me feel well appreciated.
Dylan joined me for a barn outing, which was wonderful, and the weather was blue-sky gorgeous. Later, I went for a long river walk and really soaked up everything I saw — the gabbling snow-white geese, the tumble and smooth of the waters, the grey squirrels with their luxe minky tails, the people out on post-meal walks with their dogs, the button-bright children running or tucked into strollers. I felt part of everything and wholly separate. I felt contained and grounded. I felt like I perfectly fit, like I was exactly where I wanted to be.
I felt that way when I got home, too. I was looking out my window at the unusual number of cars parked everywhere, so many people visiting friends and family, and I felt so cozy. I felt so grateful for having spent time with exactly who I wanted to, and to be freed up at that point. I felt like I was gathering my good life around me like a soft blanket, with just me in the middle, and that was just fine.
Who knows what the holidays will look like for me in the future, but I am so grateful this year was exactly what I needed. I know I will always be able to have a beautiful Christmas with my boys, because the three of us are the magic ingredients.
This holiday season has never been easy for me. Even in good years, I would say this is a time that has felt heavy. I did not know how light it could feel. How I could breath deeply the whole time and not just afterwards. How it could lift me and make me feel held and so very full and self-assured, and how every single memory of it is a good one.
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