Jan

25

Fuck them

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I am writing with so much rage in my chest and none of this will be as damning as I want it to be. Nothing I can post on this tiny corner of internet space will be what I want it to be, I’m not the right voice, I don’t have the right words. I just want it to be known, I want there to be a record of this moment in time along with all the others. I am so angry, I am so sad, I am so scared. But mostly I am so goddamned enraged, at so many things but specifically the hypocrisy of the pro-2A crowd. The people who have for so many years gone on and on about the right to bear arms, the right to be able to fight back against a hypothetical tyrannical government, and here it is happening right before our very eyes and they do not care. I don’t know how a person can bend themselves into a position that agrees with the administration’s lies about Renee Good and Alex Pretti. I don’t know how a person supports any of it at this point, the blatant dismantling of democracy by — and this is the WORST part! — the ugliest, most idiotic and uninformed nasty people on earth. (Like…it would be something else if they were wildly charismatic diabolical geniuses but no. Just actual literal garbage humans.) I’m so fucking mad at everyone who downplayed what this administration would be capable of. I’m so disgusted by the absolute chickenshit weakness of every man and woman who supports this insanity, the ones who talk about both sides, the ones who declare they aren’t political, all these clowns with no spine or heart.

I just wanted to say that here today. It’s not enough, nothing is enough until we are no longer being ruled by a cruel and stupid dictator thanks to his foolish and bamboozled followers, but that’s what I want to say.

Jan

22

One foot in front of the other

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Boy, January has really been Januarying, this is the just-gotta-get-through-it month in the best of times and the times are *checks notes, scrabbled in broken lipstick on a mirror along with one aggressive trailing off line* REALLY not the best, amirite. We’re not even done with January, there’s enough January left for all kinds of things. It certainly feels like anything is possibly, literally anything. Civil war, nuclear war, alien invasion, Starbucks is illegal, women have to prove fertility to buy groceries which are just MAHA-approved ivermectin-fortified “Hungry Man” dinners now WHO FUCKEN KNOWS.

I was on a good long sustained upswing for a while and I miss that, I felt a lot more optimistic and energetic and lately I have been dragging ass and going to bed ridiculously early, not to get a whole lot of nice restorative sleep of course but just to doomscroll until my eyes give out. It’s the season, it’s the nonstop heavy news, it’s temporary, I’m telling myself. And it is, this is a dip and that is life, the great thing about being older is knowing bone-deep how the ups and downs come and go.

But man. Hello from the other side, you know? Gonna be glad to be out of the trenches.

Well, here are some good things. Billy had his neutering surgery and seems none the worse for wear, I had him in a mildly hilarious “recovery suit” (pretty much a baby onesie) for the first day but that was it, no cone of shame or anything. Did my part to lower the world’s testosterone levels, by golly. I have been meaning to befriend an older lady in my neighborhood and I did! We exchanged numbers and she came to see the house and meet Billy. I sent a box of Crumbl cookies to another friend and she was so surprised and happy about it, that made me glad. I have been slowly replacing my ugly plastic lightswitch/outlet covers with brass plates and they look so much better. I rewatched The Fall, which I think might be my favorite movie of all time. I made a cottage cheese concoction that sounds absolutely disgusting and is extremely delicious, if you aren’t scared of mid-century Midwestern dairy/gelatin bangers (cottage cheese + cool whip + a packet of Jell-O mix + whatever fruit you like, I used a can of fruit cocktail + chopped nuts, hells yeah). I decided to learn line dancing and I’m going for my first lesson tonight along with a couple friends! (Will report back on that FOR SURE.)

The horrors persist, and so do we. What’s getting you through the January doldrums?

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