Nov
19
I think I’d like to try writing here more often. The less I write, the harder I find it is to think of something to write about, and I end up feeling like I should have some Meaningful Sort of Parental Essay in mind. Remember online journals, before they were blogs and then mommyblogs? I miss my online journal.
There! I kept my self-obsessed masturbatory blog-related musings to three sentences. You’re welcome.
I am typing this from my bedroom, where I recently dragged the long-ignored nursery room rocking chair and shoved it next to the closet. It’s pretty much the lamest writing space ever (I love when I see people’s cheery little suggestions for private, spacious home offices. HA HA HA MUST BE NICE), but there is this: I can lock the door.
Sadly there is no soundproof barrier on said door, but that’s where these things come in handy:
Ear plugs: strong enough to somewhat muffle the cacophony of your children’s feral shriekings, but made for a woman. You can tell it’s for women because … uh, they’re pink. Also “silky soft,” unlike regular earplugs, which are coated in sandpaper and burlap.
JB and I went and saw Immortals last night and I was left wondering how it is that some movies can be terrible and leave you thinking, Jesus, what a waste of time and ticket money THAT was (Captain America, Cowboys vs. Aliens), and some movies are terrible yet remain thoroughly enjoyable. Anyway, Immortals: sort of terrible, but also sort of rad? Maybe it was the abs? Or the epically gory ridicuawesome battle at the end?
(I’m also not sure why Immortals is a 3D film. It seemed like some of it was and some of it wasn’t, yet you have to wear those annoying glasses the whole time. I would bet money that film wasn’t filmed in 3D, but was instead converted afterwards. The visuals in the movie are so over the top it seemed like they could have been made absolutely breathtaking with 3D, but in this case the sense of depth provided by that extra dimension was pretty much limited to just a few scenes, so what was the point? ENDING EBERT-ESQUE RANT NOW.)
This morning I ordered holiday cards. I decided to skip the whole photo-capturing ritual this year, which feels a little lame, but also maybe like a happy little present I’m giving myself? I also gave myself a time limit with regards to dicking around with card designs and now it is DUNZO. Man, what a relief. I got an absolutely gorgeous TinyPrints catalogue in the mail the other day and I could tell within about about two seconds of looking at it that it had the capacity to make me craaaaaaaazy (MUST! MAKE! MOST! BEAUTIFUL! CARD! EVER!) so into the recycling that went, along with any frustratingly unattainable expectations and budget-annihilating ideas, and hey look at that I totally discovered the secret of holiday sanity. Boom.
I also ordered a lightweight running belt that will hold my cell phone, so I can maybe go for a mid-morning run on the days when Dylan’s in preschool. It would require shoving around my work schedule, but I think it might be doable. Better than waiting until the end of the day when it’s pitch dark and dreary, right?
Finally, would you like to hear about something that sounds insanely repulsive but is, I swear to god, magically delicious? Here. You can adjust that bad boy all you want, or make it with peanut butter and banana instead. I don’t know what happens to all that spinach, but you cannot taste it. I also add a scoop of vanilla protein powder and ice, so it’s both BURLY-NUTRITIOUS and like a milkshake. Try it, seriously. You will look at your glass of green slime and be all I HATE YOU LINDA and then you will drink it and we will be best friends.
Nov
18
I know you don’t want to hear about my stupid lame shitty week, but man, what a stupid lame shitty week it’s been. It’s been cold and windy and dark and rainy and everything looks like this:
I haven’t been running because it’s so miserable outside and by the time JB gets home the last thing on earth I want to do is go out into the pitch-black world and be alone with my brain some more.
I feel grumpy about having gained some weight and the grumpiness makes me want to eat which makes me gain more weight. My pants don’t fit.
I’m tired of cleaning other people’s messes. I feel nearly weepy, sometimes, with the truth that it never ends, never. I’m annoyed by everything, from the clutter and crap and stickiness to the constant pshew pshew pshew machine-gun noises they make.
During the last two days in a row, I’ve ended up yelling at Riley. Not without reason, I don’t think, but last night I realized that not only am I probably blowing each transgression out of proportion, I can’t seem to figure out when to move on from the moment. When he gets into trouble and the consequences are doled out (yesterday it was toys getting put away in time out), well, what next? He just wants the scolding to be over with so that whew, everything goes back to normal. Me, I’m still pissed, I’m not ready to let him off the hook just yet.
How long do you let that go on, though? Giving your kid the cold shoulder, letting him know you’re pretty goddamned displeased with his behavior? I feel hateful and ugly when I’m mad at him and god knows it’s the last thing I want happening in a house that already feels like it’s closing in on me, but, well, shit, sometimes he’s so frustrating, and ARGH.
I feel like all the murky parts of myself have come swirling to the surface this week, and man, I’m glad it’s over. Time to kickstart into a better frame of everything.
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