Dec
27
Christmas at our house was a resounding success, except for the part where we lost power for several hours and the generator refused to work. Oh, and the little matter of JB’s mother having to make an emergency visit to a hospital in Salem during their drive home because it seemed JB’s father was having himself a heart attack.
Thankfully, it was determined his heart was okay, and that the sudden onset of illness was likely the culprit of stomach problems, so . . . hey, who wants a holiday meal at my house? Anyone? Oh, now, there’s just a small chance of experiencing chronic, terrifying levels of discomfort after eating my food! HAVE ANOTHER COOKIE THEY ARE FILLED WITH EXCRUCIATING PAIN.
We all had a very frightening and sad afternoon yesterday while waiting to see what the doctors said, and I can only imagine how stressed out JB must have been. He got the call — at the point when everyone was still thinking heart attack — while we were puttering around Fred Meyer, and when he gave me the news it was like — I don’t know, like being in a horror movie where the music swells with dread and the previously cheery displays and fluorescent lights are suddenly garish and unspeakable. Like taking a step, and the ground just falls away.
When we lost our electricity on Tuesday night — with that startling shoonk! sound of everything powering off at once — there was a lot of chaos involved with soothing the kids, digging out candles, and taking turns angrily kicking the generator and calling it a useless piece of dogshit, and after that there wasn’t much to do but double up on pajamas and go to bed in the dark. It was hard not to think how close we all are, really, to everything we take for granted just being . . . gone. What do you do when there are no lights, no heat, no hot water — and pretty soon the stores run out of food, and the gas stations are empty? If Seattle can essentially be ground to a halt by a snowfall, how about a major earthquake? Rainier erupting? A bomb? Nothing seemed too farfetched, lying in my bed staring at the ceiling, the house oddly silent without the hum of the heater.
Then, JB’s dad. The phone call, the subsequent confusion and worry.
Everything important in our lives can be taken away at any time. The people we love, the facilities we rely on. It’s the sort of thought that makes me understand on some deeper level why religions exist. I don’t share the beliefs, but I share the desire for comfort in the face of these truths.
So: I suppose I had a few different thoughts about Christmas this year, reflecting on that which is invaluable. Toss out the gifts, turn out the lights, but leave us our loved ones and let us be able to take care of them and keep them fed and warm and safe from harm. That’s all we want.
(JB: ready, in case we need to skin an opossum and roast it over candlelight or something.)
Dec
24
First things first: the thrilling revelation behind CAT OR HAM. I just spent about ten minutes reading the comment answers out loud to JB, who furiously typed them into some chart-making whatsit, and the effect of saying “Cat. Ham. Ham. Cat. Ham. Cat. Cat. Ham,” over and over and over was . . . well, it was funny, let’s just say that. I got myself laughing so hard I had tears running down my face and I could barely squeak out the cats and hams, and JB had to threaten to slap me, Airplane-style.
Anyway, here are the compiled results:
The actual answer: CAT AND HAM WEIGH THE SAME. Both were 11 pounds on my bathroom scale, and that should tell you two things:
1) We should maybe think about switching to the Purina ¡El Gato Gordo! Chow
2) We bought an eleven-pound ham for four adults. Thankfully, JB’s parents made it for our Christmas Eve dinner tonight, but damn. We have a lot of leftover ham, you guys. A LOT.
The randomly-chosen winner out of the people who did guess correctly — that CAT and HAM weigh the same — is Donnathedead. Congratulations, Donna! Please enjoy this extra-festive gift card that JB made all by himself!
Oh, and since that’s a pretty crappy prize, I also donated $50 (5 “shares” of a ham pig) to Heifer International in Donna’s name.
In other news, I hope you have a wonderful, peaceful day tomorrow. It has been a great joy to connect with you over this last year (years!), and I want to thank you for coming by this little corner of the internet. Happy holidays to all of you!
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