Aug
12
I’ve been keeping a paper journal for a few years now with the intent of jotting down a paragraph or two on a daily basis, although in reality I usually only remember to do it a couple times a week. This summer in particular it’s felt nearly impossible to keep up with documenting anything meaningful about our lives, especially as I find myself writing things like “Went swimming at the cabin! Also the U.S. COVID-19 death count is up to 160,000.”
That’s just how things are, though. Mixed in with ever-worsening current events and political/community/school/economic upheavals: life goes on, and it feels more important than ever to hang on to the good stuff.
Summer goes by way too fast, we try to pack in as much as possible but this glorious season is always over in a blink. Soon it will be Riley’s birthday (fifteen!) and then the start of school, which is online only until December but hopefully much more robust than the “Uhhhhh…here’s a zoom link that may or may not work” vibe of Early COVID.
I am of course sad as hell for my boys that they won’t get a normal school experience in the fall and maybe not for quite a while, especially Riley who is starting high school, but I am so so so so SO very grateful that John and I both work from home and that we are very flexible. We can make it work for as long as it needs to, this schooling-from-home business, and I know how lucky we are.
Truth is, I’ve been spending much of this summer doing the mental equivalent of sticking my fingers in my ears and singing lalalalalalalalaWHATpandemic? — which isn’t to say I’ve been reckless, I don’t think anyway, but it’s been easy enough to focus on going from activity to activity and all the prep/laundry/work catch-up that entails to sort of unplug from the The Shit (which is how I’ve come to vaguely categorize this entire nightmarish virus/disinformation/cultural polarization/election combo plate we have all been served).
I’ve been cutting back on my news consumption and doomscrolling, or at least trying to (how often I catch myself doing that mindless phone-stare, hypnotized by the endless stream of screaming headlines). I recognize the privilege of being able to do so but I also fail to see the good that comes from being in a state of constant anxiety and despair.
We all have to live in this mess. There can be no one-size-fits-all solution for making our way through. I’m just trying to live in gratitude and happiness as much as I can, and to soak up every bit of these fleeting days of sunshine.
Aug
2
We were living in a different world when we booked our travel for New Hampshire. It was pre-COVID-19, the great Before. Not so long ago in the grand scheme of things but a sea change away from what life looks like now. It felt like the trip was so far ahead of us for so long, and now in the blink of an eye it’s fading in the rearview.
I realize that our family — 9 of us in total — flying across the country in the midst of a pandemic isn’t a choice many others would have made. It was made clear to me by more than one reader that our decision and subsequent trip photos were viewed as not just foolhardy but hurtful, and I absolutely understand and empathize with that point of view.
I just wanted to acknowledge that. I know everyone is living a different experience right now. Location, personal health and family health, tolerance for risk — there are so many factors that influence our choices and outlook these days, and the choices we make obviously don’t just affect us, they have the potential to negatively affect other people.
There was a night about halfway through our trip when I found myself wide awake in the wee hours and imagining a scenario where someone started showing symptoms and how would I feel about things then? All the good times we were having, would they have been worth it if someone got really sick … or died?
Well. Everyone remains healthy for now, so I don’t need to dwell on that question. The truth is aside from that one internal freakout I mostly let go of the pre-trip anxiety I had been wrestling with and just enjoyed myself.
It wasn’t hard to do: New Hampshire is ridiculously lovely, and while we got to see some of the state and the Maine coast as well (and walked part of the Freedom Trail in Boston one morning), we spent most of our time on Little Squam lake, playing in the water and visiting.
This was a whole side of the family tree I’d never met before, and I really can’t say enough good things about how warm and hospitable everyone was. John’s uncle and his family went above and beyond to show us a good time, and we’re all still talking about how fun it was and how we can’t wait to go back.
I truly enjoyed getting to know everyone, but my very favorite memories have to do with little moments with the kids: hanging out with Riley much more than usual and relishing his goofy teen self, riding on the back of a Jet Ski with Dylan driving like an absolute pro, sitting around our rental house and laughing together, watching the two of them experience the Atlantic for the first time.
I know we took on risk (and inflicted risk on others), but I believe we did the best we could: we wore masks in all the situations that required them, we were mostly outside, we left one relatively low-infection-rate area for another. In the end, I have no regrets — it was an unforgettable time, truly the kind of memory-making trip you hope for as a parent.
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