September 16, 2006

World’s most piteous child.

Post-magazine-shopping at the local used bookstore. I am mildly disturbed by how accurately this little tableau sums up our overall household demographic.

Also! New shoes, as the Shoe Pavilion is right next door to Half Price Books. Best strip mall ever.

The boys, hanging out in the backyard.

Mr. Goonyface messing around in the new bathroom.

And poking the shower pan.

Okay! And now the reason for this sorry excuse for a journal entry; I need your advice. Check this out:


Man, that is some nasty, dried-out, flyaway, craptrocious hair, is it not?

And that’s after I tamed it as much as possible with a blowdryer, flatiron, “grooming cream”, and spray-on shiner in the morning. Don’t bother telling me to give up the heavy machinery, because I’ve got freakshow hair that’s super curly underneath and limp as a pre-Viagra Hugh Hefner on the outer layers, letting it dry naturally results in a giant fluff of madness that I promise looks even worse than this photo.

I want straight, shiny, undamaged hair, goddammit. I want hair that looks like those Pantene ads, flowing liquidly all over the place and gleaming like a well-fed mink.

But I would happily settle for an improvement on this crap. Do you guys have any suggestions? Miracle salves? Home remedies involving mayonnaise? Or should I just hack it all off and start over?


72 Responses to “Thousands of words”

  1. Lisa on September 18th, 2006 1:58 pm

    Bumble & Bumble makes a hair mask called “Deep” that is truly amazing. my hairstaylist recommended it and my hair has never been the same (that’s good). it’s supposed to be used once a week – but in the beginning i used it a couple of times a week… it’s also a tad pricey ($30 for a tube of the stuff) but i promise it will help.

  2. April on September 18th, 2006 2:11 pm

    What kind of flat iron do you use? My sister has the exact same kind of hair, and it is superthick as well. She gets it to tame down by using a Chi straightener. I have a Sedu and it really does work wonders. I got mine from and she gets her Chi from TradeSecret in the mall. They are like $150 a pop but have a lifetime warranty – before I was using a $40 one that had to be replaced every 6 months or so, therefore the more expensive one is actually saving me money in the long run. They do not last a lifetime, but my sister takes her Chi back once a year to just get the new model. I notice my hair is more tame with the thicker ones (2 inches across), but my sister’s hair is more like yours and hers is 1″ across.

  3. April on September 18th, 2006 2:15 pm

    Oh, and Sundry, someone totally mistook me for a boy when I was 6 or 7 as well, and it has scarred me for life. I think that is why I am such a girly girl now.

  4. jupe on September 18th, 2006 6:48 pm

    i also have crazy thick and unruly hair (bad hair! bad!) i’ve tried the more expensive route over the years but have also had good luck with burts bees avocado conditioner, and montagne jeunesse pink grapefruit frizz miracle (a shampoo/ shine combo packet, this stuff is awesome, and cheap).
    since i have to use so much leave in conditioner/balm to keep my hair manageable, a monthly vinegar (apple cider) rinse really seems to help. you’ll smell like a weird salad for the first day, but it will seal the hair cuticles and help restore ph balance, as well as clear out all the product build-up. it makes my hair look more shiny and healthy.
    good luck!

  5. Sara on September 19th, 2006 7:02 am

    I have fine hair but loooooots of it. And the strands are confused. Curly, straight, wavy… in a pinch my mop is frizzy. I’m partial to Paul Mitchell because my sister is a PM stylist, and I really love the Skinny line of shampoo, conditioner and serum. She actually transformed my ALWAYS UP IN A BRAID OR BUN OR RATS NEST DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH IT hair into a sleek, short, thinned & layered Anistonian ‘do this past weekend. It looks great curly AND straight. ‘TIS A MIRACLE! Anyway, the PM flat iron is awesome. Investing in an iron that gets super hot is a smart idea, so your hair doesn’t have to endure the heat for too long. My sis ran her iron through my sectioned hair one time very quickly and waaa laaa… stick straight! YAY!

  6. Robin on September 19th, 2006 8:04 am

    Schwarzkopf BC Bonacure Sealed Ends

    BC Bonacure Repair Rescue Sealed Ends with amino acid and CuraTec proteins to restructure hair from within. Seals and prevents split ends. Result: Healthy and strong ends for hair full of long-living beauty.

    How to Use: Massage sparingly into ends. Do not rinse.

    This stuff is awesome!

    Can usually find it in the mall….

  7. TB on September 19th, 2006 8:44 am

    Not having read all the other comments, my advice would be a fresh start with a cut and an intensive conditioner and much less blow drying/straigh ironing. That will fry the crap right out of your hair.

    Or you could just shave your head. Or become an all hat all the time type of girl.

  8. Amanda on September 19th, 2006 10:03 am

    I’m going to (third? fourth?) the Japanese Thermal Straightening. It worked wonders for my thick, dry, curly and straight at the same time, hair. It’s expensive as hell, but soooo worth it. As for chopping off all your hair – I did that when my baby was 4 months old because he kept pulling at my long hair and it drove me crazy. Unfortunately I regretted it immediately. I felt like I lost what little of “the sexy” I once had. (Which, with a four month old, wasn’t a hell of a lot anyway.)

  9. fellowmom on September 20th, 2006 12:36 pm

    I have similar hair and a similar cut. I’ve had great results with Philosophy Curly Head anti-frizz serum. Despite the name, it is recommended (and I use it) for blowing out (unevenly) curly hair. It costs more than the John Freida Frizz Ease hair serum, but it works better and goes further, so it’s really a better deal.

  10. Mymsie on September 21st, 2006 8:45 pm

    I LOVE those cute kicks! What brand are they?

  11. Sara on September 22nd, 2006 9:11 am

    I have the same deal going on…my last two stylists both suggested Bumble & Bumble. First I use the Creme De Coco shampoo and conditioner – it will match your coconut body butter.

    Then when I blow-dry I use either Defrizz or Straight to start (or even just the Styling Spray.) Then after I flat iron or curl I finish with Bb.Shine or a tiny bit of Brilliantine which will last forever because you only need the smallest drop or you will look like a greaseball. How rediculous that I blow-dry my natural curl out to re-curl it some days? DUMB!

    If you go to Halo or Seven they will tell you the perfect things for your hair. And hey, Seven is now at your favorite mall EVER. The B&B website has a salon locater as well.

    I also love Kerastase’ products and seriously I need to buy the Frederic Fekkai protein hair stuff – I don’t know if they still sell it at Sephora but it is awesome. He has an “overnight hair repair” product as well – it costs almost 200 bucks though. Nuts.

    Good luck – you should do before and after pics.

  12. pamalam on September 25th, 2006 8:45 am

    GOD! You look EXACTLY like Chloe on the cover of the magazine!! Has anyone ever told you that?!!

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  18. Alyssa Perelman on June 3rd, 2010 9:34 am

    Three words: Brazilian keratin treatment. It’s like a relaxer minus the harsh chemicals. It will make your hair straight, smooth, and really shiny with movement rather than dead straight…Best of luck

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