May
26
May 26, 2007
Let the record show that I disapprove of pretend zombies. I’ll be at the SF Apple Store next month for a Workplace software demo event, and I will be greatly annoyed if there is an attack of pretend zombies. Why? Because if there were a REAL zombie infiltration I would need to carry out my Public Uprising of the Undead Contingency Plan: Apple Store Edition—which, of course, involves using those speakers that look like dongs to skull-fuck my way out of there—and the fact that these impostors are around just clouds my response time. I’ve got to waste precious nanoseconds going, hipster hoping for a cameo on the local evening news? Or legitimate infestation of the living dead? Listen up, San Francisco zombie wannabes, if you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the problem. Channel that drama-club creative energy into some other endeavor that fulfills your desire to wear stage makeup, and leave the rest of us to our eagle-eyed vigilance. The life you save may be your own.
By the way, the sole exception I have to the No Fake Zombies rule is if they’re going to publicly reenact—en masse—the Thriller dance, because that would actually be pretty awesome, and no one will experience zombie confusion, as we all know real zombies don’t have the coordination for the head-swivel/side-shuffle part of that routine.
ENOUGH ABOUT ZOMBIES.
(Oh, but can there ever really be enough?)
For the last several months I’ve been letting my highlights grow out, partially due to laziness on my part and partially as a concession to JB, who has long requested that I return to my default brunette shade. As it turns out, my dark hair is just as blah as I remembered it, except now it’s salted here and there with some charming wiry gray strands—so I decided it was by-god time to bring back the blonde.
When I told JB I was getting my hair done today, he sighed mournfully and informed me that he just really liked the natural look. I wondered out loud if he would also enjoy it if I stopped shaving my legs, plucking my eyebrows, putting makeup on my face, styling my hair, restricting what I eat, exercising when I don’t want to, and applying deodorant. Why wouldn’t he, when it would be so much more natural?
Also, I’ve noticed that the celebrities that float JB’s boat are not exactly natural beauties, unless you consider Carmen Electra a fresh-faced earth goddess.
Men. Seriously.
I’m pleased with my newly lightened hair, but it almost doesn’t matter how the actual color turned out, because the experience itself was so delicious—from the leisurely time spent in the chair reading People magazine while the stylist put in the foil, to the unbelievably wonderful scalp massage she gave me during the shampoo (I swear one of my legs started jimmying up and down like a dog’s, it felt so good).
Maybe one of you can tell me, why does hair feel so great after it’s been colored? Or bleached, or however highlighting works. You’d think it would feel all dry and damaged, but no: it’s soft, manageable, and shiny. At least until you wash it with your cheap-ass shampoo and wreck the magic.
Every single stylist I ever see gives me different product advice about my hair. This girl was refreshingly quiet, but did suggest that I use a clarifying shampoo to get rid of build-up. I’ve heard you can use vinegar for this purpose, but I can’t help thinking that would leave a lingering, Easter-egglike smell on your head. “Gee, your hair smells . . . douchey.”
The appointment was a total last-minute thing and I feel it’s been a very nice addition to the very nice weekend I’ve been having so far, which has prominently featured many hours of hanging out in the backyard with Riley. Watching him run around and play is definitely one of those parenthood experiences that probably sound boring to the outside observer but are in actuality so simply joyous and fulfilling I can hardly stand it; JB and I sometimes just look at each other and say, “Can you believe that kid is ours?” Never mind the later hours that include ear-shattering pre-bedtime howlfests, the backyard is where it’s at these days.
Comments
38 Responses to “No one updates their blog on a Saturday, for god’s sake”
Leave a Reply
(You know what, I will acknowledge that the vinegar after-smell is far from pleasant, but the effects are amazing. I have literally had strangers tell me that I had shiny, shiny, hair, all because I had slathered it with vinegar the week before. But honestly, it’s never going to be some great beauty trend because the smell is sort of awful. Like pickled beets on speed or something.)
Ditto on the vinegar - it rinses out enough that there is no smell.
And also - I read this article the other day, and thought of you when I got to the chart. :-)
http://www.damninteresting.com/?p=853
I know. What IS it about getting highlights that makes your hair so soft? I always feel so freakin’ good after a date with my hair lady that I insist upon going to as many public places as possible to show off the new ‘do because, as hard as I try, I can’t make it look the way she does EVER.
Job security, that’s what she has.
Congrats on goin’ blonde again. I gotta make an appointment too. Eventually.
vinegar does great things to hair. the smell is the worst in the shower, but then it rinses out pretty well. I used it a lot in high school. Hmmm….maybe I should again!
I use vinegar too - I’m allergic to most shampoo. I’m also allergic to most hair products. Just as well I’m too lazy to want to use them anyway… I find the smell rinses out and it makes my hair really soft and shiny.
My 2yo has now learnt to do the arms-out-in-front shuffling walk, intoning “Braaaains!” (under the influence of her father’s example first thing in the morning). I’ll try to make sure we don’t show up in SF, just in case.
but doesn’t vinegar strip the color?
I watched the movie “13 Going on 30″ this week with a seven year old and a five year old. When they all start doing the Thriller dance at the Big Party, the seven year old asked why I was laughing. It brought me an insane amount of pleasure to pass on the story of the Thriller dance to a younger generation.
She laughed too, but I think she was mostly just humoring me.
While I am not a fan of pretended zombie uprisings, I AM a fan of hair care. Speaking of which, though my hair is approximately 1.34 inches long, I find that aside from only washing it a few times a week, I can do nothing to keep it from being slightly frizzy and weird. No gel or holding spray can constrain it, and I’ve about given up, but those head-massage things are awesome, and I will continue to pretend like I care about my hair so that I can keep going in and getting them.
I get my hair bleached/coloured more than anyone I know - I spend at least two half days at the salon every 6 weeks, because I have naturally dark brown hair I get lightened to palest yellow. I absolutely hate the salon. I really really really hate it. I hate the boring magazines and sitting in my seat, I hate the bleach. I hate the fact that the bleach hurts my scalp so badly that I have to go on two seperate days, because its gotten to the point where I can’t handle two bleaches and a colour in one day anymore. I could, until the time I almost threw up and passed out, and then I absolutely had to go two days in a row instead, so my scalp wasn’t so painful. I can’t even enjoy the scalp massage for that reason.
And yet, I keep bleaching my hair. And I can’t imagine myself stopping for a long time. *sigh* I sound like such an idiot, but I love having blonde hair. Its not that I don’t like dark hair, its just that I like being blonde, and if I DID go back to dark hair, it’d be so much hassle, and I know I’d want to be blonde again soon enough.
And I buy the really expensive salon shampoos and conditioners because they make a MASSIVE difference in my hair. And I buy the expensive pre-iron cream and the deep conditioners and the serum. And I have the best irons you can get. That being said, I really really need deep conditioning at the actual salon. My hair is still a dry horrible mess but conisdering what it goes through, I can’t really complain. That being said, my hair is SO much better with nice shampoos/conditioner than it is without them.
This totally isn’t advice, although it works on my hair, but I use L’Oreal Absolute Repair.
http://www.amazon.com/Absolut-Repair-Shampoo-LOreal-1500ml/dp/B000LLZ5CG but I don’t buy it that big, yikes!
Also, Carmen Electra isn’t that fake to me, to be honest. I probably don’t really think of her the way she used to look 10 years ago or whatever, but these days I find her almost refreshingly naturally pretty. I think theres something wrong with me.
Hel-LO, we need PHOTOS of the HAIR.
Ditto what Swistle said.
I am going to try the vinegar trick but I think all I have in the house is apple cider vinegar and just plain YUCK! That stuff is nasty!
I had always done blonde highlights on my brunette hair too and I got tired of it. This last time I went in I asked for a darker color- darker than my natural (minus the fucking silver kinky ass strands) mousy plain brown. Oh my God! I love it! My hairdresser didn’t want to go that dark and she did it under protest because she thought I would hate it. We both love it! I have very light blue eyes and this dark mahogany makes my eyes pop out! Yay for Brunettes!!!
I’m with Swistle, and I’m downright BITTER about it to be honest. Is a PHOTO too much to ask?
The fact that the word “skull-fuck” is one of the first things I read this morning makes you one of my most favorite people. Ever.
C’MON! You’ll show us photos of your stomach, but no hair?!
[…] (Link courtesy of this fine lady, whose obsession with zombies never fails to amuse me… though I can’t decide if she and Andrew would get on like gangbusters, or if her illogical hysteria towards the subject — one of his great loves — would just frustrate him excessively.) « The thought occurs to me… […]
can someone please explain to me what that fake zombie shit is about? what is the point? i saw a clip on that a few weeks ago & didn’t realise this was a regular thing.
if you mix some baking soda w/ some warm water & then pour it over your head before shampooing it helps take out the buildup of products. my old roommate used to dye her hair all the time & she loved super conditioner that came with the dye. it always made her hair silky soft. they should sell that in big tubes instead of just with the dye.
A little off topic but did you notice there is a Survivorman and Man Vs Wild marathon on Discovery channel this afternoon and tonight?
I myself prefer the realism of Survivorman. I just know a full on camera crew is going to hinder the realism somehow. Plus, I cannot get past the Hawaiian lava flow episode. Been there- it’s a state park, lots of maps etc. Not exactly “reality” in my book. Survivorman, on the other hand, wow! By the end of some of those shows he LOOKS like he has not eaten or slept in a week and to do his own camerawork is just awesome on his part.
Deanna
Deanna: YAY SURIVORMAN MARATHON. I heart Les Stroud.
I use vinegar from time to time and i get those “your hair is so shiny and soft” compliments. The smell is strong first but once I am out and running around, only the hubby gets to smell my hair and he says it smells like salad.
I, too, expected pictures of your new hair :)
Also, I love weekend posts. I get blog-lonely on weekends.
And I think it would be really fun if you tried a darker shade sometime.
I love weekend posts too, and did so myself, even though I never do.
Also, patience has never been my thing, hence the photo pleading. BUT REALLY.
I also meant to mention that there’s something in color that makes thin hair feel better, but even weirder, I have superfine hair and suddenly, for 2-3 weeks post color, I don’t have to wash my hair ever day. Weird sort of miracle.
I feel the same way after a nice pedicure. I love the scalp massage too, only I tend to drift off to sleep except for that one time I swear she was trying to dig for my brains. BRAAAAAINS……
Vinegar for shiny hair? Must try that. But I really stopped by to ask you, has anyone ever referred you to any product or practice that clears up the keratosis pilaris? The only thing that works for me is getting a blistering sunburn (when the skin peels off, so do the yucky white bumps). But obviously severe sun exposure is not good for your skin, and anyway, it’s not possible to get a good sunburn here in foggy Seattle (I’ve tried) . . . My dermatologist said keratosis pilaris is akin to acne, so I’ve been trying Neutrogenea’s Body Clear acne scub on my arms, but no dice. Have any of your readers recommended anything that works?
1.) I have incredibly thin hair and one of the tips to help keep it full-looking is to color it on a regular basis. Seems counterintuitive, but it works. But that means I also have to keep up on my 6-8 week trims, which I’m horrible about.
2.) I also love getting my hair washed at the salon. I told my BF this and he offered to wash my hair for me at home. I almost look forward to my weekly hair washing more than sex.
3.) I agree with all the zombie stuff. Especially the THRILLER bit.
But Ed Helms as a fake zombie is okay, right? Right?!
http://www.funnyordie.com/v1/view_video.php?viewkey=56b016d1fdba7ea13237
BTW - I think it was on the B3ta newsletter, I read this great thing about zombies - one time this military guy was at the movies and tended to get REALLY involved in whatever he was watching. At one point they had a bunch of fake zombies enter the movie theatre and he got such a shock, he went into attack mode, and the guy with him said that all of the “zombies” ended up at the emergency room.
Heh.
O.M.G. if i saw those zombies coming right at me, i think i would scream, cry, pee my pants, and explode into tiny globs of quivering meat all at once. 28 days and 28 weeks later movies have me FREAKED OUT. i’m considering building a fortified castle with trained sharp shooters and machine guns to repel the undead masses. we’d have an inner courtyard to grow food and to care for farm animals and every door would be made of solid steel.
serious. o_O
I had to show my son the zombies, which led to me showing him pictures of lolcats, and then I closed that tab and realized I hadn’t even finished reading this post. The internet, it sucks me in and confuses me.
I need to get my hair done, too, but I’m too cheap.
I’m with you 100% on the fake zombie bullshit. I saw that video a while back and was sorely disappointed. I clicked on it expecting to see zombies destroying an Apple store. And who would deserve to be eaten alive more than the denizens of an Apple store. With their trendy stupid non normal-computer compatible merchandise and their holier than thou snide-yness. But instead it was a bunch of (not very well made up) college protestor jack asses doing lousy impressions of one of my favorite shades of evil, the undead. WTF? Lame.
I would also like to ammend the no fake zombie thing to include scaring people in a non protesting format, such as a reality prank show, and possibly any situation where people pretend to be zombies, but actually do eat their victims. The realism of the death and violence would negate the fake factor.
I know we men get no say whatsoever as to what you ladies do with your hair. (or anything else really) But I’m with JB on the natural look. I’m glad you feel pretty and all that good stuff, but why can’t you just listen every now and then? Hell, women practically want to dress us like dolls, and have an opinion for every outfit and fashion desision we ever make. You could just consider our preferences on the few things we care about. We’re the ones who have to look at you. That said, I’m sure the blonde is a great fit and I’m glad you had fun doing the hair stuff.
Baking soda in your shampoo will get rid of the build up in your hair. I think you hair feel so good because your salon uses professional product and because hair color will initially seal the cuticle of your hair leaving it soft and shiny and then as the color fades and those molecules leave your hair shaft the porous hair looks…frizzy. and dry.
Mind if I non-zombie stalk you while you’re in SF?
For Niki P. - Actually some people prefer Apple Cider vinegar for hair rather than white vinegar, so if you have that in the cabinet, try it out. No really.
Usually if i do the vinegar thing, i dilute about 2 or 3 tablespoons in one of those big red plastic cups full of water and rinse my hair with the whole cup after i wash out the shampoo, then i use conditioner. Really works well and if you dilute it like this, you can’t smell the vinegar after you condition. Nice!
Claire - thanks for explaining how to use vinegar to rinse hair. I probably would’ve ended up pouring it full strength on my head. Using it between the shampoo and the conditioner should really cut down on the smell. I’m going to try it next time I shower.
Evidently vinegar has lots of uses. My husband drinks about a 1/4 cup of it every morning. Says it does wonders for blood pressure and for keeping you from getting colds and other such illnesses. I’ve tried that but can’t stomach it for more than a couple of days. He’s had one cold in about 7 years. And last time his blood pressure was checked it was something like 94 over 62. So I do think he’s on to something.
Oh, and Sundry, you rock as always.
For clarifying purposes, I LOVE LOVE LOVE Paul Mitchell Tea Tree Oil Shamppoo & Conditioner. It seems to get rid of funky buildup, and it makes your scalp all tingly. (This is especially nice with a salon shampoo, but is certainly not sucky on your own.)
Now “Thriller” is going to be stuck in my head all day…
My husband is the same. When I was pregnant I could not stand the smell of hair dye, so I went back to my natural extremely mousy brown floppy hair. It was just as depressing as I’d remembered it. Was SO happy to return to highlighting my hair - more vibrant AND more body. Husband was all “why dye your hair? your natural color is fine” blah blah. He also makes similar comments when I get a brow wax or wear make-up. All of this would be sweet if he didn’t find women such as Selma Hayek and Catherine Zeta-Jones hot. I’m sure they never wax or wear make-up ha HA HAHAHAHAHA.
Enough about hair, more brains… err zombies!
Check out this new trailer.
http://www.apple.com/trailers/lions_gate/fido/hd/
Thanks Claire! I will do it this weekend just in case the smell stays- I don’t want to freak out any of my bank customers!
Love the highlights Linda- and girl- your shoulders are SKINNY and fit! Go you!
A bank customer asked me last week what I had been doing to lose weight and I replied, “I haven’t lost weight- i think my body is shifting south.” Well, I stepped on the scale this morning and HOLY CRAP I have lost 8 lbs without trying! Of course I could stand to lose another 30… Activity must be the key. Bike riding, baseball watching and just being less couch potato-ish.