September 5, 2007

Check it out: a short story of mine (an old one, a couple of you may actually remember it from its brief appearance on the Diaryland blog) is in the current issue of Thug Lit. The same issue includes a story by the esteemed Matthew Baldwin, so clearly I’m in good company.

(No worries on the anonymity issue, for those who may be concerned.)

I am now the proud owner of a Thug Lit t-shirt, which features the brass-knuckle logo and the line: WRITING ABOUT WRONGS. I think it will be particularly fantastic when stretched over a 3rd trimester belly.

In other news, here is an exhaustively detailed list of what the workers did while we were conveniently out of the house for six full days:

• Delivered, but did not install, one (1) new front door

Aaaaand that’s it. Soon the cavernous, sawdust-choked space where our kitchen should be and the associated never-ending parade of microwaveable meals will prompt us to begin scratching for grubs in the backyard and foraging in the decrepit, bird-pecked vegetable garden. At the very least, I fear the onset of scurvy (unless Ding Dongs contain vitamin C?) and I blame our mouthbreathing project manager whose most recent work experience, according to a cell phone conversation I could not help but overhear as it was happening six feet from my head during breakfast, includes a five-year stint at GUITAR CENTER. Whither subcontractors, Guitar Guy Who Can’t Schedule Worth a Wet Fart? The gingival hemorrhaging, it is eminent!

Comments

27 Responses to “Story, scurvied”

  1. Pete on September 5th, 2007 1:14 pm

    Sounds like the contractor my wife hired. Only he walked out and left our upstairs (and downstairs) destroyed. Never get ahead on you payment schedule to him. Congrats on the story.

  2. hello insomnia on September 5th, 2007 1:25 pm

    Your baby will have street cred in utero!

  3. Amy M. on September 5th, 2007 1:28 pm

    Congrats on the story! Just from reading your blogs, I didn’t expect the story to be so dark. Guess you’re just more multi-faceted than I am!

    Sorry about the crappy contractor! We bought new, so hopefully *knocks on desk* we won’t have to deal with that for a while…

  4. Amy M. on September 5th, 2007 1:32 pm

    Congrats on the story! Just “knowing” you from your blogs, I didn’t expect it to be so dark! I guess you’re just more multi-faceted than I.

    Sorry about the crappy contractor.

  5. Amy M. on September 5th, 2007 1:32 pm

    Sorry that posted twice – my laptop is having issues . . .

  6. the next one on September 5th, 2007 1:39 pm

    I remembere that story, but forgot where I read it. It’s so good. I am glad it got published. Woot!
    Hang in there on the remodel.

  7. Keaton on September 5th, 2007 1:42 pm

    Our uncle had issues with his contractor – so he told the crew that if they came and worked on the house all day (this was during the holidays, so they’d been absent) he’d buy each one of them a six-pack of Miller Genuine Draft. He said he’d never seen people work so hard before in his life.

  8. Jess on September 5th, 2007 2:05 pm

    Congrats on the publication. The story is great. I was completely enmeshed in it while I was reading it and I am still mad that it’s over.

    Also, I had scurvy once. For real. I was so unenlightened that I didn’t even know what scurvy was until I got it. And that shit hurts. At the time, I seriously considered pulling out all my teeth, thinking it might alleviate the pain in my gums. It was awful. And two and a half years later, my friends are still making pirate jokes.

    Take your multivitamins, is what I’m trying to say.

  9. Josh on September 5th, 2007 2:06 pm

    That was bad ass like a motha fucka! Hot damn woman, you can write. I especially like how you put the only part with real clues about what he did right in the middle of a scene where he’s FUCKING JACKING OFF! As if you wanted to force your readers to picture that. Gross man.

    But seriously, it was great. I loved it. I imagine the guy was porking some dirty politicians wife and convinced her to help him pull a job on her husband. But Senator Evil caught him and fucked up his arm and told him he could live if he brought back the money with interest. An ass load of interest he didn’t have. So he hid the money somewhere and booked it out of town. Somewhere shitty like Philly or whatever. And he sent Senator Evil a message telling him where he’d stashed the money. But he was like “Fuck that shit where’s my interest you wife stealing, money stealing dead man?” And then he went on his vendetta hunt and caught the guy. And I’ll bet his last word was dammit.

    Of course that’s the fun of stories where you leave almost everything up to the reader. I don’t suppose you would care to share what you imagined happened to start all that crap? No? Didn’t think so.

    By the way, how the hell do you stay so hip all the time? I mean Thug Lit seems pretty cool. Aren’t you thirty two? I’m twenty three and I’m already losing my ability to be cool. Quickly at that. In fact next week I plan on switching to penny loafers and starting a precious moments collection. Or whatever boring old people do. Not that thirty is old yet, but it’s certainly past the average finger-off-the-pulse-of-what’s-hip age. If I survive to thirty I’m gonna need pointers to stay cool. Help me help myself.

  10. Lauren on September 5th, 2007 2:51 pm

    I totally remember that story…you rock!

    And Josh: “precious moments” seriously made me choke on my coffee – hilarious, as usual.

  11. Kristen on September 5th, 2007 2:52 pm

    Write a book already! That was great. Congratulations!

  12. Barb on September 5th, 2007 3:15 pm

    I know my mind is a mess right now dealing with some crap going on, but I did not get that short story. Reading Dick and Jane would be about as much as I could handle today so it’s not your fault. I’ll come back and read it again someday when my mind is a bit freer. I did like the style.

  13. Jennifer on September 5th, 2007 4:40 pm

    The story was great, and like Jess I thought it was over too soon.

    Gosh, how frustrating on the contractor and your torn up house. Can you remind him that he promised you would only be without a kitchen for 3 or 4 days??? Contractors have everyone by the short hairs as Seattle is doing so much growing and remodeling now… I drove past Bellevue on the 405 today and counted 8 cranes putting up new buildings. Contractors can write their own ticket.

    But I assume you got to eat real food while you were on vacation – to ward off the scurvy for a little while longer…

  14. superblondgirl on September 5th, 2007 4:54 pm

    You need to show them the Psycho Pregnant Woman Rage. Attack!!!! Stupid contractors. I liked the story – noir is so much fun. I wish I could write that sort of thing without feeling stupid and fake. I always overthink everything and get all hung up on feeling like I look foolish.

  15. Swistle on September 5th, 2007 5:05 pm

    WOOOOOOOOOO, congratulations!

    Also, that is so frustrating that they got NOTHING DONE while you were away. They could have gotten SO MUCH CRAP done and you wouldn’t have had to experience it. But no.

  16. Swistle on September 5th, 2007 5:08 pm

    Also, I don’t get what happened in the story. It sounded really cool, though. Very Thug Lit.

  17. willikat on September 5th, 2007 7:31 pm

    wow, girlfriend. first of, very much congratulations to you on getting published! that is amazing and fun and awesome! and, by the by, a VERY VERY great short story. it’s hard to write those suckers; i have tried many a time. good amount of suspense and questioning and details–you’re sucked into the character in a very short amount of words and that’s no easy feat. hooray! thug lit, eh? sounds pretty badass.

  18. Anonymous on September 5th, 2007 8:28 pm

    ok, i am a dork. i always thought your last name was sundry.

  19. Laura on September 5th, 2007 9:01 pm

    I hope this link works, but when I saw this comic the first thing I thought of was you, which is either funny or depressing.

    http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v291/larvamachine/Picture1.png

  20. Kym on September 5th, 2007 10:23 pm

    Love your writing…inspires me to flex my brain a little bit. Congrats on the publication and cool shirt and just keep picturing the end results of your re-model. You will be so glad you slogged it out when you have a shiny new kitchen/breakfast nook/other room to look at..

  21. thejunebug on September 5th, 2007 10:25 pm

    Hey, Linda! Congrats on the story publishing- you’re officially awesome now, right? ;) And now I have something for you to sink your chops into: a zombie music video perfect for loading to your iPod/iPhone.

    http://dragoncontv.com/dctv2006/dctv2007_re_your_brains.mp4

    I immediately thought of you. ;)

  22. Eric's Mommy on September 6th, 2007 5:02 am

    Wow! Excellent writing!!
    That’s nice that your contractors did absolutly NOTHING while you were gone! Come on!

  23. Yams on September 6th, 2007 8:48 am

    Nice read but like others I didn’t quite get it. I’ll take Josh’s explanation for now!

  24. superblondgirl on September 6th, 2007 8:52 am

    Josh, why don’t you have a blog???

  25. jonniker on September 6th, 2007 9:52 am

    So cool. So very cool.

    (Also random, but I am intensely jealous of your stellar skin in the previous photos.)

  26. Sundry on September 6th, 2007 10:33 am

    Jonniker: that’s BARE ESCENTUALS all the way, baby! The power of MINERALS! Because O, the zits.

  27. kelly on September 6th, 2007 4:49 pm

    That story is awesome! I love your short stories.

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