Life with an infant and a toddler is continuing to kick my ass, but I kind of feel like maybe the steel-toed boots have come off, for the time being anyway. I am occasionally experiencing the fleeting sensation of being capable of surviving this craziness, or if not entirely capable then at least not constantly on the verge of, ha ha, running out of the house screaming.

Dylan’s fussiness while eating has dialed back to a much more manageable level, and I have no idea why. Maybe it’s because I switched formulas, maybe it’s the Mylicon I dose him with on a regular basis, maybe a few of the kinks in his developing GI system worked themselves out, maybe the planets are briefly aligned in our favor and any minute now I’ll be doused in barf and wishing I’d never said a thing about our improved state of affairs . . . it’s a goddamned mystery but I’ll take it.

He’s pudgier and peering around with interest and is growing those ridiculously chompable thigh-rolls and overall he looks much more like a baby and less like a furious raisin. It is getting easier to actually enjoy him, rather than feeling a Sense of Duty to pretend like I am.

(Is that an awful thing to say? I don’t know, I know people say they loved every minute of sitting at home with their newborns and spending hours gazing at their tiny little faces but is it possible their memories are CLOUDED, just a bit?)

In other news, Riley woke up last night wailing and batting at an ear so I took him to the pediatrician this morning. Right before we left JB’s brother (who is staying with us for the weekend) told him to have fun seeing the “shaman”, and the entire way there Riley babbled nonstop about the SHAMEN who was going to FIX RIWWY’S EAR and I was starting to feel vaguely embarrassed about what the doctor might think if Riley called her a shaman, but it turns out I was worrying about the wrong thing because as soon as we were situated in the waiting room Riley started shouting GO ‘WAY, GOV’MENT! LEAVE RIWWY ALONE! and really, all he was missing was a tiny tin foil hat. Jesus.

The Unabomber, lounging in front of Blue’s Clues to Conspiracies and Mind Control.

Storing nuts for the winter.


44 Responses to “Baby steps”

  1. Kathryn on March 8th, 2008 12:17 pm

    I have to ask–where in the name of jeebus did he pick that up from?? (The “go away gov’ment part, not the ear infection)

  2. Jen - Lance's Wife on March 8th, 2008 12:18 pm

    Gosh, your boys are beautiful! I love that Riley said that in the doctors office – it’s nice to see that my children aren’t the only ones that make insane comments when I’m around (they never seem to do it when their with the Hubby!).

    Your feelings about not really loving the first couple of baby days is completely normal. I never had any trouble, buy my girl friend told me once that she never really connected with her kids (and she has 7) until they were all about 4 to 6 weeks. I chalk it up to lack of sleep and hormones.

    Good luck and have fun!

  3. Swistle on March 8th, 2008 12:29 pm

    OH THOSE CHEEKS. MUST NOM THEM. And look at the set of his LIPS.

  4. Jennifer on March 8th, 2008 12:41 pm



    I’m happy Dylan is doing better (even if it’s only briefly!) so you can catch a bit of a break!

    Ear aches are the worst. There’s absolutely no feeling better until they’re completely gone. Ear drops are just as miserable. Blech. Feel better, little dude! Hang in there, mama!

    Oh, and for the record, I too want the “gov’ment” to leave me alone.

  5. warcrygirl on March 8th, 2008 12:49 pm

    JB’s brother sounds like my Uncle Dan, who is my favorite uncle evah. Has he asked Riley to pull his finger yet?

  6. Erin on March 8th, 2008 1:01 pm

    RE: the “gov’ment” thing. OMG, I just laughed myself to tears picturing that scene. The question is though, where did he pick that up?

  7. superblondgirl on March 8th, 2008 1:07 pm

    God, the suspicion!! I wonder if Dylan will be the same way… I am snorting at the tin foil hat mind control thing.

  8. sara on March 8th, 2008 1:21 pm

    Oh my, Riley is hysterical.

    And Dylan, he’s gorgeous, and looks just like his mama!

  9. Sunshyn on March 8th, 2008 1:36 pm

    Riwwy SHOULD tell the gummit to go away, because they are big fat liars:

    I want to nibble on your baby, too… And the ears. My son goes around telling people we cropped his ears when he was a baby. (We did NOT – he’s just a mutt.)

  10. Eric's Mommy on March 8th, 2008 1:45 pm

    Oh those cheeks, I just want to squeeze them! What a little doll!

  11. AnotherMom on March 8th, 2008 2:17 pm

    Um, do you have any blankies? Perhaps you keep your house temp very high? Dunno, but I don’t think I’ve seen a pic of Dylan with socks on or a blanket around him. Ok, I know that sounds critical, but I’ve just been wondering ’cause Seattle sounds, well, cold this time of year.

  12. Judith on March 8th, 2008 2:36 pm

    You have to make Riley stop reading those anarchist pamphlets!

    I have been laughing for half an hour and can’t stop. I might have to go for a walk.

  13. Naomi in Oz on March 8th, 2008 2:37 pm

    WOW!! Look how much Dylan has “filled out” since the last baby related posting. You must be doing something right!

  14. Meagan on March 8th, 2008 2:47 pm

    That’s awesome. Definitely better than calling the doc a shamen.

  15. Donna on March 8th, 2008 2:59 pm

    That one just about killed me! ROTFLMAO!

  16. trope on March 8th, 2008 3:07 pm

    It is getting easier to actually enjoy him, rather than feeling a Sense of Duty to pretend like I am.

    Oh, thank heavens you said that… I get tired of pretending I’m the only one… life with an infant is still throwing me for a loop, I bow down to you being able to manage two!

  17. beach on March 8th, 2008 3:50 pm

    again I sit at my computer LAUGHING OUT LOUD!!!!

  18. Tina on March 8th, 2008 3:53 pm

    What, you don’t feel like Selma Hayek? “I love everything she does. If she does a poop and I have to change the diaper, I love that moment!” – Selma Hayek, on her daughter Valentina, to Glamour

    I read this quote on after reading your blog and actually came back to your blog, out of the feedreader to share it. Doesn’t it make you want to snort in all it’s stuipdness? I feel like that kind of crap does everyone such a disservice…seems like something you read from a “What the PC Thing to Say About Having A New Baby” manuel. Thank you for your honesty. You’re not abnormal, I know I felt that way at times.

  19. Andrea on March 8th, 2008 3:55 pm

    I’m so enjoying reading your blog right now because in about 7 months, I’m going to have my own squishy, barfy, gorgeous, scary newborn to take care of, and I really appreciate hearing the TRUTH. I know its going to be hard but I hear in your words how much you love those boys and that gives me a lot of encouragement. Yikes…long comment.

  20. Janssen on March 8th, 2008 4:15 pm

    I love that question about “is it possible their memories are CLOUDED, just a bit?” I’ll probably laugh about that for years to myself.

    And Riley, well, he just leaves me in stitches.

  21. Amy Q on March 8th, 2008 4:49 pm

    HA! Furious raisin! I so remember that look and the pretending to enjoy every second. And the gov’ment thing….so great. Tax time?

  22. Julia on March 8th, 2008 4:58 pm

    AnotherMom: Seattle has been in the comfortable high 40’s, low 50’s for the last several weeks. A few days in the last few weeks have even seen us hit 60. We had a few weeks of really cold weather in late January, but spring has been in the air for weeks around here.

  23. Sundry on March 8th, 2008 5:05 pm

    We keep him in the freezer at night, though — IS THAT BAD?

  24. Matt on March 8th, 2008 5:28 pm

    Of course putting babies in freezers isn’t bad. They’ll spoil and rot if you leave them out overnight..:-P

  25. courtney on March 8th, 2008 6:06 pm

    I think some memories are clouded, but also some babies are easier than others, which makes that time much better for those mothers. I did NOT enjoy the first month with mine, except when family was visiting and I had help. Oh, also when he was sleeping in my lap after nursing. That was great.

    Funny story (hopefully you think so too), when at home with my now 3 month old in the first month, I went back and read your old entries when Riley was a newborn. You were all, “he’s so cute and happy all the time!” Well, something like that. I was like, “bitch”. haha. Hopefully that doesn’t offend you, I don’t mean it to.

  26. LauraH on March 8th, 2008 6:20 pm

    Memories are more than clouded lots of times. Sometimes I think they are past life memories of another kid.

  27. kalisah on March 8th, 2008 6:39 pm


    When my son was a couple years old I made the comment to someone about how I “loooved being pregnant!!” and my husband was all, “EXCUUUUSE ME???”

  28. Heather-in-Australia on March 8th, 2008 6:42 pm

    AnotherMom: Get with the program, if they freeze him it makes his fingers easier to snap off and nibble.

  29. Alyson on March 8th, 2008 10:09 pm

    “go away gov’ment”

    Oh my gosh! Riley is a crack-up!

    No more political discussions within Riley’s earshot. And I’d start worrying about those snarky things you say about the neighbors, too.

  30. Christina on March 8th, 2008 11:05 pm

    Awesome. Well, you can take solace in knowing that you’ll be spending his teenage years embarrassing him.

    Also? Dylan with the cheeks and the expression? He is quite the cuteness.

  31. Michelle on March 8th, 2008 11:37 pm

    OMG, totally busted out laughing at anti-government exclamation! Bwahahaha!!

  32. Lesley on March 9th, 2008 12:32 am

    (Is that an awful thing to say?)

    Are you saying the little tyke you would lay down your life for gets on your last nerve? Oh my Godz. Ding ding ding! Normal! (Except perhaps over at StepfordDish.)

    Glad to hear Dylan’s getting adjusted. He’s sure looking cute.

  33. Katie (The Yap) on March 9th, 2008 5:44 am

    A furious raisin? That might just be the best newborn description I’ve ever heard!

    And the gov’ment thing is just hilarious.

    I hope it just gets easier and better all the time for you! At least Riley is keeping you laughing!

  34. the goddess anna on March 9th, 2008 6:24 am

    Two things – the gov’ment thing is the funniest thing evar! (even my own kids aren’t that funny)

    – and every time I see a picture of your wee one, my ovaries hurt. I want another like you could not believe, but with three already (with twins!), hubby says we’re done. I’m trying not to live through you, but it’s happening. I’d rather you be flattered than creeped, though.

  35. Sarah on March 9th, 2008 8:42 am

    Furious raisin… ha!!! :)

    There is no law that says a parent has to enjoy every stage their child goes through, and that includes the newborn stage (and the paranoid Libertarian stage, btw).

  36. Danielle on March 9th, 2008 9:30 am

    Love the cheeks!They are just munch-able!
    And Riley….hilarious!!

  37. Victoria on March 9th, 2008 10:07 am

    That gov’ment cute had me laughing until I saw Riley’s cheeks and then I exploded from teh cute.

  38. Clueless But Hopeful Mama on March 9th, 2008 10:17 am

    “Furious raisin” will stay with me for a good long while. TRUE THAT. Double true.

    And clouded memories of early infant caretaking? HELLS YAH. We wish it were filled with love and gauzy lighting instead of the constant post-partum nightmare of the gross body we have to inhabit, while sleep-deprived and covered in sour milk spit up.

    The good news is that you know it gets better. The smiles are coming! The laughs!!

  39. Valeta on March 9th, 2008 10:29 am

    I think that moms who say they enjoy every moment with their newborns are insane or on drugs. Newborns are needy and don’t sleep. Its especially hard when you have an older one too.

    It took me 6 months to get used to having two kids instead of one. :D

    You sound like you are doing great! Riley and Dylan are cuties.

  40. Emblita on March 9th, 2008 11:08 am

    Oh god I almost squirted diet coke through my nostrils- gov’ment leave Riley alone indeed. Fabulous!
    You’ve raised a geek, I hope to do the same.

  41. Kelly on March 9th, 2008 12:06 pm

    No, It’s not an awful thing to say, and kudo’s to you for saying it! My children were babies long before the internet “support group” was around and OMG the guilt I went through feeling the same way about my newborn, I never told anybody and thought I was the ONLY one in the world who ever felt that way about their precious baby. Pain of childbirth? yep… Don’t remember it. Pain of feeling like a horrible mother because I was not “in love” with my needy fussy newborn every moment of the day?… It still lingers to this day. So THANK YOU for being open, honest and “out there”. :)

  42. MotherGooseAmy on March 9th, 2008 7:05 pm

    OMG! “Sense of Duty” to pretend…. Totally felt that way when Jacob was a newborn. It’s a horrible feeling, but just like you wrote in your blog entry, one day you realize that somewhere along the way, you fell in love and now you are no longer pretending and you are officially crazy about your baby.

  43. JennB on March 10th, 2008 7:16 am

    A furious raisin. That is a perfect description.

    Even if you’re ready to run out of the house screaming, you sill manage to come up with plenty of hilarity.

  44. Josh on March 10th, 2008 9:03 pm

    Ah, the anarchist is alive and well in this new generation. Keep the faith my brother.

    Get away Gov’ment, leave Josh alone!

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