They beg to wear your bicycle helmet and then insist that all they want for their birthday is their very own helmet and when asked if they wouldn’t maybe like a little bicycle of their own someday soon they look horrified and say “No! I just want the HELMET!”

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One of them is scared of the vacuum and the other is terrified of almost everything on earth including houseflies and haircuts, but they both lose their minds with pure joy over the prospect of being violently hurled into the air like a wad of pizza dough.

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They can destroy a room in 1.2 seconds flat, especially if they have a friend over to help.

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They lurk, creepily, wielding chainsaws.

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Just when you’re ready to ship their rotten whining no-good poop-filled butts to East Turkestan, they turn on the charm, like the manipulative little love-weasels they are.

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Comments

34 Responses to “Ways in which children are strange”

  1. samantha jo campen on June 9th, 2009 12:29 pm

    Was Dylan showing you his belly button? He looks mighty proud of it.

  2. Kathryn on June 9th, 2009 12:32 pm

    Heh. Just the other night, I turned to my husband and said, “Man, kids are WEIRD.” We were watching a baseball game, and there were two little boys, maybe about 8 or so, in the stands just doing weird little un-self-conscious things, jumping and twisting around and making faces at nothing. Seriously, they’re like an entirely different species. We should put them in cages and charge admission to see them…

  3. alomellin on June 9th, 2009 12:32 pm

    Riley looks so much like JB in that first picture!

  4. Amy M. on June 9th, 2009 12:33 pm

    Adorable love-weasels!

    Hey – flies are creepy. Especially after “Amityville Horror”. I’m not particularly fond of the vacuum cleaner either.

    My 3yo got a little bike & was terrified. He actually asked me to take it back to the store. Now we can’t get him off the bike!

  5. Alison @ cluck and tweet on June 9th, 2009 12:37 pm

    Our son wore his ski helmet all day every day for I don’t know how long. I kind of like it, however, since the kids hit his head so many times I worried about brain damage.

  6. Mel on June 9th, 2009 12:57 pm

    Very cute. Yes, they are quite strange. and their emotions are rollercoasters. Makes me tired. *smile*

  7. Christina on June 9th, 2009 1:16 pm

    Definitely true that this parenthood thing is crazy and fun and emotional and strange but I think, one day, I will look back and know that it was worth every minute!

  8. Tiffany on June 9th, 2009 1:20 pm

    heh, love-weasels

    I laugh until I cry when my son who is Dylan’s age laughs at his older sister’s (3) antics. It gives me warm fuzzies like nothing else does.

    And speaking of strange…ketchup-on-EVERYTHING! Really? Really?

  9. Susan on June 9th, 2009 1:37 pm

    That last picture of Dylan just made my ovaries explode. Ruh roh.

  10. Kathy on June 9th, 2009 1:39 pm

    Kids are so weird! YES!

    My 2YO daughter has this bandana with skulls & crossbones on it, right? She wears it tied around her neck. IN PUBLIC. Because she’s a Super Hero.

    Awesome!

  11. nonsoccermom on June 9th, 2009 1:44 pm

    Kids are totally freaking weird, yes.

    Tiffany’s comment made me laugh – my son used to dip bananas in ketchup. And just the other day I found him dipping chicken nuggets in water. To that I say, WTF.

  12. justmouse on June 9th, 2009 2:20 pm

    “manipulative little love-weasel”

    HA! best!

  13. MommyNamedApril on June 9th, 2009 2:34 pm

    so cute! i especially love the chainsaw picture :-)

  14. kalisa on June 9th, 2009 3:12 pm

    I love that Riley climbs up on the arm of the sofa to see out the window.

  15. BellyGirl on June 9th, 2009 3:25 pm

    Love weasels…heh heh heh

    Dude, I damn near shit my pants looking at that picture of Dylan hurled into the air. How do you not cringe and cover your eyes??

  16. Donna on June 9th, 2009 3:45 pm

    You may not know it now, but these are the best days of your lives.
    Oh. Those boys! Makes me want more babies and I am WAY past that.

  17. Stephanie on June 9th, 2009 3:49 pm

    Are you sure JB’s brother isn’t the father of Dylan? I’m kidding, of course, but whoo boy do they look alike!

  18. biscuit on June 9th, 2009 4:31 pm

    LOVE the shot of JB tossin’ Dylan. He looks like he is levitating.

    And the chainsaw picture is pee in pants worthy. ; )

  19. Cookie on June 9th, 2009 4:37 pm

    Love the pictures. Your boys are so cute. The chainsaw one is so funny. It’s like Dylan is sneaking up on Riley, ready to strike.

    Kids are very weird. And I think baby boys are a special kind of weird. I am amazed at how quickly they can trash a room. It’s like I know I just picked this room up and then bam, it’s a mess.

    They are great at making you forget about it though. All the weirdness and the frustration. They turn on the charm and I’m gone. A sweet face buried in my shoulder, arms wrapped around my neck as I inhale that sweet baby scent. Or a hug and a big open-mouthed kiss as a thank you for making a toy roll across the floor.

    It’s a roller coaster ride. That’s for sure.

  20. Hillary on June 9th, 2009 6:34 pm

    The Boy has a chainsaw from his grandpa. I thought he was the only kid, aside from his cousins, who had one. We don’t run in a chainsaw-friendly crowd down here. Good to know The Boy isn’t alone.

  21. NancyJ on June 9th, 2009 6:37 pm

    I could look at pictures of your kids all day long.
    My son wore his Batman halloween costume for an entire year of weekends from 2 to 3 years old. It had a hood with pointy ears and he wore it with yellow rain boots. And sometimes sunglasses.
    Kids can be weird.

  22. Lesley on June 9th, 2009 7:28 pm

    Love weasels with bottom-tooth smiles are the best.

    That photo of Dylan reminds me of one of my favourite silly characters of all time: Andy Pipkin, who rarely smiles but when he does it’s always with his bottom teeth.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iRTEVzgVDis

  23. Audubon Ron on June 9th, 2009 7:57 pm

    God I love reading you. Love-weasels? You kill me. Giggle-giggle.

  24. Terri on June 9th, 2009 10:03 pm

    Most adorable boys on earth! And check out the arms on you, miss thang ;) Love it! As always, thank you for the smiles and giggles. You make me look forward to each day with my little one more and more with every post!

  25. Melissa D. on June 10th, 2009 6:43 am

    And they are growing so fast!!! Great pics. :) Looks like Dylan needs some raspberries…..brrrrr!

  26. Andrea on June 10th, 2009 8:25 am

    ‘Manipulative little love weasels’ — perfect description, you couldn’t have summed it up better. Love it.

  27. Soleil on June 10th, 2009 11:10 am

    I LOVE that pic of Dylan sneaking up on Riley with the chainsaw.

    Also, I wanted to tell you that I just love reading your blog. Your book is going to be great.

  28. Sarah on June 10th, 2009 11:41 am

    LOVE WEASELS! What a perfect, perfect expression. We’ve been using love MONKEYS, but I think weasels more fully conveys it.

  29. Christina Viering on June 10th, 2009 11:47 am

    So true, but they sure are cute!

  30. Tiffany on June 10th, 2009 1:19 pm

    And what is the facination with putting ALL of their fingers PLUS their entire hand in the yogurt/applesauce then touching every surface they can – this includes the furniture, themselves & the dogs

    Oooooo…and I love love LOVE the random Zerbert in the middle of the store when the kids try to lift mommy’s shirt to give her one on her belly!!! Riiiigggghhht……

    Anyone like a 3yr old and an 18 month old? Anyone? Random Zerberts are free…

  31. Sarah @ BecomingSarah.com on June 10th, 2009 2:19 pm

    Oh my goodness, woman, can I have your arms?

    Also, “love weasels” made me giggle. My husband calls kids “manipulative little love moppets,” and it totally reminds me of that =)

  32. The Informal Matriarch on June 10th, 2009 5:33 pm

    lol wielding chainsaws.

    They ARE manipulative…ugh…brats!!

  33. nikki on June 12th, 2009 6:53 am

    When my son was 2 he received a bike helmet for a birthday present and insisted on wearing it everywhere. We went out to eat and he still had his helmet on. The waitress started clucking around him because “it must be so hard to have to wear a helmet and do other kids make fun of him for being “special”? Might I add the fact that the bike helmet had “Schwinn” clearly written on the front along with racing stripes on the sides.

  34. Lori O on June 14th, 2009 8:13 pm

    I am SO jealous of your arms!

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