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Oct
9
Right after I posted my last entry—in which I refer to my body fat (not “my body as fat”, mind you, but the actual measurable fat on my body)—I got a PR email asking me to take part in Fat Talk Free week.
I also got one comment from someone who feels I shouldn’t talk about trying to reduce fat, presumably because the implication is that if I don’t like the fat on my own body, I also have opinions about the fat on other people’s bodies.
Now, I’m not addressing the issue because of one comment, but because I’m truly interested in where we draw the lines in the whole body image/health conversation.
A few times now I’ve been accused of buying into a “thin = best” mindset and thus contributing to the mountains of disorder-triggering crap out there that’s designed to create an unrealistic ideal and make women feel bad about themselves. People love to point me to Kate Harding’s website, which I guess is supposed to make me understand that talking about my own interest in losing weight or getting in better shape is anti-feminist and also hateful towards people who are the same size as me or larger.
Which is . . . bullshit.
For one thing, if I say I want to lose fat from my body and you also have some fat on your body? I am not saying that I think you too should lose that fat. I totally get how it’s easy to feel defensive about it, because I often have a helpless knee-jerk reaction when people who talk about parenting choices that are different from mine. It’s easy for me to fall into the trap of believing that the mom who co-sleeps thinks less of me for putting my kid in a crib, but unless co-sleeping mom is a judgmental douche, the only relevant fact is that co-sleeping is the right personal choice for her. Even though she wouldn’t choose to put her kid in a crib, it doesn’t mean she doesn’t support my choice to do so.
I may not choose to be the same size as you. It doesn’t mean I care what size you are.
Fat has become such a loaded word that it seems some people feel you have to be a certain size to even be allowed to use it. Well, guess what? We all have fat. We have essential fat and storage fat and our fat stores energy and it cushions and insulates our bodies and it peeps out from the tops of our jeans sometimes. When I talk about wanting to reduce fat, I’m not sitting in a corner sobbing over pictures of rail-thin supermodels saying “I’m soooooooooooo faaaaat!” and I’m not saying I think you’re fat and I’m not saying fat people suck. I’m saying I want to reduce my own personal fat.
Why do I want to reduce fat? Some people might say I’m perfectly healthy and should just be happy with myself. Aside from the obvious point of that decision not belonging to anyone but me, I think there’s a difference between unhealthy, unhappy drain-circling with regards to body image, and a concentrated effort on taking steps to improve one’s health.
For me, being healthy is not just about fitting in my jeans, it’s about how I feel when I’m eating the right foods and working to make my body lean and strong. It’s about the increased energy, the self confidence, the mood elevation, the new levels of patience, the feeling of being on top of my life in so many good ways.
And, you know, it’s about fitting in my jeans TOO. I like the way I look when I’m not eating crap food. I like being able to wear the clothes I own and not having to buy new ones. I like maintaining, not gaining.
Over the last couple months I’ve watched my eating slide off the rails, and I’ve seen the effects it’s had on my body and my state of mind. I don’t like it. I’m working to fix it.
It’s about me. Yeah, I’m using the F word, but I just don’t see how what I’m saying is a negative thing to read. I want to lose fat and get back to the shape I was in before I spent several weeks eating Doritos, is there really something wrong with that? Is it politically incorrect to stop eating Doritos?
What are your thoughts on talking about fitness and weight loss while still supporting the cause against chronic body image dissatisfaction? The last thing I want to is make anyone feel bad about themselves when I’m talking about what I’m doing to make myself feel better, but . . . I don’t know, I’m not sure I’m willing to own that repercussion.
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153 Responses to “The F word”
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Your body, your fat, your decisions.
I like reading your writing. Sure I could definitely stand to lose some pounds but I don’t feel like you’re talking about my fat at all, that would just be weird ;)
Yes to everything you’ve said. Seriously.
It’s nice to fit into your jeans and feel good about yourself, but it’s about health and taking care of yourself. Extra weight is a risk factor in so many illnesses and diseases. If you said “i’m going to stop smoking because it will kill me” should you be criticized because you made a smoker feel uncomfortable? Would you have to feel bad because you seem hateful towards smokers? I feel the same way about weight. If you want to make yourself the healthiest you can be, you should do it without worrying about who you offend. No one else can make you healthy. Good for you Linda. You see areas in which you can improve and you work on them.
I’m a big person, but used to be athletic before I had my last 2 kids. I’m not offended at all by your comments, and I really think you have a positive view, not an unbalanced one in the slightest.
I loved loved loved the pictures of your triathalon. I was so inspired that I’m breaking my bike out of mothballs this weekend and I’M DOING IT !!! I’m going to get pumping again.
Fat and all
I love this post.
You are working to be the healthiest you that you can be, and if the healthiest you happens to be thin, good for you. I think people who are comfortable with their bodies are much more willing to embrace and celebrate your efforts in dieting and exercising than those who are not so happy. Anyone can always choose not to read whatever they don’t agree with.
I, personally, love reading about your healthy (and fat-reducing) efforts and find you to be an inspiration. It sucks that there is such a thing as chronic body image dissatisfaction, but you are most certainly not perpetuating it.
This post says it all brilliantly. Keep up the great work.
Rock on Sundry!
I never feel judged by your writing. Nor do I feel that you are perpetuating unhealthy image issues here.
I think you are a great example of some one who has worked hard in the right ways to get to the fitness and weight loss levels that you personally want to be at.
You said it. It’s about your body, not anybody else’s. You are doing an awesome job!
I liked this post. I’ve had friends act like my choosing to diet was a personal betrayal to them and to my gender as a whole. I don’t like not only not liking how I looked, but feeling ashamed of not liking how I look. So I’m coming at it from a new angle now. I can’t afford a new wardrobe, and I have a LOT of cute stuff one to two sizes down. I’m not betraying my gender, I’m being ECONOMICAL in my quest to reduce the fat deposits that make all my cute tops bulge in really unfortunate places.
ECONOMICAL.
OMG …seriously….political correctness has entered the f zone. I totally get your quest for health and how empowering it is to be fit and feel good.I have Never Ever felt you posts on your weight loss or fitness were in anyway judgmental or “I am better than you are cuz I look good in my jeans” but I guess when your blog is being read by so many, everyone comes away with there own take on it. Please continue to write about your journey with fitness and health….for me it is inspiring!!
AMEN and well said.
also I love when you write about your sobriety journey also….all good stuff!!!
In all the years I’ve been reading your journal, I have never EVER felt that you were talking about anybody else but yourself. Your former drinking issues, your two preganancies, your haircut, your travel destinations, your decision to lose weight or your desire to increase fitness has always been written from your perspective and about your goals. I cannot recall one single incident in which the choices you were making for yourself were supposed to be adopted by others.
I myself am very fat and get quite irritated when I am shushed or poo-pooed for even using that word. For fuck sake, I AM fat, I am not ashamed of it, and it is NOT a dirty word!
Take heart that your entries are received as inspirational pieces and not criticisms of others.
I think the notion that you should censor yourself on YOUR OWN BLOG just so that a few people with self-esteem issues don’t feel bad about themselves is pure crap. In fact, it’s paternalistic. The message people should take from your blog (and the one I take!) is one of inspiration. We all have issues with our bodies and to read into your post about your body fat as somehow insulting to anybody else is ridiculous.
It’s not politically incorrect to stop eating Doritos, but it is un-American. And unpatriotic. You stop eating Doritos AND THE TERRORISTS WIN.
OMG! WTF with the sensitivity? Really? THIS is what people find offensive?
Dude, I LOVE reading about your weight loss/fitness journey and I get lots of good ideas on what to eat and what DVDs are good etc. I am on my own personal fitness journey and I just can’t imagine how anything you say (or what anyone else says) regarding what you are doing to get to your own personal fitness goal can be taken as negative.
Please don’t stop. It’s inspiring.
De-lurking to touch on one of my favorite taboo subjects-body image.
I think it’s important to talk about fat, along with body image, acceptance, and personal health. No one gets anywhere by ignoring the white elephant in the room.
I’m going back to finish my bachelor’s degree with hopes of becoming a registered dietitian. Not because I want to turn everyone into a skinny waif, but because I want people, and especially children, to be HEALTHY. People should be more concerned with what the foods they are consuming do to the inside of their body more than what they do to the outside of their body.
The 110 pound waif who can somehow consume fast food burgers everyday and not gain weight? I’m much more concerned about that person’s health and well-being than the average size 8 person following a balanced diet. Which person has a higher likelihood of cardiac disease?
We all should be proud of the way we look-it’s part of having a healthy self esteem. If that means the loss of a few pound here or there, GREAT!! If that means getting your hair dyed, GREAT!! Feeling good about yourself shouldn’t come at the expense of trying to fit into a box of what anyone else may think is right or wrong.
I always love your writing, and the poise and honesty you give your readers.
Amen sister! Regardless of what size you are, if you gain ten pounds, that’s ten pounds you have to try and fit into you clothes. It’s not even really about being “fat” or “thin”, it’s about looking good in what you already own!
I love that you just posted this. I am a member of Delta Delta Delta at my campus, and we were just forced to go through the body reflections program. Forced, it was mandatory. While the program makes participants realize the dangers of constantly pursing the thin ideal (which are apparently, ultimately death, or no time for a social life because you are exercising all the time), it fell short of providing any sort of support for those who do not feel like they are even at the healthy ideal, and those who NEED to use fat talk to encourage themselves to reach their goals. The program failed to provide healthy eating alternatives, but was peppered with scenarios in which girls only eat one meal a day to have “the perfect beach abs” or because “their boyfriend will break up with them if they get fat”.
The Body Image program generalizes how women (especially college girls, as this program is piloted for Tri Delta, a national collegiate sorority) see their bodies, and forces upon them ways they should see their bodies. To not fat talk encourages society to ignore the fact that some people struggle all of their lives to maintain a healthy weight that they are comfortable with. There is fat talk, that says, “I’m 5′8, 90 pounds and I just ate a french fry so I better hit the gym because I’m fat”, and this is the kind of fat talk that is referenced by the Reflections program. It does not include those who fat talk as a means to help themselves maintain and reach a healthy body weight. While the thin-ideal can be dangerous, this program grossly underestimates those who actually pursue such an ideal, and completely ignores those who have to actively work to achieve even the healthy ideal.
Nothin’ to add but “Woot!” and “What she said!” and “Yeah!”
I wish MORE people would talk about healthy eating and taking care of their bodies. Our country is fixated on quick fixes – pills, surgeries, etc. to control symptoms of chronic diseases that could be prevented more often than not if people took better care of themselves, specifically through diet and exercise. Something like 80% of the healthcare related expenses that are bankrupting individuals and companies in this country are related to our resistance to being responsible for the choices we make about our lifestyles.
You are setting an admirable example for your family, friends and readers. And for that, I, personally, applaud you.
Amen!
As you know, I disagree. I think that when people talk about how fat they are, or put their own fatness in a negative light, they are ALSO discussing where they feel The Correct Fatness Line is for the general public. But I don’t mind if we disagree on this—that is, just because I do think that, that doesn’t mean I think it’s TRUE. Just that that’s the way I think it is.
I also think that the emphasis on thinness = health is WAY OUT OF LINE, but that’s another topic.
Your writing has never been directed at your readers in the manner of “I think this about YOU guys…”. For petes sake, you don’t even know what I (or many of your readers) look like!
Listen, the truth is that your writing makes people think. For me, it makes me think about how *I* could be better, whether it’s parenting, fitness, living healthier, photography… whatever. But some people just aren’t willing to look in that mirror. It’s too painful. Others are inspired by your words, your choices and your thoughts and get out and DO something with that inspiration, instead of criticizing you and your’s.
I was inspired. And I dragged my ass out and walked/ran two 1/2 marathons in the last 3 months because of you, woman! So don’t you dare stop writing and talking about stuff like this.
You are a very nice disagree-r, Swistle. Obvs.
I really, truly don’t feel like I have the same feelings about what other people’s bodies look like as I do about my own. It’s just not the same to me at all. I might say no if someone asked me if I magically wanted to trade bodies with someone, but I still think that’s different than saying what’s Correct for anyone else. Much like I wouldn’t want to cosleep, but don’t really care what’s going on in your bedroom.
(I don’t know why I keep using cosleeping as an example. Just that it can be polarizing too, I guess.)
Also, I hope you’re not thinking I am equating thinness with health as a general rule for everyone, because I’m not.
Hello, I’m Fat. Nice to meet you!
It doesn’t matter if your a size 2 or a size 20, if you gain 5 pounds and your clothes are tight(er), you feel it.
Besides being fat I know what a week of eating healthy foods feels like. Energy, Mood, Self-Esteem, general all round satisfaction and self loving it feels like to actually “Nurture” yourself. When you fall off that wagon because you didn’t get fresh groceries or the office ordered in pizza 18days in a row I also know how lethargic and tired and CRANKY I can be and I’m fat in both instances and completely understood where you were coming from in your “Refocusing” post.
Maybe cause I’m always refocusing and turning this train around but I certainly didn’t think you were telling me I was a lazy sloth eating too many Doritos……cause that would be like you had a web cam here so something and thats just weird.
Rock on Linda, your an inspiration to a lot more people then who are looking to be offended to give themselves an excuse to delve into the Ben and Jerry’s……
ooooh,mmmmm Ben and Jerry’s….gotta go!
Hmm. So, I used to be obese, then I had gastric bypass surgery 7 years ago & dropped about 100 pounds. I’ve also gained about 15-20 of those pounds back (eating what my toddler eats = BAD), which is why I’m working like crazy to take them off again. I’m happy as a size 12, I really am. I’m never going to be skinny, it’s not in my DNA. And that’s fine. But I’m not happy when my 12’s don’t fit anymore.
Because of all that, I tend to be super-sensitive about all things weight-related, and I’ve got some major food issues. But I also recognize those issues as my own, I know it’s all in my own head. If a female friend who’s skinnier than me mentions that she wants to lose weight? I don’t interpret that as an indication that she must think I’m HUGE, because… well, because she’s not saying that. People who *do* feel that way maybe need to take a look at their own personal issues about body image and stop dragging others into their baggage.
You’re probably the most health-conscious person I “know.” People who have a problem with you talking about exercise & eating habits and percentage of body fat probably should be reading somewhere else, since these things are obviously important to you.
You go out of your way to not only DO things in a healthy way but to also TALK ABOUT it in a healthy way. People must have some serious body image problems of their own if they can’t see that.
This is such a great topic. I’m glad you wrote about it because it’s very hard to talk about.
I do not see anything wrong with frank discussions about weight, but I know that many people do not feel that way. In general, I avoid the topic sort of like how I avoid discussions about religion & politics in certain environments (i.e., work).
BUT, if we cannot talk about fat, or weight, or it’s relation to fitness and health… then I think we’re doing ourselves a huge disfavor. I agree with Swistle’s comment about thinness does not equate weight. I don’t hear that in what you say, and I don’t think that notion is very accepted anymore. I think a healthy weight is totally relevant to health-in-general, so we can’t simply toss the topic out of the discussion because it’s tough to talk about.
oops… I meant “I agree with Swistled comment about thinness does not equate HEALTH.”
Delurking to say I think anyone who would criticize your issues with your OWN body has some issues that no doubt run a lot deeper than they probably care to admit.
Anytime I use the F word, Simon says, “You’d better watch out or a real fat girl is going to beat you up.” He’s mostly joking and, in his own special way, trying to tell me I’m attractive to him (which is a different issue altogether, as weight is not–or should not be–directly related to attractiveness (especially when the person in question has BIRTHED YOUR CHILD)), but there’s obviously some substance to what he’s saying, as you know from what happened on Bodies with the whole “fat-skinny” incident. I talked about this a little bit when discussing my postpartum body a few months back, and it’s definitely crazy how quick people are to take someone’s reflections about her own self-image and turn them into blanket value judgements about everyone else.
Kind of related: It always weirds me out when people respond to someone else’s weight loss or gain (as with pregnancy) with a negative comparison to themselves, e.g., “Your belly at 20 weeks looks like mine when I was skinny!” The whole thing just makes me uncomfortable. Why not say “You look great!” instead of imply “You look so much better than I do”? Why do we make it so hard for people to feel good about themselves, or to say out loud, as you have, how they’d like to better themselves?
Oh my gosh, I am so with you on this one. I used to be stick skinny, I weighed like 95 when I graduated high school. But, post-collegiate office-job post-baby life has left me a few pounds heaver. Like, 50 pounds heavier. So, I say, I’m so fat, I need to lose weight and people automatically go to, no you don’t! You’re so skinny! Because they remember the old size 2 jeans me, and they don’t realize I’ve become this new size 12 jeans blob. I and I CANNOT stand when someone who is bigger than me getting mad because I think I am fat even though I’m smaller than them. It’s like you said, we all have fat. And you don’t have to be a certain size to say so. Thank you.
And just for the record, it’s not that I’m unhappy with being a size 12, I am unhappy with how out of shape I am at that size.
I’m easily twice+ the size of you Linda, and when I read your posts like yesterday I don’t get ANY of the negative connotation. Maybe I might if it was the first time I ever read your site, but you have made it abundantly clear this this is a health/wellness thing for you and that you KNOW what makes you feel better and you need to get back on track. You’ve been tremendously inspirational to lots of “fat” and “thin” people alike. And I never once have interpreted anything you say to mean thin=healthy.
What I think is happening is your statements are getting caught up in the whole “calling thin people fat” thing that goes on in the tabloids. It’s one thing to say you yourself feel tired, and flabby and unfit because of your decisions. Totally your right and it’s great to read about someone who doesn’t let a month of eating Doritos slide into a 20-30 lb weight gain (ahem – because I have NEVER done that or anything). Your honest and it’s a healthy honesty. I think people confuse this with celebs like Jessica Simpson, Khloe Kardashian and the like being called “fat” in the press which is a whole other thing.
I think their is a good movement in the “industry” to combat some of the horrible body image issues that run rampant in woman (Glamor Mags new road, rules in Milan and the like for models), but I really do think this issue is one that the media created and they now need to fix. Anyone crapping on someone who wants to be healthy and fit because they see it as a personal affront to their own size clearly has some serious issues to deal with. It’s not your problem, it’s theirs.
Can I get a HELL YA!
For me, it’s all about how I FEEL when I eat like crap. And, yes, it is a combination of what’s going in my body as well as the shape of it. It just is.
I agree with Swistle that sometime (too much) in our society Thin = Healthy. Because I know plenty of skinny people who eat like crap and don’t exercise.
Your most interesting point is that this is FOR YOU, not for anyone else – not your husband, not the “media”, not for what your friends might think.
And it’s better to figure this out at 5 lbs over your “happy weight” verses 20 lbs.
This is just too good NOT to jump in. Alrrrrighty then!
I’m a mom, a certified personal trainer, athlete and someone who likes to play outdoors WAY more than indoors… and my power-to-weight ratio is not what it should be. A little perspective from this corner: the spectrum runs a bit like this; pathological….healthy….fit
Whether we’re talking about blood pressure, resting heart rate, body composition or the way our favorite jeans fit.
Can I climb mountains while whistling “Fat Bottom Girls” to myself? You betcha. Should I dial it in and make it a whole lot easier on my heart? Abso-frickin-lutely. It’s not wrong to self-evaluate, take an honesty pill and put the Dorito bag down. Hell, I had to put my Hershey special dark chocolate on its wrapper so I could type this.
Bottom line: weight, size, clothing fit or how many minutes/hours it takes to run a mile… vary from person to person. Some people are striving to climb off the couch of pathological obesity (been there) and aspire to a modicum of basic health and longevity. Some of us are dusting off the workout bag and deciding that there are some things left that we want to do in this life, and by golly, we’re gonna have to work our butts off to accomplish them.
Hats off to you for taking the gloves off and rolling up your sleeves on this project. There are a lot of emotions tied to body image; not a single woman alive is exempt from this. You’re on the right track, working on your goals and you’ve handed out invitations for like-minded people to join you as you take it to the next level. Count me in.
http://titaniumpersonaltraining.blogspot.com/2009/08/newsflash-exercise-wont-make-you-thin.html
I think the fact that we get so easily bent out of shape over the F word is probably a symptom of the chronic body image dissatisfaction in our society, not the cause.
THANK YOU.
When I exercise and eat right, it’s to feel better. Exactly. Yes. And I can’t tell you HOW MUCH I HATE it when people instantly take what I’ve said and make some negative comment about their own body. Or I’m critisized for thinking I need to exercize. Which is funny, because no matter what shape you’re in YOU NEED TO EXERCISE. Whether it’s to lose weight, or to get into better shape, or simply to maintain.
I have definitely never gotten the impression from your blog that you have any negative or judgmental thoughts about anyone else’s body. In fact, I have found your writing about your weight loss and fitness to be very refreshing and inspiring. It’s been one (among many) things that finally convinced me that I could do it too.
I just came back from my first time swimming laps at the pool, in fact, and with all the pool water in my sinuses right now I’m really identifying with your posts about your early swimming efforts. But I know I’ll get better at it, too. Anyway, thanks for sharing your experiences.
I typed a few different responses to this, but the bottom line was always this: You’re an inspiration, I think. I think that the people who are feeling bad because of your words would feel bad no matter what you said. You’re not putting yourself out there to put other people down, and it’s apparent.
Personally, your words never make me feel bad about myself, they make me feel like fitness and healthy eating are much more accessible than I think they are. And I thank you for that. I mean, c’mon, you did a triathlon (super sprint, whatever). And you’re a person, a real person with kids and a job and commitments, and you did it. You make these things accessible, and I really hope you don’t stop because of some distractors who are going to be angry no matter what, be it at you or the next person.
Respectively, I just think some people can be too sensitive.
If I complain about struggling to pay my mortgage, does that mean I’m being insensitive to people who don’t make as much money as my wife and I do and can’t afford a house like ours?
My wife and I had to laugh earlier tonight when we played one of the Baby Genius Nursery Rhymes for our daughter. They changed “This little piggie had roast beef” to “This little piggie had tofu”. Are you freaking kidding me?
The world is just way too politically correct.
Hmmm… tough one. Growing up, I was always thin with very little body fat. I was an athelete. I grew up with a younger sister who was obese almost since birth. I learned to NEVER call her a “big fat liar” or say “omg I’m so fat!” in her presence. Knowing that if I did, she would automatically feel horrible. So… I love your blog and I don’t think that you’re offensive in any way – more inspiring than anything. However, I “get” that the F word can be damaging to certain people.
Thanks for posting your thoughts on this. You have motivated to comment for the first time! I think you are inspirational, and you write about the topics of health, fat, nutrition, etc in an educational and helpful way. You have hit upon an issue that truly gets under my skin – the acceptance of unhealthy body images in the OPPOSITE way. We are so concerned about healthy body images (rightly so) that we tell each other that we’re just fine the way we are, when truly a lot of us aren’t, health-wise. So thanks for standing up for a healthy way of living and putting yourself out there for criticism, because you are an encouragement to many.
This post (and your last post) really resonate with me. I have recently (the last 6 months or so) stepped up my exercise. Got a trainer, getting up at 5:30am to work out, started going to spin classes which I NEVER thought I could do, etc. All in a quest to lose the baby/belly fat and feel better about my body. But I am a junk-food junkie. And I guess I thought I could just increase my exercise and it would be a “breeze” to drop those 15-20 lbs. Well, guess what? All that exercise has toned my muscles, but the belly fat has stayed right where it was. I am just coming around to the fact that I have to change my diet. Something I’ve been really super-stubborn about changing. Your blog is inspiring for me in a lot of ways, but I have really enjoyed learning more about your fitness journey. I’d love to hear more about what you’re doing with your diet. Not your “diet” to lose weight, but your diet and what you choose to eat and fuel your body with. Anyway, best to you. Keep it up!
Rock on Sister!
wow…people really got on you about that shit? Here’s what I did….I arranged for a trainer to come to my school to do a boot camp to kick my sorry ass and those of willing co-workers into better shape…Why? just cause:) really your fat talk had nothing to do with it….I’m a free thinker. But I do enjoy your posts on all topics
I’m sorry to say that I didn’t read all the posts (just some), and I do believe that people have the right to be offended by whatever ridiculous thing they want to find offensive. As the saying goes, you can’t control how people behave, you can only control how YOU respond to that behavior.
That being said, if people find a discussion of your body fat offensive, quite frankly, that’s entirely their problem and entirely not yours. I don’t think you should have to justify yourself in ANY way for talking about how you feel about your own body. And your impressive physical achievements stand as testament to what good diet and exercise can help accomplish. And yes, part of your recent successes owe themselves to having less body weight to lug around. Lighter = faster; just look at the world class distance runners.
I would never begrudge someone else’s happiness, whether it comes from body image, their status as SAHMs or whatever, but when we make a choice to be ONE thing, it inherently includes a choice NOT to be something else. The choice does NOT inherently include a judgment of the thing we did not choose, but for the easily-offended among us, I guess it does.
If someone else is happy being fat, good for them, but I choose not to be fat not only because I FEEL better, stronger, and more capable when I am lean and fit, but also because I think I look better. *I* would not be happy fat; I do not like the look of fat. If other people prefer to reduce my preference for being as fit (which generally includes being lean) as possible and/or to be offended by my aesthetic preference for thinness over flabbiness, then that’s their personal CHOICE. I feel no guilt about not make any apologies for MY personal choice.
Neither should you, although it’s very kind of you to explain your position. You have much more patience than I do.
Just wanted to “weigh” in! Am I the first to make that joke?
I think the one thing I have always gotten from your posts-you seem to be someone who has the ability to see several sides of an issue, and the world would be a lot better place if more people were like you. You seem like a very nonjudgy (I know that isn’t actually a word) person, and I have never gotten the feeling that you would think any less of someone who was overweight.
Tolerance is something that seems to be in short supply lately-the fact that we don’t all think the same way is what makes life interesting. I love reading your fitness posts, and I hope you keep writing them.
I really think the whole acceptance of our bodies and embracing our curves and all is great, and has done a lot (hopefully) to curtail some of the crazy eating disorders that were so rampant during the eighties and nineties. And still are, to a certain degree. But what I for sure see a LOT more of in my area of the country is a different kind of eating disorder hitting young people, the disorder of not knowing when the heck to stop eating, and it’s really scary to me. I see so many truly obese little kids, and I’m sorry, body image or no, someone needs to help those kids learn healthier habits or all that excess FAT is going to be cutting years off their lives and hindering a healthy enjoyment of their youth. Period.
I know that sounds preachy, but I have seen so much of it lately. I guess parents are scared to ever say that a kid is eating too much or getting too fat, but dude! This is your kid’s life we’re talking about! You can say it in a nice way, but step in and help!
I realize this not completely on topic, but the whole idea of FAT as a taboo word really triggered something for me. Sorry. Stepping off soap box now.
I think the world would be a better place if everyone just owned their own feelings. If my cutting a small piece of cake makes YOU feel fat and whatever emotions go along with that, examine yourself. Do people really think we should all gain 10 pounds just so overweight people won’t feel so alone?
But yeah, it has been politically incorrect to talk about many aspects of self-improvement – and even worse to admit to having achieved some measure of it. And I think that hurts rather than helps. Why give people another lame excuse for not owning their choices (”waah, don’t you know that when you mention fitness, I get depressed and eat another carton of ice cream?”). Just about anything you happen to be getting right – or trying to – is bound to offend someone.
You want to get even more nasty comments? Try blogging about how to get your child’s weight under control. (Not that either of yours needs it, but I’m talking from my experience.) I’m told it is terrible for a mom to care if her child becomes obese or to take steps to prevent it. There are people out there who think I have doomed my toddlers to a lifetime of self-hate and self-destruction because I asked for nutrition advice from other moms. No doubt those moms suspect me of looking at their kids’ baby fat with disgust. I’m not sure why people can’t just see a personal comment for what it is.
Finally, I’d much rather hear bloggers say 100 great things about themselves than one snotty thing about someone else.
I’m not that easily offended, but I can see how some people would be sensitive about this issue. I’m in the range of “normal” BMI, but I’ve been guilty of saying “I’m so fat!” because after 2 kids, I am “fat” compared to my old body. With less time to exercise & prepare meals, I’m definitely feeling more lethargic and prone to eat quick-to-make, processed, less-healthy things.
I hope you don’t stop talking about it. We can sidestep body image talk all we want, but people will always be self-conscious about something on their bodies; whether it be excess fat, body hair, cankles, whatever. Very few people (men & women) are completely happy with their bodies & I hope I can be one of them someday!
I love this post. I’ve gone through a weight-loss ‘process’ a few different times- once after I got married, and then after I had my daughter. I did it the old-fashioned way- eat less, move more. I didn’t have a ton of weight to lose- just enough to make myself HEALTHIER. 20-30 pounds so my blood pressure wasn’t sky-high and I didn’t have so much damn back fat.
Every time, I had to deal with comments from the peanut gallery about how I was doing it, why I was doing it, I didn’t need to do it, etc. I DO NOT understand the judgment about something that should be celebrated! HEALTHY IS GOOD!
So I applaud you- for the triathlon, for taking care of yourself. If only everyone cared for their body like you do!
You have been a source of inspiration for me. You are a busy mom, looking to get as fit as you can. You have made amazing improvements, and I have enjoyed sharing your ups and downs, as well as your victories and milestones. You look amazing and I’m super happy for you.
I’m just flabbergasted that people would think your journey to fitness has anything to do with them, or that you judge them because you chose to work out. I’m…just amazed. If it makes you happy, more power to you. Its your life, this blog is about you…how is your joy in accomplishment of a goal you set for yourself considered hatred towards another?
They need to get over it, really. This PC crap has gone too far…
Sundry..again you say what I am unable to put into words.
Rock on. I have never once been offended or thought you were promoting unhealthy body images. You have simply been stating what YOU are doing with YOUR body.
I have found that, whenever I tend to get rankled about someone else’s choice or way of life, whenever I start to feel threatened, it’s because I have projected my own anxieties onto them, and I imagine they are thinking what *I* am thinking about myself. Which, as you said in the case of the cosleeping vs. non example, is really not the case (unless the person is a douchebag, in which case our interactions need not continue anyway). I find that what bothers me in other people simply does so because it is also true of me, or that what they have just spoken about touches a deep source of insecurity in my own heart. So if I get offended by your talking about your pants size and get all defensive and up on a “don’t perpetuate body image issues” soapbox, it’s because I myself have some insecurities about my weight, and your speaking about yours has reminded me of them, and that makes me uncomfortable. So to assuage that discomfort I criticize you.
Second, and this is just me– I think it’s okay to want to look good in your jeans, even if that “good” is a largely impossible standard that creates a lot of body image issues. What I am saying is not that that system is okay (far from it), but that we don’t live in a vacuum, we’re all imperfect and human, and sometimes we just want to feel pretty, even if it’s the evil pretty that our favorite Hollywood movie would recognize. Yes, that may perpetuate some unfair standard of weight or hair color or whatever, but oh well, we’ve got more important things to worry about in this day and age, don’t we? If it’s not okay to want to fit in clothes that, however unfortunately, were designed to fit and flatter size 0 supermodels, then where do we stop? I mean, I appreciate the whole Dove “real beauty” campaign, but I think at the end of the day if you want to swear off meeting impossibly false societal standards of beauty, then we will all soon be wearing colorless, nondescript cloaks and covering our greasy heads and swearing off makeup and deodorant because OMG THE PATRIARCHY IS HORRIBLE AND WE’RE TIRED OF BENDING OURSELVES TO THEIR STANDARDS. Let’s get over it, already, you know?
All that said, once again, Linda, you rock.
When people genuinely feel good about themselves – not trying to feel good or talk themselves into feeling good – they aren’t defensive or threatened by other peoples’ choices.
I’m just going to throw this out there – adding, I’m speaking for myself! – but whenever I’ve been the weight that works for me, as well as healthy, energized, lighthearted, level headed, not perpetually in PMS mode, fitting into clothes, feeling great in my clothes, etc etc., I don’t have to try to feel good. I FEEL GOOD, period. When I feel that way I’m not envious, threatened or jealous of anyone.
Whenever I’m carrying more weight than I need, I am enervated, de-energized, and moody, can’t zip up my pants or skirts, am forced to wear elasticized waisted clothes and baggy shirts, and feel like hell when I go clothes shopping. I do not feel good at all. I can’t even try to like who I am because I DON’T FEEL LIKE ME ANYMORE.
Wow. I must be really insensitive, ignorant or dumb. I didn’t realize that talking about your own fitness goals, weight goals, body-image goals was demeaning to every one else. Every one who is NOT YOU and doesn’t have YOUR BODY. Only we know what our bodies can do, how they feel, how they respond to food and fitness and doritoes. Really, I really must be ignorant. I didn’t know that this argument was out there. Not that I’m spending all my spare minutes of time blog-hopping the fitness and FAT sites. There, I said it. FAT. Is there discrimination against thinner people now. Regular, every day, non-celebrities who just happen to be thin? Really? Cause sometimes it’s genetic people? Ever heard that argument before?
Wow. I never sound this insensitive. Because really? I’m not. I guess it all boils down to the fact that I feel badly that you even had to write a post like this, yet I understand. We all have to watch out for each other. But that doesn’t mean we all have to watch each other. You know what I mean?
Your desire to melt some fat off your bod is more of a desire to FEEL good rather than LOOK good. But the LOOKING GOOD does not go unnoticed. It may even be the driving force behind banning the Doritoes, for goodness sakes. But what takes over – the increased energy, and patience, and mood, and sex drive (thank goodness) – are the reason to continue to skip the snack aisles in the store. The reason to PUT DOWN THAT FRENCH FRY and pick up an apple.
Well done. On all of it. I can’t believe that F word is so taboo. I mean really, what the fuck?
…and wow…that’s a ridiculously long comment…my apologies…wine, anyone?
This post honestly surprised me, I can’t believe that you even need to go on the defensive. When I read about “your” observations of “your” fat Linda, I honestly just don’t even take it anywhere but “dude, way to go figuring out your feeling shitty” or “FUCKING WAY TO ROCK IT!” We spend all this time trying not to cross all these murky lines, it’s completely ridiculous. If you want to talk about your fat or non-fat FUCKING TALK IT UP SISTER, I’M ALL EARS!
I like reading your blog whatever you talk about.
*shrug*
In thinking about this a bit more, I wanted to add another point, which is that I do understand the frustration and shared unhappiness with hearing someone just . . . really slam themselves, in the form of I’M SOOO FAT type of comments. These days when I talk about something bodywise I want to focus on, I usually *try* and phrase it as a goal (ie, stop eating total crap, get back to the lean weight I was at 2 months ago) rather than a general statement of malaise. Because even though I’ve been there (the longer I eat crap, the more I start to feel those inarticulate everything-sucks wailing-wall I’M SOOO FAT feelings), I know it’s more constructive to focus on what I’m going to do to change things.
That’s one area where I guess I totally disagree with the Stop Fat Talk people — they use an example of “I need to lose ten pounds” as negative fat talk. To me, that sounds like a specific goal to work towards, which is a lot more positive than “BLARGH I look hideous in a bathing suit!” or whatever.
It may be that the thing that was most objectionable in my last post was joking about my fat being grabbed and making it sound like I was so grossed out by myself or something, and if that’s how it came across that’s my fault for overshooting for humor. I don’t mean that my self esteem lives and dies by the inches someone can pinch off my waist — but I’ll totally stand behind the fact that I don’t ENJOY someone doing that.
Anyway! Really interesting conversation, I always love hearing what you guys have to say.
First of all you are an inspiration to me, and I can totally relate. When I eat like shit, I feel like shit. When I eat healthy, I feel like I can do anything. I’d much rather fit into my favorite jeans comfortably instead of pouring myself into them and barely being able to breath. It does wonders for the spirit and self esteem. And everything else you’ve written about? Well I agree.
Keep on keeping on. This is your weight/health/wellness story and no one elses.
Oh, and by the way, I totally loved what Beth in SF said: “it’s not that I’m unhappy with being a size 12, I am unhappy with how out of shape I am at that size.” That could pretty much be expressed by anyone, whatever ever size they are….
Wonderful post, and so true.
How did writing about your fitness goals become about anyone else? Or about being thin? It’s always been about YOU and your HEALTH. What always strikes me are your personal motivations of strength, pushing yourself physically and mentally, and trying to be as healthy as you can be. You should not have to defend yourself for that.
Personally, I think it’s awesome to see a mother of two participating in a triathlon. I’m about to have a second baby in a few weeks, and while I have no plans to do a triathlon myself, I want to get back in good shape so I can be active with my two boys and be a good example for them as they grow up. Thanks for inspiring those of us who seek a healthy lifestyle!
Leave it to you to dig up the controversial (sp?) :) But hey…that’s what life is about. I’m heavier than I’d like to be, I’m heavier than my doctor would like me to be. I laughed hysterically when you talked about the fat pinchers and the duck-billed girl part spreaders….because you’re funny and you’re humor comes from real life. You have made great efforts to reach personal goals. Along the way you have motivated some people (and pissed some people off) but it’s your life and you have the right to talk about it. I keep hoping that I will find a way to get motivated, to reach the healthy place that I want to be at. Until then, I’ll keep reading and watching your journey and being amazed. From the many years that I’ve followed your blog, the one thing I can say is that I don’t think I’ve ever seen (read) you set out to offend or hurt anyone or any group of people. Keep writing, keep people talking and keep motivating!!! And if people don’t like the fat word…fuck ‘em!
DUDE. You know we’re on the same page. Remember the “Fat-Skinny”debacle on Bodies last year? And sweet little me threw out the F-Bomb online?
I have felt positively hindered about posting about health/weight issues on my own site because when I do I get chastised by people, including people I see in real life. Blergh.
I think we should be able to talk about the feelings about our *own* bodies without people projecting it onto themselves.
When I read one of your posts about any of your fitness goals or activities what I feel is generally annoyance at my own laziness. But that’s on me.
I am not FAT but I do have more fat on me than I currently would like. But the excess is there because of the aforementioned laziness primarily. Also because I’m getting older and genetics and …
Also: This is your blog. Write what you want to write.
I find you to be very motivating and I’ve never felt like you were somehow judging me by trying to be a healthier you.
I’m a fat girl working on becoming fit and your stories help me. Also? I totally laughed my ass off at you being mortified at some gym hottie grabbing your fat and I think that gave me a little ab workout so …thanks for that! :)
Could not agree with you more.
As a writer, you’re really under no obligation to be concerned about anyone’s reaction to your writing other than your own.
But, Linda, I’ll freely admit that when I see pictures of you (fit, glowing, hitting all sorts of athletic goals) and then read things about “the flab hanging around my belly” … the first thing I thought on reading the prior entry was, “If recent triathlete Linda feels that disgusted about herself … Christ, what hope do we mere mortals have?”
I know that it’s MY thing — nowhere have you ever passed judgment in this blog on how other people look. I don’t begrudge you the right to live their healthiest and best life. I don’t think your ability to live your healthiest and best life affects my ability to live my life.
My reaction was based purely on thinking, “Heck, if this person can do these great, healthy things and they’re still self-critical, how impossible will it be for me?”
I’m just a reader having a reaction to the words a writer used to make her point. Consider it a compliment — if nobody’s responding to what you write, you’re not doing it right!
Agree with you 100%. I’m naturally on the thin side, and when I talk about wanting to tone up, change my diet, etc. with women who are feeling defensive for whatever reason about their fitness/size/weight (and really, who hasn’t felt defensive about that at one point or another, I definitely have), I’ve gotten a similar reaction. My need to be fit/lose X lbs/rock my bikini should never be construed as judgment of anyone else’s choices, period. What I want for me, is 100% about me.
usually I find your fitness related posts rather inspiring. And this post made me laugh. I don’t think you should stop talking about it!
Sweet baby jebus. I didn’t think anything of the posts. In fact, I totally related to the everywoman feeling of total discomfort when you talked about the fat pincers.
Now I feel like, a little obligated to say I’m not a super sensitive cry baby like whoever it is that emailed you. I hope whoever they are are reading and know that not all of us plus sized ladies are sit around waiting to be offended and hurt everytime people talk about fitness and their own goals. Am so sick of the fat rights movmeent or whatever it is telling us we’re all wrong for wanting to lose weight or changing our diets or whatever it is. T
he author of this blog is never judgmental about other women’s bodies – that’s what Bodies in Motion is all about, it’s aimed at all women – that’s real body positivity right there.
I agree with Olivia. Fight the terrorists, eat MORE Doritos!
You’re on the right and sane track, Sundry. I agree with you. Don’t let the naysayers derail ya. Stick to it.
Remember when you could write about ALL those woes you had just a few years ago and not have to discuss how you received a PR email telling you how wrong of you to write about your thoughts? I miss that! I’m 24 weeks pregnant and I can relate to your posts because I loved running and being fit, yet now all I want to eat is everything in the 25 mile radius and I worry a bit if I will be healthy later…
I think if YOU actually started telling people what they should DO during the week, you’d be alienating 99% of your readers. How can they assume that you judge others’ weight anyway by simply by wanting to improve, albeit with a little overexaggerated self-criticism? I agree, they’re projecting.
I think maybe this is a problem inherent in the blog. You can’t see who you’re talking to. I admit, I do a mini-eyeroll whenever a relatively thin and fit woman cries to me about being fat. Because if she’s fat, what am I? And if it’s soooo terrible, omg, I must be repulsive! It’s a little insensitive to bemoan your fatness around someone who is 10 times fatter than you are. Would you complain about your disgusting fat belly flab to a truly obese person? I don’t think you would. But when surrounded by your fit triathelete compatriots, perhaps you would. We readers, we’re faceless and bodiless to you. I’m not proposing you change a gosh darn thing. You have the right to write anything you please. If others don’t like it, they can stop reading. I wouldn’t want you to. Your true and uncensored thoughts are why most of us come to read your blog. We like YOU whether we agree with everything you say and do or not. I guess I’m just trying to explain the reaction. Keep up the good work!
I live in the land of the Cleveland Clinc with Toby Cosgrove who says lovely things such as “that if it were up to him and if there were no legal impediments, he would not hire obese people”. He talks of the “fat bias”. It does exist, it sucks and it makes people ultra-sensitive.
That said you are biased against your own fat not my fat. Everyone has their own perfect healthy weight that is why the charts have a weight range.
I’m seeing in the comments a lot of “it’s about THEM” talk. And I think that’s like when a woman comes dressed all skanky to a party, and the other women who object are accused of being “jealous.” I think people can be allowed to object to the skankiness without having their own attractiveness evaluated harshly, or having unfair and unkind assumptions made about their mental states.
Just so, in this case I think it’s not nice for people to say that if someone disagrees with them about the meaning of words, they must be fat, out of shape, insecure, and have massive body issues. I think someone can also disagree because they disagree. I think issues of heath and fatness are loaded issues in our culture, and I think it’s possible to discuss semantics without being dismissed based on physical appearance—or, worse, on ASSUMED physical appearance—or, worse yet, on the assumption that certain kinds of physical conditions are objectively speaking negative and can be used as insults.
Oh! Oh oh oh! But I’ve gotten so caught up in the interesting issues you bring up, that I think I need to specifically say that I saw NO NO NO related problem with your funny and interesting post about having your body fat measured, which I think is in a WHOLE DIFFERENT REALM than the kind of thing you’re talking about here. And I think those silly PR emails are like Google AdWords, where they just pick up on some key term.
I agree with the fact that it’s your body, your decision (duh, to anyone who disagrees). But, I have said before, to my best friend, that if she says certain things about her body and wanting to get rid of its fat, it has implications for what she thinks about all those the same size as her and larger (which includes me). However, she often takes a VERY unhealthy angle when speaking about modifying her body, in that she shames herself, calls herself disgusting, lazy, and unattractive, when none of these things are true. Then and only then I think is it ok to try to get shamers to realize the implications for those around her. You, on the other hand, have not approached it in this way. You have a healthy frame of mind for the changes you’d like to see in your body. So, good post, but I think there are some exceptions out there.
In the pictures you’ve posted of yourself most recently you are very fit and look really thin. So what I see, in pictures, doesn’t match how you’re talking about yourself. I realize I don’t see you in real life and that it’s your body, but I have lots of women friends who are in great shape and look good and still put themselves down as being unhealthy/fat/needing work. It gets tiresome. You don’t hear men go on about these things the way women do, and there’s a reason for that.
So yeah, as an outside observer, I feel like your self-descriptions don’t match what I see in the pictures you put up here – a beautiful, thin, fit woman who can race fast and hard.
You eloquently say what I’d like to say re: the F word and blogging. I tend to fall into the OhI’mSoFat crowd every so often but I need to keep myself in check by reminding myself- Hey, you’re doing this for how you want to FEEL not how you want to LOOK. Your explanation here is great and the work you do to maintain is inspiring. Tell whomever to F off.
You know what? I am roughly 30 to 40 pounds overweight and I know precisely why I am that way. I also know that when I read your posts I see a woman who is working hard at being fit and healthy (with the obvious added benefit of not passing out when she buttons her pants due to the tightness issue)and who is doing so while experiencing the difficulties of day-to-day life and emotions and all of that. Personally, I take it as an inspiration and am trying to make the changes I need so that I too can be healthy and fit. Never have I felt that you were making assumptions or criticizing others for their weight or body size, etc. Clearly, that stems from someone else’s insecurities and they are projecting it all on you. Keep doing what you need to do for you, and I, and others here, will continue to read and be inspired by you. Still not going to swim in an open body of water, though. That one can be all yours. *grin*
I agree with your post.
What I noticed though was this: You mention your own similar knee jerk reaction to people talking about their parenting choices. And your readers have seen that. When Heather A. posted about her natural birth experience I felt like your reaction was defensive in nature. Yet I didn’t read her post as judgmental, but I can see how if that’s not the experience you had you might see it as such.
(I did feel that your reaction to that “woman giving birth” necklace thingy a week or more ago was justified, that woman’s language did sound judgmental.)
What I guess I wanted to say was, deep down I think sometimes it’s really hard to look at these things logically and to suppress our knee jerk reactions. I KNOW you don’t mean anything judgmental in your own (inspiring) quest for fitness…but perhaps a reader’s insecurities with her own weight are heightened when she sees you (who looks AMAZING as you are right now) saying how you need to get back on track. Should you not say that? No…but it’s to be expected that someone is going to say “Shut up skinny bitch, you already look better than me.”
Long and short of it…I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong, but I think it will rub some people the wrong way.
frankly, i find your motivation…to be motivating for ME.
Amen. Amen, amen, amen. I am a thin woman and I feel as though I’m not allowed to have body issues, the same as you so clearly articulated in your post. The assumption is that I must work out, I must eat well all the time, and I must be in shape. Thin people struggle with weight and eating and motivation to be healthy as well and we ought to be able to discuss those frustrations without someone rolling their eyes or assuming anorexia is just around the corner.
I am fat. Very fat. And I have recently started making efforts to eating healthy. And you are right, it changes your mind and energy and pant size. I have found some terrific recipes out there and have fallen in love with most everything that is whole-grain. Do I fall off the wagon every now and again? Yup. But I feel so much better when I eat lots of veggies and whole grains. Avoiding diet pop, anything with HFCS, aspartame and trans fats is the trick for me. Good luck – Do what you need to do for yourself.
There is such a huge difference in saying “This size/weight is not acceptable for a woman of my stature — ANY woman of my stature — and it must change,” and “I personally don’t feel comfortable or healthy at this weight and want to change for my own comfort.” Note that I didn’t say “health,” but “comfort,” because I think you need to be comfortable with how you look.
When I joined Weight Watchers, I was a size 8. I weighed 140 pounds. I was in the (very top) healthy BMI range. I pretty much kept WW a secret because the people I told thought it was ridiculous that I had joined. But I was eating TERRIBLY and I wasn’t exercising. I felt incredibly unhealthy, and generally completely out of control. (It was reflected in the rest of my life too — my apartment was always a mess, I was always forgetting to do important things, etc). For me, starting a weight loss program was a CRUCIAL part of pulling my life back together and making me realize that I could change stuff I didn’t like about myself.
Now I’m ten pounds thinner, but still striving for my goal weight: not because it’s some magic number that equals hotness, but because, well, I’m eating ten times better, but I’m still not exercising. And I want to get in shape so badly. I don’t feel like me when I’m not exercising. And you are a huge inspiration on that front, Sundry — every time I visit your blog I’m motivated to get off my butt and go DO something!
If I reach a point where I’m exercising regularly, eating well, and FEEL good about my body, then it won’t matter whether I’ve hit the goal weight or not. Right now, it’s just something that keeps me from backsliding.
For me, losing weight was more of a mental exercise than anything else. I can’t even say I look all that different — probably most people wouldn’t notice the changes, but they’re huge to me. If you’re comfortable and happy with your body and the way your clothes fit, then rock on!
Swistle is saying what I am thinking in a very nice way. I stutter and stammer when I try to convey my feelings about this.
Full disclosure: I am a fat woman (the kind of headless fatty you might see pictured with an article about the obesity crisis)
I am OK with my body and what I do with it (movement-wise) and with what I feed it (whether Doritos or a dressing-less salad or organic baby greens farmed by consenting adults).
I am OK with you viewing and doing and treating and feeding and speaking about your body any way you want.
It is hard for me to practice body acceptance. There is inherent “othering” in everyday discussion of bodies and fatness. That is, when you say that you need to or want to reduce your body, it does imply that current state or larger states are unpleasant. But I avoid this by not reading your Bodies blog, and skipping over posts that refer to what you’re doing.
I am not offended.
[I also have long, complicated thoughts about "health" and "lifestyle changes" and the goodness and badness of certain foods and certain behaviors, and my general disregard for anyone who asserts that they are able to affect real, lasting change on their physical being. Annecdata aside. I am speaking in generalities, not about your blog or specific posts.]
I do
Hurray!
I’m sorry that you’re getting that kind of negativity thrown at you (that just sucks), but I am happy that I’m not the only one who seems to get attacked for expressing that I have fitness goals.
I’ve been on the skinny-but-also-wimpishly-weak side my whole life, and although I’ve never said I wanted to lose weight, any mention I make of wanting to get stronger gets me the kind of reaction you’re talking about.
Self-betterment shouldn’t be censored! Anyone motivated enough to pull themselves together and achieve a goal should be applauded.
Go you!
One thing I’m wondering, here. From some of the comments and specifically Alyce’s comment:
“…when you say that you need to or want to reduce your body, it does imply that current state or larger states are unpleasant.”
Okay. So if I say I want to cut my hair, does that mean I don’t like long hair on anyone else and think everyone should have short hair? Or if I said I wanted get a spray tan, or only wear the color blue, or sell my car and start driving a minivan, is there an implication I think anyone who doesn’t do the same is falling short of a personal ideal I have created that applies towards everyone on earth?
As someone who is fat (a happy healthy 280 plus), it doesn’t bother me. You do not moan about how you have to loose 10 pounds and I see pictures of you with nicely toned arms looking great in shorts. You talk about how hard it is not to treat yourself to ice cream nightly once the kids go to bed (ME, TOO!! -hello, dove ice cream bar, my love!) and how hard it is to carve out the time to exercise (me, too!!-waking up at 5am to exercise)
I am fat. I am happy and healthy (shuddup all you naysayers. i do not have hi blood pressure or diabetes etc. and I am active and happy- I *do* wish I could loose a few pounds and/or find some cuter clothes once in awhile but- eh- I really like cheese and yummy food so- eh- whatever)
I guess I just look at it as another blog topic. Interesting to read your take on it and I can be happy for your progress but no offense taken (from one of your “biggest” fans!).
“…when you say that you need to or want to reduce your body, it does imply that current state or larger states are unpleasant.”
Correct. For me the larger state has never been helpful. FOR ME.
I’m not clear on why the implication is offensive. The “larger state” – rolls, back fat, and belly jelly has been ruinous to my health and sense of well being. I find it perplexing that other people would feel hurt on my excess blubber’s behalf. Although my blubber begs me to feed it, it doesn’t send me email crying that I’ve offended it.
If it did, I might have to slap it around.
Lesley: I took that to mean that the person would then be thinking that EVERYONE’S body that was in a similar or larger state as their own was unpleasant. Maybe I got that wrong, though.
Not to try to put words into Alyce’s mouth, but I think she’s speaking to the context our culture which currently broadcasts that fat is slovenly, disgusting, and less than truly human. Given that there’s no large spray tan movement that says spray tan is best, spray tan is healthy, if you don’t spray tan you’re slovenly, disgusting and less than human, the decision to spray tan wouldn’t have the same impact. Same goes for the car argument. But we’ve got medical bodies perpetuating the myth that thin always is best, that there’s an obesity crisis (what else do they expect when they change the definition of BMI one night and thousands of people who went to bed “normal” and “overweight” wake up “overweight” and “obese”)… headless fatties make the news all the time, but they don’t bother to point out that there are many ways to define healthy, and weight loss doesn’t necessarily have to be a part of it.
I know myself I don’t follow your bodies blog, but that’s because I know doing so would send me back to disordered eating and associated craziness. I am proud of the things you have done for yourself, and it inspires me to do the things that are right for me, even though they aren’t the same things all the time.
When I say something positive to my mother about a dish someone else has made, she invariably takes that to mean that her version is not as good. A compliment to another is an insult to her and I cannot seem to stop her from having this knee-jerk reaction. When I was in university I noticed that asking a male roommate to do his dishes meant, to him, that he’d maybe put off doing his dishes too long so he’d do them, problem solved. Asking a female roommate the same thing seemed to result in her thinking I was implying that she was not a clean enough roommate, and that maybe I was mad at her. In other words, she took way it more personally than I’d intended it.
I have a feeling something similar is happening here and I suspect it’s not uncommon among women in particular (maybe not common, but not rare either). We just seem so alert to every tiny nuance that can be taken as negative. I don’t know why that is but I suspect it’s all kinds of complicated stuff that’s bound up in how women bond and interact socially. Nature? Nurture? Who knows?
I think you’re right on. This is your blog, where you can write whatever you want and it’s your body. If you want to weigh 200 or 98 or anything in between and write about your journey there, it’s your right. People who nag about it are insecure and should probably be doing something other than sitting here reading your blog!
For cheeseburgers sake, you clearly, .. clearly are the most reasonable blogger, PERSON, that I know in the havn’t met world, you totally take every perspective, taste it, savor it, share your take on it. THE HELL, if your gonna blog about the things that go on in your mind, do it, cause yeah, hi, we arn’t in there, being its your mind and body and all, and really should be taking the same cautionary health tips OURSELVES, not effing, like.. bicker about it and disect it into some body image hating thing. God. Heres the line.. and Im going to cough out, a few haters are crossing it.
I think the issue is just that fat is associated automatically with bad health but that is not automatically true. I think it is just the word association that is harmful. You are saying both that you want to lose weight and also be healthy, those don’t have to go hand in hand. Many, many, many fat people eat whole and healthy food and amounts, exercise a lot and yet still are “overweight”. If you start eating right again and feel better mentally as you were saying you haven’t been lately BUT you don’t lose that extra weight are you going to be dissapointed? If so, I think that is a harmful attitude to have.
Huh. Harmful to want to be in the shape that makes me feel best? Really? I just can’t wrap my head around that point of view.
Nor, truthfully, can I buy into the notion that the majority of overweight people are eating healthfully and exercising a lot. (Not that that has anything to do with my original topic and my opinion that I care about my weight but not yours, but that just sort of jumped out at me. Exercise or don’t, eat well or don’t, no judgment from me either way, but extra weight usually – not always, but usually – has something to do with lifestyle choices, and it seems silly to deny it.)
I haven’t read all the comments, so if this has been said already, I apologize. I had an eating disorder in high school and I’ve always been super sensitive to what people say around my daughter, who is now 18. Also, I’m completely Libertarian on the subject of weight – what you do or how you look doesn’t matter to me and I don’t expect what I do or how I look to matter to you. I’m completely tolerant of everyone’s personal choices, size, whatever. Your post made me think about this more – why am I sensitive to talking about it when I’m not sensitive to you looking however you look? I think it is because so many young girls are influenced by what people say. My parents were particularly cruel and definitely contributed to my lack of self esteem, my need to control and often, I ate to spite them because they said something mean to me. (Later, I became anorexic.) Their words hurt and I wanted to hurt them back. I don’t think you need to look a certain way, nor do I judge your desire to look a certain way. I really don’t care if you talk or post about how you feel – that’s your right. Go for it. But, honestly, I wouldn’t want my daughter to read your post(s) about that subject because I’m afraid she’d translate it into something dangerous about how she needs to look and how she needs to behave, rather than finding a healthy lifestyle that is suited to her wants and needs. Maybe this has more to do with how women/girls internalize these comments, how we constantly compare ourselves to others and our desire to please others. I’m not so sure it has anything to do with weight or appearance after all. By the way, my daughter is lean and fit (she’s quite a runner) and has none of the weight problems that I had when I was young. I often feel this is a credit to how I’ve handled this issue with her – but who knows. Maybe I’ve had nothing to do with it at all.
Just like to add, my mom, who is like the only person in my life, that drives me insane to the point of disowning them, then Im all theres lotsa ppl who don’t have moms so I should love mine lots and lots..god, long intro SHORT, my mom, gorgeous, has some extra lb’s, aint gonna lie. But when her size 14,or 16 aint fittin her she’s like damn! lay off of whatever it was that made her notice the gain. Also, she pops frikn vito’s like they are gonna evaporate, shes a ridiculously huge portion eater, but still, gorgeous. Plus shes all spunky and stuff and borderline annoying which my god I am sure Iz reflect a buttola amount of that as well, but still. She’s healthy, exercisy, for being 55, but may have to tweek a portion thing here or there, especially recovering from having thyroid cancer and all, the thyroid turns into that snotty bitch you just wanna jack up and threaten it’s life but you can’t, with it being CANCER and all. So.. yeah..some ppl are just built diff… it’s how the world goes. Me, 29, worked my ass off to be a 8, because my life runs better when I feel better. If I notice a gain and want to curtail a habit, guess what Im NOT gonna do..be all up thinmint in this place, still, why with the “BUT I have this to say commenters.” Please, tell me what YOU have to say about SOMEONE other than YOself’s weight. Please.. enlighten me, in a logical way.
p.s. im sure there are typos and quotes and periods out of place. I blame this stoopid new laptop. so yessa.. sorry. ;)
If anything, I wish I had your motivation. My third baby has sort of put me over the top in terms of my ability to get things done (including exercise). I would love to lose about 15 pounds and tone up. I just don’t feel like giving up my m&m’s right now. With three daughters, I do avoid the F word and talk about exercise and eating in terms of being healthy. Though, in my head I’m thinking I wish I looked better in my jeans.
It’s your blog. You can say whatever you want. And there’s nothing wrong or offensive about what you are saying. I love reading about your challenges/goals. It motivates me, and not because I think you’re skinny and I’m fat and I want to be like you, but because I know there are other people out there like me, and it makes those challenges/goals not seem so insurmountable when someone else is doing it too!
“Many, many, many fat people eat whole and healthy food and amounts, exercise a lot and yet still are “overweight”.”
Exercise – as I’m discovering – doesn’t burn many calories. Moderating food intake is the key to getting and staying lean. Exercise is about building strength and endurance, as well as shaping and sculpting. It’s got very little to do with weight loss (though the two hand in hand are a good idea).
Eat too much of anything – including foods that are “good for you” – and you will gain weight. It doesn’t matter what you eat.
To maintain my healthy weight – i.e. the weight that enables me to zip up my pants and walk and sit comfortably in them – I need around 2400 cals a day. That’s a lot of food, btw.
But heavens, when I was gaining, I packed away 3,000-4,000 cals a day, easily. Granted, a lot of that was junk (ice cream, chocolate, chips) but I also used to overeat healthy food. I never measured or weighed anything. I’d always make more than I needed.
I also needed to learn to eat more healthy fat and protein and healthier carbs. A low fat high carb diet never worked for me.
Wonderful, brave post. As long as we are staying within bounds of healthy, I think each and every one of us has a license to strive to be whatever size we want to be for whatever reason. Health, jeans, who cares. Our desires and opinions and goals are not always commentaries on what other people should be doing. It’s interesting because I have written a handful of posts on my own blog (newish – I am a rookie in these woods) and I have encountered a similar response. Our decisions are ours. They are not always veiled opinions on how the rest of humanity should act. I applaud your motivation to be healthy and happy and look good. But, more than that, I applaud your honesty and gumption on this thorny topic.
Linda -
I don’t for two seconds think because you want to lose weight because you aren’t happy with your body fat means you don’t embrace, love, or look down upon those of us who are obese.
And really — we shouldn’t care. That’s like being a non-drinker and looking my nose down on the lot of you who are drinkers.
And really this is your space to write about whatever the heall you want. If someone doesn’t like it or it makes them feel bad they can close the browser and stop reading.
Right?
@Shannon on October 10th, 2009 3:26 pm
“Many, many, many fat people eat whole and healthy food and amounts, exercise a lot and yet still are “overweight”.
Marna: I have to chime in here as an obese women (aka very fat) — You are right many many many at people eat whole and healthy foods and amounts, exercise a lot and are still overweight. However, regardless of how much we want to bullshit our way through life and sugar coat the truth if you EAT more and take IN more than you BURN you are going to be overweight REGARDLESS of how much HEALTHY and WHOLE foods you eat. I tried to bullshit myself for years, I blamed it on my genetics, my metabolism, good Lord I tried to blame it on brown fat cell theories. The reality was I wasn’t putting my fork down, and I wasn’t exercising enough. And for me it’s going to be a battle for the rest of my life because for the time first time in my life I am honest enough to admit that I am addicted to food, I use it like a drug — like an alcoholic uses booze.
And when I follow a food plan, eat well,reduce calories AND exercise I lose weight, it’s simple physics. When I don’t follow “the plan” — I either don’t do anything or gain.
I think it’s great that you write whats on your mind…because this is where you are supposed to do that…even if that includes how you feel about your own body image. You are not saying that everyone else should be like you. Listen – you need to do what makes you happy and feel good about yourself. Writing about it is a way a supporting yourself in the process. The pic of you finishing your triathalon says a million words about your sincerity. You are grinning ear to ear. Now not everyone looks like that after such a tremendous feat.
I write about wanting to get fit often. Which, alone, could be an issue. (Why am I writing about it so much without actually having achieved it?)
However, I also have a daughter who I want to encourage a healthy body image.
These two are not mutually exclusive.
So my emphasis on being fit is one that I think can encourage people, including my daughter, to be healthy as opposed to skinny.
It’s a subtle but really important difference.
Well! I could go on about this topic for DAYS. I’ll try to rein it in, though.
I agree with several people who have commented that there is a huge difference in writing about your personal fitness “journey” (blergh, I hate that word), as you do, and in berating yourself for being fat or falling short of some wispy ideal (”oh, I’m SO FAT”, “I am gross and worthless”, “I have to run 80 miles to burn off that carrot I just ate”). The latter is “fat talk”; the former is not.
I happen to be hyper-sensitive to “fat talk” and to disordered body perceptions and eating, and truly, that is not you. Not even remotely. You’re not halfway to the Renfrew Center just because you are conscious of your body and really into fitness. I don’t sense anything pathological in where you are right now, and I would say so if I did.
I mean, I personally support people being kind to themselves and giving themselves a break for having periods of slack in diet and exercise, and I don’t have any problem telling you that, either — hey, dude, you are doing awesome, you just finished a tri and a 5K and I think you can handle some alfredo sauce and Doritos. But that doesn’t mean what you’re saying is “fat talk” and it sure as hell isn’t negative toward anyone else.
As long as we’re coming up with analogies, I think the theory that a thin/fit person talking about their fitness goals is in some way imposing their ideal on others (or outwardly expressing their ideals about people other than themselves) is akin to someone thinking that, because I am a distance runner I consider non-runners to be lazy slackers. While in fact, of course, I couldn’t give a rat’s ass if other people run AT ALL.
It doesn’t matter what you write about on your blog, because it’s YOUR blog, YOUR opinion. That’s the bottom line for me.
I read a few blogs. And if I disagree, I disagree, that’s it. If I REALLY don’t like the way a person writes or their general take on life, I stop reading…end of story.
I don’t understand anyone that posts a comment and gets all up-in-arms and mean about it. If that person thinks they have a point to add that may have been missed in the author’s thought process than fine post a comment in a non-demeaning, polite, manner. What’s so hard about that? But I guess there is a portion of the population that was never taught manners or acceptance and that is the only topic that gets my blood boiling.
Swistle has manners – she’s nice girl! ;-)
I love your writing because it is always clear that it is your opinion and you don’t preach your opinion like some do.
Love ya, keep it up. (OH and you are an inspiration to me, not demeaning in any way!)
I always go with the belief that I can say and think whatever I want about myself. And I think everyone can say and think whatever they want about themselves.
As for me, I, too, have seen the slide occur in the past few months. I don’t want to have to buy new clothes either. Which is perfectly fine for me. You? You can do whatever is perfectly fine for you.
As a mom who has worked with varying degress of dedication over the past 6 years to get back to my pre-baby fitness level, I find your entries empowering and I leave them invigorated with a renewed sense of purpose and possibility. I think blogs can be rife with the sort of “troubles talk” that our beloved feminism has identified as both a part of women’s culture and also a potential underminer of our goals.
Yours, however, is most emphatically NOT that sort of a blog. Yours is a journal of methodical ass-kicking and a call to action for more ass-kicking. I luuurrrve your entries about bodies and working them and owning them. Don’t stop!
First point: My current weight is not a consequence of my current lifestyle choices, but of bad choices in the past. The adjustment I would need now to lose the extra weight I built up in 20-odd years is way beyond my happiness level. My current lifestyle choices are pretty good, although I do enjoy food a little too much still. So don’t judge peoples current lifestyle by their current weight.
Second point: You do not offend me when you talk about losing fat, inches or ounces. I don’t see why I should be offended. Nobody should feel defensive about their bodies when somebody else writes about losing weight. Would they feel defensive if somebody wrote that they thought drugs are the new way to heaven and they are not taking drugs?
I think people who find that kind of thing offensive are very insecure about their choices, probably because there is so much judgement going around about being fat.
And you judged too, when you said “but extra weight usually – not always, but usually – has something to do with lifestyle choices, and it seems silly to deny it”
There are very few people that enjoy being fat, and eat too much on purpose. It mostly doesn’t feel like a choice at the moment you do it. You have to reach a certain point in your mind to be able to see it like that, and then enough internal discipline to stop doing it. Eating is often a mental addiction..
When you are fat, you expect to be judged, because experience teaches you to.
It’s like when you are used to people hitting you, you cringe when someone raises an arm, even if it’s just to wipe their nose…
Miellyn: I don’t understand how what I said is a judgement. I absolutely understand the FEELING of not having a choice — I am an alcoholic, after all — and yet I recognize that the choice is mine, whether it’s food or exercise or booze or whatever. It’s not a criticism, it’s a reality.
My heart stopped beating for the first time when I was 21. I was diagnosed with my heart condition, put on medication with the threat of a pacemaker, and told I’d probably never be healthy enough to run more than 20 minutes.
Now, obviously: all of this sucked. I didn’t like being “an invalid” when everyone else in my peer group was just an average college senior, I didn’t like being winded from the act of walking the four flights of stairs to my apartment, I didn’t like staring at the ceiling at 3am feeling my heart race and wondering if I could sit up or if that would make me pass out. I didn’t like wondering if I’d have to go the ER that day, or not, as if that was a normal part of peoples day.
But I really, really , really didn’t like the weight gain that came with the meds I was on to keep me alive.
Now, 8 years later, I’m not on those meds anymore. My heart works fine, thanks to some good doctors and some progressive scientific research — but all of that is different comment. Now, in my life: if I eat unhealthy, if I don’t drink enough water, if I rob my body of nutrients it needs, it makes it harder for my heart to beat, and I feel that. I feel it race, I feel it working harder, and I remember –GOD do I remember — what it feels like to be really, really ill. Some of it is so clearly some sense-memory PTSD, but also it’s fact: being dehydrated makes my heart work harder. My heart doesn’t have that kind of energy, therefore I’ll have another glass of water, thanks.
But I have this feeling when I gain weight, too. I associate that feeling with being unhealthy, and that makes me remember what it feels like to almost die. When I tell people I’d like to lose weight, or I’m working to refocus my eating, my working out, my whatever, it’s not a commentary on their lives and their asses. It’s a commentary on my body works, and what is best for me. And I’m not sure why I need to take ownership of how other people interpret something so personal. It doesn’t bother me if people don’t feel the same way about nutrition and fitness that I do — how could they? They don’t have my history and my neurosis — but why does it bother them that them that I DO feel this way?
We’re all on the same team, people. We all want to live the best, happiest life we can. How that manifests from one individual to another… who cares, really? Why not just support each other while we each deal with our own stuff?
People feel judged when you tell them they have a choice about something they don’t think is a choice. No matter if you know differently.
I have to be honest in that this is all very mysterious to me. (Here, by the way, is where people think *I* am a judgmental ass, but I swear, I am just stating my own personal experience, and I don’t care if other people feel/live differently.)
I don’t have body image issues. I never really did. I’ve never had an eating disorder, and I don’t dislike the way I look, pretty much ever. When I want to lose weight, it’s mostly because I’m lazy (IRONY ALERT) and want to feel better and buy whatever clothes I want without any effort at all. No matter what my weight, I still feel pretty good and I still think I’m attractive, no matter what my weight, and though I will admit that I like it a little better when I’m thinner, it takes up significantly less brain space than it does in some people’s. As in, it takes up the same amount of space that turning on lights does.
I don’t love the body talk, not because I am personally offended, or feel like you’re saying something to judge all of us, but because it’s just not something I really care a lot about. I like to eat right, and I like to exercise, but it’s just because meh, that stuff makes me feel good.
(Note: I am not saying you or anyone else here has body image issues, just saying that many of my contemporaries do, and somehow I managed to dodge that particular bullet. To be clear.)
What I will say is that whenever I say to you (and I have in the past) that you shouldn’t beat yourself up or worry about what you ate or — as I said once — “self-flagellate” (hee!), I am not saying I think you’re wrong for feeling the way you feel, or that I’m personally bothered by it. What I am merely saying is that I think you’re great no matter what, and that I just don’t really see/care about that stuff. In the words of Meredith, I think you can swing some alfredo sauce and Doritos without really batting an eyelash, but if you DO bat an eyelash, I don’t mind. It’s your body.
Ergo, I sort of come to the conclusion that people who DO get upset about what you’re saying are maybe … I’m not sure, less secure in their feelings on fat or hyper-sensitive to it for whatever reason, I’m not sure. I think it’s stupid, though, of that I AM sure.
Oh and PS, when I am/was on Weight Watchers, and/or have lost a bunch of weight, I AM like you in that I like to rein it in as soon as possible. Not because I’m in the closet wearing a hairshirt or anything (MUST. BE. PUNISHED.), but because JESUS, it was SUCH HARD WORK to lose all that weight and I sure as shit don’t feel like doing all that AGAIN. (See also: ironic laziness.)
Oh and PS, my extra weight is the result of a lifestyle choice, pretty much. Of course it is. And of course it usually is. I fail to see how that statement is offensive.
(Though I AM cutting myself some slack in that I’m nursing right now, and BOY HOWDY, my body seems to like to hold onto those pounds. But I take full responsibility for putting them there after Sam was born and my mind/body was set to “EAT. FAST. FATTY. SO. WHAT.”)
I will say, though, that I agree with Swistle, despite my comment above: I don’t think that everyone who disagrees with you on this is somehow envious. Perhaps people’s life experience makes them think about things differently or … well, any number of things. Ergo, please allow me to amend my earlier statement, for it was unfair.
Sometimes things people say/do upset me for no reason, but that doesn’t make those feelings “stupid” or invalid.
Okay, people are way too sensitive about FAT. I am not just FAT, I am obese. I don’t mind when people talk about their body and their fat, and it doesn’t make me feel bad. I know that people like to be as healthy as they can and I am not going to go all crazy and sensitive on them if they start talking about fat. My very best friend of 28 years lost 120 lbs and just ran her first marathon and holy hell did she work hard to get there. I was supportive and listened to her talk about her progress and weight loss and I never once felt weird or like I needed to be doing the exact same as her (although, of course I should do it to be healthy, DUH) but anyways I just wanted to tell you Linda that seriously, you go girl. Do what you want to do and people who email you about how you are adding to the disorders or thin trend or what ever the fuck, are just totally off their rockers. That’s THEIR issue. Anyone should be able to tell from what you wrote that it was about YOU and what you were doing to better yourself. You write about what ever the hell you want.
I believe the issue lies solely around defensiveness. Those who are saying you are “judging” people who are not the same size as you are simply defending what they are already uncomfortable with (their current size). The number of overweight/obese people out there far out-number the people who are underweight or too thin. You are doing something HEALTHY for your body. I wish everyone would do those same things.
Our bodies are made to eat right and exercise. Before we ever heard of fast food or convenience/processed foods, man had to hunt and gather for food. If we all took a tip from our roots we would be moving more, eating less, and growing/making our own foods at home – which is exactly what you are trying to do.
You go Linda! You rock!
Sometimes your health/fitness/fat comments bother me. You know why? Because *I* wish *I* had more energy and motivation and drive to head to the gym to do something about what I perceive to be my own flabby butt and wiggly tummy.
Does that have anything to do with you? Hell no.
I just mentioned you the other day to my husband, who’s doing that crazy P90X thing. The point is pushing yourself, and you’re awesome at that and inspiring.
We all need to push each ourselves, whether it’s about health or fat or education or love.
Oh my god. People are insane. You’re amazing. You’re inspiring. You are making choices that are RIGHT FOR YOU.
I don’t even think of you as a promoter of THINNESS. You promote health. Fitness. And self-confidence.
How DARE you????
You’re awesome. Keep on, sister.
Yipes, I’m coming in late on this discussion. Here’s my (worthless) two cents: It’s your blog, where you write (extraordinarily well) about your challenges, motivations and successes. If people don’t want to read about how eating well and fitness are a challenge you are willing to take on daily, THEY DON’T HAVE TO. That’s the magic of the internet; the computer user is in charge of where it goes and what their eyeballs are exposed to…
I’m joining this discussion late too, but just had to add my two cents – while your post didn’t lead me to assume that you look down on those who are “bigger” than you, reading you refer to your body fat makes me roll my eyes (in a nice way!). And you know why? Because I’m jealous. Plain and simple. I’m a good 15+ lbs heavier than I want to be, but I’m in a different place now, two kids and nearing 30 yrs old (wahhh!).
I digress…..I guess what I’m trying to say is I think the people that are “offended” by your comments need to reexamine themselves and why they’re offended. I’m not offended by anything that you’ve written, and I totally get that for you its about being healthy and feeling good. Any eye-rolling from me is done out of jealousy, but it also motivates me. You have had two babies and you can do it, why can’t I?
Talking about good health is important. If you ask me there aren’t enough people talking about it. Maybe if people felt uncomfortable about themselves on a regular basis they would improve their own health. Keep it up!
i just posted about this same thing recently. someone on twitter tried to call me out for saying i wanted to lose the last of my baby weight. she said i was unhealthy & have body issues, etc. i know that i don’t, but was kind of shocked that people think it’s okay to say that out loud. i honestly don’t care about what other people weigh, but if i did say that i thought overweight or obese people were unhealthy, i would be considered mean, yet it was okay for her to say something to me? i’m 32, had my 4th baby a year ago & yea, i want to fit in the clothes i already have, BUT most importantly, i want to be healthy & fit so that i can enjoy playing with my 4 kiddos.
I have never seen any of your posts as anything except an account of your FITNESS goals (which, BTW, you are doing a kick-ass job of attaining). Aside from saying you like how you look, body image or body acceptance hasn’t really factored in. But this post was written from a somewhat defensive position, and you see what happens — people look for something to be offended about. It’s obvious you actually DO accept your body, and the notion that it’s strong and beautiful and powerful, even if it doesn’t look like a supermodel’s.
But that’s because you knew what you had to do to attain your goals, and you have TAKEN ACTION. I get real frustrated with some of the bloggers on Bodies in Motivation because it’s just post after post of “I ate everything in the world and I’m fat and I suck and I’m starting again tomorrow.” Repeatedly. There is zero forward motion. THESE are the people who could use a hefty dose of body acceptance. IT’S OKAY TO BE FAT. It’s not okay to constantly beat yourself up for being fat and making “poor choices,” or to make promises to yourself about what you are getting ready to do with your life, just so you can break them and hate yourself even more — all because you feel fat standing next to someone else. Or your jeans don’t fit. It’s sad.
Short Answer: It’s bullshit that wanting to make oneself healthy should be viewed as an attack against others.
You know what? Here is a concept – Live and Let Live.
Why do people have to take everything so personally? You are making changes to your life, body, mind and good for you! I don’t take anything YOU say as a reflection of how you feel about ME or anyone else – man how self centered would that make me?
On my website I talk about fat, the removal of fat, and my near-constant attempts to lose fat an awful lot. I’ve received similar comments, asking if I meant to make fat people feel like shit, because obviously I’m not Obese. Personally, I think it’s ridiculous. It’s such a hugely personal issue for every woman, but that doesn’t mean we should project anyone else’s body image ideals onto ourselves, nor should we feel negatively about the idea of someone being more fit/thin than we are. So many women do, though. “Skinny bitch” seems to be a common refrain, and why? Skinny doesn’t automatically make a person a bitch. Nobody wants to be judged solely on the basis of weight, yet most women I know throw “skinny bitch” around wildly and cruelly. I commend you for what you’re doing. Keep on keepin’ on, ya skinny bitch.
I know I’m super late to this conversation, and there’s no way I can catch up, so forgive me if this has been said already…I think it’s NEVER wrong to want to eat right and be healthy. If professionals—doctors, trainers—believe that it’s healthful and safe for a person to focus on losing fat, then what’s the big damn deal?
We all have a different equilibrium, and you know you’re at yours when you’re eating well and feel good physically. And if you’re 5′7″ and 165 pounds when you feel that way, awesome. If you’re 5′3″ and 110 pounds when you feel that way, awesome.
I’ll go ahead and say what I weigh: I’m 5′5″ and hovering around 140 pounds. I often feel silly saying I’d like to lose some fat, because I weigh much less than some other people who are working hard to get fit, but that’s just the thing: IT’S NOT ABOUT WEIGHT! I still have tummy flab from having my baby almost 2 years ago, and the thing that bothers me most about it is that I frequently get a sore lower back because I haven’t done anything to restrengthen my core.
It’s about health. It’s about fitness. It’s about feeling good. There’s no need to apologize for that. And if other people who aren’t healthy or fit or feeling good demonize you for it, that’s a reflection on their own state of mind, not yours.
[...] how her seven-year-old daughter said she wanted to die because of her body flaws. Second, I read an interesting post by Linda of All & Sundry about whether it is okay to talk (and blog!) about fitness and weight [...]
Posted a whole blog entry about this issue, if you’re interested. Sorry to steal your topic, but I had to mouth off about it.
People who read Shapely Prose by and large do not engage in weight loss discussions because many of us have dieted our way to chronic illnesses that we wouldn’t have if we had been able to step on the scale, read the number, and then continue with our lives without outside pressure to be thinner and better. Sadly, those two concepts (thinner and better) are thrown at fat people every day. It’s on television constantly: Now I can run! [Fat people can and do run. Marathons! Imagine.] Now I will meet a man and fall in love! [Fat people do fall in love and get married!] We’re constantly told that our appearance makes us somehow less than human, particularly when we’re legislated against and penalized for our size.
Not all fat people sit around and eat donuts all day long. There are a lot of fat people who exercise regularly and eat “good” food and remain fat.
What you choose to do (diet or not, work out or not) is not anyone’s business. That I stopped dieting when I realized it made me fatter and sicker might not work for you. I don’t know what your own personal body’s natural weight is. You may or may not. Like I said on TraceJen’s post about this issue, sizist remarks of any kind (fat against thin or thin against fat) are rude, unnecessary, and do nothing to promote actual body acceptance.
Anyway, I just wanted to toss my two cents in.
Well said!!!
Also, what about personal responsibility? People are always blaming others when they feel bad. If you feel bad about yourself, that’s your problem. It’s not anything anybody wrote.
Everyone makes their own choices.
Ack! Let me see if I can parse what I was trying to say way up there.
1) you write about your body and exercise in a very positive way; i enjoy reading about what you do in the same way that i am supportive of my IRL friends who marathon or triathlon or roller derby or sit on their ass or what have you; it is fabulous that you get so much joy out of what you do
2) it’s your blog; i’ve never emailed you about this issue; i have never been offended by anything you write about this issue
3) i am cautious, however, of any and all discussions about weight/body/appearance
4) i often make the leap from “he/she said this was the way to do X” to “i am not doing X, therefore i suck”; note: this does not mean that *you* said that i suck; this also does not mean that i am jealous or have low self-esteem
5) this is true of other topic as well, not just fatness; so, yes, to the query about hair styles, as silly as it sounds
again, i commented only because you asked
this is your (kick ass) blog and i would never deign to tell you what to do with it
I just wrote a post myself about body image, exercise, etc. I feel like people who care about that and who are working to maintain healthy standards and boundaries should be free to talk about those things, just like people are free to blog about anything else they are struggling with, working towards, dealing with, aiming for,etc. The continuous answer is, if you don’t want to read it, go somewhere else.
And btw, I love reading your posts about health and FAT. I find it incredibly encouraging and uplifting to read accounts of people doing the same things I’m doing. Keep it up!
I completely agree with you on this. It seem like, unless you’re obese, people don’t think you have a right to talk about losing fat or getting healthy. Since I’m not obese and probably I get that all the time: “You don’t need to do anything! You’re fine! You’re crazy for thinking such things!” You hit it right on: it’s my choice on what is healthy for me.
Linda, I’m just going to say this. Largely because of you I am 33 pounds lighter than I was 16 months ago. Because of you I am way stronger physically than I have ever been. Because you wrote about how you were working out and eating healthier, I started working out and eating healthier because seeing you do it gave me the faith in myself to at least try it. And in the past 16 months of eating healthier and exercising regularly, I’ve done tons of research on it all. I know far more now than I ever knew before but it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know that when you say body fat ,you’re referring to a number on a measuring device and not saying that you’re fat or that anyone is fat. I think it’s stinking ridiculous that you catch crap for something like that. Just know this, for every person who reads that stuff in a negative way, there’s a person also seeing it in a positive way – or at least for what it is. I read this blog, I read you on Gather, and I’ve been reading Bodies since you launched it. I love it all, I love following you and others who set out to be healthy, whether there’s fat involved or not…but like you said, we ALL have fat. We all choose our own paths when it come to caring for our bodies and I, being a forever muffin top even though I work out no less than 5 days a week, take no offense when you say the word FAT in any content. Thank you Linda for all that you do for me/us.
Not to be overly simplistic about it, Linda, but man, screw the haters. I, for one, am proud of you and view your amazing progress as an inspiration.
Thank you, all of you, for every comment. And Dani, you made me cry.
Hi! I commented a couple days ago and wanted to contribute more. I am very new to reading your blog, and haven’t yet had the time to read any of the archives or anything, so I don’t know much of anything about you. I was in no way offended by anything you posted, which shouldn’t matter anyway because as many people have said, it’s your blog! In your post you mentioned Kate Harding and Fat Acceptance blogs and I was trying to put a little of what they believe in my comment, I think Writer Writing did a way better job than me.
This stuff is on my mind a lot lately because my Mom checked herself into an in patient Eating Recovery center two months ago because of her eating disorder.
I just wrote way more stuff, but I erased it because I could go on forever!
i’m sorry but i think it’s absolutely ridiculous that you even have to ADDRESS this based on something you wrote. what the heck is WRONG with people… ?
Agreed. It’s absurd that anybody would jump all over you about the “F” word. I’ve been reading your blog for a long time, and ever since you started this “get healthier” effort, it’s consistently been about getting stronger, healthier, more capable, pushing yourself out of your comfort zone and finding out just what you’re capable of accomplishing.
Looks to me like someone’s projecting their own issues on you instead of owning those issues for THEMSELVES. Which is bullshit. You’ve been nothing but positive, and I don’t think you have a single damn thing to apologize for!
Your outside (read: athletic, etc) activities are one of the main reasons I read your blog! And of course you’re a helluva writer, too.
I’m a mom and an avid runner/exerciser and I’ve been both super active and super lazy – the latter sucks! It sucks mental and physical energy. When I’m physically active I make better food choices and I feel motivated in other areas of my life. Not to mention it totally boosts my mood.
I have a lot of friends who struggle with depression and anxiety – and it just so happens these people are also totally out of shape. Not necessarily fat, but they can’t walk a mile without losing their breath. My friends who are active never complain about depression. I’m no scientist, but I think there might be some correlation.
The naysayers don’t want to be motivated. They want excuses.
Nothing you have said has been offensive in any way. You haven’t been talking about wishing you could be a size double zero or that you could go without eating. You’ve been writing about fitness, healthy eating, and reaching healthy goals. I’ve commented before about this but I have found your stories about running, the triatholon, etc so inspiring. I’ve started my own fitness plan because of you…not because I need to lose weight, but because I want to be and feel healthier. I have always hated running, and never thought I could do it. After I read your posts I started running and have set a goal to compete in a 10k next August. I knew that if you could push yourself and achieve your awesome goals…so could I!
I’m still laughing about the metal duck-bill cranking open the hoo-ha. :-)
FWIW: 100% with ya, Sundry.
Well, since you asked… :)
I am a regular reader who is also in recovery from anorexia. I get a little tense while reading about fat/weight loss, etc. anywhere, and especially here, on your blog, where I think you are such a beautiful and intelligent woman and hope so much that you don’t attach your worth to your weight.
I just advocate a focus on health, not size. I found this quote today, which pretty well sums up what I mean:
Body confidence: The belief that you are your most beautiful when you are healthy–both in body and mind. A feeling that results when you give up the mission to mold and shape yourself and make a commitment to take care of yourself. Body confidence breeds positive body image–it enables us to see ourselves through a meaningful lens, not a superficial one.
Finally, as my three keys to nutrition/health are balance, variety, and moderation, I would definitely encourage you to NOT stop eating Doritos- at least not altogether!!! :)
Linda, didn’t mean to make you cry! Just want you to know that in my eyes, YOU ROCK! I totally get you and the things you aim for and say, so keep on doing what you’re doing because you totally lead my way! (hey, that rhymes!)
To answer your question on Gather, I have journaled every single day for the past 6 months and it made a huge difference for me. I not only log what I eat, but I also log the calories! It makes me crazy sometimes, but it works wonders!!
And Runner Girl – I totally agree with everything you said 110%.
Really? Is there something so wrong with eating carrots instead of doritos?
From a chubby girl’s point of view, I am 100% not offended by your talk of weight loss. I do have to get in shape, but your blog doesn’t make me feel guilty for not being in shape, or make me feel like you think I’m a loser for not being your size. What it does do is inspire me to take charge of my life, in more ways than just my weight.
You talk about your physical goals in a way that makes them seem so attainable. I think what you have done for yourself is amazing. It makes me so happy to read about every goal you meet because every time you succeed, it makes me think that I can too. And not in a “oh man, if even Sundry can do it, I’m sure I can” way, but in a “Wow, she is a normal person that has done astounding things. Wait a minute, *I’m* a normal person too. Maybe I can do something astounding too” kind of way.
It’s not a competition here. You don’t make people feel bad about who they are. You are a positive influence on us all. You motivate us with your struggles and with your determination. Please don’t stop writing about your health goals. You’re good for us.