“Hey Mom? Hey Mom? Guess what. I know how to make a rainbow. All you need is a flashlight and a … and a fish tube. And then you take the flashlight and you turn it on and you shine it in the tube and that’s how you make a rainbow.”

***

“Mom? Mom? Mom? Mom? Mom? Mom? Mom? Mom? Mom? Mom? Mom? Mom?”
“What, Dylan.”
“Eggplant comes from putting chickens in the ground, right?”
*distractedly* “Mmm-hmmm.”
*beat*
“Wait. Wait, no, that’s — uh, no. Eggplant is a vegetable.”
“But you SAID.”

***

“Mom? If a bull fought a moose who would win?”
“Um, well –”
“I THINK MOOSE.”
“Okay, you’re probably –”
“But maybe a bull.”
“Sure.”
“Mom? If a whale fought a shark who would win?”
“Oh, maybe the –
“I THINK SHARK.”

***

“Mom, is it tomorrow?”
“No, it’s today.”
“Oh, you mean it’s yesterday.”
“No! I mean, well, okay, so today is –”
“Soon it will be next week.”

***

“Mom? When I was a baby was I in your tummy?”
“Yup, you sure were.”
“Did you put me there?”
“Ah, um. Well, you grew there. Like a seed.”
“So you didn’t roll me up into a ball and squish me in there?”
“…. no.”
“Mom? When I’m in kindergarten Riley will be younger than me right?”
“No, he’ll –”
“Oh I mean older than me.”
“Right.”
“Do you like cows?”
“Cows? Well –”
“My favorite favorite favorite ice cream is chocolate, did you know that?”
“Yes, I –”
“So where did the seed come from?”

***

“Hey Mom? I never seen a leprechaun, never.”
“Right.”
“But Mom? Mom? I do know how to make a rainbow.”
“Yes.”
“You take a fish tube …”

Screen shot 2013-05-08 at 4.16.38 PM

Comments

31 Responses to “My life with Dylan, from 7:30 AM until 3:30 PM”

  1. melanie on May 8th, 2013 4:58 pm

    Oh I love that kid (and hopefully that doesn’t come off as internet stalkerish)…

  2. Alli on May 8th, 2013 5:51 pm

    Ah! That age! Today, Tebow said, “Mom! I havta tell you something!” And then launched into this stuttering excitement about something with penguins and who knows what else. All I could think was, I need to record this kid sometime.

  3. Christine on May 8th, 2013 5:57 pm

    Love him. (But what happened next with the seed conversation?)

  4. JennB on May 8th, 2013 6:06 pm

    i have a 4-11/12ths chatterbug too. never. ever. stops. ever.

  5. Jillian on May 8th, 2013 6:06 pm

    I also love this kid, and I guess it does kind of come off as stalkerish, but he really does bring joy to my life :)

  6. Melanie on May 8th, 2013 6:24 pm

    Thank YOU for writing that, it’s nice to know I’m NOT ALONE and that there ARE other kids out there with Chatter Box Syndrome (C-BS for short, it also could stand for Child Bull Sh*t depending on your mood.) Lol! ANYWAY, mine adopted the phrase “Mommy, I got tell you sumpting!” Followed by a serious or dramatic pauses that indicates either that he forgot what he was going to tell me and/or in fact had nothing to say at all. When he is finished with his monologue, if there is any kind of question at the end and I dare to answer it is followed by a grunt and a “You’re wrong.” I think I blacked out when just the other day I heard his 3 year old brother say, “Mommy! Gotta tell you sumpting…” Ahhhhhhhhh!!!

  7. Eric's Mommy on May 8th, 2013 6:39 pm

    Too cute!

  8. Mika on May 8th, 2013 8:06 pm

    This all sounds very familiar and totally hilarious. Dylan might enjoy the learn to read books that are named versions of “Scary Animal X vs. Scary Animal Y”.
    T Rex versus Velociraptor is one example. My son can’t get enough of them.

  9. nonsoccermom on May 8th, 2013 8:38 pm

    Ha! My 5yo daughter is the same. Kid doesn’t stop talking from the time she wakes up until she finally passes out at night (usually mid-sentence). My oldest was never like this. Maybe it’s a second kid thing?

  10. Donna on May 8th, 2013 9:11 pm

    OMG yes! The grand daughters that can talk, yes yes yes…..but the 9 year old, knows more about baseball than I will ever know in my lifetime….the 5 year old? Dylan and her need to get together and they can just ramble on to each other for HOURS! It’s even funnier when she is talking to herself, I really should tape her sometime.

  11. Faith on May 8th, 2013 9:44 pm

    It occurred to me today that I had time alone with Leah when she was a baby/toddler, but my alone time with Evan will be when he is older and Leah is in school – like it is now with you and Dylan. It strikes me as interesting that we get alone time with both our kids but at different stages of their lives. It’s an experience that we can never duplicate, you know? Still, can’t wait until they’re both at school….

  12. Emily on May 8th, 2013 9:59 pm

    Kids are like people on acid. Highly entertaining.

  13. Emily on May 8th, 2013 10:04 pm

    Also? Every time I get one of these updates in my email, and I read it and see how big your kids are getting, it makes me feel old … but in a good way, because a lot has happened in my life since I started reading your diary entries (on DIARYLAND. A million years ago), and a lot has happened in your life too, and it’s encouraging to me that both of us seem to be getting happier and healthier as the years go on. So cheers to us … and to your highly entertaining family.

  14. Anonymous on May 8th, 2013 10:28 pm

    Have you ever read him ‘Interrupting Chicken’? My five year-old L-O-V-E-S it and it is now a bedtime favorite. ALSO he can now tell approximately 682 knock-knock jokes that go like this:
    5-yr old chatterbox: knock-knock
    me: who’s there?
    5-yr old chatterbox: interrupting cow
    me: interrupting c…
    5-yr old chatterbox: MOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

  15. Katie on May 8th, 2013 10:34 pm

    So cute!! And I am glad my boys were not the only ones like this too! My 6 year old is at the stage where the conversation is going like such “and then we learned how to add 1 and 2 and that equals…..SQUIRREL!!!!!! Hey there’s a squirrel! What’s for lunch?” Love their interest in everything, but I am exhausted trying to keep up with the jumps in the conversations!

  16. Molly on May 8th, 2013 10:35 pm

    oh that was me being accidentally anonymous – but anywho…I loved reading this to end my evening and wish I had written down the very similar seed/tummy conversation I had recently (which, ahem, was the result of mom not wondering if the ‘Mom is having a baby’ book his 7 year-old sister checked out from the library actually was not about becoming a sibling but was about HOW in very much detail the baby gets in there which said sister read to him while mom took an unusually uninterrupted shower) – except he just kept asking how, if I was a baby TOO, when was HE a baby, and were we babies at the SAME TIME and if so how did I take care of him? And was grandma a baby then too? And Uncle Jonah? And…

  17. Betsy on May 9th, 2013 12:25 am

    Love it! This made me laugh until I cried!!

  18. Redbecca on May 9th, 2013 5:37 am

    Dylan says the things my kid thinks but can’t express (verbal delays). Love it!!

  19. Angella on May 9th, 2013 7:11 am

    Love it. I swear that he and Nathan are long lost twins.

  20. JMH on May 9th, 2013 8:26 am

    You NEED to buy him these books! :)

    http://alphabetman.businesscatalyst.com/WhoWouldWin

  21. Jane K. on May 9th, 2013 9:54 am

    So cute and you will be so happy you have this written down .. years from now he will love hearing you re-read these things about him …

  22. June on May 9th, 2013 10:26 am

    Yes, this, a million times over. It’s so true and funny, but at the same time painful because I am experiencing the same thing with my almost-5-year-old. I need silence!

  23. Emily on May 9th, 2013 10:33 am

    Wait, so where did the seed come from?

  24. Maggie on May 9th, 2013 10:52 am

    Ah Molly, the interrupting (animal) joke never gets old in our house. We’ve covered interrupting every animal, vehicle, and person known to my kids. It’s a perfect example of kid humor.

  25. Tia on May 9th, 2013 11:12 am

    Reading this I had déjà vu. My 5yo wants to have these conversations with me when I’m tucking him into bed at night. Or at 5:30 in the morning! And pretty much every hour in between.

  26. Robin on May 9th, 2013 11:20 am

    I am so amazed that you REMEMBER the conversations long enough to write them down.

    My daughter pelts me all day long with questions that I never *quite* hear and then goes “yes or no? yes or no, mom, yes or no? yes or noooooooooo yesorno YES OR NO?”

    GARHBLARHHMMG.

  27. Kate on May 9th, 2013 12:15 pm

    Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahaaaaa!!!!!!

  28. Rachel on May 9th, 2013 12:42 pm

    Now I’m dying to know how to make a rainbow.

  29. Liz on May 9th, 2013 4:02 pm

    There’s a book series out there that does a great job if they want to know more about babies. The one for Dylan’s age group is “It’s NOT the Stork” and for Riley “It’s So Amazing”. A word of warning: they are VERY FRANK so pre-read so you don’t accidentally say “Oh god” when you see what’s coming next, and then you have to pretend that nothing is wrong and you don’t know why you said that. :) My daughter, Riley’s age, really liked the book and now wants to read the one for littler kids. Also, the negative Amazon reviews for the series are hysterical.

  30. warcrygirl on May 10th, 2013 6:29 am

    Loving this!

  31. Frannie on May 26th, 2013 5:00 pm

    I look forward to convos like this with my sons! When they get to be Dylan’s age, they’ll be more fun :)

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