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  • Aging is for the weak, and everyone else
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  • The Change
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  • Ok but ALSO:
  • Midlife POV
  • Influence and Dooce
  • Horse therapy
  • You can’t go home again
  • Obsolescence
  • Before and after
  • A cringe confession on friendship

Archives from 2002-2006

September 22, 2006

I can’t believe it’s Friday already (Friday fiction? No can do this week). Where did the week go? How is Survivor already back on? And did anyone watch it last night and laugh their ass off when the heavy metal dude confessed his wove, sweet wove for the other tribe member? Also, how great was Probst’s expression?

Anyway. This morning I have chased Riley around the house, ferried him away from various inedible objects, soothed at least seven head-bumps, and peeled his hands away from the front of the television forty-eight times and finally put a “Wedge” Liberator Bedroom Adventure Gear sex pillow in front of the whole entertainment center to block him. Which I would view as a sad testament to the erotic collateral damage a small child wreaks upon a relationship, except it works so awesomely I want to buy five more, possibly for the purpose of assembling a fort to cage Riley for bathroom-break lengths of time.

“Oh, that?” I’ll say airily when people stare at the tower of geometrically designed, sensually plush cushions surrounding the boy. “It’s just, you know, sex furniture. But don’t worry, the covers are totally washable.”

Then we read his Dora the Explorer book and for the millionth time I wondered what in hell is up with Dora’s little monkey friend Boots, because his tail has this weird glowing yellow end to it, like he’s been been exposed to a nuclear reactor leak and his skin is peeling back to reveal his radioactive core.

And now it is the glorious time of napping, and I do not know what friendly gods have blessed this household with good fortune lately but Riley’s naps and bedtimes have gone exactly like this:

Put child in crib. Leave room. Child falls asleep.

I hesitate to even mention it because I’m sure it will all change soon enough and we’ll be back to the Howls of Dismay and Betrayal, but jesus it’s been nice.

Tomorrow JB and I plan to take Riley to the Puyallup Fair (this year’s motto, which as Dave Barry says, I am totally not making up: “It’s A Doozy”). This will either be a festive family outing or a horrific public shaming, depending on how Riley feels about carnies. I plan to visit the petting zoo area so I can molest a wallaby, and seek out one of those deep-fried Twinkies everyone’s all het up about. Yee-haw!

:::

Hey! Are you visiting sundrybuzz? Huh huh huh? I posted about the mineral makeup, and a book I enjoyed recently, and there’s this awesome link to a pen spinning video, and today I’ll post an update to the crappy hair issue (thrilling teaser: there has been a vast improvement!).

Now is the end of the pimping. The end of the pimping is now.

:::

Also, would you like a piece of cereal bar?

It’s been pre-mashed and dampened with infant saliva! Mmmmmm.

September 21, 2006

I changed my work schedule slightly so that starting next week I’ll be going to the office Mondays, Tuesdays, and Thursdays rather than Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays. The current gap of being at home both Fridays and Mondays makes it hard to stay connected at work, which hasn’t been overly problematic yet, but soon my workload is going to increase as we slide hellishly into Neverending Macworld Preparations.

I also thought it might be nice to divvy out my Riley-days a little more, especially as the weather turns to crap and I have to get more creative about entertainment options. Currently, by the time Monday rolls around I’ve had three days with the suctopus and, well, my reserves are running low. Then again, sometimes by Thursday afternoon I feel like all I’ve done all week is be in the office, rather than hanging out with my boy. Under the new schedule I hope I’ll be happily anticipating my mid-week Riley break, and my work days won’t feel like they’re tipping my Life Balance scales in the wrong direction.

If there is a way to do this – the working-mom thing – perfectly, I sure don’t know what it is. All I can do is aim for what feels right, and change the situation if it gets off kilter.

I have been thinking lately about the kind of future I want to build for myself careerwise. I like working at Workplace right now; I like the things I do at my job, I like the people I work with and the culture (mostly), I like the many benefits I’m provided. But if I could earn the same amount of money or more doing anything I wanted, what would that be?

Writing would be a big part of it, because I love writing and I think that for the most part well maybe at least sometimes okay every now and then I do not completely suck at it (pardon my self-confidence while it just sort of, like, spooges all over the computer screen, okay?).

But I’ll tell you something, it is also very important to me to get out and interact with people. It’s important for me to have a schedule that I have to adhere to, however flexibly. Otherwise the wormy, undisciplined part of my nature takes over and entropy descends.

What does that bode for my future employment, I wonder. Will I need to always work for someone, get up and drive to an office and earn a paycheck? Or will I learn the skills I need to branch out on my own someday, in whatever direction that might mean? I feel like I’ve gained so much strength this past year, I’ve become so much more motivated to invest my time and energy into the things in my life that fulfill me, and shouldn’t I be able to figure out the next steps? Shouldn’t I know what I want to be when I grow up?

You know, it seems kind of…I don’t know, controversial to even admit that I think about those things as a parent. Like I should be satisfied with my role as Mommy because, after all, it’s The Most Important Job There Is. Which I don’t disagree with; more than anything I want to be the best mom to Riley that I can be. But I want to be successful in other areas too.

The road in front of me is almost unrecognizable than the one that was there two years ago. This one has steeper curves, higher sides; the stakes are high, the consequences expansive. It unfurls like a gloriously complicated ribbon and there are times when I cannot believe this confusing, rewarding, beautiful life is actually mine.

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