God – I feel for ya. I love the organs outside the body comment. Bitch. I just had my blood drawn and I specifically told them I hadn’t fasted because I came straight from my dr. appointment downstairs. So I get my results in the mail – it says my cholesterol is 243 (supposed to be under 200) and my triglycerides were 418 (supposed to be 150-200). In the notes section, with fourth-grade handwriting, it says “loose (sic) weight, reduce alcohol consumption” – I’m 108 pounds and never drink. Don’t be shocked if your results come back stating you’re on the brink of death simply cuz you ate a power bar beforehand.

I feel your pain on the ‘bad’ veins.

The only way I managed to get an anaesthetic to have my wisdom teeth taken out (after they’d tried both arms multiple times) was to get a butterfly needle in the back of my hand which had to be taped on with a truckload of sellotape. Even then he managed to go through the vein the first time and break the needle. Ergh, bad memories, I’m going to shut up now!

Really well written btw :)

You, my dear have struck a vein..er, nerve!
I have recently found out that I am pregnant (yay! E. and sibling will be 21 months apart) and this means every-other-day blood draws. I have issues with progesterone. My veins play peek-a-boo, hide-and-seek, and watch me roll, watch me roll. With E’s pregnancy I learned what worked and what did.not.work.
Now, when I get a new lab person I just start out very non-bitchy and say my spiel “so I know you have heard this before but I honestly have tough veins. What works best is if you heat me first, then use a pediatric butterfly and take it from this vein right here in my hand. ” Then, they almost always huff and start in with the arm slapping and I can see it there in their furrowed, irritated brow. They think they got this one in the bag. That’s when I look them right in the eye and say, “can you please just try it my way? Trust me, it will be better for the both of us.”
Usually it works out well. I don’t know WHAT happened the other day though, the tech was using the needle as a crochet hook to dilly out a doily for me or something! Proof: See the pretty colors. That aint sweet potato on the back of my hand.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/91398784@N00/278812618/

The worst part of my pregnancy was all the bloodwork and the stupid woman with a mustache in charge of taking my blood. And no organs outside your body? Is that a compliment? And the bruises could definitely work into a halloween costume.

I have an excellent doctor right here in Bellevue if you’d like to try somewhere else…

Honeybecke, congratulations! Squee, so exciting!

For me I found that blood draws went much easier during my pregnancy, I felt like a giant tick or something. But man, do I ever know the business with rolling, disappearing veins. Smart to know what works and being prepared to school those needle-wielders.

Mona, I could totally be Courtney Love circa, oh, pick a year. Awesome! All I need is a babydoll dress and some lipstick that Riley could apply for me.

Sundry! Do yourself a favor and find a new doctor. We pay them an ungodly amount of money to hurt us, the least they can do is be is cordial. I just had an amnio without any numbing shots and it sounds waaaaay more pleasant than what you just went through!

Ooh, I get to go to the lab tomorrow for the same reason! (The nurses in my GP’s office flat out refuse to draw my blood ever. It’s just that awful for them. To which I reply, you didn’t get faint from having a needle swirled around in three places on the inside of your arm!)

Sigh.

Well, I guess it’s better that you reminded me how much a trip to the doctor sucks, as I’ll be there myself Thursday afternoon. With, yes, a new doctor. And an appointment that I practically had to DEMAND be scheduled. “What? Oh, your chart says 12 month follow-up in May.” Um, no, we’re doing a six-month follow up, THIS MONTH, just like the (previous) doctor and I discussed the last time I let you suck away an entire afternoon and you told me you’d call to schedule it and then never called and that’s why I’m calling you and what do you mean my old doctor is no longer with the practice (not that I loved her, but now I have to explain to new doctor why we’re doing a follow-up exam that wasn’t even listed in my chart? Great.)???

Oy. My blood pressure is rising already. Valium, anyone?

Seriously – I would print this entry out and mail it to that medical clinic. The lab nurse was a bitch too so you might want to copy it to them. Those people earn GOOD money, particularly if they are nurses. The doc’s earning big bucks.

I find the only lab experiences that are half way decent are the places you go to get x-rays. The blood takers are always in a foul mood, for some reason.

Ugh, I hate going to the Docs too for the same reasons. After I was diagnosed with fibroids my Doc pulls out this worn picture book and pointed to a colored diagram to show what it looked like, instead of showing me my X-rays. Felt like asking him if I could have some juice and a mat for naptime. B-tard. I did happen to find a great surgeon (Seattle area) thank goodness.

I have one arm that is the dedicated giver. Only two time have I had difficulty: 1) with an incompetent person that deliberately chose to ignore me when I told her specifically NOT to try the bad arm, and 2) was because I had been drinking coffee before the appointment (turns out caffeine causes the blood vessels to constrict, making it hard to draw blood).

OH DEAR GOODNESS WHAT BITCHES.

OMG! What a bitch! Like you are just intentionally being uncooperative! I can’t believe things like this are so common. I thought I was just unlucky and was the only one they made feel like crap because my veins suck. Uhm..but yeah, you have no reason to bitch because your organs are inside your body? Are you kidding me? Did you ask her what SHE was complaining about then?

I know they are the ‘experts’ but try to remember these people essentially work for you. I’d go somewhere else.

I, fortunately, have easy to find, blood-spurting veins. I unfortunately bruise like an over-ripe peach. So every time I have blood drawn the easy part is the drawing, the hard part is waiting for weeks for the bruises to go away and being afraid to wear short-sleeved shirts, lest anyone think I have an interesting extra-curricular activity.

Have them take blood from the top of your hand next time. It hurts a bit more and I usually get a little bruise but not as bad as when they stick me 8 times and still get nothing.

I have horrid veins too, to the point that I don’t even let them *try* to get at my inner-elbows. It’s back of the hand or nuthin’! (and this is the lab, too, with the pros and stuff). They have a lot better luck with the back of the hand veins, especially if I’ve been drinking a lot of water (I tend to). FWIW, I’ve never thought it hurt any more than the arm jabs (less because they can see what they’re aiming at).

I have bad veins, and on top of that, I am always cold, which makes your viens recede ever farther into your body. I also have an irrational, paralyzing fear of needles, which makes me turn ghost white and feel nauseous when I go to get blood drawn. I can get through it, mostly by pinching myself really hard in the waiting area and telling myself “the needle will hurt LESS than that! Get a grip, woman!”, and then thrusting my arm at the nurse and looking in the other direction before the needle comes out. I can hardly believe that I am the only person who hates having a needle shoved into their skin, but every time the nurse gets all concerned, like “Hey, are you OK? You look like you’re gonna faint!”, or annoyed, like “I KNOW what I’m doing, you know. I”m not going to stab you in the neck”. Good times.

To add to the fun, I also bruise easily, and getting a blood draw usually leaves me with a huge purple mark for a few weeks. One time, I had a sucky nurse unsuccessfully stab me several times (I think they have to stop after a certain amount of attempts), so I had to come back the next day, and the new nurse asked me, very seriously, if someone was hurting me, and did I need the number for a domestic abuse hotline.

Dear God, I hate getting blood drawn. And they NEVER tell you when you’re supposed to fast!

You should not be treated like that. What the f? Give me their phone number, and I will chew them a new one and stuff.

“different area. And stuff” I just spit coffee all over my computer screen, causing my 2 and a half year old to ask “Are you OK Mommy?” all concerned like. OH MY GOD. I am laughing because I have come across a person like that in every lab I have ever been in (not a lot, mind you, but enough since I am on my second baby).

Sorry she was such a bitch with the “organs on the outside of the body comment”…Glad you are done with tests for now.

Poor Sundry! I usually have great veins, but last time I got blood drawn the woman couldn’t manage to do it at all. She kept poking around, and had to have the other nurse come and deal with it. There is nothing quite like feeling a needle sliding about inside’s one’s veins to start the morning off right.

How awful! I have “rolling veins” – so they always take blood from the back part of my right hand. (not left, lefty is not good) Seriously though, could they have less customer service skills? “Organs on the outside?” You could have said the same to her comment about being on a roll. Grrrr. At least you are outta there! I hope they at least gave you a cool bandaid…one of those glow in the dark deals.

Oh how I hate it when they get get blood. I got a bit queasy just reading about your experience. You poor thing. I don’t envy you.

Me and the lab, we are not on friendly terms. During my pregnancies, I’ve had to visit often. Each time, the OB says to me, “This says to fast, but that’s not for OB patients. DON’T fast.” Each time, this is BRAND NEW INFORMATION to the lab. “No food for 24 hours, right?,” they say, already checking “Right” on the form. I say, “No, the OB said not to,” and they look up, startled. Probably the test can’t be done at all. Clearly I’ve misinterpreted what the OB said. Either that or the OB is crazy.

What is their DEAL? Surely these issues (difficulty getting a vein, OB patients not fasting) happen ALL THE TIME. We’re not FREAKS OF NATURE here.

Also, I think the ones who make a big huffy deal about how crazy your veins are, are just trying to cover up their own incompetence. It’s the same with ultrasound technicians: if they’re not good at it, they make a big deal about how “extra fat” keeps them from doing the reading, but if you get an experienced, competent technician they have no trouble with it and don’t feel the need to make insulting remarks.

i can totally sympathize with the tiny, hidey veins. i pretty much always start off telling them i have bad veins and to use a pediatric needle. still, it usually takes a few tries. i don’t know about where you are, but here they have a 3-strikes-you’re-out policy. meaning that if one nurse can’t get it in three tries, they have to go get a different nurse. the last time was the worst, because i hadn’t had anything to drink all morning and was somewhat dehydrated. for me, needles don’t bother/hurt me, so i am just happy to sit there and let them jab away at my flesh. i can related to the pretty colors and bruising too. although i have to admit, i’ve never had a nurse be such a total and complete BITCH to me. they are always really nice, if not frustrated.

“Chronic inflammation of the blowhole, housemaid’s knee, case of blabbermouth, analreticulitis?”

Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

I have crap veins too! The last time I had blood drawn (first at GP’s, then sent to the lab after nothing worked there as well) they were rooting around with the needle for the bazillionth time, and the lab tech is incredulous that I’m not squirming or fainting or doing anything other than look annoyed. She says “Doesn’t that hurt?” I shook my head no, and after she was FINALLY done, I showed her my full back piece tattoo. She got it then that one little ol’ needle was no big. :)

That makes me squeamish just thinking about your poor viens being poked like that. I seem to have some “bad” vien issues too, and I think someone mentioned it already, but it really helps if I drink alot of water before they draw blood. It seems to “plump” the viens up.

Ok, I draw blood, not for a living because I am trying to retire from my real crap job first, but will do so after I retire, or quit, whichever comes first.
So. To prevent the bruising, hold REALLY tight pressure on the vein after they take the needle out so the blood doesn’t leak into the tissue. Unless they’ve poked around for awhile then you are screwed because they’ve gone through the vein already, and it’s already leaking.
Rolling veins can be anchored by pulling on the skin surrounding the vein, which is sometimes hard to do when you are trying to do everything else, you have to multitask with one hand, fortunately I am a lefty which makes me have to be ambidextrous so I’m ok at that.
It is allowed to poke more than twice, but if they come at you with no gloves, touch the area after cleaning it, or don’t clean their hands before they touch you, make them do it. BE MILITANT about this!
After they put the tourniquet on you, pump your hand a couple times, hang it as low as it can go, and try washing your hands in warm water before you go in.
Also, fasting does not mean water, drink water, and lots of it. Fasting means no food or fluids other than water after midnight. The more water you drink the better your veins will pop up.
And last, they should not be looking for a vein, they should be feeling for a vein. Just because you can see it, doesn’t mean it won’t blow, or roll, or collapse when you get into it.
Blood techs usually don’t make alot of money, about 10 an hour, and the risk of exposure is high. If these were nurses though, they’ve got no call to be bitchy, they are probably making more than you and me together. Alot of times, bitching is = to lack of skill.

I meant to say,

Alot of times, bitching is = to lack of skill.
And stuff. lol

I’ll say it too…gallons of water. I have thyroid disease and go for blood tests every 8 weeks or so and before I started with the water, they’d poke everywhere and at one point were even talking about hitting me around my foot. Now I drink water every 15 minutes up till I go to the office, And I sit in the waiting room pumping 3pound weights~ I know I look like an idiot but since I’ve been doing this I gush blood. Thanks to the poster who actually does take blood ~ good tips!

I’m sure it’s been said about oh, 30 times above…but I also have “bad veins” (also, WTF?) and recommend a butterfly needle to the back of the hand. A gazillion times less painful than having them dig in your arm. And faster.

Don’t waiting rooms suck? Have you ever had the pleasure of hearing Jerry Seinfeld’s CD called “I’m Telling You For the Last Time” (or something like that)? He does this whole schpiel about going to the doctor and waiting rooms that is priceless.

I have huge fabulous veins, and I know you are all insanely jealous. Nurses and other professed phlebotomy experts go weak in the knees when they see my “pulsating blood tubes.” Still, I have had some really bad blood draws and I just think that sometimes, they just are not so skilled and then act like it is somehow all my fault. And the last time (while I was pregnant and getting that awful diabetes screen where you have to starve beforehand) the girl was new, didn’t wear gloves OR wash her hands and she just looked a little scruffy, as if she had just come in from gardening or cleaning the horse pasture. Ick. She only did the first one and then another, cleaner nurse took care of me. I will do what Donna told us – demand cleanliness NOW.

My veins are normal, so I don’t have a rant there, but I must rant about the doctor’s office. Several years back my PAP came back with atypical cells and I had to have a procedure. Fine, all is well now (knock wood), but it meant I had to go for an exam every three months for a year and every six months for the next few years. I can report that NOT ONE TIME did I get in to see the doctor within less than 20 miutes of my appointment time. It didn’t matter if I got the first appointment of the day, the last, in the middle, went to a different office, they were never on time. How can you be behind with the first appointment? When I’m old and dying I’m going to want back the hours that I spent waiting around for god knows what in waiting rooms. Why bother to have appointment times if they are totally disrgarded anyway? Sorry, got rolling there, but I’ve been irritated about it for years.

I have fabulous veins, I am somewhat embarrassed to admit. My left side has bigger ones than my right, and I can point out a nurse to the best ones in two seconds flat. I’ve never appreciated this fact until now. And I’d like to punch the nurses you dealt with, the little fuckers.

Incidentally, my father was born with three organs, including his bladder, outside of his body. How crazy is that? Gross, but crazy. Reattached and everything, back in 1947. The surgeons who did it were the first to ever successfully put back a bladder, and later, because of parts of the procedure that were later refined, his leaking ureters caused colon cancer, which miraculously, was cured.

However, despite all of that, I think even he would tell you that dealing with crappy veins is annoying no matter what your organ placement.

I never knew I could squirm as much as I just did reading that post.

Way back in the stone ages, or the 1980’s, take your pick, I used to draw blood for a living in an Emergency Room. I always chuckled at the inept Phlebotomists who blamed the patient’s veins for their poor drawing skills. I mean, really, unless the average person spent 10 years as a junkie, or they are completely dehydrated, a good vein should NEVER be that hard to find! Usually the problem is lack of skill and training on the part of the staff.

It’s bad enough that you have to have blood drawn. You don’t need the people with the needles to have shitty attitudes! My first thought was that the first woman really doesn’t know what she is doing and just hopes for “easy” patients. She screwed up and to make herself feel better she put you down. I hope you don’t have to do it again anytime soon, Sundry. :)

Hate. Them.

I got really frustrated and annoyed reading about your experience. I have no patience for rudeness. I’m sorry your day started out so horribly!

Gaaaaaaaah. Despite the fact that I have good veins (been told many times, thank you very much), I’ve been poked about a time or two, and I can just feel them. moving. the. needle. around. inside. my. arm. Just reading about it makes the hair on my arm stand up.
I am also blessed with a somewhat irrational fear of needles, so after they touch my arm say, “Hey! You DO have good veins!” (like I would lie about that), I sit freakishly still and keep my eyes averted… then they find the vein, tell me not to move my arm (Do I look like I would do anything to jeopardize the correct placement of that needle into my vein?), and rub the iodine around… 3 hours later, they finally just put the damn needle in. It’s so stressful for me. And absolutely ridiculous, but it freaks me out every damn time I give blood. Maybe it was because I almost fainted the first time I gave blood, and got a huge bruise on my arm, to boot.
Er, anyway. Good entry. But unnerving…

Thanks for making me laugh!

Isn’t it interesting that we would never EVER allow a waiter to do that bad a job and treat us with such rudeness and yes we refuse to stand up for ourselves when someone comes at us with what can only be described as a WEAPON in their hands? My doctor’s office was like that to me the last time I was there, and did I complain, or even find another doctor? Oh no. I have an appointment for next week. Which I have just decided to cancel.

Funny that you write this today. My mother lives with me (yes, it is the Hell on Earth that you would expect it to be) and I had to take her to the doctor AGAIN this afternoon. She has terrible veins. First, one nurse tries, can’t get any blood. The lab tech that has an office in the md’s office comes in, hits it on the first try and is done in about 10 seconds. I agree that it is training, not veins, that help things along. The only good part about this is that all the nurses/techs in her dr.’s office are really, really nice. I would punch them if they weren’t. So sorry for your crummy experience today. Maybe you need a new doctor? Or… maybe they need new nurses/techs. By-the-way – I had 4 babies the natural way and cannot STAND to have anything put into my veins. I can’t even watch when they draw blood from me. It doesn’t bother me to look at anyone else, but my own? Ick, ick, ick.

so you went to the GP? i hate GPs. i don’t understand the point of them. i see my gyno WAY more often than my GP. which is a shame, because my GP is hot. he’s a dumbass, but he’s hot.

Holy mackeral, woman. You don’t need to put up with that kind of crap. My best friend is in the medical profession and hates all the people in her profession who treats patients that way. I’ve been going through some complicated medical issues myself lately and she is constantly telling me, “You have a right to this…” and “Don’t forget to ask them that… they HAVE to tell you…” and all that stuff.

Also–it helps if you are WELL hydrated before you have blood drawn. Plumps up your veins. I usually have bad veins too, but I start chugging a liter or two of water about an hour or so before I go to the lab. It helps a lot.

Oh–and I’ve also learned to tell the lab techs/nurses when they do an admirable job. Because it got to the point where I was a connoisseur of needle techniques for a while there.

gee, i love when inept losers blame you for their screw ups. i hate phlebotomists. some of them really know their bacon, and i make sure i tell them they rule. but i hate, hate, HATE the ones who don’t listen. my left arm is easy to take blood from while the veins in the right always roll. so which arm do they insist on poking me 8 million times in before they finally give up and move to the other? you got it. i hate when they use the braille method – where they stick the needle in nowhere near the frigging vein, and then poke and wiggle it around inside your arm until they find the vein – and i REALLY hate that every frigging time i get blood drawn, i tell the person i do NOT care if it bruises, so not to press down with the cotton pad as they pull the needle out, and yet they do it anyway and explain to me as they’re doing so that i really don’t want a bruise. NO, what i really don’t want is fucking pain, and it hurts like mf’g hell when you press down on the needle as you drag it out of my arm. the last guy also tipped the needle down sharply, dragging it along my muscle as he pulled it out, so it left a hugeass bruise and I couldn’t move my arm for 2 days. frigging jerks.

::sigh:: i really don’t like medical people.

what assholes.

I’ve had to give blood once a week for the past 4 weeks and I feel your pain. Your entry made me crack up so badly. Thanks for the humor is a not so humorous time.