Man, I’m kind of glad that the holidays are over and done with and my house is fir-needle-free and there are no more seasonal celebrations to be had for a while. Down with festivity! Thirty-nine-and-a-half-foot poles for all!

Now I just need to make it through my work-related Macworld preparations then it’s sweet, sweet sailing . . . for about two weeks, then apparently there’s going to be this newborn in the house? Like, a tiny little baby? I know, it sounds crazy to me TOO.

I was lying in bed last night taking a breather from my vigorous wee-hour routine of repeatedly getting up to pee, eat Tums, and walk off the Jimmy Leg, when it occurred to me that Smalltopus could actually make his big appearance any day now. I mean, there’s no RULE that says he’s going to obediently hang out where he is until his scheduled arrival. And here I am, woefully unprepared—I’ve managed to unearth Riley’s old baby clothes, but they’re just lying on the floor in a big heap. We have no newborn-sized diapers! No bottles! No attempt has been made to get the carseat out of the garage and the sawdust blown from its crevices!

Plus, my fingernails are too long. They were all pregnancy-dragon-lady-length when I unexpectedly had Riley three weeks early, and I had to cut them right away with clippers because OMG WHAT IF I SCRATCH THE BABY and there’s this photo of me holding his little feet and it would be such a cool picture except everyone always thinks it shows JB’s hands, because of my short-ass, MAN HAND fingernails. This time I should try and stay manicured at all times from here on out to a baby-appropriate length, maybe a nice squoval.

Clearly I’ve got a lot to do, what with the baby gear procurement and the nail filing and all.

Truthfully, I would really like to take a break between going on maternity leave and Smalltopus’s birth date, just a few days when I don’t do anything at all, because all the preparations have been done and I can just sit around and breathe and read a book or two and maybe see a movie, get a haircut. Here’s hoping.

In other news, I managed to stay awake until midnight on New Year’s Eve, with the help of a (forbidden, surely) mid-evening Red Bull. We watched Seattle’s fireworks show on TV, which was sort of hilariously awesome since the software that manages the fireworks’ coordination apparently went tits up and at some point you can tell someone in a full-body panic just hit the RELEASE ALL button and explosions started going off willy-nilly, completely non-synchronized with the music, spraying from the Space Needle in a giant spoogy premature ejaculation of gunpowder and lights. Go, 2008!

Tell me, what did you do on New Year’s Eve? Was it marginally less lame than sitting on a couch watching bad fireworks before immediately staggering off to bed at 12:05?

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Jamie
16 years ago

Mine was just about as lame, only instead of bad fireworks, we watched Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve and went to bed at 12:10.

Amy
Amy
16 years ago

Stouffer’s frozen lasagna and pinot grigio. I was asleep in bed at 10:30. (And I wonder why I’m single…) Hee..

Julia
Julia
16 years ago

Your description of the Space Needle could not have been more accurate! I was asleep by 12:05, too, infinitely grateful we had decided not to go downtown only to be disappointed by non-firework action.

Emily
16 years ago

Happy New Year! It still blows my mind that you have so enough energy to write so often here … maybe I’m just inordinately lazy. Anyway, I spent New Year’s Eve engaging in activities which I can’t elaborate on here due to The Man possibly finding out. But it was much, much more fun than I ever thought I’d be having in Iraq on any holiday, and there was more nudity (not mine) (which is definitely, in this case, a good thing). Good luck on the giving birth thing!

Mrs. Breedorf
16 years ago

Why, I did exactly the same thing you did!

We had a fantastic day leading up to the point where we were sitting on the couch watching bad fireworks (in HD). Matt had the day off work and we took a day off from parenting together, too. We dropped T off at daycare, had a leisurely breakfast out, picked up our new MINIVAN (!!!!) from the dealer, went to see No Country for Old Men, then browsed around the mall. I feel a little guilty for having had such a marvelous time without the kiddo.

Victoria
16 years ago

I hung out with some people I don’t know very well, but like well enough and we didn’t drink, but ate a lot (mmmm chocolate fondue, I may marry you) and then we went to an old cemetery and used the kiln to burn a list of the things we didn’t want to take on with us into the new year. And then I sat outside and listened to people letting off firecrackers.

True story.

warcrygirl
16 years ago

Hubby and I rang in the new year right, iffen you know what I mean. We were in bed by 11:00 and for some ungodly reason I didn’t fall asleep so I got to kiss Hubby at the stroke of midnight.

I asked him about the kiss the next day and he didn’t remember it. YAY 2008!

Sarah
16 years ago

We ate lots, other had lots to drink, and had a ton of fun before I drove everyone home. Good times. Then we spent all of New Year’s Day in our PJs in front of a football game. More good times.

Hope you get everything done AND get to relax a bit before Smalltopus makes an appearance.

Katie
Katie
16 years ago

We did nada! Zilch! I remember the neighbor’s midnight illegal fireworks show waking me up, but otherwise all 4 of us were asleep by 11 pm at the latest! Booorriinggg!

But, I remembered last year, I was 38 weeks preggo, waiting to meet my boy, and just couldn’t sleep on New Years since he’d decided to give me the worst heartburn in my life! Thank God he showed up on Jan 4th, I just wish he’d been nicer about the heartburn! I still have flashbacks on the horror’s and how much Pepcid I took since Tums wouldn’t even touch the pain!

stacy
stacy
16 years ago

Kind of late in your pregnancy to mention this buttttttt I was watching Good Morning America and they said that The Jimmy Leg pregnancy thing is caused by low iron. And 1 in 4 pregnant woman get to enjoy it. Maybe you should eat some steak or broccoli or something.

We spent New Year’s Eve kid free (all 4 farmed out to grandparents). And then promptly did nothing…..sigh…. We are in the middle of a move and were just too tired to burn a calorie.

Laura
16 years ago

Happy New Year! New Year’s Eve is practically my only NOT LAME night of the year when I go to my friend’s for his annual party of drinking (alcohol or sugary drinks or both) and playing dirty versions of games and watching my loud friend get louder (and sometimes nakeder) as the night progresses. W00t.

Naomi
Naomi
16 years ago

I worked the night shift in the ER of our local hospital and thank *the deity of your choice* didn’t see a single overdose / unconcious teenage binge drinker / assault / firewoks burn / car accident. We ate rice crackers with bacon dip and drank red fizzy lolly water. So even though it wasn’t exciting, it was good.

Deanna
Deanna
16 years ago

re: baby prep
I have an plan for ya to think about.
JB gets one action item a day. Just one.
It’ll save you the panicky feelings.
And it’s just one thing a day- easy cheesy!

Liz
Liz
16 years ago

Did you watch the after-fireworks show where 5 couples got engaged in front of John Curley? After the first couple, I think, some guy out in the audience yelled “FUCK YEAH!!!” Yay live TV!

Although my train-wreck voyeur self would have enjoyed just ONE refusal. :(

ShannonJ
ShannonJ
16 years ago

Replace Red Bull with a few glasses of Coke, and I’m right there with ya. Actually we went over to some friends’ for dinner first, but were home by 9:30. HOOOOO-BOY!

ginger
ginger
16 years ago

We went out to a restaurant near our house and watched the twentysomethings get very drunk, while we quietly got mildly tipsy, then we walked home. Memo to the girl in the tiny fedora with the rhinestone hatband: 1) when you couldn’t stand up any more, at 10:30, and you sat down legs akimbo in the middle of the bar floor, and your little black dress was all up around your hips, that should have been your cue to stop drinking, if only because the concrete had to have been cold on your patootie, and 2) your hat reminded me of Kevin Federline – was that perhaps why you got so very drunk? I hope you got home safely, you poor dumb thing. It was cold out.

We even saw some fireworks on the walk home (at 12:15). However, I am not convinced this beat all the recent years, most of which were spent in pjs on the couch. It is entirely possible we will return to form next year.

Jem
Jem
16 years ago

I had my band over for drinks, and we watched TV. Except that there was no countdown on any channels, and so it was 11.59pm and I was nervously like “Um, guys? I don’t think they’re gonna do a countdown.” We waited a couple more minutes and then did our own countdown, started whenever the hell we felt like it.

Swistle
16 years ago

Marginally MORE lame: Paul went to bed at 10:30, and I stayed up with a third grader. Watching Dick Clark.

annie
annie
16 years ago

We went crazy with a little fro yo, and went to bed but had to stay awake to watch that motorcycle guy jump over the football field.

Who, exactly, thinks that’s a good idea? “You know what I want to do? Propel myself six stories high on my bike and see if I can cross a football field before I come crashing down to earth and try not to die.”

Naomi
Naomi
16 years ago

Ooh, I forgot to add that we also spent some of the night watching “Man Stroke Woman” videos on YouTube, including “How women get away with farting” http://youtube.com/watch?v=-4eEj1lzPkk and “Man Cold” http://youtube.com/watch?v=rXLHWmjA5IE

AndreAnna
16 years ago

I was asleep by 11. My pregnant arse couldn’t make it, but was able to summon enough energy to get pissed off at the lame ass fireworks in my red neck neighborhood for thirty minutes past the stroke of midnight.

I had my first baby 5 weeks early and by some stroke of pure luck (or pregnancy insanity) had my husband set the car seat up the DAY before my water broke.

Sushi and sex. That’s what I swear did it to me. There’ll be none of that the last month this time around.

Keaton
Keaton
16 years ago

Lame? Possibly. Awesome? Totally. Some friends that I haven’t seen in many a moon gathered together for a wonderful little part-ay. We drank wine, played Spanking Yoda (which, if you do not know this game, I suggest you go out and play IMMEDIATELY because it is awesome and you would be good at it), and generally laughed and chatted until 5 AM. At some point, we all received a bunch of “Happy New Year!” texts, so we knew it was midnight, but quite frankly, there was champagne to drink and oral sex to be discussed!

Naomi the Strange
16 years ago

Seems like a lot of your readers are much unlike me: I am single (ok, ok, I’m in a relationship, but isn’t that considered ‘single’ on tax filings? Anyway…) and I don’t have any children, nor do I ever intend to have any. Just thought I’d mention that. Either way, I do like reading your blog. Highly entertaining.

I had people over for New Years Eve. We ate, drank, smoked some pot, and had a good time. The people didn’t leave until about 5am. I’d passed out on the couch at about 1:30am and woke up to say groggy goodbyes as they left and I crawled into bed.

I’m glad that I stayed in this NYE though. I’m sort of sick of partying.

Sam
Sam
16 years ago

Can you say somebody’s nesting. Don’t worry, everything will fall into place in time for the baby.

I may be able to beat everyone on the New Years Eve. I was stuck at work until 11:30, then I rushed home, watched the ball drop and everyone immediatly went to sleep where I was left wide away all-by-myself. So, don’t feel so bad, at least you had fireworks.

JennM
16 years ago

My new years was significantly More lame. Hubby and I were at my grandparents where we went to bed at … drumroll please… 940. Neither of us felt well enough to stay up. I didn’t even get a New Years kiss but at 330 am I heard him telling the puppy “Good Morning wigglybutt happy new year.” As he got up to take her for a walk. Humph. Oh well, just another day in my opinion.

Shannon
16 years ago

I loved the Seattle fireworks.

Caitlin
Caitlin
16 years ago

This was my second year going to a big ol’ bonfire held near my neighborhood in New Orleans. Everyone drags out their Christmas trees into a HUGE pile and the 20 foot blaze goes up at midnight. Before (during, and after) that is a lot of crazy amateur fireworking which is chaotic, terrifying, and beautiful–picture a bottle rocket going off ten feet from where you stand, a gross of firecrackers behind you suddenly lighting up and sending a plume of thick smoke into the air, and bottles of cheap champagne hoisted about everywhere. My bf and I stood around, scared, smiling, and tipsy, then went home and didn’t sleep til 5am–take that 2007!

Laura
Laura
16 years ago

Mine was actually exactly as lame, but I also have a two year old and a baby due in three weeks, so I think a little bit of lameness was allowed. Anyway, hubs and I stayed up playing Mario Party on the wii until 11:50-ish at which point we drank sparkling apple juice in champagne flutes and went straight to bed. Got to watch my neighbor’s illegal fireworks show outside my window for a few minutes before I nodded off. Also, thanks for answering my husband’s question to me as we watched Dick Clark: what do people in other time zones watch? I had no clue, so I guess every big city does something?

Teralyne
16 years ago

We had a small party at our hourse but only those within walking distance came since it was snowing so badly the roads were not very drivable. We all drank just allttle and ate alot I made tons of good food. There was poppers at midnight then everyone left and we were in bed sleeping by 12:30 goodnight 2007. We stayed in PJ’s all the next day and layed around watching TV ah now that’s the life.

Liz in Australia
Liz in Australia
16 years ago

Actually I fell asleep at about 9:30 while feeding the baby (such are the perils of lying down to nurse the wee one to sleep!).

Omigosh, I wasn’t expecting the Smalltopus’ arrival to be so near. I was kindly of vaguely expecting you to stay pregnant for a few more months. Not what you want to hear I guess :)

Blue
Blue
16 years ago

Both of my kids were born in the first half of January, and I was on maternity leave starting at T’giving. Didn’t go back to work until both kids were 6 weeks old so I had 3 months off…..and I got paid. Mind you, that was 28 and 32 years ago. I was more than prepared for their births, tho. Actually, bored out of my mind, but glad not to have to get out in the middle of winter in all my hugeness to go to work. I see that women don’t take that much time off work now, and that’s too bad.

We went to dinner and a movie with friends, home by midnite. A quick happy new year’s kiss and nighty-night!

sara
16 years ago

mine was fairly lame too, other than the early evening part of watching the kentucky football game that we could have lost in the LAST SECOND but somehow the three idiots standing in the endzone missed the ball they were trying to catch, (idiots on the other team) which was kinda how the entire last 2 minutes of the ballgame went, i swear, give a bunch of 2 year olds a food ball and you’d have a fairly decent replay, it was all throw the ball drop the ball fall out of lines with the ball give the ball to the other team then get it back and repeat. We actually lied to the kids and said that when the ball game was over (oh what 9-10pm) that it was happy new year and we went out and set off one fire work that took all of 15 minutes to light thanks to the gail force winds. one fire work, because between dad and I and a bucket trying to block the wind to set fire work number 1 taking 15 minutes, and the fact that durning those 15 minutes the 2 year old entirely lost interest in the whole fire work thing and got the blue nilly scared out of him when the thing started poping and screaming unexpectedly, we called it a night. Then spend the rest of the night lamely watching dick clark and stuff like that while making fun of miley cirus licking her lips/face. and then went to bed.

Janet
Janet
16 years ago

“squoval”. I love it. Next time I go to get mine done I’m gonna use it.

You crack me up.

Katie
Katie
16 years ago

we watched The Office. (on DVD) It was so fun! I love that show.

Gertie
16 years ago

och, after fighting the mad crowds at the shop my friend and I finally made it back to her house to watch a dvd only to find the player was dirty so back to the insanity to purchase a cleaning dvd and then made Mexican for dinner while watching old Cary Grant movies until 11:45 when we switched the tele over to BBC airing from the Edinburgh Castle. Blah blah (I tune out the ramblings of the “hosts”) and then the fireworks. Kinda cool.

Then my friend drove me home and I chatted online with my sister in Seattle. Nice way to ring in the New Year.

Amy
Amy
16 years ago

Awesome! I had an equally lame for most people’s standards (yet completely enjoyable) pregnant New Year’s, too. I totally didn’t think I’d make it to the big midnight event. My husband and I watched the awesomely scary zombie-ish 28 Weeks Later, and when that ended we decided what the hell and we ended up watching Shoot Em Up with Clive Owen. God, how I love Charter’s on-demand movies. Anyway, I know you love Mr. Owen, so if you haven’t yet seen the movie (which I can’t imagine) then do that this weekend! It’s hilarious. We paused the movie for 5 minutes to watch the ball drop at midnight and then resumed the gory fun. Happy New Year’s!

Stacey
16 years ago

Are you kidding? Mine would have sucked equally as bad except we had no fireworks around here. So what is one step below sucking? Being pregnant on New Years is crappy. Not to mention having a toddler in the next room who really doesn’t care that it is a holiday, so they still wake you up at 6:30am regardless how late you stayed up the night before. Rock on 2008!

sooboo
sooboo
16 years ago

My New Years totally sucked. My mom had to go to the ER on the 30th and I was with her until 5am, then at the hospital the entire next day. Came home exhausted and ready for bed but hubby talked me into wine and Blades of Glory, which did admittedly have some badly needed laughs. Went to bed at one, after watching a little bit of neighborhood fireworks, and then back to the hospital the next morning. They still don’t know what’s wrong with my mom, she’s totally out of it, and then on New Years Day night I got the worst stomach flu I’ve ever had. They say that whatever you do on New Years, you are doing all year. If that’s true, wake me up in 2009.

banana
16 years ago

Very nearly the same. Only I wasn’t on a couch. At one point my husband mentioned that the space needle looked like it was peeing the way the fireworks were coming off in fine streamed arc off the one side.

ali
ali
16 years ago

red bull is totally allowed. your goose is totally cooked! :)

Amanda
16 years ago

We went to a friends house – friends who do not have children – and ate a late dinner (who eats at 8pm? People without kids.) Then we spent the rest of the night living out our rock and roll fantasies playing Rock Band. It is my destiny to play fake bass.

Michael
16 years ago

The second kid is usually a couple of weeks early. I think it would be awesome if you gave birth at Macworld. Best demo evah!

Lauren
Lauren
16 years ago

I totally enjoyed our quiet NYE. I couldn’t sleep at all the night before (as in I finally fell asleep at 6:30am and had to be up for work at 7am), so when I got home from work at 4, I took a nap. My partner woke me up at 7 so we could watch a documentary on PBS, I heated up some taquitos, and we watched the documentary, HGTV, Drew Carey, and the countdown. I was forcing myself to stay awake, and when midnight struck, I turned to Rebecca and wished her a Happy Anniversary – and then giggled as I corrected myself and wished her a Happy New Year instead. Quick kiss, then I was fast asleep by 12:30, and quite content all around.

We’ve spent the last few years laying low at home, occasionally with a few friends, but usually just the two of us. Last year I made tons of appetizers just for fun, and we enjoy the quiet time together. It’s my favorite way to ring in the new year.

Megan
Megan
16 years ago

It was a quiet night on my end! (god does that make me sound old?) we did have an invite to a friends bar in nyc that was open bar/food for a decent price. but the thought of driving into the city (from nj) and dealing with tons of drunk people, drunking driving, lots of puking, and many who would probably grab my ass as well as that of my man…and we passed. although i suspect he rather would have liked the ass-grabbing. (ok, i do sound old. sigh. i swear i’m only 34!)

instead we went to out to dinner and saw Juno. which is my new favorite movie and everyone should go see it! immediately!!

and we were home and watched the ball drop on tv. and then we watched more episodes of law and order late into the night.

what? doesn’t everyone?

LauraH
16 years ago

One game of SpongeBob Life…two games of Pass the Pigs (God I love that game, it’s so silly), 2 glasses of sparkling grape juice, one glass of spilled sparkling grape juice blotted up off carpet (immediately after I cut my son off), a cup of popcorn butter on the floor, a few tears thinking of things I didn’t want to be thinking of like this time last year, silly hats and crowns that ended up on the dog…that’s about it. Happy New Year.

donna
donna
16 years ago

Stayed up watching tv, hubby had to work the next day, so he went to bed early, and then around 1155 everyone started doing fireworks but the big guns came out at midnight including what sounded like an ar15 pretty close, and people with handguns shooting 9 round clips till they were empty. This is the first year no one got hit in several years though, so I guess it wasn’t as bad as last year……then after it died down and we crawled out from under the bed, we were asleep till 3 when someone blew up something loud. Or swat did an entry in the neighborhood close by, I don’t know.
Did I mention I live in a war zone in a sw state? Hating it here. ALOT! And will be gone as soon as I can retire. Which is not soon enough.
NYday was spent watching when good pets go bad, and when animals attack, and eating all day with my parents, and when the hubby got home watching the best places in america to find treasure, (maybe not the real name) all night. (Planning treasure hunting for a hobby during retirement!)
And that is all……

Schnozz
16 years ago

I went to a reproduction of Studio 54, complete with Man in the Moon and fire-eating and pasties and a girl on a swing, and it was all kinds of awesome.

Mr. S partied so hard that his ripped pants simply gave up and FELL OFF in two separate legs right before we got to our hotel room. Which I crawled to, in my disco dress and go-go boots, before waking up to the worst hangover in the universe. But it was worth it!

Jennifer
16 years ago

I rang in the New Year AT WORK after beating my way through the throngs of dirty hippies/fratty douchebags/drunken SEC fans in the area for various Atlanta New Year’s festivities. I have to say it was nice not to wake up hungover and hating life.

Happy New Year!

Alyson
16 years ago

I shared a bottle of Pescaro (is that how to spell it?) with hubby and fell asleep. Woke up in time to see the Space Needle fireworks fizzle. Then couldn’t fall asleep again until 1:30 am.

About the nails…..I had full-on acrylics when my oldest was born, and had no problems handling the diaper changing thing. Don’t know why. I have a bigger problem with changing diapers and then washing my hands so much afterward. With son #3, I actually washed the moisture layer off my hands between diaper changing (and then washing hands), and food preparation (and washing before, after – and during – if necessary) and taking care of my own personal hygiene. My advice, invest in some really good hand creams (a daytime one and a before bedtime one) and a couple boxes of latex gloves.

Matt
16 years ago

I will give you a million dollars if you actually name your newborn “Smalltopus”. Of course, this will be made in 50,000 easy monthly payments of $19.95, so it won’t really feel like a million dollars. Also, I’m poor, so expect many payments to be either drastically late or missing completely..:-)

Seriously, though. Do you have names picked out yet, or are you just gonna wing it in the delivery room..?