I think good thoughts in your general direction.

I second what other commenters have already said: I love your blog BECAUSE you are so honest about motherhood, the good and the bad! I’m sorry that you are having such a hard time. It’s clear you love your boys and you are a good mother to them. I went through a really hard couple of months when my son was born and most days I barely felt like I was keeping my head above water- and that was only with one. I can’t really speak any words of wisdom since I don’t have more than one; but I am sending good thoughts your way.

Can you put Riley in school a couple mornings a week while you’re on maternity leave? I’m pretty sure second children are the reason preschool even exists in the first place.

It does get better. My youngest is 21 months and my oldest is four. It won’t be long before you can tell Riley to go help his brother build a lego tower and that will distract BOTH children for, like, TEN whole minutes. Maybe even long enough to write a blog post!

I don’t have children but can only imagine that this has got to be a hard adjustment period. I love your honesty in this post. I also have to agree whole heartedly with Jennifer; we are trying to start a family now and I can guarantee that when that happens I will feel very stressed and overwhelmed. It’s nice to know that this is normal. Hang in there and take it one day at a time, you will find balance soon.

Let me tell you that as much as I adore my two year old, I **hated** the infant phase so much that I’ll never have another one. So I certainly don’t judge you!! It does freaking suck, and it’s really, really, really hard. But you’ll get past it and have two walking talking cutie pies. OH, and my mom SWEARS that the second is easier, eventually, cause the first one entertains him. SO maybe in a few months you’ll have more time than you think.

I SO remember what you are going through. My 2nd refused (REFUSED!!!!) to be put down w/out screaming, wouldn’t sleep in her own bed, wouldn’t go to her dad w/out screaming. My first was 18 months old at the time. I was sooooo exhausted and so stressed out and I must mention exhausted again but !!!!! I couldn’t think straight! I still remember so vividly one night she was screaming and I had nursed her, both sides, changed her diaper, rocked her, everything and she wouldn’t stop screaming. I put her on my bed and freaked out. Started yelling at her to ‘Shutup!! Just stop screaming and SHUTUP! PLEASE!! I can’t take it anymore! Just stop crying and go to sleep!!!’ Uh, not my finest moment. My husband took pity on me and took her downstairs so I could sleep a little. Those first few weeks/months were the hardest of my life as a mom. But my screamer is going to be 11 next month and the whole thing is a distant memory and she loves me despite my yelling at her at 2am. LOL

You are going through the hardest part and it does get better. Don’t doubt yourself, every mother has her low points and we all know exactly what you are going through. Thank you for being so honest, you say what so many mothers are too ashamed to admit to. I so admire you for that. If I was closer to you I’d come keep an eye on the boys for a few hours for you. But, I live in NC so, it’s not gonna happen. :D

Hugs sweetie.

Is it bad to admit that I am still enjoying living vicariously through your suffering? Yes? Well, never mind then.

I’m sure this will pass- just like the milk-bonging.

It is a joy to watch your buys grow. Don’t tell my mother, but it *almost* makes me want kids. *Almost.*

It sounds like you’re having a really tough time at the moment. Having a newborn in the house can really test your patience. I don’t know what the weather is like in Seattle atm, but many mothers find that getting out and going for a walk can really clear the cobwebs from the mind. Have you thought about putting Dylan in a pram, and taking both boys for a walk to the park? The ride might quieten Dylan down, give Ryley some running time and you some exercise and “fresh” air. It is quite normal to have negative feelings sometimes, if these feelings continue, or outnumber the “good times” on a regular basis, please seek help from your doctor. I’m not saying that you have Post Natal Depression, but you should be aware, that if these feelings don’t go away, that early treatment is soooo important. We are all here with a listening ear when you need it

oh jeeeeez
what a breath of fresh air (or stinky-smells-like-puke air) to actual hear how rough, real and terrible the first few weeks can be. of course you love him to death, but how nice to hear it’s not all unicorns and smushy cute feet.

Oh my, yes. My girls are 23 months apart and I remember spending the better part of last summer barely hanging onto my temper. Sometimes not. I can still see myself sitting on the porch after turning the monitor off, telling the baby to shut the holy fuck up, already. Surprisingly it didn’t work. Go figure.

The good news is it will get better. I promise. Why, just today they caused the latest crop of grey hair. In a most adorable tag-team fashion, instead of the cut your ears off kind.

And isn’t that why you had kids? So when they’re 30 and having their own, you can tell them the horrors they put you through?

You don’t know me from Adam, and I only know you because you make me spit Diet Coke out of my nose, but in my world, we are sisters because we had babies around the same time. We both had breastfeeding issues, and I SO FELT WHAT YOU’RE FEELING RIGHT NOW. And even though you don’t know me and I don’t know you, I want to say that you are loved, and to hang in there, because when things get better, you’ll look back and think, “Man, I am a helluva woman for doing that.” And probably, “Shoulda gotten a restraining order on that Diet Coke woman sooner.”

YES! It is ROUGH! A newborn and a toddler are hard, hard, hard. I have been there and I know what you are going through. I have no magic words that will make you feel better, except to say that I have been there, it will get better and someday you will stop living minute to minute. You are not alone. It sucks. Because really? most of the time you feel alone.

Can I get an amen?! Mine are 13 months apart (oldest 21 months, youngest 8 months) and Lordy Lordy is it a ride. I LOVE (big big love) this blog. You’re just awesome. Thanks for keeping it real.

I have two boys 23 months apart. The first three months suck, no way around it. One of my few clear memories from that time was standing in my kitchen, nursing #2 with one hand/arm while making toast for #1, who was screaming about something. But then, it gets incrementally easier with each passing month. Now they are 6 and 8 and we have SO MUCH FUN.

Take a deep breath (yeah, right, I know), lock yourself in the bathroom with a magazine the minute JB gets home, and try to enjoy the little moments, because in a few years when they are big and smelly you won’t remember the amazing tiny details.

Thank you so much. This is one of the many reasons I read your blog. Now I know, I’m totally normal. Sometimes you just HAVE to use the word “fuck” for your own personal sake…it’s not like they’ll remember (at least I hope not). Mine are 10 months and 2 yrs. 10 months…been there and it’s still not a cake walk, but I lived to tell.

Oh god the newborn stage is awful. Especially when your support goes back to work. Take deep breaths and swear all you want during the day. Dylan won’t remember that along with sweet words there was the occasional what the fuck thrown in.
Have JB take the kids for a drive or something. Seriously, 30 minutes with no one needing you is a huge healer at this stage.
Bill still takes Max out of the house each morning so I can collect my sanity and shower in peace.
Remember, it’s hormonal, it’s lack of sleep, it’s stressful and it’s all completely normal. You’re going to make it through!

And, unless they are paying you a bazillion dollars, dump FarentPish. You do not need to spend one second reading those shitty comments.

Oh I love you Linda! My kids are 26 months apart (now 5 and 3) and that first year just about killed me! It wasn’t because of the tiredness or constant nursing or extra work, no that I handled just fine. It was the feeling of COMPLETE loss of myself that I had to Zen through and shoot out the other side of! The process of keeping yourself in a moment that you don’t necessarily want to be in is the mountain to climb – one day, you just lift your head up and realize you’re at the top. Finally. It will happen soon.

I think Linda needs to bundle up the boys and take a walk in the SUNSHINE. Take advantage of the sunny weather before it turns again. Oh! and deny the urge to wear sunglasses! Studies show that wearing sunglasses cuts down on the beneficial – mood lifting vitamins that are found in sunshine from getting into your body. Seriously. And you never know, Dylan might be a take-a-walk type of kid. If all else fails, I live nearby and am good with boys. Just ask mine. I even have a 17 year old who’s good with toddlers! (Toddlers are otherwise known as “chick magnets” to teenage boys).

Of course we understand. I know I do. The first few months was a living hell (I didn’t think to ask the newborn what the blue fuck was wrong with him, maybe that would have helped? Ha ha) The thought of doing that all over again scares the crap out of me, so I think I’m probably done having babies. And the boredom is crazy-making.

Having said that, I did find that the first few months went faster with #2. Maybe because I knew there was a light at the end of the tunnel. Hang in there, mama. It’s not easy, but it will end soon.

You are my hero.

I find myself asking that same question often, about inviting a second one in. And mine is 9…and I still sometimes (okay many times) say horrible things that should get my mom license taken away.

How about a sitter? Maybe even a neighborhood teenager a few days a week, after school for a few hours. S/he can wrangle Riley while you take a more sedate Dylan (he’s cooler after 2pm, right?) on a trip to Starbucks or just a sanity-check stroll around the mall … If nothing less, it’s someone to hang out with until JB comes home. I babysat/nannied for YEARS and I would’ve loved to have hung out with a cool mom like you!

Keep up the good work. You rock. :o)

oy, I so understand. My third was definitely more of a pain in the ass than the first two. Good thing she was the third and not the first or there may have only been one. But she’s five and a half months now and sleeping through the night and her sense of humor kicked in, and it’s so, so much better.

Crap- Boy #2 is on his way come April. Everything you write, I have felt before and know I will feel again.

Keep telling it real. I’ll need your honest take on it, so I won’t feel so alone.

When Jacob was a newborn I remember feeling exhausted and sad. I wondered what the hell I was thinking having a baby and thus ending my easy life. I also remember the first few weeks wondering why it wasn’t instant bliss and love at first sight… and oh, yeah, why the hell I loved my dog more than my baby. After about 5 weeks I realized that I did in fact love my baby more than my dog, and that I just hadn’t connected with Jacob until then. Love at first sight is a romantic myth. Face it. Newborns are time consuming, ungrateful and boring! I think once they can smile at you and appear as if they like you and that you are their loving Mommy it starts to get easier. I also remember thinking of the first few weeks as one long day, with absolutley no night that separates the one one long day. I think that was attributed to the night time naps between feedings. I think I never actually went to bed. Overall, you are in a major adjustment phase. Remember everything changes very quickly, so don’t worry. You’ll be insanely happy very soon. Hang in there. You’re doing great!

I have a 19 month old and a 4 week old. I feel your pain. ;) Hang in there!!

{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS!}}}}}}}}}}}

You have my utmost sympathy and don’t feel guilty, Linda. You’re only human.

Would giant earplugs help? :)

Who knows why they fuss sometimes. Perhaps he misses the ease of life in the womb. You are doing your best and if he’s got the grumps sometimes maybe it’s just part of the process of getting used to living on the outside. In other words, there’s nothing to fix and nothing you can fix. I don’t know…just sayin’…perhaps?

It’s unfortunate that our society is structured so that virtually all of the nurturing and care is left to mom and dad. Heaven only knows how single parents cope. Extended families of yore may have been a pain in the ass but they had their benefits.

I’ve always gotten a kick out of elephant families because they are structured so that nieces, daughters, aunts, female grandparents, and sisters hang pretty close together. When babies arrive everyone is involved in the care. There’s a constant supply of eager baby sitters available in the younger females who are anxious to learn. Not only is it way cool and practical, it’s also essential because elephant babies are hugely demanding for the first few years. Males don’t “leave home” until they are between 9 and 19 (some of the males are real mammas’ boys and just hang on) and females stay with their moms for life.

I’m glad you feel supported in this virtual place, though words can only do so much. Keep it real. You know we love ya!

God you’re so honest – so very refreshing. I always feel crap when I even think “why the fuck” kind of stuff – when I get pissed off etc etc at my boys. Love them dearly, but feel I’m losing myself as well as my mind. It is NOT all lovey-dovey this newborn thing – hang in there – you have a great family by the looks of it. Never mind that the insanity may not be temporary ;)

I’m the one over at PD who commented on your early “This is different than with Riley, I’m not panicking!” post with a (hopefully obviously well-intentioned) message that it may get harder, and that you should be gentle with yourself if you feel like you are struggling with two. For me, 4w-8w were so so so hard. I had the opposite problem – taking care of the baby felt so easy, but the toddler I wanted to throw out in the yard, and tell her to walk to grandma’s. Baby is cool with just laying in bed, or walking in circles, or watching hours of sitcoms while I bounce and pat her back. Yeah, she’s a pain, but she is nonmobil and not screaming that she did not WANT orange juice, despite having whined for it for an hour. we are 10weeks in, and my nerves are finally not shreiking every time my toddler asks for another episode of Blue’s Clues. And thus, I’m shreiking at her less, which makes me feel like less of a failure, so win/win. You’re going to wake up in a few months and think “well, that wasn’t so bad”, because our brains are AMAZING at blacking out trauma. In the mean time, hang in there, complain all you want, we like you anyway.

re farentpish, I say fuck ’em. Seriously. If that messes with your headspace it’s not worth whatever it pays to write there. Slap some advertising on this blog (like Dooce). You’ve got the hits.

I so, so, SO identify. In spades. I will never forget looking at my child and thinking, in that PPD sleep-deprived haze, WHY again was this a good idea? Knowing how much I loved him (and her, it happened with both kids) didn’t alter the feeling, just made me feel guilty about it.

I know you know this, but it gets better.

Oh heck yes. Yes, yes and yes. To everything. You are normal to feel this way. Soooo normal. I agree, it is very very hard. I feel like a god damned maniac some days. Like I’m really only just holding my shit together. It’s scary to realize just how close to the edge I teeter at times. Sometimes at night (especially now with the teething jag we are in) I like to pretend that the baby is not really crying, and no, I do not have to go and put him back to sleep for the sixth time tonight. After that brief moment of faux bliss, I sigh, growl and mutter sleepy cuss words and go see to my baby. My husband would help, but I seem to have a baby who only wants his mama. I hope that changes soon. Some days I wonder if I am going to make it until my husband gets home. I do on occasion make the weepy, desperate call at 3:49: “Get. home. NOW”.
My boys are 2 1/2 and 8 months (whoa, already?) I don’t think my days would be so hard if they would nap. My toddler is starting to not embrace his nap (sob) and my baby never, ever ever has been a napper. Like, he takes maybe a 20 minute nap during the day and that’s it. So, I think the fact that I have 0 time to myself every.day totally sucks and makes me way more crazier.

So, with all that crap having been said, I send warm you vibes of understanding. Hang in there. Scream if you gotta.

The first 2-3 weeks with my first were a nightmare. Week two was the worst. I think I was running on adrenaline the first week, and then the Great Hormone Crash of Aught-Five happened and I was a wreck. On paper, my daughter was an ideal newborn–decent sleeper throughout the day and night, with just a couple of growth-spurty marathon feeding days here and there. That doesn’t make it any easier to cope, though. Aside from making the mental adjustment, you’re still trying to recover physically, and your body is still coming up with new ways to freak you out.

Our daughter is two and a half now, and our next bundle is due March 25…I know things will be more familiar this time, at least, but I still expect a full-on nervous breakdown around week two.

Take care…I’m rooting for you!

You are totally normal! With my first daughter (now 4) the first YEAR was a non-sleeping nightmare. I remember one night in particular when she was probably 3 weeks old, when I just picked her up, kind of roughly I might add, and said “What the eff is your problem. GO TO SLEEP!” Not proud of that one. With daughter #2, the sleeping was/is good (I swear by sheer force of will, because I COULD NOT get another no-sleep baby) but the whole juggling a newborn with a 3 year old was a whole other ballgame.

I remember thinking “What did I do with ALL THAT FREE TIME I had with just the one kid?” But you figure it out in the end. Vent. Cry. Do whatever you have to do to get through the rough patches, one day you will wake up and your shit will magically be together (well, maybe not “together” but “running a bit smoother” might be more realistic).

Your boys are all so, so beautiful!

I’m due in June with the first one and more than a tidgy anxious about what it’s going to be like once we get home from the hospital and realize, “What the hell is this thing and what does it want?.” No one–except you and these posts–really breaks it down. For that, I thank you…

This is STRESSING ME OUT. All the comments about how easy it was with just one because I have just one and I think it is HARD AS SHIT. So, I’m going to be in for something terrible when number 2 comes.

I’m off to go curl into a fetal position and moan.

It is hard no matter what you know and do not know I think. I know it is not going to smooth sailing esp. given my penchant for drama and short temper with everyone when I am tired and my nerves are on end. I know many people have been through these same feelings whether they are willing to admit it or not (in my opinion…) I cannot say much to bolster you other than I understand and I am offering far away cheers! This too shall pass!

As you said, thank goodness he’s not wide awake from 9pm-2am. I remember those early weeks, just waiting for the sun to come up – that at least made the lack of sleep more tolerable. The good part about the early weeks and months is that things change quickly — so next week’ll be different. It might be a different kind of hell, but hey, at least it’s a change.

I get how it feels to have your newly-acquired “me time” ripped away — our 7month old twins have been great sleepers in recent weeks, but it seems like one of them always wakes up crying at 9:15 on Thursday nights, after I specifically said, “No crying during LOST, please!” So we went and got a DVR, which helps a little ;-)

You’re doing fine — and so is your family. Everyone will live through this. It’s ok to lose patience, lose your cool and want things to be different. It happens. Then you just get on with changing the next diaper.

Sending hugs to you (and all you moms who relate!)

It is SOOOO refreshing to hear an honest to goodness REAL mom who can quite happily complain about the squeaky poop machine that has just been deposited into her care. I get so sick of those stepford wife type people who refuse to admit that sometimes it just SUCKS!!
There is no doubt that you love both of them with every cell in your body..but sometimes it does seem like it’s just too hard.
I could reiterate that ‘it will get easier’ but I can also hear you saying ‘WHENNNNN?? For the love of all that is HOLYYYYY??’..in a matter of days weeks..you’ll just find you have things under control. And you probably won’t even notice the transition.
One piece of advice that I never followed: When people offer help..TAKE IT! You know when people say things like ‘If you ever need a babysitter’? Before they even inhale, throw them Riley, the baby, a few diapers and a bottle or two..and run like hell to the nearest nail salon.

Just keep holding on! The good news is that, eventually, your boys will be able to play together and have a great time and you will be grateful that you had your kids close together. I can say this because, as I type this, my 19 month old and 3 year old are in the other room playing happily together. The 19 month old smells like poop but I’m not about to interrupt this peaceful time for mommy!

I remember my only goal when the baby was little was to get both kids to take an afternoon nap at the same time. I was willing to do anything to accomplish that! Once I got it figured out, and got a brief window of time to myself each day, I felt that I came out of the dark tunnel.

You know, I have little memory of when my kiddos were newly two and newborn. I think it was partly the ADs I was on for PPD and the lack of sleep I was experiencing. I remember telling my DH that I was taking 6 weeks to recover – I was slacking on the housework and everything to be able to recuperate and figure out this two kiddos under 2 deal. We have three older children, too and they were involved in football and ballet at the time and my newborn would cry hysterically any time we mentioned getting in the van. And we spent a lot of time in the van carpooling the older kiddos places. I remember turning the radio up REALLY loud on most trips. And he didn’t sleep through the night until 10 months or so and even then he wouldn’t sleep in his crib in the room with his sister. He slept in the playroom in a pack and play. I remember thinking, I must be a horrible mom, but man, getting some sleep was glorious. I think I would have let him sleep in the backyard if it allowed me to get some much needed sleep. And I too sent my daughter to preschool one day a week to get some much needed time with just the newborn, even if it meant we slept until it was time to pick her up from school. I also stopped caring if I picked her up in a baseball hat, no make-up sans shower for the third time that month. I would just shower when my DH got home if I couldn’t fit it in earlier in the day. And somehow I managed to bathe and dress the children properly. And I used to feel guilty that the then 2 yr old spent more time in front of the TV then I liked until she taught herself to read. I think all that Barney, Blue’s Clues and Dora did her some good. Anyway, all of that rambling to say – I love your honesty and your blog. You rock and you will get the hang of this without wanting to hang the kiddos from their toes out the window all the time. ((Hugs))

LMAO @ Katie (The Yap) – I am here reading and thinking the same thing. My little boy is 5 months and we’d like to try again when he’s 3-4. Man, oh man.

As the others have said, thank you for being honest. You’re a great mom and no one with any sense would believe different. Remembering how miserable yet how wonderful those first 10 weeks were, I can offer nothing but understanding and warm thoughts…

Oh sweetie it does suck. I’m glad your so honest about it, Most people don’t have the nerve to be honest about it. We ALL have felt like this, if anyone was to deny it, they are absolute liers.

You’re right, it’s going to get better, and you’ll look back and remember what was your little pain in the ass and the days you regretted his invitation to your life, are a thing in the past. Even now, even when he’s fussing and whining and making you feel incompitent for not knowing exactly how to fix it for him and make him that content baby you want, you’d be absolutely lost without him.

Some tomorrow will be better, maybe just not the one after today. Thinking and praying and sending good baby and toddler vibes your way.

Venting is good. Let it all out, man.

I have no doubt that you’ve got everything you need to handle this phase. Regardless, it might be nice to have a hand every once in a while. Is it possible to have someone come to help out while JB’s at work? My friends who went through midwife training used to get credit for spending a few hours a day helping out mommas with newborns.

Oh, how I remember those days. Er, it was only last year this time that I had my second colicky child in a row, and damn near lost my mind. BUT! It does get better, and a year from now, you will hazily look back upon this time and shudder a bit. :) Hang in there and bitch as much as you need to – because DAMN, this shit is hard.

He is awfully cute.

OMG!! I am so happy to hear that someone feels the same way about their baby that I do about mine. Everyone makes it sound like it’s such a great thing… that the “little bundle of joy” is going to change your world… what they don’t mention is that for the first few weeks, you wish it had a return policy. Thank goodness for blogs like yours or else I would think I was all alone. My daughter is now 3.5 months old, and if not for her recent discovery of smiling and laughing, I’d still be trying to take her back. :-)

Keep up the good work! You truly are an amazing mother, even though you may not feel like it sometimes.

Ah Linda, I know what you are going though. Nikcy wwas 17 months old when his baby brother was born and OHMY GODWHATTHEHELLHAVEIDONE? HELP HELP HELP was the timbre of those first few months. As soon as dad came home I was OUT the door, for a walk with the dog or a trip to the store. Anything, ANYTHING just to regain some control over my life in a small way. It helped. So when JB comes home, hand them over and GET OUT – at least for an hour.
It will get better!

Many of us have been in your current shoes and holy frig does it suck! Thank you for being honest and open with your feelings, you have every right to do so. My kids are almost exactly the same age difference as yours, so I can feel your pain. Now, almost three years after the second was born I have a different perspective and I can see that it was a temporary shitty situation and that it did get better. However, it sucked at the time. Sorry, not being helpful just wanting to let you know that you are not alone. I too asked my three week old “What the F was her problem?” when she would not sleep. Her answer of yawning at me was not very satisfying. Take care, hang in there, it’s almost the weekend when you can exploit your husband and try to get a bit more sleep.

Holy crap, you have balls of steel. And will you just LOOK at how you’ve used said balls to help so, SO many people over the years, and with this entry. Look at these comments. You’re amazing.

So I don’t know anything about this stuff but assuming you DO have the hits, then I’m sure you’ve considered putting ads on this blog and decided against it for some reason. Fair enough. But I will, for one, say that I have been reading you for years and I wouldn’t give a DAMN about ads; I don’t even notice ads. And even if I noticed yours I would NOT CARE, anyway, because 1) you have a marketable skill here, you know, so again with the fair enough, and 2) GAH FarentPish.

Maybe Heather would have some advice? She gets her fair share of shitty comments, but I gather that they’re mostly unrelated to the ads. She’s just got a big, big site, and the trolls found her, which I don’t think is necessarily even correlated with advertising.

Anyway. My unsolicited two cents, just in case what’s holding you back is the way it might affect your readers, of which I am one.