My Netflix queue has been in a crap-ass state lately. For instance:

The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford. Your husband may think this movie will involve lots of gunfights and horses and Brad Pitt looking all steely-eyed and he would be partially right, but he would also be wrong in a number of critical ways, and after the movie finally draws to an end and the last strains of its eerie, repetitive soundtrack echo in your brain you will realize that you have spent your entire evening watching about a thousand weird, uncomfortable scenes that each lasted approximately five minutes too long and now you are never going to get those three hours back. As JB said to me about halfway through the movie when we realized it wasn’t going to start sucking any less, “This is a hell of a way to spend a Saturday night, darlin’. My bad.”

The Brave One. I was feeling mostly lukewarm about this one until the very end, when the plot served forth a scene that made me issue forth a series of loud mouth-farts at the television in complete and total disgust because GOD I AM SOOOO SHURRRR.

Matchstick Men. I love a good con, you know? I love a story that has someone fucking one person over, only to discover they’ve had someone’s else’s dick in their own ass the whole time, if you’ll pardon that extremely dirty expression which I just now made up. That is why Elmore Leonard books are so awesome, because they are teeming with people fucking each other over in spectacularly cool ways involving the best dialogue ever written. Anyway, there are con stories where it’s all kind of over the top but still believable or at least swallowable, and then there is something like Matchstick Men, where once the Big Huge Con reveals itself you’re left thinking, WHATEVER. Although I guess I’m glad I saw it for the one magical scene where Nicolas Cage is melting down in a drugstore and screams in vintage Cage style at a customer standing in line: “Have you ever been dragged out to the sidewalk and beaten until you PISSED! BLOOD!?”

Have you rented anything good lately? Please share, I need to put an end to our losing streak.

:::

Introducing my son, Gigantor the Sorrowful:

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JB was trying to get a picture of Riley playing with his new favorite toy, a plastic farmhouse thing, but apparently things didn’t go well during the photo session. Poor kid. Sometimes life is just a shit sandwich, isn’t it, boy?

Also, I have added to my collection of Children Looking Dorky in Carseats photos:

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Dylan, looking googly-eyed and surreptitiously flipping you off. Pretty funny, but I think Ninja Eyes Riley still has him beat in terms of humor had at a child’s expense.

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Haaaaaa. NINJA EYES FTW!

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Shannon
14 years ago

I’m with Marcie, who commented earlier: “The King of Kong” pretty much rules. Also, if you haven’t seen this other awesome documentary “Hands on the Hard Body,” get it pronto–crazy people compete to stay awake for days keeping one finger on a truck at all times in order to win it.

Nikki
Nikki
14 years ago

I watched Gone Baby Gone and loved it. It’s one of those movies that sticks with you afterwards and leaves you questioning “what would I do”…written by the same author as Mystic River.
For cheesy romantic comedy, I saw No Reservations and liked it. It was a cute flick.
I think those are the only two I’ve seen in the last week or so.

Lisa Ann
Lisa Ann
14 years ago

If you haven’t already, rent S1 of “Friday Night Lights” — absolutely must-see TV! Also, “Gone Baby Gone” was pretty great.

Alyson
Alyson
14 years ago

I haven’t rented it recently, but “Men With Brooms” a movie about curling! is hilarious. Off-beat Canadian humor. When Canadians get weird, they really get weird! Netflix has it. And “Saving Grace.” Craig Ferguson is way funnier than he ever was on The Drew Carey Show.

Chris
Chris
14 years ago

Riley was such a Gary Coleman back in those days! “What you talking about Willis?”

HollowSquirrel
14 years ago

Have you seen “Once?” Probably old news at your movie-watching house. I could always send you our copy of The Jungle Book. Please? Can I? I can’t take another viewing….

breckgirl
14 years ago

Hey – rent “Perfume: The Story of a Murderer.” We really enjoyed it, despite its sick-ass plot. It is well-done and a bit whimsical, if you can call a murder movie whimsical. Read the stuff on Netflix about it and decide. I gave it 5 stars. It’s not your ordinary Saturday night movie, okay?! Good luck!

Lauren
14 years ago

We recently saw “Waitress” and “The Namesake” and loved both of them. Our Netflix queue has been locked up in a perpetual state of shit also, so I am maybe not the best for advice.

By the way, I love the Ninja eyes photo. That made my day!!

Mandy
Mandy
14 years ago

For the last six months, since our friends introduced us to it, our Netflix queue has been almost entirely devoted to Buffy the Vampire Slayer. And subsequently, Angel. I know, not much help on the movie front, but if you haven’t watched Buffy or Angel, they’re worth a go.

Love the ninja eyes!

Lindy
14 years ago

I started watching TAoJJbtCRF on the plane home from Boston on Friday. Casey Affleck’s voice/accent irritated me so much that I changed the movie 5 minutes into it. I’m glad I didn’t waste my time now!!

gabby
gabby
14 years ago

Lately: Once (rent it NOW), Waitress, The Martian Child. Everything else must have sucked since I can’t remember!

Susan
Susan
14 years ago

Aw, man…every single one of those titles come courtesy of my place of business. I guess I can take heart in the fact that we marketing/publicity folk did something right in at least making you *think* you wanted to see them. Sigh. Apologies and all that.

Your kids are ridiculously cute.

Alley
Alley
14 years ago

Oh holy god, your carseat photo of Riley just made me guffaw obnoxiously. And loudly. I think I scared my husband.

I can’t recommend a movie since I’ve seen like, three in the last year, but I wanted to make sure you knew about Lemur Kingdom on Animal Planet (since you were upset that you’d been missing out on Meerkat Manor before).

H
H
14 years ago

Ninja Eyes Riley looks exactly like the doll my daughter got for Christmas one year.

I have no movie suggestions for you. Despite the writer’s strike, I can barely keep up with my TV shows.

Amy
Amy
14 years ago

I recommend the original 3:10 to Yuma. The recent remake was okay, but the original was great. The movie was based on a story by Elmore Leonard and the original is full of the snappy dialog. Somehow the remake missed out on that. And Glen Ford was cuter than Russel Crowe.

K
K
14 years ago

Ninja Eyes Riley had me laughing so hard that I could hardly breathe. Excellent.

Anais
14 years ago

“…only to discover they’ve had someone’s else’s dick in their own ass the whole time…”

Have you ever read a line like the one above and laughed so hard that soda came shooting out of your nose, while in your cubicle at work? Three seconds before your boss walked by? It’s both painful and embarassing, but so worth it. You are a comedy f**kin’ mastermind!

Kathie
Kathie
14 years ago

Dylan’s like “What are we going to do tonight Riley?” and Mini-Riley replies “Same thing we do every night Dylan, try to take over the world….”. Fantastic, just fantastic!!

Annabelle
Annabelle
14 years ago

If you haven’t seen it yet, and especially if you haven’t heard anything about it, go rent Hot Fuzz. I won’t spoil the surprise. It’s fantastic.

Damn your kids are cute.

Quiana
14 years ago

I would recommend Michael Clayton, Stardust, and Fido as the best things I’ve rented recently.

B
B
14 years ago

Some of the best from my latest rentals were:

Rendition
Gone Baby Gone
3:10 to Yuma
Mr. Woodcock
September Dawn

breanna
breanna
14 years ago

The Rage in Placid Lake. my favorite movie ever

noble pig
14 years ago

American Gangster was really good. Love Ninja Boy.

Christine
Christine
14 years ago

I felt the same way about the Assassination fo Jesse James, but then the boyfriend loved it. He also loved your other hated film Sunshine. I felt both were just “meh.” I went to the theatre to see Persepolis and I loved it and wished it had beat Ratatouille with a stick, and I liked Ratatouille.

For recommendations:
1. Yes to Kung Fu Hustle if you haven’t seen it. Love it.

2. Have you watched the Chan-wook Park films? My favorite was Old Boy, then Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance and finally Sympathy for Miss Vengeance. But even without the others, if you haven’t seen Old Boy I think it may be up your alley.

3. The Devil’s Backbone – Spanish with English Subtitles, from my boyfriend Guillermo Del Toro who has a thing for dead kids I’m pretty sure…but I really liked it. If you liked Pan’s Labyrinth it’s along the same sort of lines only more horror less fantasy.

4. Just in case you haven’t seen it, and movies which you may or may not like: Dog Soldiers, Stranger than Fiction, and Half Nelson (movies I liked from the Netflix rentals of yore). OH and I loved Stardust. Because I am a sappy girl on occasion, right along the lines of the Princess Bride.

And also, HA to Ninja eyes.

Abby
Abby
14 years ago

You have to rent 3:10 to Yuma. I had no interest in seeing it at first, but my husband made me watch it with him and I LOVED IT.

breanna
breanna
14 years ago

oh totally forgot Air Guitar Nation. a documentary about the international air guitar championships. awesome. i now want a poster of c-diddy in my office

Jean
Jean
14 years ago

Have to second these:

Once
Breach

and…..

Kung Fu Hustle. (Get this one first! Seriously. It’s insane)

Jennifer
Jennifer
14 years ago

I love the side-by-side photos of Dylan vs Riley at the same age. I think Dylan looks a little more vertical; makes me wonder if he’s going to end up being the taller one. I guess you’ll know for sure in about 14 years.

mixette
mixette
14 years ago

The oscar goes to: Riley – hands down the most awesome expressions on a child…ever

I’ll 2nd Hot Fuzz and add Little Children.

Rene
Rene
14 years ago

You must watch “Shattered”, with Pierce Brosnan (playing a BAD ASS!!) and Maria Bello (???). Edge of the seat movie.

alina
alina
14 years ago

Recommendations:

Once
Water (Hindu with english subtitles)
Martian Child
3:10 to Yuma, but be warned, the beginning drags
Lucky Number Slevin (AWESOME!)
Smoking Aces (all good, but J. Bateman…fantastic)
The Nines
ANGEL-A (this is a french film, and it’s so good I can’t even tell you. So good.)

Now we’re all going to sit back and wait for you to tell us how each and every one of these movies are. :)

kate
14 years ago

The two good movies we’ve seen lately were The Illusionist and Fracture. I also really liked Becoming Jane, but it was a total chick flick. My husband would have died if I made him sit through it.

Oh my God, that picture of Riley in the car seat is fantastic. Love the Ninja eyes!

Leah
14 years ago

I’ve seen some pretty good movies lately, but your tastes seem to run much cooler than mine. Last night, for instance, we watched the special features of “Annie,” which involved a karaoke sing-along, not that we needed the words scrolling across the screen. Please!

sweetcheese
14 years ago

Thanks for saving me the heartache of watching Jesse James. I recently watched and enjoyed Proof, but considering your list of choices I don’t know that it is what you’re looking for.
And Ninja Eyes is HEEE-LAR-IOUS!
I am still laughing.
-Tanya

Wendi
Wendi
14 years ago

OMG. The Jesse James movie. horrible. i went and watched it in the theater. i kept waiting for it to get good. However, after 2 and a half hours of waiting, i walked out.

Karen
Karen
14 years ago

These aren’t all current, as our three child bedtime routine (ok marathon) has only recently allowed for sitting down on couch with husband unmolested…. anyway, I’ll spare you the duds, these are the definite winners of the last few months for us:
– Pan’s Labyrinth
– The Secret Life of Words
– Maria Full of Grace
– Margaret’s Museum
If you ever watch any of them, let us know what you think! I’m always wondering if other people like the movies I like, and I will sit here worrying. Yes, it’s a personality defect, what can I say.

Couldn’t think of anything original to say regarding your sucky day with bad back and two children… but I hope all is getting better. I could totally relate… but now can also remember some days with newborn and toddler that were absolutely magical. I wish those for you, and many of them.

K

Lisa
Lisa
14 years ago

“The Kite Runner”…a great adaptation of a wonderful book… it does have mostly subtitles, though – so if you’re exhausted (like i usually am after a day of a baby!), just mentally prepare yourself to have to read.

Karen
Karen
14 years ago

Oh, and I forgot to leave you this to cheer you up, ok sort of in a schadenfreud way (sp?)…. a friend of mine having a rough morning:
http://www.freshmd.com/fresh_md/

Lawyerish
14 years ago

Since our Netflix selections have been extra-pathetic lately (about 95% of the time they go back unwatched), we have been watching the complete Brady Bunch, which is now available in a single, green shag-carpeted box. It RULES. There is something very soothing about all the wholesome characters and obvious plotlines. Although it is making me really wish we could afford to have an Alice in our house.

ameliaville
ameliaville
14 years ago

Head to their documentary section immediately!

Crazy Love
Dust to Glory
This Film is not yet Rated
Wordplay
Who Killed the Electric Car
Paris is Burning
CSA: Confederate States of America
Murderball
To be and To have -(slow but so sweet & good)
Mad Hot Ballroom
Born into Brothels
Devils Playground
Pumping Iron
Born Rich

so many more…

ben
ben
14 years ago

Just watched King of California, which was much better than I thought (putting the funny back in dysfunctional);

Recently got a kick out of Across the Universe (my son really, really likes the girl singing “I wanna hold your hand.” I think he may have a little crush)

If you want a non-sports sports movie, Balls of Fury fits the bill.

Fido will make you think twice when you watch your next Zombie movie. But it is also a zombie movie, and a love story, kinda.

Netflix just delivered Gone, Baby, Gone today, so I know what I’m doing tonite.

BTW, I’m visiting via a bizarre route starting with Zoot and one of her links and one of their links. Riley looks like a cool kid.

angela
14 years ago

Thought of two more:

The Painted Veil
Stardust (I enjoy Harry Potter movies and I loved the Golden Compass, so take that into consideration)

Jennifer
Jennifer
14 years ago

I’ll add to the pantload of rec’s for “Once” – drop everything you’re doing and tack it on to your queue, RIGHT. NOW. So, SO good. It starts off just a tad slow, but it becomes so great that you forget about it.

“Michael Clayton” is also good. We saw that this weekend. You can’t go wrong with the Cloon!

Tessa
Tessa
14 years ago

I fifty-seventh the recs for Once. Also I’ve been surprised to find I’m enjoying Breaking Bad on AMC – they play each episode about a kajillion times, so it shouldn’t be too hard to catch up…

CA
CA
14 years ago

I really liked Becoming Jane and The Jane Austen Book Club lately, but I’m not sure if your husband will like them. They are definitely both “chick flicks.”

I agree with those above who recommended Stardust and Once, but again, I’m not sure about JB liking them.

Someone asked above about The Martian Child and I can confirm that it is entertaining. Not great, but not cringe-worthy. As long as you like the Cusacks. Which I do.

I respectfully, STRONGLY disagree with the person who suggested Zodiac. Jake Gyllenhaal is my #1 all-time boyfriend, and even I thought that movie sucked big, big, hairy balls.

If you haven’t seen them before, I think both you and JB with thoroughly enjoy all the Bourne movies, Minority Report, and Casino Royale.

And last but not least, you should start watching Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles. Seriously. You can catch up at abc.com. Give it a few episodes to warm up, it’s worth it.

Christine
Christine
14 years ago

If you haven’t seen Grindhouse, do. I loved both “Deathproof” (directed by Quentin Tarantino) and Planet Terror (directed by Robert Rodriguez – it has ZOMBIES!!!)

Riley is truly the most suspicious looking infant EVA! Adorable.

Jem
Jem
14 years ago

Haha. Riley reminds me of Bret Michaels there for some reason, I have no idea why.

You guys are ahead of us in most movies, so maybe Sweeney Todd is already out on video there (DVD even)…I just saw it at the movies last night, but its almost at the end of its run. I LOVED it! I wish my boyfriend would adopt Johnny Depp’s haircut and paint his face white, but it seems that he won’t.

Kathryn
Kathryn
14 years ago

Oh my jesus, your children and their expressions crack me right up. How did Riley come to be so suspicious of the world?

And really, Kathie’s comment sums it up perfectly–they’re Pinky and the Brain.

Anya  Paull
14 years ago

Waitress (loved this snarky dramedy, it might also have been because it was the first flick I watched blissed out to be alone for 2 hours since having a kiddo!)
StarDust
Mad Men (Series from AMC but not out yet)

Just checked Netflix and they have the Joe Schmo Show Season One, which my husband and I watched years ago and laughed our asses off every single time it was on. An obscure series that mocks reality shows by putting on a fake show with actors, except one guy who thinks it is real. The show is so great because the challenges are horribly fake and hilarious and the guy who they picked as “Joe Schmo” is so incredibly sweet and nice that he really throws the actors off their mark by not reacting the way they assume he will. They copy all of the reality shows that were on at the time, complete with throwing the voted off contestants plate in a fireplace and exclaiming “You’re Dead to Us” and a huge bird named Manicore who flies in each scene with the challenge instructions attached to his claws…Anyway, major laughs or else the bar for what I found funny 5 yrs ago was pretty low!

Ninja carseat baby eyes is my absolute favorite :-)

thejunebug
14 years ago

I really only watch fluffy romantic movies, and usually literature flicks, like Becoming Jane. That was a fabulous movie, even if Anne Hathaway’s fake accent fades in and out.