JB and I were watching the show “Real Sex” on HBO last night — if that sounds kinky, believe me, it isn’t; that show is often fascinating and occasionally sort of shocking but it is never sexy, unless the image of doughy hairy people doing pervy things like, say, wearing saddles, bridles, and tassles shoved in their butts in order to look like a horse’s tail turns you on — and one of the segments was on “adult babies”. In order to forcibly tear the last shred of innocence from your brain I will explain that an adult baby is someone who likes to act and be treated like a baby, which includes being fed, dressed, and CRAPPING THEMSELVES IN THE GIANT DIAPERS CUSTOM-MADE FOR SUCH ACTIVITIES.

Maybe it’s the fact that I spend my days changing diaper after diaper, but the idea of cleaning up after an adult who purposefully shit themselves in order to experience some kind of fucked-up age regression fantasy makes me want to BARF. I mean, hey, normally I’m a whatever-floats-your-boat believer — like, you want to shove leather horse tails up your ass and gallop around pretending you’re a horny Barbaro, go for it; you want to cornhole various cavities in your teddy bear so as to better accommodate your mighty man-spear, CARPE DIEM. But adult babies . . . grah. I mean, what exactly triggers the desire to wear a size XXXXL onesie and have a pretend Mommy spooning Gerber’s in your mouth and powdering your genitalia? Other than a highly disturbing childhood trauma that should probably be treated with years of therapy and possibly a strong medication regimen?

Well, I sure sound intolerant over here, don’t I, over a harmless bunch of weirdos who are probably decent taxpaying citizens when they aren’t soiling their own pants. Blame it on Daylight Saving, which sent Riley’s sleep schedule straight down the rabbit hole and filled me with utter despair this morning when after my ususal wee-hour feedings with Dylan I got up for the day and it was DARK outside. There is only so much coffee can be expected to do, you know?

In happier, less ranty news: my bathroom scale read 148 this morning, down from 153 on 2/27. I’d like to thank Turbo Jam, fat-free Cool Whip, and the unholy prune-juice/watermelon taste sensation of Tab energy drinks for this encouraging progress.

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stephanie brown
stephanie brown
14 years ago

I also weighed myself this morning! I’ve lost 44 lbs since November, 60 more to go! :) Such a large number, but I’m almost to my half way point of 100 lbs!

JennB
JennB
14 years ago

I think I barfed a little reading that. Anyone who has to cornhole a teddy bear is, how you say, a little grody.

Swistle
14 years ago

I once saw a Jerry Springer episode on adult babies. Some guy who looked like a scrawnier, hairier, less-attractive Jeff Foxworthy was marching up and down the stage in a giant diaper, doing pelvic thrusts and challenging the audience to disapprove. I have never been the same.

warcrygirl
14 years ago

Have you seen the episode of CSI that had that in one of their investigations? Between that and the Furries episode I may never visit Las Vegas.

honeybecke
honeybecke
14 years ago

I remember watching a CSI Vegas about adult babies (and one about furries too!) and wow, I can remember being thouroughly disgusted and fascinated at the same time. SOme crazy shit right thar!

Congratulations on the weight loss, we’re rooting for you! And fat free cool whip you say…? I’ll have to give it a go.
Bugger about the sleep issue. I am happy to report that after five months of sleep issues from hell in our camp, that both the boys have slept the past THREE nights through and I feel like a new woman.

Sabine
14 years ago

I saw a documentary about the adult babies. Freaked me the heck out, and I know I must have had a suspicious look on my face (like Riley, only minus the innocence) for months afterwards as a I wondered if anyone in the elevator might be secretly wearing a diaper. I like to think that I am open minded, but I can’t go there. Just, ewww.

Congrats on the 5 pounds chica! I think I am going to have to get Turbo Jam myself, my workout videos are getting stale. I quit smoking two months ago and horizontal growth has occured in my mid-section.

samantha Jo Campen
14 years ago

I saw that CSI episode too and geeze. I just had no idea that even EXISTED. And frankly, I was a happier person back before I found out, too.

Congrats on the weight loss! We don’t have a scale at home so I have no clue what I weigh now. I’m curious, since I just had the baby a week ago yesterday. I only gained 25 pounds BUT that’s what happens when you give birth five weeks early. I had BIG PLANS for those last five weeks in the food department lemme tell ya.

Denise
14 years ago

This isn’t at all related to this entry, but the sex talk reminded me of the answers everyone was giving to your caption contest, and I thought of one that isn’t dirty in any way! :D So even though the contest is long over, and a winner was already declared, here it is.

“Dad can jump over the fence?!? He’s so freaking cool! I wanna be just like him when I grow up!”

Katie
Katie
14 years ago

I miss HBO and that show some nights, just to remind myself how normal we are. And that CSI episode of the “Furries” was on last night and just gave me the creeps!

Yay on the weight loss! I’m hoping that with the loss of snow and ice here I can go walking with the boys and lose more of my pg weight!

the goddess anna
the goddess anna
14 years ago

Yay for weight-loss, ick to adult babies! And that’s coming from a gal who is pretty damn kinky too. I love the CSI furries episode, don’t ask me why.

I’ve been down on myself for not losing weight very quickly, but after reading this post I realized I’ve lost 6 pounds in the last month – for me that’s a bit of a miracle! So thank you! : )

Kaire
Kaire
14 years ago

I’d never heard of furries until I was watching “Tori & Dean: Inn love” (yeah, so what!) Talk about heebie jeebies!

I like the smell of baby lotion, but there’s limits!

Peggasus
14 years ago

Apparently that CSI episode creeped a lot of us out. Sometimes, very uncomfortably and without warning, it pops into my head. And then I shudder and go Eeeeewwwwww….

Chris
14 years ago

wow. good for you for kicking that baby weight’s ass.

as for the adult babies…i’ve never gotten it. and won’t. EVER.

McWriter
14 years ago

Congrats on the weight loss! You’ll be back to pre-Dylan shape in no time.

In related news – have you seen this:
http://www.cardioke.com/HOMEPG.html

Holy crap – Billy Blanks has a son … and he’s created his own word hybrid and potential workout craze. Might be a [twisted] nice break from Turbo Jam.

Meagan
14 years ago

Linda, I’ve heard of this before, I think it’s called infantilism? I guess the appeal is the complete helplessness and lack of responsibility. I’ve noticed a couple things about it: 1. I’ve only ever heard of men being into it (whatever that says about men) and 2. I’ve not heard of anyone who’s into the other half of the fetish… A.K.A. being the person changing said Adult Baby. And I guess that’s why the brave dominatrixes (what the heck is the plural form of dominatrix?) that are willing to service them can charge a… wait for it… shitload of money.

angela
angela
14 years ago

I think Tab energy tastes like frozen grapes.

mandy
14 years ago

Eww. Thanks.

Congratulations on the weightloss. You are at my goal weight, which may take me 6 years to attain at the rate I am going!

Jennifer
14 years ago

You know, there is something to be said for being completely, totally and utterly vanilla in the boudoir. A friend of mine recently enlightened me to the Lovecraft/Cthulhu fetish and my mind was absolutely blown. To each his or her own though, just leave my butthole out of it.

Jamie
14 years ago

Congrats on the weight loss!

I can’t even comment intelligently on the adult baby thing. Just, ewwww. Bleh.

Nic
Nic
14 years ago

I am so totally squicked out by the adult babies thing… *shudder* As for having adult baby rooms with adult baby toys in a home? Oh my god, sometimes people just have TOO much money.

Naomi the Strange
14 years ago

I saw that episode too. It freaked me the fuck out. Those people are fucking WEIRD. Ew. I can’t believe people like that exist. I mean, what fucked up shit happened in their childhoods to warrant such a fetish?!? Seriously. Fucked UP.

Eric's Mommy
Eric's Mommy
14 years ago

OMG! We were just talking about adult babies at work the other day and that episode of CSI. That is so gross! How could anybody be into that?

Also Yeah for Turbo Jam, I started it about a week ago and feel great.

Kristen
Kristen
14 years ago

For anyone looking for a new workout DVD, I’m loving the Firm. I love that it comes with weights and there are so many workouts (5 DVDS, each with “express” options) that I don’t usually get bored.

It’s pricey, but I think worth it!

biscuit
biscuit
14 years ago

I saw that episode AFTER doing my baby’s nursery. I chose John Lennon for Carter’s Real Love theme. One of those tax paying freaks was wearing an adult-sized Real Love onesie.

I guess if I wanted to match my baby I know someone out there produces my size onesie.

Ack.

Christina
14 years ago

Like others I saw this depicted on CSI one time and I was equally as appalled and did not quite get it… let’s be honest I did not want to get it. ACK!

Good job on the weight loss. I hope I can have your strength one day after this baby arrives!!!

Val
Val
14 years ago

I do believe you should have posted the recent picture you took of yourself with the squished up face and pig tails. It matches what my face did after I read this entry.

Amy
Amy
14 years ago

…we had to stop watching Real Sex. It was turning us off too often. (Not that I have any problem with consenting adults doing what they want, blah blah blah, but… well. You understand.)

Congrats on weight progress! Is fat-free cool whip tasty? I’m shamefully in love with fat free, sugar free chocolate pudding. (Wtf is it *made* of, anyway? Do I really want to know?)

Leah
14 years ago

That’s my favorite Real Sex episode because it’s so bizarre. It’s one think to know about adult babies and to imagine what that whole thing is like, but it’s another thing completely to actually see it in action. The baby birthday party! Ack! And what’s with all the babies with moustaches?!

You know Jessica from kerflop.com, the one with the cloth diaper business. At BlogHer last year, Simon said to her, “Do you ever get requests from, um…” and she said, very matter-of-factly, “We are very familiar with the adult baby community. We’re happy to help them modify their patterns for larger sizes, but I request that they not send me any pictures or ask me to talk babytalk to them.” Can you imagine?

Emily
Emily
14 years ago

So here’s my favorite Real Sex story:

It’s Thanksgiving at my parents’ house and while cooking dinner I started playing around with my husband, smacking him with a spatula. . . as one does. And we both laughed and muttered “heh, pony play” and then turned to my brother-in-law, also in the room, also sharing the chuckle. And suddenly we all got the same look on our faces that said, “I watched Real Sex last week and you know it and I know it.” HBO: Bringing Families Together.

anna
anna
14 years ago

i have seen a doco on tne adult baby folk and man, it is so wrong, i mean really wrong….it makes me want to be sick also.
RE. the weight loss, congrats!

foodmomiac
14 years ago

When we lived in Toledo, I struck up a conversation with my seamstress/tailor. Turns out, she had a side business (with her elderly mom) sewing custom diapers for adult babies. I guess all the local people would walk into her shop and say, “Baby Eric sent me.” She said one of the local news anchors was an adult baby, but refused to tell us which one. When we talked, she was in the process of branching out into full-out S&M gear. I guess her mom did much of the work (sewing the leather, etc.).

K
K
14 years ago

We don’t have HBO anymore, but I remember that show! You are so dead-on about the doughy, hairy people. “Real sex” apparently involves a lot of post-middle-age flab and a desperate desire for the 60s to live on and on and on.

Also: Are you putting that Cool Whip on anything or eating it plain? If you’re down 5 pounds, I think I need to buy some, find out what the hell Turbo Jam is, and see if I can drink Tab energy drinks without gagging…

Jamie
Jamie
14 years ago

Real Sex is hilarious – the pony play one was funny, but I most enjoy the snippets of interludes where they give the “action” prop to drunk people on the sidewalk and ask them questions. Seeing the horrified faces of their drunk bf/gf/wife/husband when they admit to having a collection of acrylic butt plugs makes me laugh every. single. time. Never fails.

willikat
14 years ago

don’t watch shoot ’em up if you don’t want to be exposed to adult babies again. how freaky. i guess i’m just closeminded. i am not even going to pretend i understand 1 percent of those things.

Rumblelizard
Rumblelizard
14 years ago

Hey Sundry, I’m not sure if you heard about this already and it may be a moot point since the Smalltopus has seemingly gotten over his barfing problem, but I read this article http://www.salon.com/mwt/broadsheet/?last_story=/mwt/broadsheet/2008/03/11/omega_3_formula/ about how there are quite a lot of babies who can’t handle a certain additive that’s in about 90% of baby formulas out there. It’s an interesting article, and it made me think of you.

Also, yeah. “Real Sex” = Teh Totally Unsexy.

Canadian Coco
Canadian Coco
14 years ago

All I have to say is People, Grow Up. Diapers….yuck. I just got my last one out of them and don’t plan on going back THERE any time soon, or like, EVER.

And Daylight effing Savings? Just be glad you don’t have to have little peoples ready to pile out the door for the 4 block walk to the bus (in the rain!) at 7:30am which is REALLY 6:30am. But thanks for letting me vent ;) I’ll get over it. The whole newborn with toddler scene definitely is a flavor all it’s own though, and I FEEL for you!! You’re doing so well, Yay weight loss!! Way to go!

Missy k
14 years ago

OMG, you are so funny! You say the things I only think to myself, or maybe tell my husband. You gots guts spilling it all out there! :-)

Niki P
Niki P
14 years ago

Oh Linda. You have no idea my dear. There is a whole world of freaks out there. This, honestly, is why I am no longer married. You can do these things in marriage but both parties need to be on board with it. If one person has any doubts then it should be game over. My ex husband still doesn’t get it.

Jennifer
Jennifer
14 years ago

Adult babies…Wow. I can only imagine what Freud would have to say. Jeez. I have been reading to many psychology of development textbooks. Must…finish…masters degree.

Congrats on the weight loss! I was supposed to start my diet/exercise 2 weeks ago and haven’t done it yet. I figured, why bother? I’m going to New Orleans on Friday and plan on eating my weight in cajun food and beignets. Wahoo! I will start when I get back.

kristylynne
kristylynne
14 years ago

Congrats on the weight loss!

Glad my DH and I aren’t the only ones who watch Real Sex. We even Tivo it so we won’t miss it. The adult baby thing threw me too. I was shocked that those people actually allowed themselves to be on TV doing that. I mean, what if you work with one of those people, you know?

I’m glad I saw it though, otherwise I might have ordered entirely the wrong size of training pants off of ebay for my two-year-old. Apparently ebay is THE place for Adult Babies to shop, and size L “adult baby” training pants are quite a bit larger than standard size L training pants!

Julie
14 years ago

I’ve seen that episode and Eeewwwwwwwwwww. Real Sex has some weird shit on it.

We’ve been having sleep problems around here but it’s all because of the time change. It has messed us up big time!

Congrats on the weight loss. :)

Elisette
Elisette
14 years ago

Yes, thank you for the disturbing image directly before I try to sleep… eeyeuw.

Emily
14 years ago

Mmmmmm, Cool Whip. If I squeeze my eyes closed and concentrate real hard, I can make believe it’s ice cream. For like, two whole seconds.

Sarah
Sarah
14 years ago

Methinks you are getting close to the end of the post-childbirth mandatory sex hiatus…….I’ve noticed a trend in your posts lately. heh heh

I agree – Real Sex is definitely not sexy but it is kinda fascinating sometimes. Those home parties where people sit around and discuss odd sexual habits are way beyond freaky.

H
H
14 years ago

Good lord, I’m sheltered.

Josh
Josh
14 years ago

Dude, I’m with you on that whole no baby play during sex. Don’t get wrong, I may say the word baby, and there may be spanking, and occasionally even some milk of sorts, but poo is forbidden. Not cool. I may have occasionally been persuaded to try some off beat things I would not have naturally gravitated towards, but even weird freaks know poop is the fastest boner killer on the planet. Ixnay on the itshay, thank you very much weirdos. In fact, just go ahead and stop having sex altogether if you are into that sort of shit, no pun intended. The world doesn’t need any more girls sharing that legendary cup. Why can’t people just stick to midget porn and bukake like in the old days?

On the weight loss thing, I’ve almost completely eliminated beer from my mostly beer diet, and replaced it with healthy shit like meat and cheese and vegetables and whatnot, and I work hard every day, and somehow my weight stays the same, and my beer gut refuses to flee. If this continues I may have to occasionally flip past FitTV. I’m joking of course, I always skip that channel.

JMH
JMH
14 years ago

Adult babies?? Ya know, do what you want but I don’t want to see it on my TV!!! Gross!

Linda, if you want to drop inches quickly, try the T-Tapp workout. I discovered it via Moxie and I lost 10 inches and one pant size in 30 days WITHOUT changing my diet.(from a tight size 12 to a loose 10) I googled it and read a ton of info before I bought the book. I recently purchased the Total Workout DVD and I love it. It is a *very* different workout (I have Turbo Jam too) but it is hghly effective. BTW, you may not lose pounds qucikly, but you will get smaller! Good luck!

Jennifer
14 years ago

I live in a REALLY small town (pop 1600) and, when myspace first became popular I did a search for all the members from here. One twenty-something young man had a ton of adult baby stuff on his myspace page, including a picture of him in diapers. Ugh… Ever since then whenever I walk into the library, post office, grocery store, or gas station, I watch for him.

Tara
Tara
14 years ago

CONGRATS on the weight loss–that is awesome! I hear Chalene Johnson is working on a whole new series of workouts that are due out later this year–they sound more centered on strength training, and mixing up your exercises, reps & weights so that your body never has a chance to get too comfortable (i.e. you don’t plateau, you just keep getting results). Can’t wait to check those out. . .

And–adult babies? EEEWWWWW. I wasn’t particularly amused by my son’s newborn phase, so I sure as hell wouldn’t deal with that crap (ha) in someone who is TOTALLY old enough to take care of themselves. That is completely outside my realm of understanding. . . and it will stay there!

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