Helmets and facial deformities and infant chiropractic adjustments, oh my. I am gripped—GRIPPED I SAY—by a strong desire to change the subject, so . . . hey, do you have plans for Easter, or as my brother-in-law calls it, Jesus Comin’ Out of a Hole Day? JB’s parents are visiting for the weekend and I suddenly realized that JCOOAHD is this Sunday, holy (har!) crap, and I don’t have any bucolic family activities planned. No feasting on spring lamb or traipsing gaily through the (presumably dogshit-free) backyard in search of colorful eggs. We haven’t described the Easter bunny to Riley nor have we put together a basket of goodies for him, which I consider an EPIC FAILURE on my part because I may be a godless heathen but I do believe in a kid’s right to gnaw on chocolate deities a few times a year.

Maybe we’ll just rent Donnie Darko and have him watch it with us. What, it features a rabbit.

Oh, not really. I bet I end up running to the store tomorrow afternoon and buying Riley a basket full of random crap (“Here, have a D-sized battery!”) and some cellophane grass which the cat will probably choke on. And hopefully so, because I have decided that a 4 AM wakeup call from someone other than Dylan is currently punishable by DEATH.

What do your weekend plans include?

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Swistle
14 years ago

We didn’t do anything Easterish until our oldest was 3 years old. Well, okay, _I_ ate Easter candy, but we didn’t do anything specifically on Easter.

But now we have an annual egg hunt, and an annual Easter pie. We hide plastic eggs, we color actual real hardboiled eggs, and we fill a couple of Easter baskets with Good Candy for the adults to eat while we sit around watching the kids hunt and/or fight about who saw the egg first.

warcrygirl
14 years ago

Jesus didn’t come out of a hole, he came out of a CAVE. Jeez, tell BIL to get it right! We have an egg hunt tomorrow plus the usual church stuff on Sunday complete with a basket of goodies that everyone knows comes outta Mom’s closet. Maybe we can start calling it coming out of mom’s closet day?

And we won’t even discuss why I suddenly turned bright pink and began itching like crazy at 9 pm last night. At least I’m not allergic to Peeps.

Jill
14 years ago

I’m meeting a friend for happy hour tonight after first suggesting that we get together for brunch on Sunday. Um, right. Good luck making *those* reservations.
Other than that plans include forcing myself to go running and eating a shitton of jelly beans. What, just because I forgot about the holiday doesn’t mean I forgot to buy candy.

Jill
14 years ago

Also, warcrygirl, I’m pretty sure “coming out of mom’s closet day” is a different holiday entirely. One that includes a parade.

Chantal
Chantal
14 years ago

hahahahahaha “Jesus coming out of the hole day” is that akin to Christian Groundhog Day? I mean, if Jesus sees his shadow does it mean we have nine more months til Christmas??

Wendryn
14 years ago

We don’t bother with Easter. There are some benefits to being atheists. :)

We’re planning to take the dog road tripping this weekend. I can’t wait to see how much fun she’ll have at the beach! Ocean beaches are few and far between in Nevada, for some reason. We don’t know yet if we’re stopping someplace else first or just making a drive straight through, but it isn’t particularly important. It’s a weekend fun trip.

Naomi the Strange
14 years ago

I’m an Athiest. I don’t do Easter. I was raised in some interesting cultish christian sect, and we didn’t do Easter then either… so I suppose I never had any Easter celebration. Anyway, have a good weekend. Hope you find some fun family stuff to do with the visitors :)

Naomi the Strange
14 years ago

Um, I’m an atheist who can’t spell the word. CORRECTION: I’m an Atheist.

Melanie
14 years ago

I like to call it WDJGTWWBLD?D – “Why Does Jesus Get To Wear White Before Labor Day?” Day.

And Jill, showtunes. DEFINITELY show tunes.

Elizabeth
14 years ago

I recently found your blog from someone else’s blog (too many blogs lately to remember where!) and you crack me up!

I have been slowly going through your older posts at time allows. Luckily, I’m on spring break this week and the kids have been fairly good so I’ve had some extra time to read!

I love your blog and think you are a talented writer. Cute kids too!

For Easter we will color eggs and have a hunt and the Easter Bunny (a.k.a. mom and dad – hey I hide stuff in my closet too!) will leave goodies for the kids. Not sure if we will hang out with family or what – lots of issues with them lately.

Have a great weekend!

Shelly
14 years ago

Not to be a stick in the mud, or a party pooper or a real downer in any way, but I did have a cat choke on easter grass….and he died…..it made for quite the traumatic household scene.

I’m not a person that thinks all things should be ‘banned’ because of one incident, but I honestly cringe around the cellophane type of easter grass. We stopped buying it totally after that…….

Now, that doesn’t mean that the world needs to stop with the easter grass, but it was so coincidental that you mentioned your cat and easter grass…that I just had to comment.

My boys are teens, and they set out their little green baskets every year, waiting for them to be filled. Preferably with ‘green’ as in cash instead of fluffy stuff…….gone are the days when dollar store toys and candy filled their easter baskets……now they want Cadbury, iPods and money (and probably booze and ‘girls gone wild’ stars if I knew the half of it…..cringe)

So, back to the cat….and easter grass…I’m not looking for “sorry’s” or whatnot….think of my situation as a public service announcement…….just be careful..is all I wanted to say….

Someone Being Me
14 years ago

I did nothing for my son’s 1st Easter last year (mind you, he was 4 months old) so this year I went two weeks early and loaded up an Easter basket for him with animal crackers, rubber duckies, and stuffed animals. My Mom is hosting a big Easter party at her house so we will do that, after church of course.

Liz
Liz
14 years ago

We’re going to the neighborhood Easter egg hunt and festival. We are also godless heathens, so that will be it.

fairydogmother
14 years ago

Jill and Melanie are forgetting about some of the most integral parts of “coming out of mom’s closet day” (COOMD): Drag Queens and, of course, Dykes on Bikes!

Nicole
14 years ago

We are trundling up the Coquihalla to the Shuswap to visit my parents (because I miss my mommy).

I expect lots of turkey over the weekend. Mmmm. Turkey.

fairydogmother
14 years ago

Dammit, that should have been COOMCD.

I can’t believe I left out the closet!

Sadie
Sadie
14 years ago

There will be ham, lots of it, and elastic-waisted pants, and classic white-trash broccoli casserole, and probably some chocolate. For me, Easter is not so much a religious holiday as an excuse to eat like a pig. Which is what all holidays are about, if we’re being real here.

Val
Val
14 years ago

That’s a job for JB. It’s manly work. Disposing of dead animals is one of the only times I invoke the law of Man. That and changing a tire – I’ve yet been able to remove the bolts successfully myself.

victoria
victoria
14 years ago

I know you’re going to have a great weekend and will post lots of beautiful pics about it on Monday for our pleasure. This weekend I’m having a dinner party, and having a Sunday brunch to celebrate my husband’s grandmother’s 88th birthday. :-) Have a good weekend, Linda.

Brooke
14 years ago

My husband is an atheist. My daughter is going to spend the weekend with her Dad so she can celebrate. Husby doesn’t do Easter. He did come with me to church the first year we were together, and he doesn’t mind, but I don’t bother much with church anymore. My fam is tiny and his is far away, and our kids really don’t need any more stuff or candy, so we kinda blow it off. But I have been secretly enjoying Cadbury’s eggs all week and I may add jelly beans soon. I’m 9 months pregnant…it’s all coming out of the fuckit bucket.

Rayne of Terror
Rayne of Terror
14 years ago

We are athiests too, but we will be dying eggs tomorrow morning for the first time w/ my three year old. Then Sunday (my birthday) we’ll hunt them in the yard and gorge on the fancy chocolates and popcorn I bought. It will be jesus-free fun.

Emily
14 years ago

I don’t have to go to work till NOON on Sunday! That is what Jesus gave me for Easter. Also — on Sunday I will have been in Iraq for exactly one year (this time). So, break out the dusty chocolate and celebrate, for I have only nine weeks to go.

Eric's Mommy
Eric's Mommy
14 years ago

Don’t feel bad, we haven’t gotten Eric anything for JCOOAHD either.

My in-laws will be in St. Thomas so we will get to have an extended family free Easter! We’ll probably cook something fattening just for us and hang out at home.

Elizabeth
Elizabeth
14 years ago

I was feeling horribly slackeriffic for not doing anything for easter and justifying it by arguing that E is only 13 months old and won’t remember any of it anyway. But now I feel better since you say Riley doesn’t know what the heck Easter is either. So I’ll probably just throw the boy into some vaguely humiliating smocked Easter outfit and take some pictures to show his prom date in 17 years.

Elizabeth
14 years ago

oh, and I also plan on eating seventy two trillion Reeses’ Eggs.

Leah
14 years ago

I’m meeting some photographer friends to do a shoot at and around the Golden Gate Bridge, then cleaning the house furiously in anticipation of next week’s bachelor party after-party, and then going to a park to behold the roasting of an ENTIRE PIG with a bunch of fancy chef-type friends.

Also, I’m assembling Easter baskets for the cats because I have no children *sob*. That should also be punishable by death, no?

Anais
14 years ago

This weekend will be like a rollercoaster ride for me. My husband and I are celebrating our anniversary tonight by going to IHOP and eating a shitload of pancakes. Tomorrow we are attending my goddaughter’s 1st birthday party and Sunday we are going to paint our bedroom and the spare bedroom (which will become the baby’s room someday). Besides all that, we have to mail out a car insurance payment, go pick up an antique Chinese trunk I bought, put together an expensive carousel rocking horse for my goddaughter before heading to the fiesta and buy the paint for Sunday’s project. Time left to breathe? None at all.

Abby
14 years ago

We don’t do Easter. I’m agnostic, my daughter athiest, and I don’t even know what my son is. I am picking up the mower on Saturday, though, so I guess that makes me an optimist as well.

confiance
14 years ago

Weekend? What’s the weekend? A college student who only has class Mon-Wednesday, I’m already feeling like today is Sunday.

That said, plans include attempting to decide if I wanna go to grad school in Illinois, if I wanna sign a lease by phone/mail on an apartment. Plus a day trip to NYC for chocolate and sushi and write two papers on Sunday because both are due on Monday.

What holiday?

Elizabeth
14 years ago

My friend Rachel calls it “Zombie Jesus Day.” Which I thought you might like.

I’m glad I’m not the only one who isn’t enthusiastic about the Eater Bunny. My in-laws are going to be in town this weekend, so I put together tiny Easter gift bags with some chocolate-peanut butter eggs, chocolate bunnies, and Jelly Bellies. I wish I could have found some chocolate Jesuses, because that would have been hilarious and my in-laws would have been appalled. They celebrate Christmas and Easter, although they are agnostic (which is fine), but they get practically offended if anyone mentions what the holidays are actually about (which I think is ridiculous).

My mother-in-law wanted to buy a fancy egg dying kit at Williams-Sonoma to use with my 14-month-old, but I think I’ve talked her out of it. My fingers are crossed, as the thought of my little munchkin with dye in our apartment terrifies me. I’d like my deposit back if we ever move out.

Anyhow, I think we’ll be going for a hike with everyone on Saturday, and then abandoning the child to the care of her grandparents while we go out to dinner at a restaurant with table cloths.

Cobwebs
14 years ago

I can’t believe all my fellow nonbelievers saying they aren’t going to do anything this weekend. People, you have been handed a socially-acceptable excuse to eat chocolate. What is WRONG with you?

We’re going to dye a few eggs as a sort of formality, then collapse into a sugar coma.

Lara
Lara
14 years ago

I’m going to spend more time wondering how I managed to make it through my childhood alive with non-droopy parts considering there was no physical therapy and lots of cellophane grass.

I also may eat lots of chocolate.

cindy
cindy
14 years ago

We’re coloring Easter eggs this afternoon, going to an egg hunt and lunch with the Easter Bunny tomorrow (if my kids will even get NEAR the Easter Bunny), and I have had stuff for their Easter baskets for a couple of weeks. It’s the first time we’ve Done Easter with them. I have 2.5-year-old twin girls. They are each getting an egg-shaped travel Magnadoodle, a little egg full of M&M’s, a peanut butter egg, and an egg with some Backyardigans-themed toys in it (haven’t opened the egg yet to see what it contains). They have been playing with their little plastic Easter baskets all week, so I think they’ll go nuts with happiness on Sunday morning when they realize there are presents in their baskets.

daranaco
daranaco
14 years ago

Considering that I am 40 weeks pregnant, I really hope that Sunday is “Baby Coming Out Of A Hole Day.” I did not plan a thing for Easter Day. I had fully expected to be reclining gracefully on a hospital bed while all gathered around to admire me in all my maternal glory. Instead it appears the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Woman will be making an appearance at church followed by eating at some mediocre, over-priced buffet.

Valria
14 years ago

What did the Easter Egg say to the pot of boiling water?

Its gonna take me a while to get hard, I got laid last night.

sooboo
sooboo
14 years ago

That’s a pretty funny joke. We are going to my mom’s assisted living home for Easter brunch and then driving two hours to my mother-in-law’s, who is having a dinner party for a bunch of her friends, where I will try to avoid talking about politics. Every holiday it’s a choice of cooking or driving. This time it seemed easier to drive, then to clean the house!

Em
Em
14 years ago

Acting as today’s wet blanket, I’ve gotta’ say that cellophane easter grass is actually really dangerous for cats, and not great for dogs either. :( Nice paper-based easter grass looks classier anyway.

mixette
mixette
14 years ago

I just opened the package from my accountant with my tax return in it, so I will probably spend a lot of time this weekend saying ” oh shit, oh shit, oh shit.”

Maybe I’ll splurge on some of that easter candy when it goes on 1/2 price sale on Monday!

Sunshyn
14 years ago

I found some great Easter grass at Dollar Tree last year that sort of clings together and doesn’t make a mess. It looks kinda like cotton candy, without the stickiness. Or maybe clown hair. Only not scary clown hair, so don’t worry!

veralynn
14 years ago

The BF and I are driving from PA to MD Sunday for lunch with friends then hanging out and dinner with my extended family, eating lots of horrifically fattening foods. I took the day off Monday so hooray for not racing home and going to work exhausted the next day!

chrissy
chrissy
14 years ago

Church in the morning followed by an Easter lunch at my parents house & an Easter dinner at my husband’s mom’s house. It will be our first Easter with baby (7 months old). I’m really hoping one of the grandmas buys him an Easter basket so I can eat the candy. Preferably Starburst Jellybeans & Cadbury Mini Eggs. :)

rain
rain
14 years ago

coming out of lurkdom here to day that perhaps the Doomsday Patrol is out in force because its like a version of PMS. Except instead of Aunt Flo, they get the inlaws. Its the pre-bitchiness of impending inlawdome. I know I have it.

Im also a heathen, who only celebrates Easter in order to tell my kids a giant stuffed bunny comes to the house and fills them up with crappy toys and candy. And then I eat all the candy. The End. Oh, and my husband bought the Easter grass so I dont know if its the EVILTOXIC bunny grass or the more politically correct version and hell only knows I dont care.

rain
rain
14 years ago

To SAY, not to DAY.

I swear in real life I dont talk like that guy with the hat pulled over his face on Fat Albert.

Lisa S.
14 years ago

Emily, be safe in Iraq! I hope the next nine weeks fly by for you.

I will spend this weekend doing assorted church-y things, working in the yard, and timing our visit to the in-laws riiiiiiiiight after the inevitable egg-hunt-turned-brawl amongst the niece and nephews. If I am lucky, my MIL will have made a delicious, trashy potato-and-cheddar-and-sour-cream-and-corn flakes casserole. If not, I will console myself with many, many Reese’s eggs.

Martha
Martha
14 years ago

We are having the whole fam-damily over for Easter dinner which means we have to clean the house. And cook. And what the hell were we thinking? I’m 6 months pregnant and have no desire to clean or cook. I just want to eat Cadbury Eggs and the Reeses Eggs. Damn. But we do have a fun tradition which involves smashing each others eggs – the cooked ones of course. The victorious one gets an Easter basket prepared by moi. Shit, another thing to do tomorrow…

Ter
Ter
14 years ago

Weekend, last one before I have to go back to work. My man has promised me for almost a month now to take me to the state history museum; let’s see if he makes good on that tomorrow! He wants to go visit his mother tomorrow. Since I’m having brunch with her on Sunday, and I already saw her on Wednesday, I think three days (two consecutively) is a bit over-the-top (especially with no committment rock on my hand…). I had to face the fact that I have two dozen or so essays I’ve neglected for almost two weeks, so that’s it. That’s what I’m doing. Grading essays. Don’tcha just envy the heck outta me??

Amy
Amy
14 years ago

Perhaps the Bunny Bounce at the Woodland Park Zoo tomorrow, and then church and Easter dinner on Sunday (thank heavens a small Easter dinner as most of my friends around here refer to themselves as godless heathens.)

Oh. And remembering to tell my Southern Baptist minister of a grandfather that I did in fact go to church this week.

Jennifer
Jennifer
14 years ago

The only thing I have planned for Easter Sunday is trying like hell to avoid my mother-in-law, who I love (really!) but is almost always accompanied by my sack of shit brother-in-law. Bah. That’s the biggest problem about living in the same city as your in-laws, you feel like you’re obligated to spend holidays with them (ANGRY FACE HERE)