Aug
9
Forgive me for yet another progressive series of photos depicting my youngest child in the midst of some charming-only-to-me milestone, and rest assured it is highly unlikely I will ever foist a bunch of goopy foodface images on you again, but I can’t help myself, this cracks me up. Behold, Dylan is introduced to a small amount of rice cereal and pears:
. . . ?
. . .
. . . ? ??? !!!!
#$%&!
?
#@!$%@!
. . . . . . ?
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
. . . ? . . . ? . . .!!!!
$%&@&*!@#$%#@#!!!!!!!!
:-(
Aug
8
Fibrillation
Filed Under Uncategorized | 35 Comments
For anyone who may be considering the wisdom of acquiring the “Don Abandons Alice” instrumental piece from the 28 Weeks Later soundtrack (the music which as you SURELY remember accompanies the scene in the beginning of the movie when Don, as the title suggests, abandons his wife in the farmhouse and makes his terrified escape from the Rage-virus-infected, which are not technically zombies but dude, close enough) for the purpose of adding to your running playlist, I have the following advice: DO NOT DO THIS.
I can tell you from personal experience that the music will sound like one thing echoing tinnily from your Macbook speakers and then it will sound like something entirely different when it’s piped directly into your brain-holes via earbuds, and if you choose to listen to it while you’re out jogging — say, during a brief segment when your path winds through a wooded trail — the growing volume of the song will infiltrate all of your various adrenal glands, which will react by rapidly dumping chemicals into your body, chemicals whose purpose it is to inform you that you must ESCAPE, for you are PREY, a defenseless bag of flesh-and-fluids just waiting to be chomped into by a no-longer-human ghoul, and for a short period of time your pace will increase until your feet are pedaling in a furious blur several feet above the ground while your body hurtles forward, and your left eye will bypass years of evolutionary changes in order to migrate, flounderlike, around to the side of your head, where it will bug from its socket and roll wildly as it scans the nearby shrubbery for the motherfucking fast-moving zombies that are nearly on your ass, and by the time the music builds to its nerve-searing crescendo you will simply collapse in a heap of sweat and barely-restrained sphincter control.
Just skip all that and download “Paper Planes” instead, okay? It’s catchy.
Speaking of total body breakdowns, I bought that Jillian Michaels workout DVD some of you recommended and holy GOD. I almost skipped ahead to the Level 2 or 3 workout, thinking that despite the wreckage caused by trying to outrun nonexistent zombies my fitness level demanded such a challenge, and I can only assume that if I had done so you’d be seeing an entirely different sort of update on this page. Like a somber announcement from JB that he had discovered my corpse in front of the TV, Jillian still reminding me not to phone it in, Cat hunched proprietarily over my nose.
Yeah, so I did the Level ONE workout, which by the way is only 20 minutes LONG, and I had to pause the DVD more than once in order to weep piteously into the carpet. It was so goddamned hard that I actually welcomed the cardio segments as a restful, spalike break from the glute-and-shoulder trauma involved in the strength routines. If you’re looking for something to mightily and thoroughly kick your ass in a short amount of time, I highly recommend checking this video out. Or you could always go running while listening to nerve-wracking horror movie music, but you might want to pack an extra pair of underwear.
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