How can I thank you guys enough for your amazing comments? I kept finding myself making this grimacey half-smiling, half-sniffling trembly-lipped face while reading some of the stories you shared, and occasionally letting out a horrified little bark of laughter. Oh, what awful, awful moments we’ve all dealt with, and what a relief it is to be reminded once again that I’m never alone in this overwhelming parenting business.

Dylan is fine and we have moved on to the whistling-in-the-dark stage of cracking jokes about his banged-up little face. “What’s up, Bruiser?” we say, tickling his belly. “Should have seen the other guy, right?”

Seriously: thank you. So much. It helped more than I can say.

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Poor little bunny.

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Still cute, though.

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Also still cute.

dinnerpron.jpg
LESS CUTE.

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Liz
Liz
13 years ago

OH MY GOD that is hilarious. To me. I can see how it might be obnoxious for you.

Awww, Dylan doesn’t look so bad. Poor little guy!

Junni
Junni
13 years ago

HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAA

Oh God. I needed that laugh. Thank you.

I’m sure we’re all giving e- boo boo kisses.

ellie
13 years ago

funny…but the bruiser look kinda suits him :-) he looks pretty happy with himself there – so i’ve a feeling the experience wasn’t nearly as tragic as, of course, we “adults” would think. you have a beautiful family there. hugs and kisses all around.

Moose
13 years ago

For what it’s worth – from someone who knows you only via blog and has precisely no experience parenting – I think you’re an amazing mother.

Have you ever clocked his time on unearthing and assembling french fries into the appropriate lewd message? Has he gotten faster with practice?

lucidkim
lucidkim
13 years ago

i love the potato alphabet message…that’s hilarious.

glad the little one is doing well :)

kim

Kate
13 years ago

That’s totally something my husband would do.

Adorable boys, btw. Dylan’s little sleepy face ? Nom nom nom…

Joanne
Joanne
13 years ago

So glad to hear he’s doing well!
And give yourself a break – one of the many joys of parenting is the multiple ways you can end up messing it up – but then there’s all the ways you get it right.

Jo
Jo
13 years ago

Sleeping Dylan is adorable. Love the potato message!

Karen
13 years ago

OMG! Are our husbands related? Now that? Funny.

Dylan is still gorgeous. I’ve (unfortunately, in person, and on my own offspring) seen MUCH worse. Just wait till they start playing football! I think you’re still in the running for the Mom of the Year award….

justmouse/chaosmomm
13 years ago

i ask my son about stuff that happened when he was little, and he doesn’t remember it AT ALL. so no worries. your little dylan is obviously a happy guy, and suffering no lingering after effects of his mishap.

also: am very glad i have never bought alphabet taters. can only imagine the stuff my husband would come up with!

Jan
Jan
13 years ago

Glad everyone is doing OK. And the message? I get messages all the time from my husband on our fridge door made out of magnet letters.

Joanne
13 years ago

I was dying to see a picture – it’s not too bad now! I’m sure it was worse but man, he looks pretty good, tough! I have to say, I kept thinking of my girl in that situation and I bet she would STILL be crying. I can’t believe what a wussy she is, compared to my boy. I’m sure it’s just personality and not sex, but still. WUSSY.

Danell
Danell
13 years ago

Dylans smile is one of the Top Ten Cutest Things on Earth Ever.

I’m going to get some of those alphabet fries now…because I’m going to spell out “Mom wants a backrub”. or maybe “diamonds”.

Claire
13 years ago

At least you can still find the humor in life, even when things are looking down. At least, JB can. :)

Tara
Tara
13 years ago

I’m so glad you’re feeling better. While I have apparently blocked most of the details, I am fairly certain that I am directly responsible for incidents that resulted in nasty bruises, huge goose-eggs, and terribly bloody, busted lips for my son, so, uh, yeah. We’ve all been there! Thank goodness the little ones are so resilient.

That last picture made me spray coffee. JB sounds a lot like my husband. I’m not sure if I’m sad that we live on opposite coasts, or glad that the two of them can’t join forces to come up with new ways to be rude & crude.

nonsoccermom
13 years ago

Aww, poor little dude. He’s still a cutie, of course, and I just can’t get over his red hair!!

Your husband makes me laugh and laugh.

Amanda
13 years ago

Aw, he still looks gorgeous as does big brother!

Krissa
Krissa
13 years ago

I can’t believe you would mention some lewd sex act after showing pictures of your sad baby, how dare you! *clutches pearls*

Just kidding – it reminded me of an infamous parentdish post, so I thought I’d bring you back there, too. :D

Jillian
13 years ago

That last picture made me tear up from laughing so hard.

Glad the little guy is doing okay. My son ran into the corner of a wall on Tuesday and split his head. On Wednesday, he fell off the bed and hit the same spot of his forehead off of a dumbbell I had near the foot of the bed for some reason. Yesterday, he was playing on the bed and ran head first into the wall behind it.

I feel for you.

Heather
Heather
13 years ago

Those boys are so cute! And I love the message. How creative!

Dan
Dan
13 years ago

It’s crazy how the little people don’t get phased. They’re only concern is seeing your face again. I love that feeling!

Plus it’s quite strange how those letters fell out of the bag first and in that order. As a husband and a father those things happen to me all the time.

clarabella
13 years ago

Dylan is still most precious, scrapes and all.
Oh my god, JB is funny. Also, don’t tell my partner that alphabet taters exist or I will start getting similar messages.

Traci
Traci
13 years ago

By the time I got to your last post, there were so many comments I couldn’t bring myself to add another. But, along with everyone else, could totally empathize with this from my own experiences (one of those good ones- mommy and daddy bickering while baby on bed- baby crawls to side and falls off on wood floor- mommy and daddy really feel bad), and had tears rolling down my face as I read through the replies.

It’s good to hear you’re all moving along, and doing well enough to write naughty things with food!

kristylynne
kristylynne
13 years ago

It really doesn’t look that bad. But I understand how this incident ripped your heart out.

My 3-year-old has a scar just below his nose from where he fell off a concrete bench at the ice cream shop. He was falling backward and Daddy tried to catch him and his head bounced off Daddy’s hand and he smacked his face on the bench that he’d just fallen off of. Talk about parent guilt. Daddy still has not forvigen himself. Then, to add insult to injury, we spent 5 hours in the ER, til 2 a.m., and in the end the stupid doc glued his cut OPEN. It healed that way, hence the big scar. Every time I look at that scar, I feel terrible. Will never go that ER again, if I have any say in the matter.

But, he’s fine, you know. Accidents. They happen.

Glad that Dylan is OK!

donna
donna
13 years ago

Jeeze, the way you talked I thought he had major life altering trauma to his entire body. Those are just little scratches……(in the greater scheme of things that is,) and just wait, it will get so much better.
LOL, you are totally in for a rough ride with two boys, and we will all be here to laugh, or cry or whatever!
And JB? just got his initials wrong, I’m sure he didn’t mean anything by it.

Lisa
Lisa
13 years ago

just chiming in to say that i feel your pain…as a mom to a little boy (and another one on the way) i anticipate MANY trips to the ER and/or several thousand boxes of band aids in the coming years. your boys are adorable and i’m glad to see you still have a sense of humour about things…what the hell would we parents do without that to help us get through the day?

and i had no idea they made frozen french fries in letter shapes! must get some immediately!

Eric's Mommy
13 years ago

Give Dylan’s boo-boos a kiss for me, he looks fine and happy!

Also, the Daddy wants a BJ, too funny!!

Casey
13 years ago

Maybe dad should get acquainted with the vacuum cleaner or pool filter?

Glad the kid is ok now and you can let a little humor into the situation.

Dianna
13 years ago

Good thing the boys can’t read yet! Funny though!

bessie.viola
13 years ago

I think my husband now has a man-crush on yours. He cannot stop laughing. It’s totally something he would do. Aren’t we lucky?

Dylan is adorable, boo-boo or no. Makes me want to give him big feel-better kisses!!

Artemisia
13 years ago

As a non-mom,(so this may be worth zip) I think you are a FANTASTIC mom. Very, very engaged yet not overly absorbed, funny and reverent. I’ve recommended your blog to my sister who is a new mom because I think you are a great role model.

Dylan seems to have made it to the other side of this experience in spectacular fashion. You will, too.

Re: The message in the fries: It seems they are ALL relentless, yes?

Amy
Amy
13 years ago

Leave it to JB to come up with a pornographic use for a toddle snack! Friggin hysterical……….my husband thinks it’s a great idea and wants to know if it would work for him (Ahhh, NO)

Bruiser looks great….still as cute as ever!

Alyson
13 years ago

Sorry I missed all the trauma from yesterday’s post. But hey….they live. First time my DH was put in charge of #2 son entirely on his watch, dear son pulled a director’s chair down on himself and loosened the only two teeth he had in his head! Lost one eventually, but when his big boy teeth grew in, there the new one was, safe and sound where it was supposed to be.

You weren’t perhaps planning to have a family photo taken, were you? When the boys were little, seems like every time it was studio pic time, somebody got a black eye, or a bloody gash or something equally ghastly. Strangely enough, even with all the bumps and bruises, only ONE of my kids has ever had to go to the emergency room…and that was when he was 15 and dislocated his shoulder playing baseball. Their Dad has been to the emergency room a lot more in the past 5 years than all three of the kids combined! Keep an eye on JB, HE’S the dangerous one!

tash
13 years ago

hahahahaah

Shutter Bitch
13 years ago

And that is why I don’t buy the letter chicken nuggets.

But damn, JB is hilarious.

warcrygirl
13 years ago

HAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Glad to hear Dylan is on the mend; looks like the fall hurt you more than it hurt him. And can I just say, I’m LOVING his hair!

BRash
BRash
13 years ago

Two anecdotes – both about my mother. First, I always thought she had pretty poor bed-side manner while I was growing up, so I’ve decided to make up for lost time and forced her to start saying “poor little bunny” to me anytime I’m sick or tired or down or whatever. Second, she once visited and brought my son alphabet cookies, and then asked me to give her just a few to snack on. I arranged four on the plate and then made fun of her relentlessly when she ate the “POOP”.
And yes, I am an adult. Why do you ask?

Christina
Christina
13 years ago

When I read your twitter message – the first thing that comes to mind when I see the word “Namaste” is Lost. :) I guess I’m not up on the yoga lingo lol.

anna
13 years ago

So adorable, all of them, except the last one, which . . . LOL.

Leslie
13 years ago

Let me share two stories with you that I swear will make you feel much better about your parenting abilities. Both of these things happened during a family trip to Hawaii to visit the grandparents.
A couple of days into our trip, we went swimming. I was in the locker room changing and my husband had our son, who was 18 mos at the time. I came out of the locker room and there’s my husband sitting in the baby pool RIGHT NEXT to our son, inspecting a hole in the pocket of his swim trunks, and there’s our son, floating face down in the water, trying to get his little feet underneath him again. I screamed at my husband “Get him up! Get him up!”. It completely freaked us all out and my husband felt like a huge bucket of shit and I think I must have said “NEVER EVER take your eyes off of him in the water! EVER!” to my husband like a million billion times after that. About a day to two after that lovely incident we were at a flea market in Honolulu and my husband let our son out of the stroller so he could walk around. I told him that I didn’t think that was such a good idea because it was very rough and bumpy pavement and I didn’t want him to trip and fall. Of course, he did and he went headfirst into the pavement. A huge crowd let out a collective gasp when he hit because his head sounded like a melon hitting the ground. It was horrid. He had a huge knot on his forehead for days.

Anyway, I had better stop there before someone reading this decides to send the shitty parent cops after us! Kisses to Dylan – even with scratches he’s still super duper cute.

mel
mel
13 years ago

lol….the husband is funny. :)

Cami
Cami
13 years ago

This ost was Awesome!!! Glad to see the munchkin is doing well. Riley also looks adorable.

Undomestic Diva
13 years ago

Oh, that is soooo my husband.

willikat
13 years ago

you rock as a mom. and you never have to question that.

Sonia
13 years ago

So I showed my husband the tater-tot porn photo, and I think JB’s fan club just gained a new member.

Kazelnxz
13 years ago

Hi webmaster!

Josh
Josh
13 years ago

Just give him more BJ’s damn! The guy is crying out for help and you’re ignoring him. he could be on a BJ ledge, staring down at the bleak, oral sex-less world beneath him, wondering if life is really worth it all. What if he wakes up one morning and realizes that all his hysterical pleas for a little knob slobberin have fallen of deaf ears and he decides to swim out to sea and never return, like that guy in Forest Gump? Could you live with yourself knowing that the burden of a potentially dead (potentially super happy in the land of blowjob mermaids) husband will be missing from your family forever cause you couldn’t take a few minutes out of your schedule and deal with a sore jaw to show little tokens of your love and affection? He kills spiders for you, what do you want woman? Why must you be so cold and heartless?

WhenSheWorePonytails
13 years ago

Been there on the injured little one and found myself crying, “How could I let that happen” and boy did it suck. I’m glad Dylan is on the mend. You have adorable little guys. And awesome food messages. I’ll have to get some of those only mine will spell out, “Take out the damned garbage, fool!” Are there exclamation points in the bag?

Reese
Reese
13 years ago

So glad that he’s doing alright! Your boys are so cute. :) I’m LMAO at the message though.

Laure
Laure
13 years ago

Do you want an another baby ?