It’s the rare blog post that I regret for its honesty, but I do find that I often feel compelled to provide an immediate update when the last entry is Uncharacteristically Bleak. And so: my morning sucked, and then the day improved immensely, thanks in no small part to your comments. JB took me out to lunch, the boys joyfully greeted me at home with their usual blathering chaos, and the badness was swept under the rug where it has no doubt taken up residence with all the other unpleasant experiences that you hope you don’t re-visit on your deathbed.

I never know how to say thank you in a way that conveys how much I mean it, but I’d hate to not say it at all, so just this, then: thank you.

In a return to humor in our household, JB showed me a text message he’d received today by accident. Now, most of us would probably either ignore a wrong-number text message, or perhaps provide a polite “Sorry, you have the wrong person” response, but not JB. Oh no. Behold his creative response (his messages are in green):

wrongtext.jpg

Sadly for us all, the no-doubt confused and unhappy Friend of Ruth never wrote back.

Lastly, I’ve been walking by this toy for the last several days and every single time I see it I think LABIA. I’m not saying this is what my own personal labia resembles, but am I just a dirty-minded Liberator-owning smutbag here or is this thing totally pornographic?

piratehatorsomething1.jpg

PS: It is a pirate hat. Supposedly.

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Heather C
Heather C
13 years ago

I’m glad your day got better.

Jen
Jen
13 years ago

Pirate hat, my ass. That thing is freakin’ creepy.

sas
sas
13 years ago

for a ship of Vagina Pirates maybe…

Sunny
Sunny
13 years ago

Or rectum?

Pete
Pete
13 years ago

Catchers Mitt? Mick Jagger’s lips after a fight?

Kristi
13 years ago

Ass Pirates – that must be it.

Both my husband and myself laughed hysterically at JBs reply to Friend of Ruth! That is classic!!! and perfection for my Monday. Thank you JB.

Ashlea
13 years ago

Im glad your day got better! It must be the week because everybody i know is having a crappy Tuesday. (oh… wait… its Monday for you. meh, ill go with the crappy week thing)

I love the comments on the phone. The poor girl was probably so confused, and i can imagine the converstaion she will have later with the friend who gave her the number.

And yeah… I agree with you. The “pirate hat” doesn’t look so innocent.

sweetcheese
13 years ago

HOW is that thing a pirate hat?!?!!

andrea
13 years ago

Thank you for the laugh after an exceptionally tough day. So unfortunate that Ruth didn’t supply the requested picture.

That so called hat is totally labiaesque. This is coming from a mom who just spent three hours in a ‘birds and bees’ class talking about labias, vulva’s and of course scrotums as well.

k
k
13 years ago

i’m trying to see a pirate hat. I’m trying to see a pirate hat. I’m trying to see a…
yeah, no. It’s a labia.

Lesley
Lesley
13 years ago

what k said. heh.

It reminds me of a Rolling Stones album cover but without the tongue. *shudder*

samantha jo campen
13 years ago

I wouldn’t have even seen a pirate hat if you hadn’t said anything. That is jacked up.

Labia? Or LAIR?

MUAH HA HA HA HAHA!

Eric's Mommy
13 years ago

I’m so glad your day turned out better.

OMG, JB’s comments for that wrong number were hilarious! You know what he should have done when she said “I thought you cut hair” he should have said, “Yes pubic hair” OMG that would be so gross.

As far as that “pirate hat” goes, it looks like a hoo-hoo to me too!

wn
wn
13 years ago

Glad the day ended better!

Laura
Laura
13 years ago

Nope, that is definately Labia-Riffic!

Marin
13 years ago

That is so far from a pirate hat. Eww.

Stacey
Stacey
13 years ago

I prefer to see two larvae. or croissants. But yeah, labia.

Brenda
13 years ago

That’s a good one. I hope your kids inherit your and JB’s naughty of sense of humour.

I tried making mini bowling pins for my son with Play-Doh recently and all I managed to make was something that strongly resembled a penis. Was planning to take some pictures of it, you know, to add to my collection of toddler memorabilia, but the babysitter destroyed it. I watched her face closely as she picked it up but she didn’t register humour nor disgust. Hehehh.

Dana
Dana
13 years ago

No it’s not. It’s a labia.

Stacy
13 years ago

Labia pirates or possibly a mangled anus.

Teralyne
13 years ago

glad things got better for you and that sure don’t look like not pirate hat

Felicia
Felicia
13 years ago

LMFAO at “Vagina Pirates” :)

I’m so glad your day got better

Julie
13 years ago

Yo ho ‘ho and a bottle of Astroglide!

Sarah
13 years ago

That…is a pirate hat? I see the same thing.

Overall, I’m gald you day got better!!

Mary
13 years ago

JB is kind of like fast food: So awesome, and the right amount of evil.

jennifer
jennifer
13 years ago

It’s a pirate hat in the same way Georgia O’Keeffe’s flowers are just flowers.

Stephanie
Stephanie
13 years ago

Sitting here laughing my ass off..at the text and the labia. Thanks for starting my day off right!

Tara
Tara
13 years ago

I just read your previous post after seeing this one–I am so sorry you had such a shitty morning. I cringe to think of the times that I have lost my temper with my son for no good reason whatsoever, and the way his face crumples at those times. . . well, you know. But at this age, at least, it’s easy to make it all better with “sorry” and a hug & kiss.

The text message conversation is HILARIOUS, by the way. And that is no pirate hat that I ever want to see, thank you.

ali
ali
13 years ago

um. i kinda love JB right now ;)

Harper
13 years ago

eeeww a jenna jameson labia maybe… thing looks rode hard and put up wet

glad your rain cloud dissapated

Kathy
Kathy
13 years ago

It kinda looks like a smiling anus….

Brooke
13 years ago

Sorry about your Monday AM. I’ve done that too, and I always hate myself for it. The other day I was cleaning my room and I found a note that my daughter had slipped under my door while I was crying about something one time, undoubtedly after yelling at her to shut up or something because the note said, “Mom, I’m sorry I talked. I love you. T.” I felt like shit when I re-read it and I don’t even remember what it was about.

LOVE JB’s messages to Friend o’ Ruth. I hope they get a kick out of it when Ruth and Friend realize Friend texted to the wrong number. But iChat? On a PHONE? It’s ALMOST enough to make me switch to AT and T. But not quite.

And? Vagina Pirates? LMAO. That is hysterical.

Kalisa
13 years ago

Now I can’t even remember what a pirate hat DOES look like.

biscuit
13 years ago

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH!

this has to be one of my fave posts ever! the humor of you + JB combined is beyond hilarious!

I do agree that “hat” is labia. I can’t even see how it’s a hat.

if there is a ‘found porn’ pool on flickr, you gotta submit!

Paige
13 years ago

JB’s text is hilarious. That “pirate” hat does look suspicious. I actually thought it looked like edamame at first.

Anais
Anais
13 years ago

“dirty-minded Liberator-owning smutbag”

I guffawed at that. Thanks. I needed a good laugh. But yes, that thing doesn’t look like an innocent children’s toy at all. When I saw the photo myself, I at first thought it was a pair of bronzed lips… not labia, just lips…but well, labia it might as well be.

nonsoccermom
13 years ago

Hmmm. That thing does NOT say “pirate hat” to me.

Meagan
13 years ago

You know how when someone shows you a picture that is obviously two faces, and they try to claim it’s a vase, and then suddenly all you can see is a vase even though you know it’s two faces? I sort of feel like that right now, only I’m pretty sure that thing was never a pirate hat, no matter what the toy seller claimed.

Anyway, I hope someone texts ME from a wrong number soon. What fun.

Lori O
13 years ago

Oh hilarious. Both the text messages and the “pirate hat.” Funny my dad had a mistaken recipient in a text message conversation yesterday also, regarding my brother’s emergency splenectomy (i.e. take out ruptured spleen – yet another organ we can live without!). That poor recipient was probably thoroughly alarmed till he figured out it was the wrong number!

mixette
mixette
13 years ago

That toy; it is totally vulvar!

JB rules. Some may have *thought* of that awesome reply, but how many would actually have sent it. Only those with the mad fence-jumping ninja skilz….

Jennifer
13 years ago

Way too funny on the text. I wonder if it all ever made its way back to Ruth, whoever she is.

Melissa
Melissa
13 years ago

Totally pornographic toy. Ha.
JB is hilarious with the texting…wonder what the girl is thinking.

Marie Green
13 years ago

It surely doesn’t look like a pirate hat to me. My aunt has a dresser with these fancy handles that look for all the world like hairy balls. True story.

Glad life went back Up for you yesterday. =)

Sarah
13 years ago

How hilarious! We have the same pirate, who we call Captain Vaginahead!

Kaire
13 years ago

Butt pirate?

Heather-in-Australia
Heather-in-Australia
13 years ago

It certainly looks like it’s had a jolly rogering, aye ;).

Heather-in-Australia
Heather-in-Australia
13 years ago

PS: ROFLing at Stacy, “mangled anus”, heh :)

AmyQ
13 years ago

Awesome. Love the texts. And the hat…definitely not so innocent. Somewhere someone in the design is laughing his ass off that it got approved.

Danell
Danell
13 years ago

it looks like something you’d be able to order from one of those catalogs of “novelty chocolates”…i mean, i ASSUME you could order something like that…

LLL
LLL
13 years ago

I can’t even picture how it is a pirate hat…really? Some creative young toy maker is laughing his ass off at whoever bought that as a pirate hat!