Feb
19
Wove, sweet wove
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Oh, what the hell. Relationship meme-y quiz thing, found via Dooce.
What are your middle names?
Mine is Lee, JB’s is William.
How long have you been together?
Just about exactly ten years: we started dating in 1999, and got married in 2001.
How long did you know each other before you started dating?
Maybe a year or so? We were both working for a company in Corvallis called Acres Gaming. I was their receptionist, JB was in purchasing. There was this whole thing about how employees were supposed to use a side door to avoid walking through the front office and disturbing the front desk person and JB would always come BARGING through the front door and stomp right by my desk on his way to the mailroom. He had me at RUDE BARGING ASSHOLE WHAT IS HIS GODDAMNED PROBLEM .
Who asked whom out?
I did my level best to send every message possible that I would be more than receptive to a, you know, overture on his part, but it wasn’t until I left that job and moved to Portland that we started talking over email and eventually dating. I’d say it was a mutual interest at that point, rather than one person asking the other out.
How old are each of you?
JB is 35, and as of today, so am I.
Whose siblings do you see the most?
Definitely JB’s, being as how I am an only child.
Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?
Ah, that would probably be parenthood.
Did you go to the same school?
Nope. JB graduated from Oregon State University, and I *mumble mumble something school of hard knocks? mumble*
Are you from the same home town?
No, JB is originally from Coos Bay, Oregon, and I was born in Manassas, Virginia. One of us has fond memories of hush puppies, the other knows how to skin an elk.
Who is smarter?
JB is definitely smarter with numbers, logic, maps, and the uncanny ability to recognize actors’ voices in commercial voiceovers or animated films. I’m usually better with, uhhhh . . . what are those things called? Words. Yeah.
Who is the most sensitive?
Me, definitely. I am a delicate flower, when I’m not busy horrifying people around me with bukkake references.
Where do you eat out most as a couple?
A nearby sushi restaurant in Bellevue called Tuna House. Yes, we most often eat out as a couple at the TUNA HOUSE. Heh.
Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
Thailand.
Who has the craziest exes?
Neither, I guess. No drama there.
Who has the worst temper?
Hmm, probably me. I’m more apt to burst into flames during an argument, while JB is more of the issue-a-withering-statement-and-freeze-you-out-for-the-rest-of-the-night type. It’s been a long time since I’ve thrown anything at him, though, so maybe I’m making progress.
Who does the cooking?
JB’s idea of cooking is dialing a pizza place, so that would be me.
Who is the neat-freak?
JB is surprisingly anal about how dishes are supposed to be put in the dishwasher — I say surprisingly because this is the same man who recently tried to kill me with a horror-movie-esque knife arrangement — but I’m typically the one chasing down the majority of the clutter in our house. I wouldn’t say either one of us is a neat freak, though. Parenthood and neat-freakedness do not mix.
Who is more stubborn?
We are both hideously stubborn. It’s like two donkeys living together, and judging by Riley’s emerging heel-digging traits, our children are probably going to be GIANT PAINS IN THE ASS. Even more so than normal, I mean.
I’ll tell you, though, JB’s stubbornness eclipses mine in certain areas. Example: so every time JB calls that aforementioned pizza place, he insists he has a coupon for a large pizza and demands the coupon price. He has never owned such a coupon and I don’t even know why he started saying he did, but usually the delivery guy doesn’t ask for it and the web of lies can continue. This week, however, the guy on the phone got cocky with JB and started asking for details — what did the coupon say, when did it expire, etc — and finally said, “Look, do you have a coupon or NOT?” JB kept saying he DID, but his WIFE had it so he couldn’t give out DETAILS, he’d just hand it over when the pizza was DELIVERED, GOD.
So the delivery guy shows up and it turns out, it’s the same guy who was on the phone. And instead of dying of SHAME, JB just says, “Dude, here’s the deal, I’ve got a twenty dollar bill here. I couldn’t find the coupon, but you can either ring it up at the more expensive price and take a smaller tip, or you can use the (FAKE) coupon price and keep the change. Your choice.”
Delivery guy goes for Option B, and JB’s all, SCORE. Even though it cost the SAME. Because damn it all, he has to get that (NONEXISTENT) COUPON PRICE, or the WORLD IS GOING TO END.
Who hogs the bed?
Neither, unless JB’s hoping for a little somethin’ somethin’. Which reminds me of the conversation we had yesterday after I’d gotten home from my uber-early flight from LA and had crawled into bed hoping for a quick nap before picking up the kids.
JB: “So . . . backdoor?”
Me: “You’re funny.”
JB: “Front door?”
Me: “AM TIRED. AND GROSS. LEAVE ME BE, HUSBAND.”
JB: “. . . mouth?”
Who wakes up earlier?
JB, usually, but not by much.
Where was your first date?
A New Year’s Eve party. He showed up with a backpack full of Coors Light. HOT.
Who is more jealous?
Neither of us, really.
How long did it take to get serious?
Not long. We started dating in January of 1999, and had moved in together by the summer.
Who eats more?
He usually eats more during a meal, but I’m the one who snacks pretty much all night long. (Here is where JB would like to say something about a protein snack, but for god’s sake, I’m talking about baby carrots.)
Who does the laundry?
JB can put dirty clothes in the washing machine and turn it on, I don’t think he’s physically capable of the remaining steps. Sometimes I “accidentally” drop his clean underwear on the dog-hair-littered floor as I’m taking it out of the dryer. What?
Who’s better with the computer?
I used to be the only one with a Mac, so at one point he was far better than me with a PC but could not figure out how to use the Finder in Mac OS X (“I AM CLICKING THE SMILEY FACE WHAT NOW?”). Now that he’s got a MacBook, he’s probably more proficient at me in general, although I’m better at certain apps.
Who drives when you are together?
JB, almost always. He has “control issues” and clearly fancies himself the better driver. I’ll concede to his superior ability to back into tight parking spots and navigate off-road, but I’d also like to point out that only one of us has received, like, three speeding tickets in the last year.
Your turn! Come on, it’s more fun than that 25 Things quiz.
Feb
16
Adult life and interests
Filed Under Uncategorized | 89 Comments
We had some friends over for dinner last night, a married couple expecting their first child this summer. I was a little nervous about the get-together, mostly because I didn’t want to horrify them with a bleak glimpse into their parental future. As it turned out, though, the children were fairly decently behaved and hopefully didn’t freak them out too much. Sure, there was that awkward moment where five seconds before they knocked on our door Riley burst out sobbing due to some mysterious malady with his ear and could not be consoled for several long, unbelievably loud minutes, and of course during dinner Dylan dramatically gagged on one of those tiny puffed-corn snacks that supposedly melts in babies’ mouths and had to be ferried at top speed to the kitchen sink for a corn-puff-ectomy and subsequent hurling, but other than that . . .
At one point our pregnant guest said something like, so, Linda, let me ask you honestly . . . would you say it’s hard to retain your normal adult life and interests now that you have kids? And I gave it some thought and provided the most accurate and respectful answer I could, which was to bend over and heartily slap my knee while barking with bitter, bitter laughter.
Okay, not really. I may have allowed a tiny HAR! to slip past my lips, but I promise, I regretted it immediately.
Here’s what I think: when you become a parent, life changes in more ways than you ever could have imagined. Yes, in all sorts of profound and meaningful and wonderful ways, but also in all sorts of incredibly annoying and inconvenient ways. Every single tiny little activity that you do on your own time, that you enjoy and take for granted, is going to change. You will not necessarily be able to continue to see movies, read books, eat food, sleep, exercise, or take a shit when you want to do so. Just leaving the house will become a strategic operation involving the sort of prep work that goes into Everest expeditions, and unless your hobbies already happen to revolve around diaper changes, naptimes, feedings, etc, they are probably going on the back burner. For, like, several years.
These are nontrivial issues to deal with. I mean, I can only speak personally and I know everyone’s experience is different, but, you know, I think it’s pretty goddamned hard to make that switch and start living your life based primarily around someone else’s needs. Especially when you feel like you’re trying to do just one little thing for yourself, not like a weeklong trip to Cabo or even a Saturday morning spent in bed with a good book, but something tiny — I JUST WANT TO FINISH THIS CUP OF COFFEE OH MY GOD — and you can’t.
So everything changes. And for a while it seems like everything narrows, too — everything draws in for those early weeks of newbornhood, where it’s all magical and sort of awful at the same time and time become elastic and weird. But then I suppose what happens is that it all expands again, and becomes bigger than it ever was before. Life spreads out to encompass everything you want it to . . . you just have to work a lot harder at it. You have to give up doing things when you want, and start doing things when you have time to do them, and if you’re very lucky there isn’t too big of a gap between points A and B.
My adult life has changed in every way possible, but I’m still here. It’s still me. My normal adult life doesn’t necessarily encompass everything it used to, but all the important elements are still thriving, and if certain areas have receded for the time being, others have exploded like Roman candles.
I still don’t know what my actual answer is. Especially without resorting to the cliches about how it’s all worth it, because of course is it, but that wasn’t the question, was it?
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