Dylan has never slept through the night, but for quite a while he was only waking up once and I found that to be totally survivable. Not pleasant, exactly, since having someone jolt me out of a drooling coma at 2 AM is never my idea of a good time, but it wasn’t garment-rendingly horrible either. I got so I was basically dealing with him on autopilot: at the first few cries my legs would swing out from under the covers on their own and I’d be down the hall with bottle in hand before my eyelids even cranked to half-mast.

In retrospect it seems this wasn’t maybe the best strategy in the entire world, if the goal was for everyone to eventually sleep through the night unaided. With the exception of a few horrible nights when I tried to let him cry it out but eventually caved, I’ve apparently been doing my level best to teach this child that room service is available 24/7, no matter how many times he presses the call button.

I thought the situation would get better over time, but it’s just gotten worse. He now wakes up an average of 2-3 times per night, and that difference seems to represent the proverbial straw on the camel’s back for me. It’s not just that it’s annoying, or tiring, the real problem now is that it’s making me angry and resentful. When he first starts complaining, I lie there for a few minutes just feeling this overwhelming sensation of GODDAMN IT TO HELL, KID, before trudging in his room and making irritable shh! shh! shh! sounds at him. Once I pick him up and we’re settled in the rocking chair, I find myself calming down almost immediately, and the ritual of rocking him back to sleep — his body burrowed against mine — is soothing and pleasurable and part of me really enjoys it. I just don’t enjoy it enough to do it at 11 PM, 2 AM, and 5 AM, you know?

I’m also having a really hard time waking up in the morning. JB usually gets up before I do and dresses the boys and starts Riley’s breakfast while I creak my way out of bed, and thank god for that, but even once I’m up and moving it’s a while before I feel ready to deal with two small loud-ass children, which is unfortunate, because THERE THEY ARE, and shockingly no one’s willing to leave me be for twenty minutes while I suck down half a pot of coffee. Now, to be sure, I’m not much of a morning person to begin with, but I have to assume that the interrupted sleep is no small contributor to the way I feel at the start of each day: cranky, headachy, and generally mentally impaired. I had quite enough of that during my drinking years, thank you very much.

So: sleep training. I hate having to do it — not because I think it’s cruel, but because I hate the feeling of lying there listening to the crying (there is no escaping it, by the way, sound travels at an alarmingly effective rate from one end of our house to the other and easily permeates earplugs and Unisom-dosings, both of which I have tried) and feeling something like a full-body heart attack in response and KNOWING that if I just got up and went in there I could be back in bed and sleeping in less than 15 minutes — but I don’t know what else to do. Dylan’s over a year old now and there seem to be no signs that he’s going to figure it out on his own.

Things we have tried:

• Different bedtimes (7:45-8 PM is his usual bedtime, at least before the beshitted DST, and it doesn’t help to push it back later.)
• Feeding him as much as possible before bed. Makes no difference.
• Adjusting his temperature (using warmer/cooler bedclothes). Makes no difference.
• Benadryl. Shut up. Also, doesn’t really help — he maybe goes a little longer before the first wakeup, but that’s it.

Things we aren’t willing to try:

• Bringing him to bed with us.
• Messing with his naptime: it’s pretty steady at 12-2 PM or so and I see no reason to fuck with a good thing there.

Things I tried before that sucked and I didn’t stick with them but I guess I’m willing to try again:

• Crying it out, Ferber-style or otherwise
• Watering down the milk in his bottle (oh my GOD. He was SO FUCKING MAD. It was like holding a LIVE HORNET. A FAT ANGRY BOTTLE-THROWING HORNET)

Your sleep-improvement suggestions are more than welcome, as always.

Lastly, to hopefully offset my kvetching in some small way, here’s a video I posted on Flickr this weekend of Dylan first learning to walk. Ah, babies. Even if they suck up your sleep for an entire year and change, they’re worth every compensatory Red Bull.

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Sarah Ross
Sarah Ross
15 years ago

The earlier bedtime works for us. I kept moving it up by 15 minutes with both of my kids, and they kept sleeping until the same time in the morning. I got to 6:30, and suddenly my daughter went from waking twice to sleeping 12 hours. Magic.

Jean
Jean
15 years ago

What I did may not work for you, BUT, hell, it worked for me:

White noise (humidifier or air cleaner)

Attachment toy/blanket

Bed time: 7PM

CRY IT OUT.

This is your first chance to teach your child independence and self soothing. He will continue to wake up and cry for you until he learns that 1. you are not going to respond and 2. he CAN go back to sleep on his own. He does not need to be fed. He does not need anything. He wants YOU to cater to him and he is manipulating you.

Start on a Friday and expect no sleep. And STICK TO IT or your efforts were wasted.

Whatever you choose to do, I hope you get the sleep you need. I could die thinking about my life when I had to keep getting up. UGh.

Swiggy
15 years ago

I haven’t read the rest of the responses, but is it possible his bedtime is too late? We’ve been putting the Chipmunk down between 6:30 and 7 since he was three months old. At about four months old he only woke up once or twice each night. He’s been sleeping through for about 2 months, unless he’s ill. Also, when I really, really wanted to break the habit of him waking up when I didn’t want him to I started waking him up for a bottle right before I was ready for bed. Once he got used to this he dropped a night waking. When he stopped waking at night at all, I stopped waking him up. It’s what worked for us, hope it works for you.

Oh, and I was wondering, when he wakes in the middle of the night are you giving him a bottle and then rocking him back to sleep? My routine was change diaper, give bottle, put straight back in bed. Since he was able to put himself back to sleep on his own, it was a great help in getting him sleeping better.

Kate
15 years ago

I’ll just throw this out there because I think it was part of our issue, but have you ever had Dylan tested for food allergies? Unbeknownst to me, my daughter was allergic to milk and we didn’t find that out until she was about 12 months old. There were no visible signs, like hives or anything, but according to the allergist, milk allergies generally cause tummy upset. (Oh! Except the allergist did say sometimes that lingering cradle cap/crusty head and/or dry spots on the skin can be indicative of a milk allergy. Does D have anything like that?)

My daughter did not sleep thru the night until about 22 months, and I think having spent the first year of her life uncomfortable contributed to that, and by the time we got the allergy sorted out, it was too late – the bad sleep
habits were already in place. And then there was the guilt that kept me getting up with her, but I tried most everything you have (except the CIO) and eventually she got there. She’s still not a great sleeper at 3.5 but usually sleeps thru unless she has to go potty.

So while I agree that all kids are different and there is not one single solution, ruling out anything medical (like allergies) would be a good first step. Just a thought.

I hope you get some rest soon. I feel your pain and totally “get” the waking up angry and resentful in the middle of the night. I had the same knee-jerk reaction and then of course felt awful about it, even though it faded quickly. But who wants to have anger be the reaction you have towards your kid?

Hang in there. :)

Lindy
15 years ago

Tip 1: CRY IT OUT
Tip 2 : CRY IT OUT!!
Tip 3: Do it on a Friday because you’re not getting any sleep
Tip 4: CRY IT OUT
Tip5: STICK TO IT
It’s going to suck. He will cry and moan and manipulate but stick to your guns. He needs to learn that you are there- go in and check on him the first he cries so he doesn’t think you’ve abandoned him but then after you’ve checked that he doesn’t have say a foot stuck between the rails go back to bed and the the kid scream himself silly. Eventually it will work and you will thank us later.

Ellen
Ellen
15 years ago

I have no experience, thus no assvice, but I second Catherine’s suggestion that you go away for the first few nights and let JB handle it. Preferably to a hotel with a spa and very good room service. You can even come home during the day between massages!

Swiggy
15 years ago

Almost forgot, I (unintentionally)made the bottles I was giving him at night a little colder than the ones he was getting during the day. This made him stop drinking sooner than he would normally and eventually made him realize that it wasn’t worth the hassle of waking up if he was only going to get a cold bottle.

Gina
15 years ago

Well, shoot me now, but I am a total cry it out person. The girls do occasionally get up in the middle of the night now, but my husband does the middle of the night pats on the backs and soothing to go back to sleep…I know I am so lucky!

OMG…that is the cutest video!

sooboo
sooboo
15 years ago

I want to preface my comment by saying that I do not have a kid, so I’m not going to comment on what you should do with your kid. I do however have a snoring husband who I sometimes want to smother with a pillow. I know a little something about sleep depravation. You said you used earplugs and they did not work. If you used the foam kind, they don’t work. You have to get the soft wax kind and warm it in your hand for like five minutes before you stick it in your ear. In addition, you can turn on a fan or white noise machine thingy. You won’t hear a thing, if that’s your goal.

kristylynne
kristylynne
15 years ago

Have you tried waking him up for a bottle right before you go to bed? That might buy you one less late-night feeding.

Other than that, I have no idea. My own kid didn’t sleep thru until after he was one. I was a zombie. Read every book and tried every tactic before finally concluding that the kid was just not going to sleep thru until he was good and ready. And he eventually did. Hang in there.

wealhtheow
15 years ago

Random suggestions–just throwing out anything I think might work.

My Sam gets his lullabies at night on the iPod, but he also has a Fisher Price aquarium in his crib, and every so often I’ll hear him turn on the music to help soothe himself back to sleep.

Maybe have JB go in so he doesn’t expect milk from you? I know this is usually advised for nursing moms, but if you’re the one who’s always going in with a bottle maybe he’ll be more accepting of Dad coming in to give a hug sans bottle and put him back in bed.

Does he have a lovey? I just started putting the same two animals in with Sam since he was about 6 months old–if Dylan doesn’t have a lovey yet you can help him create one by giving him the same animal or blanket (or whatever) during comfy cozy times–while you’re rocking him or reading to him or giving him a bottle. Basically any time he’s getting special mummy time the lovey is there too, and then at night he has his lovey to help him cope with not having his mom.

little miss mel
15 years ago

We used/using Baby Whisperer: Solves All Your Problems book. With my first, we did it when he was 9 months plus. With current baby, we started early. Have waived through teething and breathing issues, but are sticking to the plan.

It used to be pick up/put down when he was littlier. Then it was lay back down, lay back down (you’re not going anywhere buddy besides sleep) but that got us stuck in the room till he would fall asleep.

Now, being almost 11 months, we have converted her methods to her latest method of walk in, walk out. We put him down, walk out. He cries, wait 5 seconds and IF he is standing in crying, we go back in there and do it all again. Having the video monitor is priceless. That way, if he is just crying, but not standing, we wait. The other night, he cried, but fell back over and went to sleep.

Worked for us, might not for you, but it felt like the right thing to do for our boys.

good luck. you can definitely nip this in the bud in a week.

Andrea
Andrea
15 years ago

And here I was feeling all guilty when I was muttering “God damn it to HELL kid!” to myself all those nights!

Actually, it was more like, “God-fucking-DAMMIT”, but hey, whose nit-picking at 3am?

I have no real advice, but I can offer, a la Moxie, this WILL end. He will absolutely be sleeping through the night by high school.

JudithNYC
JudithNYC
15 years ago

Maybe the persons who suggested that you let your husband deal with the issue were joking, but that’s just what I did. I had twins and was lucky that one started sleeping through the night before he was two months old, but the smaller one kept waking up and driving me crazy. You know, sleep deprivation is a form of torture for a reason. At some point, I don’t remember exactly but my baby was less than a year old, I went to my mom’s and let my husband deal with the CIO. I don’t think it was unfair, he was much calmer than me and better able to stick to the plan. Plus he had guilt tripped me into making some extra money by taking care of the neighbors’ three kids (5 kids under 3 total!) you know I needed that uninterrupted sleep.

Shelley
15 years ago

Sacrifice a weekend and try “The Baby Whisperer” method – http://www.babywhisperer.com/babywhisperer.html

We did word for word was was outlined for the first week, then tweaked it for us/our baby for the next couple of weeks and now we have a 5 month old that *almost every night* sleeps from 7:30 until 7 when I have to go in and wake her up.

Our 3 year old we did a sort of Ferber CIO thing and until very recently – well since we sleep trained by baby at 3 months – it was our 3 year old that was causing us the most issues around sleeping.

Good luck. I don’t know how you are surviving. Honestly. I just want to give you a hug – and immediately after a blanket and a pillow.

Dana
Dana
15 years ago

My 11 month old goes to bed between 6:45 and 7, because a few years ago, before I was even married, I read on this site that Riley’s bedtime was 6:45, and I said to myself that if I ever had a kid, it was going to sleep that early god dammit!

So here’s my advice, since I took yours years ago:

1. Feed him a lot at night. Starting at 5, my daughter gets a plethora of food and milk. She eats her dinner, she eats our dinner, etc.

2. Put him to bed between 7-7:30 right after his last big bottle for the night.

3. Don’t feed him when he wakes up during the night. In our house, the rule is no bottle before 4am. You can go in there when he wakes for the first week and verbally soothe but no bottle and no picking up. After a week, no going in.

Kids are like dogs and you just have to train them. I try to always remember, we are the adults. We are in charge. We make the rules. We are smarter.
Good luck!

Larisa
Larisa
15 years ago

At least you were lucky that you’re older one was a good sleeper. Neither of mine have been. Each kid is different, but here’s what I’ve found about both: they really, really need practice getting themselves to sleep ON THEIR OWN (for me that reads: modified CIO with some TLC from me when I feel they need it rather than want it), and they need you to lay down the law. At first I just didn’t feel like I could handle the whailing in the middle of the night, so I at least made them go to sleep on their own at the beginning of the night. Get him cozy and sleepy doing whatever works, but put him down before he’s asleep. Then let him work it out. I usually would still come in every few minutes to let him know I’m there, but no picking him up.

We did this for about a week, and we’re in a much better place with our 1 year old. He will wake up and conk back out on his own now, or possibly need a little back patting only once in awhile. My oldest didn’t really get the hang of it consistently until he was 1 1/2 yo. We started sleep training earlier with the younger one and have been getting more sleep earlier too. The key, though, is really to stick with it and be consistent. I know how you’re feeling right now. I had to hit that place before I was able to deal with the crying. I’m way too much of a softie.

iidly
15 years ago

Linda, if you have ruled out a sleep disorder with your physician you can try one of these methods.

http://www.babycenter.com/0_big-story-new-sleep-training-guidance-for-tired-parents_1524201.bc

We were lucky with Nick, he slept through the night at 8 weeks. I feel for you. Take care.

Blythe
15 years ago

All kinds of good advice above. I know you’ll figure it out.

Mostly, I’m just commenting to tell you how adorable it is to hear JB call him “Little D.”

Amy
Amy
15 years ago

I have no suggestions for you, because stuffing the kid full of food before bed is what FINALLY worked for us. But I just want you to know that I wholeheartedly sympathize with you and hope you can conquer this REALLY SOON.

I have no idea how you’ve survived it for this long – I become an angry retarded clumsy lumbering goon that cannot even work an elevator (HELLO, THEY’RE BUTTONS – WITH LABELS) when my sleep gets interrupted that many times in one night. Recently I broke down into sobs in the middle of the night when we had a relapse.

So I know the importance of uninterrupted sleep and how taxing the lack thereof can be on the rest of your life. I wish you the very best in finding yours.

Sandi
Sandi
15 years ago

I feel your pain. I use to get angry, resentful, and rage induced over this shit. Our son is 19 months now and didn’t start sleeping through til’ he was 10 months, but of course, had his moments of waking up (they all do).

I’m not 100% certain that they make it anymore, but Babycenter sold a product online called Baby Zzz’s…. a natural remedy to help induce sleep. Sounds cruel, but it worked on the nights when we were like “hell no, not doing it”. We bought the shit in bulk!!!

Second: We placed his Fisher Price Rainforest soother thingy on the crib and he would play with that and eventually fall back to sleep. We had taken it off after 6 months, but put it back on when he would not sleep through….. he still has it and if he wakes up at 3 am, he never cries for me! He just listens to his Rainforest music and goes back to bed. Of course having said that, he will wake tonight with a complete mad on!

Lastly, let him cry it out. I can’t say I was ever good at this. I would cuss my husband out and call him an evil parent b/c I thought it was too much, but after awhile, they chill and get over it. Good luck. I feel your pain.

Amy
Amy
15 years ago

My best advice is: use the anger to your advantage. I.e., when he wakes up in the middle of the night, get mad about it, so that makes it easier to let him scream his little heart out. Don’t lie there feeling sorry for him or feeling like a bad mother, feel mad! That’s what worked for me, though it wasn’t intentional.

When my 2nd was 9 months old, she was still waking every morning at 4;30 to nurse, the way she had been for MONTHS. Like you, I found it easier to just go in there, nurse her and put her back to sleep. But one night, my husband was out of town and when I put the kids to sleep I inexplicably FORGOT all about nursing the little one. Around 11 pm, I remembered, so I woke her up and nursed her, thinking that at least I would get to miss the 4:30 feeding–since I fed her so late, no way she would be hungry then. Wrong! She wasn’t hungry, her body clock was just trained to wake up at 4:30 no matter what. When she woke up that morning I couldn’t believe it, but since I knew she couldn’t be hungry (our typical last feeding was at 7pm) I let her cry. Then when she KEPT crying, and got more and more adamant about it, I started to get pissed. Especially since she was waking up her brother, the neighbors and everyone else around. That anger allowed me to let her keep crying–and she did–for TWO HOURS. I was sooo pissed. And so was she. But she finally stopped. ANd I decided to just go with it since we’d already suffered for one night. The next night she woke up at the same time, and cried for 45 minutes. The next night, 15 minutes. And THAT WAS IT. She’s been happily sleeping through the night ever since (she’s 4-1/2 now).

In any event, Good luck! And that video was extremely cute.

Eva
Eva
15 years ago

I have no advice. I have had no success in directing when or how often small children want me in the night. I think it is very hard to control this. Uh, until they are old enough to reason with. Of course that never works either. So sorry. Been there.

Jenny
Jenny
15 years ago

I have twin sisters who are 12 years younger than me. They didn’t sleep through the night until they were well over 2. One parent would take 1 downstairs on the couch and the other would get the upstairs and the bed—the next night they would switch.

Anyway, I promise EVENTUALLY Dylan will sleep through the night. But until then—I’d try the cry it out method.

Sleepyita
15 years ago

This is what I do for a living. Kinda. I do Sleep Disorders and Pediatric Sleep Medicine. Of it makes you feel better my own boy never slept through the night until 18 months (ha probably made you feel even worse) and woke up 3 times a night until one day magically (after a week of CIO) he slept. Now at 2 1/2 years old he sleeps 12 hours through the night AND takes a 2-3 hour nap. MY 3 month old however has slept 12 hours strait since 9 weeks. Little bugger won;t nap though.

Anyways if you need help email me.

Josh
15 years ago

OK, as we’ve established Linda, I am not a baby expert, but I am frighteningly good at outside the box problem solving, to the point where my genius sometimes feels like a burden. So here are just a few ideas off the top of my head.

1 – Remote controlled morphine drip. Think of it like turning a frown upside down, but instead you’re turning that insomniac into a narcoleptic. (not to be confused with a necropheliac, which is probably outside your comfort zone even if you are not religious)

2 – Hitting. I’m not sure how old you’re supposed to let your kid get before you start hitting them, but I know my parents were whopping my little ass from before the time of my earliest memories. If there’s two things we can learn from Hitler it’s that anything can be accomplished with the right oven, and fear is a compelling tool for control. (also, barbed wire or electric fencing on the crib would be something to consider)

3 – Blood money. This may seem a little extreme at first, but bear with me. (or is it bare with me? I don’t know, fuck it) At some point during blood loss you pass out right? But you don’t die, right! So maybe just harvest a little each night (from the kid, not you. As the mother you will probably need your blood more, as well as having the bonus of putting him to sleep) and sell it to blood banks or vampires or pagans or whatever, and when you’ve saved up enough to build a sound proof cell/bedroom for your kid, you can stop.

There’s no need to thank me, I consider my brilliance a public service, like frying eggs on TV to convince stoners to quit drugs, or hunting the homeless.

Tara
Tara
15 years ago

We eventually cried it out when my son was ten months old. I didn’t want to, and I tried every method I could find before doing that, but the kid wasn’t sleeping even if I kept him in bed with me all night long. So, we used a book/dvd called the Sleepeasy Solution. http://www.sleepyplanet.com/products/
I must have read 12 different books about sleep training. This is the one that worked for two reasons:
1. It was simple and straightforward. (I needed that since I was sleep-deprived.)
2. It worked in three nights. Within three nights my son was completely night-weaned and sleeping 11.5 hours.
I used the DVD version, so that my husband could watch it with me, and we could be consistent. This was easier than getting him to read a book.

Jamie
15 years ago

I am in the exact same situation, only my baby is 9 months old. My first was a champion sleeper since 8 weeks old so I have no idea how to deal with a baby who apparently only needs 2.5 hours of sleep at a time. Keep us posted on what works for you guys, because I’m at a loss myself!

becky
becky
15 years ago

I did CIO method…with no picking up once he was in the crib when R was 8 month old. It sucked..especially since hubby was living in another state at the time.

Anita
Anita
15 years ago

It sounds like he needs to take baby steps pardon pun, in learning how to comfort himself. Try making each time you go to him shorter and shorter, until he learns to comfort himself back to sleep. Set a timer if you need to.

Like if it normally takes 30 minutes to rock him back to sleep, try 25 the following night, then 20, then 15.

If you are summons by him to come back, don’t be tempted to pick him up, but just lay him down and pat his back and say soft words of comfort. It could take you a couple weeks to get him doing this on his own, and you will be tired, but he’ll get the hang of it.

Ashley
15 years ago

I think you already know what worked/didn’t work for us, CIO. I hated every second of it, but after I was done nursing that was it…I was DONE going in there. If I hadn’t done with O. I am not sure I would have done it with A. I knew it sucked ass for almost a week (like dude you get NO sleep), but then we all slept. The End.

zzz
zzz
15 years ago

I haven’t had this problem, but I wondered if your little one’s room is totally dark or whether there are any lights at all. I’ve always kept my kids’ room totally pitch dark, with no electronic stuff, nothing that makes non-natural sounds, etc. There’s nothing to catch their attention or provide artificial stimulation, so they sleep deeply.

A few other thoughts:

* Babies usually sleep better on their tummies. Your son is way past the age of SIDS risk, so you could try tummy sleeping and see if that helps.

* Turn off the monitor, if you haven’t done so already. It will remove a distraction for him and for you.

* My kids have little cat-shaped beanbags with some combination of calming aromatherapy stuff (designed for babies). I don’t know if it helps or not, but they have always been great sleepers, so maybe.

* Encourage attachment to a “lovey” in his bed if he doesn’t already have one. When you go in to comfort/feed him at night, always involve the lovey, so he starts to transfer his “need” to the lovey – which he can reach for without waking you up.

Good luck.

Clueless But Hopeful Mama

I’m shocked there aren’t any adamant anti-CIO-ers yet!

I just wanted to add to the chorus about Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child and it’s ideas on CIO. We did CIO with my daughter and she’s been a great sleeper ever since. I agree with the multitudes that say IT SUCKS ASS for a few days (for us the second night was the worst and my husband had to HOLD ME DOWN from going in because I was so crazed.) YOU MUST HOLD FIRM. Extinction is the fastest, easiest and, frankly, KINDEST way. If you let them cry and THEN cave it’s actually setting them up to cry SUPER hard the next time.

mrsgryphon
mrsgryphon
15 years ago

Ooooo, totally remember those days!!

I’ll just say that we did what I call a ‘gentle CIO’ – she cried, but I would go in every minute for about the first 5 minutes, then every 2 minutes for a while, then every 5 minutes. When I went in, I would tell her that it was bedtime, lie her back down, give her her favourite stuffed animal and leave. Rinse, lather and repeat. Over and over again.

It took a while the first night, much less the 2nd night and by the 4th or 5th night she was going to sleep on her own. We handled night wakings the same way, and it worked then, too. Even though I was a breast-feeding Mom, she eventually clued in that she wasn’t going to get fed and I think she just decided it wasn’t worth waking up anymore!

Good luck to you, whatever method you end up trying… from one non-morning-person to another!!

Jen
Jen
15 years ago

I’m another one who wholeheartedly endorses Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. Like many others here, I will tell you it is HARD. I cried as much as the baby, and wrote a whopping ton of CIO haikus to channel my frustration and to keep me from running into the room to pick up the baby. (Like you, I am a fan of the haiku.)

My first kid took three nights, each one easier than the last. My second took ten (10!) days. There were good nights and bad nights in there, not all of them were awful. Tell yourself it will be two weeks of hell and everything else is gravy.

I will absolutely stress one key thing though – if you are going to try CIO again, you and JB have to make a pact that you are definitely going to stick to it. The more often you start the CIO process and then cave in, the more you are teaching him that the crying ultimately WORKS, thereby increasing his resolve and endurance, and torturing everyone needlessly – especially YOU. And lets face it, you’re the one who is going to remember this shit, not Dylan.

Good luck!

anatomist
15 years ago

i was up 4-6 times a night with my boy until he was about 9 months old. then we decided it couldn’t go on like that anymore, like you, i am not a morning person and i was downright evil on no sleep. so we bought every sleep book ever written, read way too much shit on how mean cio is, charted his sleep times and wake ups on graph paper, and finally just let him cry. turns out he just needs to holler for a couple of minutes before he can go back to sleep. (i think someone else mentioned askmoxie’s theory on tension-releasers). now he is 18 months and sleeps every night for 12 hours straight. well, except for the evil daylight savings crap. occasionally he wakes in the night, yells for a couple of minutes and then falls back asleep. he wakes up happy at 8 am and we are all better people now.

radio
radio
15 years ago

Tough it out. You must sleep. Your body craves it and needs several (SEVERAL) solid hours to repair itself and to stay healthy. You are running on adrenaline and it sounds like your limited supply is running out.

CIO is horribly painful, as everyone has noted. But it works. Might take two nights, might take a week. It will suck. You will want to shoot yourself. You will ask your husband to shoot you. But tough it out.

I promise that after you’ve slept through the night, you’ll ask why you didn’t do it sooner. Prepare for the pain, know that you have 100’s (thousands?) out here rooting for you.

You can make it happen.

Motherhood Uncensored
15 years ago

Sure, I’ll throw my hat into the ring. My then 15 month old (now 2 year old) was doing this and we did the CIO. Would NEVER have worked with my oldest, but it took him two nights.

We gave him a water bottle sippy cup in bed with him.

Of course now he calls out to be “wrapped up like a burrito” (I started that nightmare) and then he goes right back down. We’ve been obliging him because well, he goes right back down at least. And I’m up anyway with the baby.

So, I guess this isn’t really any advice for you.

Amanda
Amanda
15 years ago

I haven’t read most of the comments–I am sure they are great but… I have an 8 month old who wakes up EVERY HOUR of the night and has her whole life. We (reluctantly) co-sleep, but that is another story. I am too tired to even think about trying anything–am in survival mode at this point.

What I wanted to tell you was to read Sandra Tsing Loh’s book _Mother On Fire_. She has a bit in there where she is recalling her early sleep deprived days with her daughter. She says she doesn’t remember much but being awake at 3:00 a.m., turning on every light in the house, and standing over her sleeping husband screaming FUUUUUUUUCK YOOOOOOOUUUUU!
Love that. :)

Carolyn
15 years ago

I wish I had an answer for you. My son is having the same problems. He is the same age and I have done everything. The difference is that he’s my first so I thought that perhaps I was doing something wrong. I read Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child, we cried it out for an ENTIRE MONTH (it didn’t work AT ALL), I let my husband go in at night, we tried attachment style…nothing works, I am spent, often resentful and OVER it. I’m terrified to have another child… Sorry, this probably doesn’t help you but maybe some of your comments will help me.

Heather
Heather
15 years ago

I’m not the first to suggest this, but it worked for both of my boys: DO NOT FEED THE CHILD IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. NO MATTER WHAT.

Even if you have to go in and shush him repeatedly, replace his pacifier 1236898734 times, whatever, to get him through the first few nights. His belly is used to getting a refill and so his body is telling him he is hungry (it’s like when you first start dieting: you’re used to eating more and you feel like you need more food, but after a few days you kind of reach an equilibrium and you’re not as hungry as you were previously). If you stop feeding him, you reset his internal clock. It’s not wrong — he doesn’t need that feeding as much as he needs to sleep. Eventually his internal clock will readjust so that he may eat more during the day to make up for it, and then you all can sleep!

It’s not necessary to completely ignore him (e.g. you can pat him, pick him up briefly, reassure him that you’re still there, etc.). Once he gets the message that you’re not going to feed him, he’ll stop asking. Took only 2 nights with my first, 4 with my second.

Beth
Beth
15 years ago

Hope you get it sorted, I had night terrors until I was like 10. It’s possibly he’s having bad dreams, even as such a small baby. Sorry :(

Naomi in Oz
15 years ago

Totally different to everybody else, we left a light on for the boy child. I’m not talking about a woosy little night light. I’m talking about a lamp with a 60 watt bulb in it. I figured that he slept okay during the day when it was light, so it was worth a try. Finally, after 5 years, we have weaned him down to a little night light, but we’ve never had a really sleepless night since. Crying is an indication that the baby needs SOMETHING! The trick is working out what. Maybe he is just scared…

Donna
Donna
15 years ago

Beatings. At 2 am, anyone who is awake and in the house gets one. Do not leave out the pets.
The next night everyone will be too scared to be awake.

Actually I did scold my daughter, put her down, and walked out. She was so shocked that I wasn’t picking her up, feeding her, loving her all up, etc that she didn’t do it again. If they know that you are not happy with them, they stop. And sleep. She was his age too, old enough to know that I didn’t want her doing what she was doing. So she quit.
And I love Josh. Alot. He tickles me.

Katy
Katy
15 years ago

I can’t do CIO because I’m a huge wuss. So I tried various different things with my darling son, who is 2 and a half and was waking 1 or 2 or 10 times a night. Like you I tried warmer / cooler jammies, different bed times, feeding him etc etc. Even tried sleeping with him in my bed with nearly drove me over the edge. HOW do babies wake up so chirpy when they move around so much?! I had one tiny foot in my groin too many and something had to be done.

So at 14 months I moved him out of the cot and into a bed. Not a big bed, one of those that are about 2 inches off the floor. And taa-daa he slept! That’s my favourite kind of parenting, the type that requires no effort on my part.

He still wakes up whenever he is even slightly ill but 6 nights out of 7 he sleeps 12 glorious, glorious hours. And not in my bed!

catdoggg
15 years ago

Health Sleep Habits Happy Child worked for us.
Good luck!

Angharad
Angharad
15 years ago

Like zzz I wonder if it’s maybe to do with darkness if he’s going down ok during the daytime but not at night. Maybe nightlights or a light show machine thingy would work.

beach
beach
15 years ago

I think the hardest thing for parents and the “crying it out” thing is that you feel you are not being a good parent…..it is hard to hear your baby cry….but it is teaching them, “hey kid you don’t need this bottle, you need to learn to get YOURSELF back to sleep”…. he wakes up and cries and you are there to soothe him, its all he knows, but now he needs to know different , Let him CRY IT OUT and stick to it!!!….it will work!

wn
wn
15 years ago

We went through our sleep issues earlier (like alot)…but honestly, the CIO was the only thing that resolved our middle of the night wakings. the ONLY thing. And it sucked….but I am SO glad we did it. I think Swistle’s suggestion of trying to be “up for it” (i.e. staying up) is a great one.

The only thing I might add (there are really good tips) that helped with our son whose about Dylan’s age….and I think this only works if Dylan is consistent in his wake-times…was setting my alarm clock about 10 minutes PRIOR to his waking up…I’d go into his room, wake him gently, shove a pacifier in his mouth….all to interrupt his body’s natural sleep rhythm.

We started with that….and it cut down the wake-ups from 3-4 to 1-2…and then we let him cry it out….for about 3 nights…and it worked. Good luck, we’re all rooting for you dude….cuz we KNOW it sucks.