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Archives from 2002-2006

There is a couple around our age that moved into a large, beautiful home down the block a few years ago and JB and I spent a lot of time jealously wondering how they afforded such swanky digs. Maybe it was the side heroin-import business, or the internet porn, or her fame in Tijuana as a maestro de pelota de ping-pong . . . we had many theories.

Now they’re moving again, apparently to a bigger, better location — because 2300 square feet is not enough when you’ve got all those smack-smuggling pay-per-view vaginal-table-tennis activities to manage, I’m sure — and when we saw the open house sign yesterday afternoon JB and I decided to stop by. Their agent let us snoop around and I left lustful sluglike eyeball-trails gaze over the formal dining room, gorgeous staircase, gourmet kitchen, and giant windows. Every inch was spotless and nicely decorated, they had actual art on their walls instead of sweet-potato fingerprints, and I swear I wasn’t rifling through their walk-in closet but . . . well, I couldn’t help but notice that their clothes were neatly arranged by color.

Listen, I know you’re not supposed to covet thy neighbor’s goods, but damn.

Anyway, we only did this to be nosy, because god knows we can’t afford such a fancy place, but, well, it turns out we kind of CAN. JB ran some numbers and given the fact that we have a 15-year fixed loan from our remodel and our house value isn’t high enough to get a new combined loan that would drop the monthly payments, we could actually in theory use the equity in our current home to buy a new house at a higher value and pay the same amount per month, maybe even less.

We think our neighbors are asking too much for their home, but it got us thinking about what else is out there for a similar value. And you know, there’s a lot. Housing prices are down right now, even in Seattle’s crazy market, and we could definitely upgrade. Get some more living space, maybe even a view.

There are all kinds of questions, of course, like whether our house would even sell right now, whether we could get a new loan given JB’s brand-new job, and whether or not it’s a good idea to make ANY big financial moves like that at the moment. Also: schools, commutes, the unbelievable ass-pain of showing a house while living in it, and the associated costs of moving. Oh and the probability of ANY place, no matter how amazing, looking trashed within one month of housing two small children.

It’s just interesting to think about, I guess. Also, as long as I’m dreaming, I would like someone to buy me this house IMMEDIATELY.

:::

PS: Oh! I almost forgot: I participated in the Big Climb yesterday, and I posted a bit about it here. To those who sponsored me or sent encouraging words, thank you so much!

JB’s parents have this story about going out to eat at a Sizzler when JB was little, maybe around Dylan’s age or so. Actually, it’s not so much a story, because they’ve never shared the details of what exactly happened during this outing, only that it was so traumatic they didn’t go back to that Sizzler for, like, twenty years.

We haven’t experienced anything quite so bad with either kid, but I have a very bad memory of taking Riley to a Blockbuster when he was in that mobile-yet-completely-unreasonable baby/toddler stage. He wanted to get down and walk and the instant his feet hit the ground I had to chase him all over the store, through the giant line of exasperated customers, and eventually behind the counter where the employees were. Figuring it would be better for us to wait in the car, I picked him up, only to have him do that boneless/backflopping thing while a horrible, eardrum-rupturing sound spiraled from his mouth. I remember with grim, vivid detail every moment of that humiliating march across the store to the door, as my child thrashed in my arms like a rabid badger and shrieked so loud every single person turned to stare.

JB and I were driving by this same Blockbuster a couple weeks ago and I started to suggest that we stop and pick up a new release, then I considered the logistics. Riley would be no problem, but Dylan . . . well, we didn’t have the stroller and Dylan would want to walk and he’d probably do the exact same thing Riley did a few years ago: run all over the store, tear DVD boxes off shelves, and attempt to root through the employee garbage. Then there would be the red-faced exit, ferrying a tantruming child back out the car, and JB would be left to his own devices with regards to movie-choosing and we’d end up watching some shit like Bangkok Dangerous.

The Blockbuster Thing is one of the reasons I feel so conflicted about Dylan: how at the very same time I am nearly crazed by how fast he’s growing and wish I could preserve his chubby no-knuckled baby hands and no-kneecapped baby legs in amber before they suddenly become filled with bones like some sort of big kid, I am also eager to move past this stage of Strong Will + Mobility – Ability to Reason = TODDLER DEATHSTAR.

To be clear, it’s not specifically about Blockbuster, but rather the Blockbuster-at-large. I mean, I’m looking forward to the day we plan a family vacation to Hawaii, which involves air travel, something I would only do now if you paid me eleventy jillion dollars AND promised a bevy of Thorazine darts would be available to me during the flight.

In the meantime, I’ll invest our tropical vacation money in Netflix and try and savor Dylan’s ridiculous Pillsbury legs, because like everything else, they won’t last forever.

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