JB and I were watching some awful show called “Million Dollar Yachts” the other day, which featured, as you might guess, obscenely expensive yachts. One ship included copious amounts of the world’s most rare blue granite, another had custom-carved whalebone accessories, and one owner had built some crazy custom golf course thing that allowed him to send ball after ball flying into the ocean in an attempt to hit various targets, while his crew stood by in a separate giant boat in order to determine each player’s score.

Can you even imagine being that rich? I was all hung up on the golf balls, like wait a minute, isn’t that kind of environmentally fucked? Aren’t golf balls the ones that have a center filled with radioactive space dust, or something? Or at the very least isn’t it possible a marine animal could choke on one? Come ON, wasteful millionaire guy, think of the ball-gagging dolphins!

Every now and then when the Powerball gets up to some ridiculous, unlikely number like $184,032,682,931,085.14 JB and I buy a ticket and launch into a pleasant, meandering, days-long conversation about what we’d do with all that money. It’s basically the polar opposite of those grim Well We Still Can’t Reduce Our 15-Year Refi Loan Like We Had Planned Because the Seattle Housing Market Took a Big Steaming Poo and Thus Our Mortgage is Like Getting Reamed With a Giant Pointy Stick Each Month discussions which result in us combing through our budget yet again and wondering if there’s anything we can skim off the top, like maybe those expensive-ass children.

What would you do with a giant mega-mountain of cash? I mean, you know, aside from donations, helping out family/friends, savings, school tuitions, college funds, and all that responsible stuff. Here’s the big things from my list:

• Quit my job, pronto. Sorry, job. I like you, and I love my coworkers, but your commute sucks and let’s be honest, if I didn’t need the paycheck we probably wouldn’t have a whole lot to talk about.

• Build a generously-sized but not mansion-huge house in Oregon, with two-story log cabin-style front windows overlooking something beautiful.

• Have vacation property in Bend, and a beachouse somewhere tropical.

• Buy a super comfy motorhome, so our family could spend weeks at a time traveling around the US

• Hire an awesome trainer to kick my ass 4-5 days a week.

• Start a business.

• Find the perfect babysitter for a weekly date night and pay to keep her on permanent retainer.

What about you?

Comments

Subscribe
Notify of
guest
122 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Jessamyn
Jessamyn
12 years ago

Buy all the photography equipment I have been lusting over on a regular basis, including a new camera, fancy lenses, and lighting accessories.

Find a space and rent a STUDIO!

Buy an actual house in a Chicago neighborhood that we really love. Andersonville, maybe. With more than one toilet, an office for each of us, bedrooms for each kid plus us, and a guest bedroom.

Buy an other house in Halifax somewhere.

Go back and forth between houses whenever we damn well feel like it.

Go back to school in photography, or writing, or both.

Dump that fucking Beetle and buy an actual GOOD car.

Spend weeks every summer travelling to various places around the world.

Jessamyn
Jessamyn
12 years ago

P.S. I was going to post more, but the baby pooped in the bath and I was called for assistance. Perhaps we would hire a special “poop-bath-cleanser” maid!

Amanda
Amanda
12 years ago

I’d build a house somewhere… pretty. I don’t know where, exactly. And I’d buy my sister a house outside of Brooklyn because hey, guess what, Brooklyn stinks. Like literally, it smells sort of condensed soup / old armpitty.

And I’d travel with The Boy and The Baby, and… yeah. That’s all. I dunno. Just chill. Isn’t that what we’d all do? Chill. Make dreams come true. Whatever.

teralyne
teralyne
12 years ago

I would buy the place I work at and get rid of the ashole boss. I would re-do management and make more then me happy. Then I would go on a nice long happy vacation and come back to a better place to work.

Anonymous
Anonymous
12 years ago

Retire, build a house in the mountains, spend time with the kids before they leave home. Party like crazy after they leave home. Die with a smile on my face on the up stroke. :-)

Pete
Pete
12 years ago

Damn, I am not ‘Anonymous’ anymore.

Retire, build a house in the mountains, spend time with the kids before they leave home. Party like crazy after they leave home. Die with a smile on my face on the up stroke. :-)

Junni
Junni
12 years ago

Start a scholarship fund & pay back all the scholarships I got out of high school (sort of like pay it forward, but paying it back?).

I won’t lie, I’d buy a big penthouse loft in the Pearl District in Portland.

So now of course THIS inquiring mind would like to know what kind of business you would start!

warcrygirl
12 years ago

Put money in the bank. Check the balance every few days to make sure we weren’t hallucinating or something.

Tell Hubby he can tell work they can kiss his overworked ass.

Add a second story onto our house (what the heck, we like it here) and build/buy a big-assed house on the lake.

Sock away enough money so each kid could not only attend the college of their choice for at least 4 years but also buy the fucking college if they wanted to.

Throw a big party. Throw a big party; invite everyone we hate. Show them pictures of the lake house. Don’t invite them to the even bigger party at said lake house.

Buy approximately 10 acres of land somewhere local; donate it to our local Boy Scouts Council. Let the boy scouts/venturers clear and build a scout encampment. Give a mental middle finger to the other scout camps that are at least an hour away.

Invest a big chunk of money for the future.

If my grandma is still alive buy her a bigger house in FL, one with carpet that repels pee smell. Make sure my Auntie M is comfortable. Make sure my sister and her family are comfortable.

Yeah, yeah, make sure my mom is comfortable. She doesn’t deserve it but how can I teach my kids to love us in our old age if we don’t show love to our own parents in their old age?

Get my FIL out of debt, make sure his gold-digging, non-bill paying wife can’t get her mitts on any of his money.

Go on a honeymoon. What, it’s only 13 years late! Better late than never.

Donna
Donna
12 years ago

I would do exactly what you were doing only I already have a motorhome, I just need a cabin. And travel taking all the kids and grandkids with me. And employ the whole family at the animal adoption-shelter-rescue that I would open as a business. All animals are welcome. My hubby on the other hand says I would buy an island and I would be king!!! He is the only person that I know that could truly spend his entire winnings in a day.

Sheryl
Sheryl
12 years ago

Quit my job in a New York minute.

Buy an old house in the Irvington neighborhood of Portland and do the whole green remodel thing but leave it looking and feeling true-to-period.

Build an aquatic facility in Portland to house my daughter’s swim team.

Like Jessamyn, buy a decent car.

Hire people to do all of the household crap I hate. Treat them like humans, pay them a fair wage and buy them and their families some good health insurance.

Travel with my daughter. And my mom.

Master the things that are on my “I wish I could list”, like sewing, cooking and knitting.

all things BD
12 years ago

Two Words: Personal Chef

Anna
Anna
12 years ago

I love this game.

-Buy a home with a kitchen that can fit more than one person at a time. Preferably overlooking a body of water.
-Go back to school and get a masters degree in the study of rhetoric.
-AND/OR Buy a piece of property in the Seattle area and make it an awesome event space.
-Buy a boat
-Quit my job with a quickness
-Hire a personal chef to cook healthy, yummy meals

Anna
Anna
12 years ago

OH, and I’d travel all over the world with my family and friends.

victoria
victoria
12 years ago

Buy a house with a great view in San Francisco, and then travel a lot.

Heather Buckner
12 years ago

Hubby and I have the same conversations. He buys a ticket every other week so I guess our odds go up a bit. At least that’s what I like to tell myself ;)

* I would take my family and a few other families with children the same age on a LONG cruise (probably Mediterranean) We would bring along a few nannies to help with the kiddos too

* I would keep the nanny and hire a personal chef and housekeeper. I also will steal the trainer idea.

* We would buy a vacation property in Summit County Colorado. I would live there with the kids in the summer and hubby would fly into Denver on the weekends to be with us.

* I would learn how to play the guitar and resume piano lessons. I would also love to learn a foreign language so perhaps some sort of immersion program.

* I would also seriously look into adopting a child. Although Hubster would probably nix that idea.

Katrina
Katrina
12 years ago

Pay off my debt, all of it: car loan, student loans, mortgage.

And then experience the freedom that is being able to do whatever I want with every dollar we bring in each month.

Well, except for the paying taxes thing. But every OTHER dollar.

g~
g~
12 years ago

My husband would immediately quit his job. We would build a couple of houses in various locations (thinking one in Colorado, Alaska, somewhere tropical). We would probably spend most of our time traveling and experiencing the world and the rest of our time would be spent in the company of our family and friends…oh, and the full-time staff of trainers, cooks, maids and pool boys. We’d probably write, read advanced copies of every book we desired and age well together.
We always joke that we have the personalities to live the “independently wealthy” lifestyle. We have no big career aspirations, no desire to run the world. We just want to spend our time hanging out with each other, our kids and our families and screw that whole ‘working’ thing.

beach
beach
12 years ago

I would buy my dream beach front Cape Cod home. Pay for my kids college tuitions. Get a good financial advisor and get a plan(am showing my age…which is 46). Travel to Italy and Hawaii.Have lots of social gatherings with family and friends.

Eric's Mommy
Eric's Mommy
12 years ago

Ditto the log cabin and ditto the super comfy motorhome, oh and also the trainer.

I would probably still live in New England but I would have a huge horse farm with people to take care of said horses.

samantha jo campen
12 years ago

I LOVE THIS GAME!

1). Uh, yeah. Quit my job fo’ shizzle.

2). Buy a not too huge house around here and make it all enviro friendly–THE WORKS. Vacation property up in Michigan or Wisconsin.

3). Scrap our current car (only one) and get two: one Prius and one SUV Hybrid.

4). Hire a trainer so yeah, I’d actually work out.

5). WEEKLY MAID SERVICE OMG.

6). New wardrobe.

7). Weekly massages and bi weekly mani/pedis.

8). Travel in Europe with Bryan. Theo will be with grandma.

Oh I could go on and on but man this is fun :-)

Starr
Starr
12 years ago

I LOVE this game. I would pay off all my bills, and get my sister out of debt, buy her a nice house and set her up with a studio for her art. I’d maybe start a business of my own; river outfitters or some kind of hippie store. Pay off my house, fix it up, sell it. Buy something a touch bigger out in the middle of nowhere. Hide out from the world. And NEVER EVER answer another tech support question again in this life or the next. :)

Christina
12 years ago

Quit my job.

Pay off our house.

Buy a log cabin in Tahoe (just something small with a nice hot tub.)

Travel the world.

Shop at all the clothing stores I have been dreaming about ever since that first stupid Vogue I saw when I was 11. See also SHOES.

Get everyone I love together every year some where tropical and warm and have a freakin’ good ass time all on me.

Buy my husband season tickets to every sports team he likes and LET him go ;)

I am sure I could think of more but that is a nice start, no?!

Heather
12 years ago

Get all my best girlfriends together, give them each a chunk of money, and go shopping like we mean it. Buy nothing on that trip for the kids.

Let my daughter buy one thing totally 7-year-old dream worthy. I dunno. A real pegasus fairy pony or something like that. I’d do the same for the boy if he could talk yet…

Tell my husband to quit his job and go do what he really wants to do…design and build wetlands wherever he wants.

Give each of my immediate family members a chunk of money and let them spend it however they want to so there isn’t any jealousy.

Take a year and go visit all of our friends all over the world that we haven’t seen in forever because they have moved all over the world.

Do some other responsible stuff and then…buy a big a$$ diamond ring cause I want one.

HollyB
HollyB
12 years ago

Almost exactly the same as yours – weird. Big, but not super ostentatious house; motor home b/c I love road trips; I adore Bend, OR (where I first confessed to my now-hubby while we were on vacation that I lurve him) so an anniversary cabin there….

Except – no business for me and instead a super fast, pretty car.

Lesley
Lesley
12 years ago

Totally quit my job because as good as it is comparatively, it’s not thaaaat good.

Spend the first year off catching up on missed sleep, lazing around reading, going to the spa, exploring parts of the city I live in and never have time to visit. Basically just be as lazy as possible until I’m recovered.

Buy a sound-proof penthouse in Coal Harbour with breathtaking views of Stanley Park, the North Shore Mountains and English Bay. (They only cost $7-million!)

My penthouse would have its own swimming pool and infra-red sauna.

Arrange to have all my organic raw meals prepped and delivered; factoring in my exact calorie needs.

Hire a personal trainer who can work me out in my own deluxe gym.

Hire a registered massage therapist who would visit me once or twice a week.

Have some plastic surgery to subtly improve my appearance (I know…totally shallow and I wouldn’t do this before sending two elephant sanctuaries and other charities huge cheques.)

Work as a volunteer 3 months of the year at PAWS elephant sanctuary, paying them for the privilege. Ditto for the Thai elephant sanctuary.

Audit university courses of my choosing.

Do some eco-friendly travelling where I can learn stuff (because I get bored lying on beaches).

Mary
Mary
12 years ago

Hire someone to follow around that spoiled asshole and fish all of his golf balls out of the water.

She Likes Purple
12 years ago

Travel like a MOFO. I’d schlep my family all over the world starting like day #2.

Judy
Judy
12 years ago

Retire.

Buy a cozy home on the side of a mountain with wireless internet.

Help my kids. My son is fighting depression over a long-ago sexual molestation, and has finally given up and is on meds and going to therapy, but it’s charity therapy, bi-weekly, and I’d like him to get counseling like three times a week and get well fast before his life is half over. My younger daughter is married to a total ass who controls every cent, and I’d like to give her money for a house so she could kick him out of the one that’s in his name only. My older daughter – well, she’s a realtor. Enough said.

I want to travel. I have a friend in France, we began as pen pals 38 years ago, now we are e-mail pals, but she’s closer to me than any friend I have, because of the anonymity we tell each other everything. We were moms to toddlers when we met, we are grandparents now. I want to go meet her. And while I’m there, I might as well spend a few days with that friend on the coast of Spain.

I want to buy a fantastic computer. I thought I had when I got this Alienware, but it isn’t and I didn’t and I’m thinking about a Mac.

And I want the nicest, most luxurious hybrid RV and I want to get in it and flip a coin and really see this country.

Abby
12 years ago

Custom made shoes and bras.

haitian american family of three

Mmmmmm. I love thinking about this.
I would buy land and build a awesome house with a huge garden and have swings for chilling everywhere, buy my sisters and mom homes and pay off friends mortgages, pay off student loans, adopt another child, get massages…and then I would invest the rest into “Clean Water for Haiti” and a kids orphanage in Ti’Mache, move to the Island and set up a birthing and child wellness center for Haitian women and launch a school for kids, and spend the rest of my life doing work I believe in and that make a difference to those around me…also? I would buy the best camera and art supplies up the yazoooo.

Shawna
12 years ago

I know I’d be expected to buy cool camera equipment – and I would – but my first big thing would be to buy a chunk of land and start a housing development to build all the designs I’ve had kicking around in my head and on paper for the last few years. I’ve even got the name picked out for my community. I’m so sick of the ugly-ass housing that gets built around here.

Beth in SF
12 years ago

Yes, I also would quit my job. And I’d buy a house. But just a house. Because a modest one here in San Francisco will set you back a cool million. And I’d get a car. And put lots away for kiddo’s college. I think I’m too practical…Except that I’d get a pedicure every single week.

SJ
SJ
12 years ago

I would quit my job for sure and start my own business, a photography business with a studio and the whole nine.

Travel. A LOT.

I’d hire a nanny, personal chef, housekeeper, pool boy (for the kick ass pool I’d have out back in my kick ass yard of my big (but not extravagent)house, and a personal trainer.

And I know this sounds completely vain, but I think I’d lift and tuck some things – if you know what I mean.

I’d buy land. And possibly have a few ‘vacation’ homes scattered throughout the US.

Oh, this is funner than I imagined…I could go on and on. But I won’t. So tell us, what kind of business would you start?

MRW
MRW
12 years ago

Quit my job, donate a ton of money, and build a totally environmentally awesome nearly off the grid house. Also the phrase masseuse on retainer comes to mind.

Cassie
Cassie
12 years ago

Make sure my family is comfortable/pay off debt then…

-Buy the place I work at and overhaul the whole thing. Hire people I enjoy working with and treat them well so they enjoy working. I like my job and would continue working :)
-Invest a bunch of money into my hometown so it can go back to what it once was.
-Build a nice, but not huge, house in my hometown.
-Build a nice and big house in Ocean City, New Jersey.
-Give my aunt money to start a bakery.
-Adopt a kid or seven.

Julia
Julia
12 years ago

Oh, I love this question. G & I talked about this the other day when the Powerball got up to like 260 hundred million gajillion dollars. After doing all the responsible stuff, we would:

-buy this house:
http://www.ackergill-tower.co.uk/
-travel travel travel travel travel

And probably not “work” another day in our life. I’d probably be interested in doing some sort of non-profit foundation, if I ever got tired of laying around the Aegean.

Lucrezia
12 years ago

Well, once the responsible helpful family and finance stuff was done…
-Buy an apartment in Italy, so I can see my family there more often.
-Buy a nice little house with a yard here. Somewhere safe.
-Build a custom library off that house for myself, full of cozy nooks and crannies. (And a secret passage. I want a secret passage).
-Travel!!
-Buy all the wonderful film equipment I want and need, and make my own movies instead of working for others. Employ a lot of young people doing it.
-Makeover! I’m not a big clothes horse, but that’s because I’m always broke. I could learn.

Renee
Renee
12 years ago

Never fly coach again, EVER.

kim
kim
12 years ago

The only reason I might start a business with my money is so I could employ people to do just about nothing and pay them a huge-ass salary. I’m thinking family, but, you know…share the wealth and all that.

I do think I’d set up trust funds not only for my kids/nieces/nephews but for other family members as well so they wouldn’t blow it all in a hurry and a) want more and/or b) have people take advantage of them and take it all away from them. I’m not really a control freak – it’s just easy for others to take advantage and my family – we can be a tenderhearted bunch.

I would travel – I love the RV idea except I don’t want to have to drive it myself and I don’t want to hire someone else to do it. So I’d probably just get something comfortable (Infiniti anyone?) and stay at Marriotts (or something similar) across the country.

I want a nice house but not crazy big – mostly because I don’t want to keep a big house clean and I don’t want strangers intruding so I have to keep it manageable for me and my daughters. Besides, we’ll be traveling a lot and won’t be there to enjoy it.

I’d homeschool my daughters. :)

I’d send everyone who every showed me kindness a big check. :) (and part of me would like it if everyone who was an asshole to me or my family knew that they screwed themselves with that move – but wishing that seems karmically ill-advised, so i won’t really wish that)

I did buy a lottery ticket today, so you never know.

I hate working. As someone else said – I have the personality to be happy with never working again – just hanging out with the ones I love. And reading and writing a lot. And watching lots of movies. Yes, I’d have to have a home theater with movie popcorn.

kim

Melody
12 years ago

I started debating whether I would want to get a PhD in history first or an MFA in creative writing, and then I realized that I am the biggest nerd on the face of the planet.

Heather C
Heather C
12 years ago

Pay off our debts, of course. Then I would buy my parents their own home, and one for my brother, where he could have a great big yard for his dogs. I would surprise my in-laws by paying off their mortgage and giving them a huge check to thank them for all they’ve done for us over the years. I’d set up a college fund for my niece.

I’d renovate this apartment in Quebec City and give it to my friend who lives in a craptastic building with crazy neighbours and a fire alarm that goes off every week. I’d then buy the penthouse apartment in this building and use it as a pied-à-terre, and move back to Montreal. I’d get a nice luxury condo in Westmount or something. I’d also get a place in Barbados or New Zealand.

My husband and I would retire (in our 30s, hell yeah!) and we’d travel for a while. Then we’d do whatever we wanted– learn to paint or play an instrument or whatever.

I’d have tons of books. More than I could ever read. Books in every room.

I’d have 10 cats.

I’d give back. I’d fund schools and make endowments and start scholarships. I’d donate money to the literacy group I work for. I’d open an animal shelter, and hand it over my friend the vet to run. I’d start affordable housing projects in Montreal and Quebec. I’d volunteer.

Leah
12 years ago

Move our house to a non-murdery location and then add a story, dig out the basement, put in central air, and hire a gardener. Then find some sort of childcare situation that doesn’t involve either parent so I can stay at my work-for-peanuts job because I love what I do. LAME!

Chaya
Chaya
12 years ago

Never fly coach again, or maybe even get a timeshare in a personal jet. It’s a long, pain-in-the-ass trip between Israel and Oregon, where my mom lives.

Get a full-time personal assistant, nanny, and maid. I love cooking (most nights), but hate cleanup. And if I never had to deal with bureaucracy ever again I’d be so thankful.

Build a great home gym, hire a trainer.

Build a house near a river in Oregon, someplace gorgeous like the Metolius.

Travel with my family and stay in different countries for a few months out of every year- spring in Paris, winter in Patagonia, etc.

Make sure our parents could retire super comfortably.

Donate huge amounts of money to any scientist doing research on how to solve the Darwinian fail that is children’s sleep. I don’t care what it involves, drugs, implants, genetic modification, just FIX IT.

Jessica Contreras
12 years ago

Buy a tiara.

Courtney
12 years ago

Sundry what kind of business would you start?

The lotto huh? I’d dangle a SHITLOAD of money in front of the university that fired my dad and tell them the only way they’re getting enough money to pay off the stadium is to name it after my father… yeah, I’m not bitter about that or anything.

Then I’d pay off my parent’s lake place. Buy myself and DJ one next door. Pay for my sister to do some kick ass internships that she can’t do because she needs to work to pay for college.

Pay for our house,etc.

But really, I want to start a company that does adaptive reuse and historic preservation. But does it the RIGHT way. And unfortunately that requires a lot of capital…

Kimberly
12 years ago

Quit my job and become a photographer full time.

Buy a small but cute old place in NYC or DC. Travel most of the year.

Create a college fund and post-college trust for my nephew.

As anonymously as possible help out in significant ways good people I know who are struggling (paying off mortgages, debt, medical bills, etc.). I think that would be so amazing to watch, the difference it would make in their lives.

Sundry
Sundry
12 years ago

I am LOVING these, keep them coming!

For the folks wondering what kind of business I’d start, I don’t know for sure — but imagine the flexibility of free-flowing capital, and the fact that making a living wage from it (or earning money while it was starting up) wouldn’t have to be the primary goal. Whee!

Kate
12 years ago

My sister and I were doing this very same kind of dreaming the other day! So much fun.

Yes, I’d quit my job. And tell hubby to quit his too. Then I’d yank my kid(s) out of school, hire an awesome tutor who would travel around with us (via private rent-a-jet) and educate them while we saw the world.

I’d probably stay in my current house since we just built it, but I’d get it all landscaped, have an outdoor living space put in with an outdoor fireplace & kitchen, probably add a small guest house, buy furniture and finish various projects. Oh heck, I’d probably just have a designer come in and help me achieve what I attempted!

I’d buy a great 5th wheel trailer so we could drive around the country exploring. I’d buy a decent boat for fishing and some Sea-doos for playing on the lakes.

I’d also buy a small cottage somewhere on a beach so that I could leave the rainy, dreary Pacific NW in the winter and retain my sanity.

I’d probably eventually go to culinary school so that I could throw really awesome dinner parties and make killer pastries.

I’d finally read the enormously nerdy long list of books I want to read. I’d get weekly massages and pedicures. I’d probably steal the hire-a-trainer idea. I’d probably adopt a kid or two. I’d have fresh flowers in my house at all times.

And I’d pack up all my girlfriends and take us all to a tropical resort for a 2-week getaway, full of relaxation, spa treatments, shopping, eating and kid-freeness.

Valria
12 years ago

1) Quit suckiest job ever!
2) Open Soup Kitchen that serves 3 meals a day and offers private areas to shower and use the friggen toilet.

3) Travel
4) Travel
5) Pay off my house, my sisters and brothers house.
6) Open bakery business.

Sunny
Sunny
12 years ago

Ah, I wish. My Mom and Dad have friends who won $15 million in an Indiana lottery last year. While it wasn’t as big as a Powerball win, it was a respectable lump sum even after taxes.

When we heard that news, hubby and I daydreamed about what we’d do if we ever really hit the jackpot. We’d buy a house in Sunriver and another home in Palm Springs. Summer in Sunriver and winter in P.S. with a few trips to Bachelor for skiing. My husband loves music and is a great guitar player. We’d have space in both homes for him to set up mini-recording studios and he’d freelance with bands to record and mix their music. I’d love to volunteer my time at hospices. Ah, it’s fun to dream!

1 2 3