Things got off to a rocky start here in New Orleans when I found myself huddled, a miserable shivering wreck, on the bathroom floor at 2 AM, cursing the room service club sandwich I’d ordered back when the contents of my stomach were still on the inside of my body. I truly thought I wasn’t going to be able to do the race, and I wept, piteously, into the bathmat.

I somehow managed to rally when my alarm went off a few hours later, until I poked around for my wallet and discovered it was MIA, at which point I fell into a deep terrified pit of despair, remembering the hellish nightmare when I lost my wallet in Austin last year and wondering just how in blue fuck I’d managed to repeat that kind of stupidity. I was on the verge of calling the local cab companies, thinking it must have fallen out of my backpack while I was en route to the hotel, when during one of my frenzied pacings around the room I literally stubbed my toe on it from where I’d apparently tossed it on the floor the night before.

Pro tip: if you’re thinking of running your first half marathon, I really, really don’t recommend an exhausting pukefest the night before, then a full blown panic attack the morning of. Just a little piece of advice from me to you.

I’m happy to report things improved after that, thank god. I walked to the starting area with Katie, Danielle, and Erin, and it was amazing to see so many people milling around—the race was much bigger than I’d imagined it. (I think something like 18,000 people ran today.) It took 45 minutes from the time the gun went off for our group to actually get to the official start, and I’ll know this for next time: there is plenty of time to visit the porta-potties.

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The race itself was . . . man, I don’t even know how to describe it. It was wonderful, it was hard, it was fun, it was grueling. I loved running through such pretty streets, I loved all the fantastic people cheering us on. I felt okay until the last few miles, and the last mile in particular was a bitch. I tried to pick up my speed but I just couldn’t, I was running on fumes and the repeated mental mantra that it would all be over soon.

I didn’t stop, though, aside from a couple speedwalking breaks at the water stations once I realized I couldn’t run and drink from a cup at the same time.

My final time was 2:17, and I crossed the finish line exactly how I’d predicted: hurting, but so happy. Katie took my picture for me:


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Riley will be glad to know that yes, Mommy did in fact get a medal. Never mind that everyone got one, okay?

4396082699_cfa37d8f3b

As far as things I do recommend when it comes to preparing for a long race, I heartily endorse putting your name on your shirt, even if it makes you feel like a total cheesebag. Because people yelled “Go, Linda!” at me, and that. Was. Awesome.

After we’d taken a shuttle bus back and cleaned up a bit, a bunch of us went and had an astoundingly delicious meal at Acme Oyster House. I got to spend time with AB and Eliza, whom I haven’t seen since Journalcon in . . . what, 2003, or some such craziness. Oh, I was in such good company today.

nola_ladies
Photo ganked from AB’s Twitter: me, AB, Erin, Alice, and Katie. Please note how everyone’s hair looks lovely while mine lurks, a matted rat’s nest of post-race horror, under a hat.

We ate until there wasn’t room for a single more bite, then we went and got beignets. My god. Heavenly.

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I’m so wiped out (and, um, FULL) I plan to crawl into bed soon and sleep for at least 12 or so hours, then tomorrow I’m going to explore the city a bit. I’m feeling like eight million blistered dollars, my friends, and I cannot thank you enough for all the encouragement you’ve given me, here and on Twitter. It made a difference, it really did.

Oh! I almost forgot to tell you. So you know JB’s big fight last night, well, he knocked the guy right the fuck out in the first round. It was the best fight of the night, according to the folks watching. How about that?

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Meggish
12 years ago

Go Linda! Go JB! Your family is full of WIN!

victoria
victoria
12 years ago

Yay! Yay! CONGRATULATIONS, I am so proud of you! It was really hard and you did it! I am sorry that every bad thing happened to you the morning of the race that possibly could have happened (short of violent crime) but you finished! You are a bad ass! Go, Linda!

Ashley, the Accidental Olympian

You are so amazingly kick ass and inspirational it’s making my head hurt.

So many congratulations to you, and your prize fighter!

Kristen in KS
Kristen in KS
12 years ago

Many congratulations!!! Sounds like it was a great time. Enjoy exploring New Orleans.

Kristen
12 years ago

Congrats! I finished my first 1/2 in January, and was also up and puking at 2am. A right of passage? Anyways, good job.

Lana
Lana
12 years ago

oh.my.god. there are beads on the medal! That’s friggin’ awesome! Congratulations!

diane
diane
12 years ago

Wow, amazing. Congratulations to both you and JB. You’re an inspriring couple.

diane
diane
12 years ago

Wow, amazing. Congratulations to both you and JB. You are an inspiring couple.

Ashley
12 years ago

You are SUCH an inspiration and I am so happy for you! :)

Bachelor Girl
12 years ago

SO proud of you! Congratulations on being a Grade-A Asskicker.

Karl
Karl
12 years ago

Let me add my congrats to both of you guys, great job!

I remember the one and only time I tried to race a half-marathon. I felt great the first half, and I knew I was going too fast, but I decided to hell with it. Sure enough, I found the wall about mile 11, and the last two were exquisitely painful. I came in about a minute under my goal time, so no complaints!

I trust you will not miss the chance to eat at Mother’s. A debris po’boy is MANDATORY.

CharChar
CharChar
12 years ago

I was thinking about you Saturday morning Hawaii time..and then realized it was really Friday so you weren’t running yet.
Then Sat when I meant to send you good vibes, we had a Tsunami evacuation – but I couldn’t wait to hear how it went!
I am still struggling with running an entire 5k but you show me that, maybe, just maybe, with some mental strength, I can finish something too :)
Holla girl. You and your hot fight club hubbie rock!

Victoria
12 years ago

So proud of you!

Hilary
12 years ago

Wonderful! Nice work! And I can’t believe JB knocked that guy out in the first round. You should both do laps around your house singing “we are the champions” — you two are that amazing.

Kelly
Kelly
12 years ago

Good job to both you and JB! I’m so impressed with you for rallying after being sick all night!

Eliza
12 years ago

Come back!

Katie @ Can't Get There From Here

Good on you!!! I ran my first 5k, my first race of any kind (I couldn’t run for 30 seconds last August!), last weekend and I am so psyched! And sooooo impressed by you ladies! Way to rock it!

Leah
12 years ago

I have nothing original to say, but this is not the time to lurk unless I can add something new to the discussion. All I can say is this: Amazing. Just amazing.

p.s. “I wept, piteously, into the bathmat” is redundant, don’t you think? :)

lisa
lisa
12 years ago

Amazing. If it we’re me- I think I’d call it a day after the puking, that. just. sucks. Im so impressed that you stuck with it after a terrible night!

Kim
Kim
12 years ago

So happy for you; you are truly an inspiration.

Sonia
Sonia
12 years ago

So rad Linda, I’m so impressed!!! Congratulations!

kristi
12 years ago

Long-time lurker, first-time poster. Congrats on your first half marathon. You are a rockstar indeed.

I am about to begin training for my own first 1/2. I am terried and wondering if I can do it. I have a three-year-old and 16-month-old twins and meshing their schedule with my training schedule is ridiculous. But following your progress here, I am convinced that I can. Thank you for the inspiration.

kristi
12 years ago

Whoops-that’s terrified, not terried. Sheesh, and I’m a writer besides.

Bekah
Bekah
12 years ago

I am so inspired by you and so excited to hear your story. Im so proud of you. You make me feel like I can be bigger and better. Thank you!

Jenn
12 years ago

How awesome are you?! So happy for you Linda. It’s been awesome to follow you through your training! I’ll be excited to read about your journey to 26.2 if you ever decide to do that : )

Erika
Erika
12 years ago

Congratulations Linda on your fist half! I’ve been lurking and following your training! You did an amazing job! You are perfectly primed for a full!!! Just add a couple 20 milers to the mix and you’re all set! I’ve done 5 marathons and by far the first one is the most exhilirating. Pick one flat and fast, like Chicago, my first. No, really it’s great to hear you are enjoying running, I love it too, and you can do with it what you want! Keep it up.

Katie
12 years ago

The name on the shirt was so brilliant. I was so jealous of all the name-shouting that I started calling out to any spectator wearing or carrying any Chicago-related item as if they would somehow appreciate having a stranger yell at them. That was not creepy at all.

mrs chaos
12 years ago

I have THE BEST memories from my first half. It was hard, but so much damn fun. Reading this reminded me of that.

Reading this also made me want to run in New Orleans. I have a new goal. :)

biscuit
12 years ago

I totally expected this entry to end with a rousing, “HOW YOU LIKE MAH DICK NOW?!?” ; )

Sabrina
12 years ago

Wow great job! I am planning on doing my first half marathon this year. I hope have a better night before the race then you did.:)

Robin
12 years ago

Linda,
Hello from Orlando! Congrats on your first half! Great recap… awesome pics. :-) Found you via twitter via…another runner? LOL Not sure which one(?) but glad I did. Just finished my first half, too: March 7th, Disney Princess Half. I agree: custom race shirt a definite!

Looking forward to following your tweets and posts.

ThenseJem
10 years ago

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