Why not, indeed? Love me some filet-of-fish!

McDonalds is a sometimes food. just ask cookie monster.

I guess its the age we live in, and when our children are otherwise occupied, we feel like we have to FILL THAT SPACE with something, anything, except just enjoying the view.

I am currently suffering through toddler gymnastics. I must have missed some memo because the other moms in the class seem to have turned it into a bible study. There’s absolutely no humor involved. And the effort it takes to get my kid in her damn leotard, out of the house, and in the car only to have her cling to me like a terrified spider monkey or run around not listening to the instructor really makes me wonder: WHY? Why am I putting myself through this?

I would totally sit with you and make fun…of the kids, the teachers, the other parents, and mostly myself. Then I would go with you to McDonalds, where I would proceed to hog all the French fries.

Oh Linda, I adore you so much. If I didn’t live on the other side of the country, and if my “kid” were older than a fetus, I would totally join you in offspring mocking.

I don’t know why I bother commenting on most parenting blogs- most of the othe commenters are humorless freaks who enjoy nothing more than getting offended- except maybe pointing out what terrible parets other people are (or in my case, what a terrible parent I’m GOING to be). It always make sme wonder if there’s something biological about becoming a parent that turns you into a self-centered, smug asshat. You give me hope that it’s possible to keep some perspective.

Man, I so know how you feel.

We found that the toddler gym is no place to make friends with parents. Everyone is just so….serious. While we’re there laughing at the ridiculous things the kid is doing (uh, hi kids are ridiculous!).

It’s just not that serious. It’s kids running around being monkeys. Hopefully without as much poop flinging. But no guarantees.

Sometimes it’s so annoying to live in the Pacific NW. I have managed to sleuth out that the parents at my school think “muffins” are an ok snack, but “cupcakes” are not. So, it’s just the frosting we’re objecting to here? But streusel topping is cool, apparently. I *know* that minimizing sugar is a good goal, but these people seem confused about actual nutrition.

My kid has also attended three birthdays in the last month that were at a kid’s gym. His birthday is later this month and we are pretty much resigned to this being his crappiest birthday yet because LIKE HELL we are shelling out $200 (rental + food) for 90 minutes of party. He’s going to be so disappointed, no matter how many times we tell him it will just be him and a buddy + movie/pizza/cake kind of affair.

Any chance you want to move to Ohio?

Yeah…didn’t think so, but we’d have a blast together!

This is exactly why I hate going to anything like this. Why are all parents these days so weird??! Do you by any chance watch Parenthood on NBC? Last nights episode with the birthday party? OMG it’s crazy. My kid doesn’t eat cheese, is this cake gluten free? can you tell everyone not to clap because my kid doesn’t like loud noises.
REALLY?
Linda-I’ll go to gymnastics with you and make fun of our kids! Someone has to stop this madness!

Apparently you need more teachers in your life. We do nothing BUT (lovingly) make fun of the kids. I’ve got names for them: “The Twinkie”, “Tantrums McGee”, “But…Well, Actually…”, etc. Just remember, your faithful readers are with you in spirit, pointing out the kid that is too busy pulling her leotard out of her butt to pay attention.

Wouldn’t it be great if some of the things in the commercial started happening? Private preschool debate = baseball to the temple. Now THAT would be fun to watch!

Wow, that sucks. I took my daughter to swim lessons for years, got to know the parents, and we would yuck it up for the 45 minutes of swim time. It was great getting some fun adult time, sorry you don’t have that.

Can I just say, I love you? McDonald’s was the first word my youngest knew how to spell. Over the recent holiday season our family once went to McDonald’s four times.

In one day.

I have the receipts to prove it.

Hey! How ’bout that remodel of the 140th Ave McD’s? I kinda miss the Vettriano http://tinyurl.com/4p7y8vc.

This is why I wish we lived closer, because my friends and I make fun of our kids ALL DAY LONG. I mean, how else are you supposed to survive parenthood? Aside from plying them with Happy Meals, that is.

Shit. Here is it. (damn punctuation)

http://tinyurl.com/4p7y8vc

I adore you Linda but I’m one of the moms who doesn’t let my kid have (much) sugar or McDonald’s and I’m so tired of people automatically assuming that makes me a raging asshole, as I would also totally love to make fun of the kids at the gym class (maybe THAT is what makes me the raging a-hole..? Not saying that I’m not one-just diputing the reason.)

But seriously, parks, classes these are not places to make friends. I got more lectures about sleep training, the Ferber method, and providing my kid “more structure” in a 2 minute conversation with strangers at the park then anywhere else. People really are at their douchiest in these settings, jockeying to make their positions on the mom spectrum clear to all present in the small amount of time alloted.

But really, I get so much crap for the food choices with my kid. I don’t judge other people’s food choices with their own kids and generally don’t discuss it, in the same way I avoid conversations about religion. I wouldn’t bat one eyelash about you taking your boys to McDonald’s-but I feel like, if you saw me at the gymnastics class, armed with my aresenal of organic veggies I think your assumption would be that I would. And then we wouldn’t be able to make fun of the kids together and that would be so sad. Just sayin’.

Awesome. Maybe next time you should go to McDonald’s *before* class and just happen to bring some smelly fries to the waiting area with you.

…what, is that too much?

You should put your cell up to your ear and make fun of your kids to the pretend caller on the line. “Girl he just fell of the balance beam….AGAIN” hahahah!

An hour of lovingly mocking my offspring with some non-douchy parents sounds like loads of fun. If you’re ever in Chicago with the boys, we’ll organize a mock your kids (with love) meetup.

Aw, Michelle. I wouldn’t care if you spent the entire class stuffing your kids with organic veggies until their rear ends turned into carrot-powered Gatling guns, as long as I don’t have to hear what a child abuser I am for allowing the occasional Happy Meal. :)

Oh, Linda your description of carrot-powered Gatling guns is not that far off, unfortunately. :) And no calls to CPS from me ;)

god I wish you lived near me. I mean, my kid’s a senior in high school, but I’d totally come hang out with you and make fun of *your* kids.

Don’t give up! I finally found several groups of women who join me in openly mocking our children. I even found a book club with people who read YA books! I wish you luck but you are doing the right thing – follow your instincts. If that group of women doesn’t seem the right fit? Keep looking. I promise women like us are out there. We’re just all hiding from the scary parents in different places.

Also – my favorite over heard conversation? Two moms discussing how there is NO WAY they would let their daughters pick out their own clothes. “Can you imagine what they’d be wearing right now?” Well – let’s just say the outfit my daughter picked out that day? Probably was exactly what they feared. HA!

I’m not going to lie to you, if you lived anywhere near Philadelphia and my kid was a little older i would happily sit and make fun of our kids with you. I mean if you consider all the torture these children put us through with the not sleep and the not eating and the trying to kill themselves without knowing it I think we deserve some time to mock them.

I overhear a lot of similar conversations to those when I drop my kid off/pick him up from Daycare. The real issue there is that the parents involved in these conversations feel the need to give out advice like it’s stored in a PEZ dispenser. YES I FEED MY KID THE GERBER STUFF BECAUSE I’M TOO BUSY/LAZY TO MAKE HIS BABY FOOD. BACK.OFF.BITCH.

Why don’t any of you people live near ME? Granted, my son is only 4.5 months old, but I just wish I could talk about how absurd he is sometimes. (Who rolls onto his stomach 50 times a day and then pitches a wobbler becuase he has momentarily forgotten how to roll back EVERY SINGLE TIME? This kid. Sheer genius!) Anyway, I’ve met some nice moms at a local baby group, but since we’re all first-time moms, everyone is so damned SERIOUS. (Except for me. And my potty mouth.) Where are my people?

I am with you, though I am lucky enough to live in a place where at least half of us parents can (and do) make fun of our kids. Just today at my daughter’s dance class, I was waiting outside in just the situation you’ve described above while another mom waited and tried to entertain/settle down her three-year-old son. She kept shooting me “I’m so sorry my kid is being so wild” looks, until I finally said, “What he’s basically doing here is my boot camp workout. So far I’ve seen plank-jacks, high knees, and jumping rope without the rope.” Then we proceeded to (lovingly) make fun of our daughters inside the dance class.

Good times on a Wednesday afternoon. We have to stay sane somehow, right?

HA! I am so glad I’m not the only parent who amuses herself at the kids’ expense. Too bad about the douchebags though. I get that at every parent-teacher meeting. The slightly-sneery up-and-down look, the “Oh, so that’s YOUR son,” and of course, I do let my kids dress themselves, so they always look like they got dressed in the dark. In a dumpster behind a thrift store. AFTER the homeless people got all the good stuff.

You’d be fun to hang out with. Those douche-canoes don’t know what they’re missing!

So, my two year old is in toddler ballet (which is a total oxymoron)! On her first day, one of the other douche bag high and mighty parents had the nerve to tell my husband and I that we shouldn’t laugh at our daugher falling on her butt in class and demonstrated to us how we should praise her. What the hell! Maybe you can web-cast their class and we can all make fun together…give the other parents something to talk about.

HAH, I just posted today about my kid LICKING THE WALL at our tiny tots class:
http://diniwilks.blogspot.com/2011/02/lickopotamus.html

I think we would get along fabulously.

Whoa really? That would suck. Maybe I am overtly clueless or living in la-la land. I BS with the best of them about how funny these classes are and joke about my kid whether I know the parent sitting next to me or not. I feel like it is all way to competitive and that we think by doing all of that stuff we will improve our children when the reality is they are just going to be who they are going to be whether they eat sugar or not, you know?! I loudly bribe my 2.5 yr old with Kisses all the time and I get those looks too. That is weird. I want to stop by and whisper in their ears “MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS DOUCHE BAG” (and to prove they are douche bags they are driving the largest SVU in the lot with the environmental plates!!!!!)

I think we would be best friends.

I would love to come to class with you. My kids go to gymnastics too (or, as my son calls it, ‘mynastics’) and I wish so badly for a buddy to go with us so that my kids can focus on the other kids wearing them out, rather than me….

Come on along! We can chortle at Those Other Parents, and hell, maybe bring cupcakes with extra sugary frosting to some class event! Whoo!

You are so MY PEOPLE. Funny, I was just chuckling to myself at my son’s preschool valentines party because there was a handful of mom’s who were freaking out about the candy attached to the valentines that were handed out. And also the cupcakes and cookies during the party. No offense to those who don’t allow sugar, I just don’t get the ones who can’t relax and let their kids have FUN once in a while – like say for a party!
I sometimes wonder if these kids that are deprived of sugar are gonna go NUTS one day when they have the freedom to purchase their own goodies. Food for thought…

I don’t even have kids and I so totally get this. Go Linda! Stupid parent snobs.

Amen!

It’s just so exhausting trying to be so politically correct around these parents, out of fear that I’ll say the wrong thing and get death glares of how-stupid-are-you-you’re-killing-your-kids.

I thoroughly believe our sides would ache from laughing through the hour together. What’s more fun than that? You’re my kind of people. I hope I meet the local version of you (unless you care to visit, and you’re more than welcome) at the next class or birthday party.

Heck, let’s hit up Baskin Robbins after McDonalds.

Dude, I met some of my best friends at Sam’s gym class. My friend Megan and I went together, which MIGHT have given us the confidence to tell other moms to STFU, but I don’t know.

For the record, there ARE TOTALLY the mom douches in our class, but we lucked out and met several who are the antithesis. In fact, one of the women was immediately welcomed into our fold when, in the middle of gym class, her kid did something spectacularly dumb, and she threw her hands up, looked at me and said (loudly), “I mean, are you fucking KIDDING ME, GRACIE?” while laughing and then cringed when she realized what she said.

HAHAHAHAHAH. I almost hugged her. She is also known to imitate every word her kid says at playgroup without even realizing it.

I think you should move to Boston. There are lots of douches here, but the vast majority of moms I meet are super-normal and take their kids to McDonald’s once in a while and their kids eat Goldfish — the real ones, not always the Annie’s bunnies — and occasionally suck down too much juice and GOD, come here, I’m serious. Oregon might be your dream, but you must trust me, Boston is much more your style. You’d love it here. You can live next to MEEEEEEEEEEEE. I have a lovely group of friends who are normal and mock their children with impunity. We’d have fun!

Don’t be jealous, but our Little Gym is in a shopping mall, so I drop my daughter off and hit the stores for an hour. It’s great. Over the years I’ve been in a lot of those uncomfortable Mom situations. The WORST in recent months was a coffee morning with moms from my son’s class b/c the kids weren’t around as a distraction. I’ve found that if I take the first step and make a little fun of my kids, even the most uptight mom will follow…eventually. Otherwise, I just come up with a non-kid topic to chat about. I used to feel really guilty about things like letting my kids eat McD’s. Then I moved somewhere with a lot of folks from other countries and I realized that us Americans can be pretty uptight (to make a sweeping generalization). It’s nice to be around people who let kids be kids.

YES. Almost 11 years of SAHM’ing, and I cannot count the number of times I have been privy (and drawn into) those horrible conversations. It was so great to get to the park on Sunday and talk with a friend about how our boys (ages 10 & 7…for both of us) seem to have NO common sense.

Why must we all pretend our little darlings are perfect? I live with these guys…they (and I) are FAR from perfect…

We live in the same metro area…let me know if you ever want to let them loose at a park together and laugh at them. :)

AMEN!! I would have KILLED to have had you next to me when my daughter was at the Little Gym!

This is why I fear the Little Gym. My kid would be over the moon (and probably running around farting with Dylan) but I would be killed in that little room. My patience for parenting theatre is so low that I think my brain would explode immediately in that situation.

I always wonder about those uber-anal parents…like the most important thing for kids is that they eat carrots instead of mcD’s…when really they should be developing the independence and self awareness to identify what works for them [obviously Dylan has a good grasp of this].

I just went to a corporate event w/ my SO and all the sahm spent the evening talking about how they parent. Even one of the not-sahms [who aspires to be a sahm] eagerly joined in. Total contrast to my work schmoozing where parent-talk is minimal and usually limited to either making fun of kiddos or celebrating time *away* from said kiddos….

I would totally join you – both in the loving teasing and the Mickey D’s.

Wow, that’s funny because things swing the opposite way where I live, and that’s frustrating, too. I guess any extreme gets annoying.

I’d love to sit next to you and laugh. Little kids are so weird and funny. And cute, of course.

I would totally sit with you and make fun of our kids AND the other neurotic parents!

Sounds like you are going to have to wait until your kids are old enough to sit with you and make fun of the other kids and their parents! I have fond memories of the nicknames my mom and I would give people that were never ever to be uttered near them, natch.

My kids are in elementary school now, but I wanted to warn you to BE WARE of these preachy types. They have let loose on our school and have done the following (and I shit you not)

1. No Halloween. At all. none.

2. “Approved snack list” for parties. Luckily this was taken by most parents with a snort, but they are trying to push this.

3. Complain about the soda that any teacher consumes during school hours. They are setting a bad example.

Seriously, what a bunch of losers. I didn’t see the TV show Corey was talking about, but it’s spot on in my school. Sickening.

Oh gawd, I swear I’m bombarded with smug parenting every time I leave the house. When did the world become so full of pretentious, self-righteous, elitist assholes?????

This morning, I asked my kid’s speech therapist if we could have a meeting with his occupational therapist at McDonald’s next week. My kid is a wanderer, & I need some tips on how to reign him in when we’re out & about. The look of horror that passed on her face when I uttered the phrase McDonald’s made me laugh out loud. Of course, 90 seconds later she admitted that she had just come from the gas station for a grande cappuccino & a giant donut.

you are awesome. I am alone in my living room laughing.