yikes, if you’re an unlikeable dork, what does that make me?? I think you’re hilarious as fuck and oh, so smart. So…. I like you, is what I’m saying. That’s probably kind of creepy. Oops :)

I am a workout FANATIC. Always have been. Love it. It’s like my drug. I do lots of yoga, pilates, walking, and a bit of running. Every time you mention CF, I think it sounds horrendous. I can’t even imagine doing that. And again….I love to work out. So to each their own!

I hear you sister…But everything isn’t for everyone…I’ve tried it all too – except Crossfit because it sounds like punishment. :-) But you did it for six months which makes you a stud.

Here’s my latest — Barre3 in Bellevue. Great work out and I actually enjoy it during it.

I just wanted to post to say that you really have been an inspiration to me about fitness and exercise, I was someone who DID NOTHING (and it showed) but reading your blog and a couple of others I started working out in earnest December 26th… what I do is probably laughable to you and all the fit people of the world, but I have lost 10lbs and 4 inches and I am starting to see this as a way of life.

Don’t beat yourself up girl…. you do so much and inspire so many!

You are NOT a pathetic unlikable dork. Or, at least, no more of one than I am. Pretty sure we’d be besties if we ever met. We could be dorks together and make fun of all the popular kids.

Sometimes when I run, I feel more like myself than I do at any other point during the day. And that’s a feeling I love, and it’s why I keep running. And I keep going to crossfit because I can tell I’m getting stronger, and I’ve never felt that way before, and I think it’s cool. But those are very specific feelings for *me*, and the only thing I wish for you, or anyone, when I say “try signing up for a race! try crossfit!” is that hopefully you’ll feel the same way, too. And you did you those things, and you didn’t feel that way, and any disappointment I feel in you saying “You know, I hate crossfit” is more related to the feeling that I wanted to share something good with you, but I misjudged what you wanted, and I feel bad about that. But that’s a reflection of MY issues, and not, you know, you.

First of all, Yay for you! For trying and sticking with something difficult and giving yourself adequate time to know it is not for you. You didn’t give up, you made a decision. BIG difference.

Just a suggestion… Have you tried a formal martial arts school? It’s more of a workout than you might think, and there are specific goals and milestones. It might give you the sense of accomplishment that you were looking for with CrossFit. Taekwondo, kenpo, etc. — look into a few disciplines and see if anything interests you.

BTW, I’m a recommended black belt and I effing HATED CrossFit. But I can now break boards with my bare hands and spar with people half my age. It was a good switch for me. Plus I found a class that works with all ages, so my two daughters and I have come up through the belt ranks together – can’t beat that for a family activity!

You rock!

I think that you’re being way too hard on yourself. You stuck with something FOR SIX MONTHS that was puke-inducing hard. That is HUGE. I understand your feelings of failure–none of us like to give up on something we wanted to see through, but sometimes, when something isn’t working it actually takes more strength to quit or say no than it does to stick it out. Be proud you made it as far as you did and if it helps you, find the next thing you want to try.

You may have already tried this, but I’m starting my third month of P90x and I am crazy about it. And I’m not an exercise-loving person. In fact, I hate exercising. But there is something about P90x that just works for me. The workouts are long (at least an hour 6 days a week) but they push you to your limits while leaving space for you to grow and challenge yourself. Afterwards, you feel like you might puke, but you also feel like you did exactly the right amount of work for you and for your fitness level. The workouts move fast, so the hour doesn’t drag on.

Anyway, that’s what has worked for me. I think that if you figure out what your next goal is, you may feel a little better about the CrossFit thing. You’re awesome and you are not a wimp.

“Life is too short for forcing yourself to do things with a crappy suck-to-yay ratio”

I wanna get this as a tattoo. Or at least a t-shirt.

Like everyone else already said, you didn’t quit. You gave it a good try and it’s just not your thing.
I love a lot of physical activities. I hike, bike, backpack, mountaineer, rock climb, snowboard, yoga and dance; all love on first try. I wanted so badly to love karate because it was my best friend’s thing, but I always felt awkward in class and had to stop after paying hundreds for 3 months and a gi. I also thought mountain biking would be my next big thing, but after spending 2k on a nice bike, and a year and many nasty bruises later, I realized it’s just not my thing. It’s fun to try new things, but it’s not all going to take, don’t be hard on yourself for not loving everything you try.

You are hardly a “pathetic unlikeable dork”, my friend.

You constantly inspire me with how hard you TRY and you DO.

Good for you for giving it a solid try, and good for you for cutting out something that brings you no joy. :)

Okay, this is going to sound a little stalkerish because I don’t actually know you, but I’m glad you quit because every time you wrote about it I worried that you were going to permanently hurt your back and end up with the kind of pain and misery (or worse) that I live with. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. Just keep doing that “what would you have said to your seventeen-y/o self” exercise and talk to the kid inside who feels like a loser. She’s not a loser. You’re not a loser. (Oh and BTW, the supermoon seems to have whalloped EVERYONE’S self-confidence. That has to be at play here too.)

Ditto to what all these other folks have said… It’s awesome that you stuck with it for so long, and even more fantastic to have the balls to make the tough decision to walk away and share all of that here.

As soon as I saw your previous comment about the “group workout” I was all “Dude, I would be so SO out of there.” As much as I love (well, tolerate) my own running/walking/shredding/whatevering workouts, I’m so not a go the gym, join a team, do anything in a group of people type person. And I’m okay with that. Because working out on my own is so much better than that 9th grade terror and day long dread that I would feel before attempting anything else.

You are total badass for doing it for six months. That’s six months longer than 99% of the population. That really is all manner of kickassery!

Do what you love. Do what brings you joy.

joining the chorus to say congrats to you. exercise should feel GOOD. i’m not a yoga woowoohead, but seriously, it should not be torture. if it is, it’s not the right exercise for you.

clearly this isn’t about the exercise but about bigger, more important things. i say screw cf, but keep thinking about what this feeling is, these bigger questions. there’s something there, and i’m excited to watch you find it, pin it down and put it into words.

I can’t comment on the exercise part because I’m a lardass and walking into the kitchen to get an extra piece of cheesecake is sometimes the most exercise I get in a day (god I wish I was joking).
However, I will comment on the being unlikeable stuff. Pish Posh. I’m like 10 years older than you and the one thing I’ve learned is that we are our own worst enemy. We create these scenarios in our heads and the majority of the time they aren’t true.
You HAVE to be likeable. You’re too funny not to be.
But ya know, it’s hard to make friends. I swear it’s because of the internet and social networks. It used to be when you were cooped up in the house you would go out and chat to ANYONE because well you hadn’t spoken to a grown up all day. Now most of our socializing is done via the internet and half the time I think people go out for some alone time..they don’t want to chat with the nice stranger they just met because they just spent two hours talking to someone online…ya know?
Just so ya know though, I’d a saved ya a seat in the cafeteria….

GOOD FOR YOU!

You gave it a fair try, and you didn’t like it. Nothing wrong with that. A woman who went from an intention to change some of her habits all the way to running a marathon is clearly a woman who is motivated!… but XF just doesn’t seem like a good fit for you.

All the times you’ve talked about it, the joy that’s been present in the rest of your writing about health and fitness– even during challenging times– has been curiously absent. For whatever reason– is it that they take themselves too seriously? no sense of humor? martyrdom and punishment dressed up as badassery, rather than triumph?– no idea but whatever it is, it’s clearly not floating your boat at this particular point in time.

So good for you. Good for you for following your intuition, and for jettisoning what isn’t working– makes more room in your life for something that will!

Just echoing what everyone else has said: You rock (totally inspiring to many of us), it’s ok to quit something you don’t love, and you can come sit at my table :)

Like you, I haven’t found that exercise routine that makes me say “I can’t wait to workout today!” I’ve tried so many different classes, dvds and gym memberships but am still on the search for the activity I don’t dread doing each day. I applaud you for recognizing that crossfit wasn’t working for you and moving on to the next. You are an inspiration!

You so kick ass! I’ll just use your words and if you pretend they’re coming from someone else, maybe you’ll hear it:

You’ve got zero reasons to beat yourself up over making a choice to stop doing something that isn’t making you happy. Life is too short for forcing yourself to do things with a crappy suck-to-yay ratio, good on you for recognizing you need something different. Good on you for not continuing to dump boatloads of cash into something you don’t love.

Seriously! :)

A wise person in my life often tells me never to look back except to learn. Easier said than done, I know. You are pretty amazing in my book and in the books of many of your fans.

“crappy suck-to-yay ratio” = awesome way of putting it!
Did you read maggie’s recent mightygirl post on goal writing? It fits with this because it encourages you to make your goals based on how you want to feel. If you want to feel badass, do what actually makes you feel badass, not what someone else thinks is badass.

As much as it sucks to feel like a failure, kudos to you for doing something kind for yourself. Spending a lot of money on something that makes you feel like crap (emotionally and physically) just does not sound good.

I dropped out of a cycling group this week! Turns out, cycling in a group is torture, for me. Why try to do stuff that you’re supposed to enjoy or get a sense of accomplishment from, if it doesn’t do that? Your last paragraph says it all. Not everything is for everybody. That’s why there’s different things.

You’re smart and brave for just *trying* different things.

So glad you shared your experience too!

I’m a huge lurker on your site who has probably never commented (although I think I did email you once), but I had to break my silence to comment on this.

I ran my first half marathon last September and I’ve been running and enjoying it consistently ever since. YOU (Hey, Stranger!) were a big part of my inspiration to do that. I don’t think you’d be an inspiration to so many people if you were just a failure at exercise.

But I think I understand how you feel. I registered for a 10-mile race in April and joined a running group to train for it. I had high hopes of being amazing and making friends, but then I sprained my toe (of all things) and took several weeks off. Finally this week I’ve decided I won’t be ready to run the race in the time. I cried, too, and the most painful part was feeling like I’d failed and I was just making excuses for my laziness and now everyone was going to know what a waste of space I was.

Anyway, this isn’t about me, but I wanted you to know that you’d inspired me and that you’re not alone in feeling this kind of shame and turmoil over a decision that should be yours and yours alone. Seriously: you have to decide what’s best for you, and if something is making you feel bad about exercise, it’s not doing you any favors.

are you fucking kidding me? You’ve got zero reasons to beat yourself up over making a choice to stop doing something that isn’t making you happy. Life is too short for forcing yourself to do things with a crappy suck-to-yay ratio, good on you for recognizing you need something different. Good on you for not continuing to dump boatloads of cash into something you don’t love. (you said it yourself….read it and realize it is true)

Thank you for this! I’m glad to know I’m not the only one who isn’t loving it. I’m only a month in so will slug it out a bit more but to be honest, the only part of it I really enjoy is when it’s over.

Holy hell, woman! You ran a marathon! I am so impressed by you, you have no idea. Exercise is supposed to make you feel good (at least afterward, if not during). Why should you have to prove something to someone?

For the record, I hate the during part of exercise, but the after is pure win. :)

You’re a total badass, this just isn’t your thing.

The middle school cafeteria part made me sad – from my point of view you seem pretty much made of awesome so I hate to think you feel that way, ever.

Do what makes you happy – life is short.

Dude, I can totally, TOTALLY relate. I could have written this post myself a couple months ago when I quit.

But I don’t miss it.

I do miss lifting really heaving things and being able to grunt and scream, but that’s about it. I’m sad that my local rec center doesn’t have good oly lifting equipment or space.

I’m actually loving running again.

I, too, felt like the odd kid out at my box. And I’m very shameless and an extrovert and I make friends with EVERYBODY, so to have the social awkwardness made things uncomfortable for me. I would get so jealous reading about other women (AndreAnna and Kristin at Aquifit for example) that found their second families at their local CrossFit, about the close sense of community and “we can be badass together!”. Well, I never got that. I felt self-conscious almost every class. I’m not about to pay $125/month for that shit. I can run with my dog who loves me to pieces and licks my face for free.

I have to say, I kinda love you for admitting crossfit wasn’t your thing. To me, it’s always sounded on par with a trip to the dentist.

I hope you find your “thing” though, even if it’s simply rotating through a bunch of activities you enjoy throughout the year.

Oh, and I want to say that I think you’re even MORE of a badass to go online and publicly admit to this! Everyone is all CrossFit all the time lately in my internet circle and so to admit it’s not your bag takes cajones in my book. You rock.

1) We go out into the world 2) We try new things. This is how we grow. Some things work, some don’t. Whatever you’re attaching to CF must be very important to you, though, to bring up such big feelings.

Good luck untangling your knots, and be nice to yourself. If you wouldn’t say it to your best friend, don’t say it to yourself. =)

There’s not much I can say here that hasn’t already been said– but I will comment anyway and ditto basically every comment. I think it would have been very different if you’d done only ONE class and thought “I didn’t like that much, I think that’s it for me” but 6 months is a freaking good try and I would whole-heartedly agree that if you still aren’t loving it and still dreading going, then it really isn’t right for you. But you know all of this :)

I think I get all the murky thoughts part though. I got a gym membership with my sisters so we could go to Zumba classes together. The teacher was awesome, the music was great, and it’s DANCING for goodness sake, it’s a FUN workout. However, about 2 months in I really didn’t enjoy it. I can’t even pinpoint why. But I would sort of get all “oh GOD it’s a Zumba night tonight grrr” when I knew I had to go, whereas my sisters have bought the authentic Zumba outfits and are “OMGYAYZUMBATONIGHT!!!” before every class. I think that’s what bummed me out, that it made me feel like a crusty old grump for not enjoying something so fun that everyone else seemed to love….but it just wasn’t for me, plus I’m a mom to a one year old so my days are PLENTY busy without adding extra activities!! So I stopped going, but I get the “Still” part of it. I don’t regret it, exactly, I just think I regret that this awesomely cool thing didn’t seem a fit for me, for some reason.

I know internet hugs don’t mean much, but… *HUGS* I think you deserve them. You have my support and my empathy – I have the same social awkwardness. I mean, I went to a potluck the other day and was terrified. Who does that??

Just wanted to say, you aren’t alone. It’s perfectly okay that CrossFit didn’t work for you, and it’s understandable that you feel like crap about it anyway. You’re just being human!

(I know – still. Still. But it’s okay!)

Thank you for this post! I keep hearing about how great CrossFit is, but it doesn’t appeal to me in the slightest. Glad to know I’m not alone!

Kudos for you for making the decision that is right for you!

Like many others have mentioned before, your fitness journey is part of what inspired me to get into an exercise program last year, and I did 6 months of circuit training style workouts three times a week. It wasn’t CrossFit, and not as intense, but after my contract was up, I stopped for some of the same reasons (wasn’t loving it, and it was a crap load of money). I got part way to my goal, but not as close as I was hoping. My problem is that I sort of hate it all, so it’s not a matter of finding something I like, it’s just accepting that I’m not going to ever love working out the way that some people do. I wish I did; it would make it so much easier to get and stay in shape.

I think you’re really amazing to not only have tried so many different things and to have gotten into great shape, but in this case to also know when something is just not for you. I think that takes more strength than being committed to something for the sake of wanting it to be different. So, as many others have said, here’s to making the right decision for you!

I keep re-typing here.

A) I think your box sucks. By all accounts, your gym is known to be extremely elite one.
B) You are not remotely awkward or unlikeable.
C) You will find your thing and when you start loving all over it and writing about it ad nauseum, I will try it too, and probably be awful at it, and I will quit forever but still adore you.

No time to read through all the comments, and I’m sure someone has said it before, but here’s my take:

We all think we’re wimps, and we all beat ourselves up over stupid things that we would never judge our friends about. Realizing this, as I think you did in your last paragraph, is just the beginning. Keep saying that to yourself, and maybe someday you’ll give yourself some much-deserved slack and keep that middle-school voice at bay.

I say this because I’ve only recently begun realizing that I am way too hard on myself, and I recognized a lot of myself in your post. I’m hoping that I’m right, and that I will start giving myself a break more often.

Life is too short to always think you suck, when clearly the presence of supportive friends and family is evidence to the contrary!

Man, you gave it 6 months! Frankly, Crossfit (and P90X) scare the every living shit out of me so for you to have done it for 6 months is HUGE! I think that was more than enough time. I know I don’t know you at all but I have read you for a long enough time that you wouldn’t call your kids or friends failures if they tried their hardest and found out that something doesn’t work for them.

One day you will find your something, even if it isn’t the something that everyone else does. I’ve tried Spinning, Zumba, Body Sculpt and they all were kind of meh, despite the fact that everyone else around me loved it. Then I found Pilates and fell in love! My teacher really pushes us and it gets hard sometimes but I love the feeling of relaxation I have afterwards and most of the exercises are done lying down. WIN! I am carrying an extra 35 pounds around and I am sure I should do something more intense but Pilates gets me to the gym. I am starting the C25K program for literally the 4th time for cardio and this time feels different. I am not training for a race or awards or anything, I just want to learn how to run. Sure, I’d love to be one of the chicks in the P90X success story infomercials but I know I would dread it every single day. So I stick with my Pilates and C25K and dread exercise a little less.

I wonder when/if that middle school feeling ever goes away. I am 36 and I still get cold sweats if you throw me into a room with people I don’t know.

what works for you is what works for you. You alone know the right formula. Congratulations for ONCE AGAIN pushing yourself to the limit. Life, it seems to me, is an endless process of perfecting the recipe, which is elusive because it keeps changing. Brava for not giving up the effort.

Dude, you’re still a super hero. I can’t even get up the motivation to use the elliptical machine hangin’ in the basement. And you said it best yourself, “You’ve got zero reasons to beat yourself up over making a choice to stop doing something that isn’t making you happy. Life is too short for forcing yourself to do things with a crappy suck-to-yay ratio, good on you for recognizing you need something different. Good on you for not continuing to dump boatloads of cash into something you don’t love.”

I am so glad that I am not the only one who still feels like no one wants me at their table. I used to think I was such a loser for still feeling that way even though I am 37 years old! This is why I love the internet. I constantly find that I am so not alone. :)

You stopped going to Crossfit because that was the best thing for you. You have not suddenly become a slovenly couch potato! Give yourself a break and use a little of that extra dough for a mani/pedi.

Life is too short for forcing yourself to do things with a crappy suck-to-yay ratio.

I love this. You are not required to do painful things to prove something. You are required to enjoy your life.

HOW?!? HOW DO YOU ALWAYS say exactly what I feel?? How do you, on the other side of the country know what’s going on inside my head?
I started running at the beginning of the year as have several other people I know. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY I’m thinking “What’s wrong with ME? Why don’t I love it like they do? Why aren’t I as good at it as them?”
And the junior high cafeteria thing….EXACTLY. I don’t want to run with people because I just always end up feeling like the weak, dorky one who slows everyone else down.
Sigh. No words of wisdom here. Just thanks for always being able to put it into words.

“Life is too short for forcing yourself to do things with a crappy suck-to-yay ratio” slightly modified is my mantra for people, too: Life is too short to spend it with people who suck.

I’m not an exerciser – I really have to force myself to do it and once I get into the routine it then gets hard to stop (but then also I have to start over again if I do), but I’ve found that music is key for me. Whatever I do has to involve music, whether through the headphones or as part of the class routine. Without it I can’t connect. So on a certain level it doesn’t matter so much what I’m doing provided it has a soundtrack, I guess.
You didn’t mention it specifically, but have you tried some of the various martial arts classes?
Also, maybe find like-minded (read: nerdy) fun women that could take a class with you? Having the right mix of people could make all the difference. You want it to challenge you and give you a good workout, but you also want it to be fun/lighthearted.

If there are aspects of CrossFit that you like, you can DO them on your own – at home or in a gym, just gather stuff into your own little corner and act like a maniac. I do.
I DO Crossfit but I’ve never belonged to a CrossFit gym and probably never will. I do ball-wall throws, box jumps, Treadmill Sprints, dead lifts, clean and presses, etc … make it your own. It’s about doing what you like to make yourself healthy.

For what its worth, after years of belonging to gyms, I finally, and just as of the past two months, finally, have a friend who I work out with once a week. You DO belong! Have you SEEN your arms? You are more badass than half the men in any gym — but I am totally giving you this moment of self defeat, sometime you need that to bounce back up.

Thanks for sharing it all, make me feel less alone. :-)

If there are aspects of CrossFit that you like, you can DO them on your own – at home or in a gym, just gather stuff into your own little corner and act like a maniac. I do.
I DO Crossfit but I’ve never belonged to a CrossFit gym and probably never will. I do ball-wall throws, box jumps, Treadmill Sprints, dead lifts, clean and presses, etc … make it your own. It’s about doing what you like to make yourself healthy.

For what its worth, after years of belonging to gyms, I finally, and just as of the past two months, finally, have a friend who I work out with once a week. You DO belong! Have you SEEN your arms? You are more badass than half the men in any gym — but I am totally giving you this moment of self defeat, sometime you need that to bounce back up.

Thanks for sharing it all, makes me feel less alone. :-)