I’ve had the same kind of week, just “fuck it, why should I give a crap” kind of attitude… Here’s to better days ahead! WHEN WILL THEY BE HERE THOUGH!! NOW NOW NOW!!

You need to GET. OUT.
Can you take a few hours this weekend and go someplace alone? Leave JB with the boys and let them do something fun, and take yourself someplace where you can turn your brain off and have some mindless fun or pampering.

I’ve noticed that when I feel shitty about my body, I’m grumpy with my kids and hubby. It just sucks. I’ve given up running during the cold, dark winter. Its just too damn cold and depressing. Of course, I can go to the gym… or do the stationary bike in my house, but.. yeah, lately I just feel like sitting on my butt eating more and gaining more weight. So, at least we can be fat an unhappy together.

I am right there with you. I have been in a icky place the last 2 weeks. The weather, time change, darkness, the constant cleaning up after everyone, the weight gain and the lack of motivation to get rid of it. My 3 1/2 year old pushing the limits to see how far he can go. The other night at dinner the kids got so out of hand and I got so mad I didn’t talk to them the rest of the night. Only to tell them how mad I was and when it was bed time. It wasn’t my proudest moment but I was so angry I couldn’t think of any other way to deal with it (dad wasn’t here).

You are not alone.

How long? Let’s see, 17 minutes? Although my little guy can get me more amped up in that amount of time. I know many parenting experts recommend that you be void of emotion when doling out punishment, but come on…that is not possible all of the time. And when your kid is so smart and pulls a rookie move (sometimes repeatedly) it’s hard not to be frustrated. Riley may be a bit like my “spirited” kiddo in that he takes the stress/frustration that you are feeling and hurls is back after internalizing it a bit. Kids need to know when things piss off mom and that she’s frustrated too. But mom needs to give mom and kid a break sometimes.

He may be feeling like so many of us with the time change, season change, etc. Maybe surprise him next time without yelling and just pick him up and put him in another room and don’t say a word? Sometimes whispering works but coupled with crazy eyes might not get the message across…or maybe it would…

Hope your day gets better…

I second Jas. GET.OUT of the house. Feel bad that you’ve had one of those crapshit weeks. Of course I am 100% certain you will bounce back with your workouts and awesomely cool mindset. But yeah, for now just make an escape for the sake of your sanity sister.

Eeesh. It doesn’t seem very safe to be running outside after dark on your own, either! Dunno what your financial situation is these days, but I highly recommend checking out the Y. It’s so great for work at home/stay at home moms. You can (at the Northshore one, anyway) drop the kiddos off and go run OUTSIDE. Just as long as you bring your cell phone with you, and check in every 1/2 hour or so. I’m training for the Seattle half marathon next week and have been so lucky to take advantage of this during the day/when there is LIGHT out, if not sun. Plus, you get better rates on all of the great programs/lessons.

Take care and be safe!

The great thing about your writing is that you put to words the things I am feeling and make me realize that it is normal to feel these things. I’ve been having a rough couple of months with my 7 year old son. He developed a bit of an attitude and has to have the last word on everything and it just really pisses me off. Our interactions with each other have been so unpleasant. I’ve yelled, scolded, shamed, etc. Add this to the fact that he and his 3 year old sister have started this competitive struggle over everything. They CAN play well together, but more often than not lately she ends up screaming/whining/crying about something everytime they interact. Sometimes it is his fault and sometimes it is hers. But it ALWAYS drives me batty and I often end up screaming at them….. This is not the image I want my kids to remember from their childhood. The past few days I think I’ve seen an ever so slight improvement in my son’s attitude, so maybe there is light at the end of the tunnel. One of the things that I forget during the bad times is that I don’t have to make every single thing he does that is imperfect into a big deal. I tend to err on the side of ‘I’m not going to put up with this and let him think he can talk to me/use that tone that way”, etc. and pick every battle. I think if I maybe just gave him a funny stink eye or something like that every once in a while he would laugh and we’d move on….and I could pick bigger battles later.

I’ve rambled….. but it felt good to unload a little.

Laura

I don’t have any advice (although the Y in our neighborhood – Shoreline – is an awesome resource, too), but I wanted to say that I know EXACTLY what you’re talking about. I do the same thing with my boys. Then I feel terrible about it.

Sounds like you need a break. We had a tough time week as well culminating with last night. I got frustrated with my son over something fairly inconsequential because I was overwhelmed trying to take care of the kids, get dinner ready and make sure our lame-dog-who-just-came-back-from-the-vet didn’t run outside and get her bandage wet before I could close the doggy door (and she did, by the way). I just lost it and tried to make him feel guilty. I felt like crap afterward. Sometimes you just need a break. I need one, too. Crappy weather and crappy week all around for me as well. I want a do-over, guess that’s what next week will be.

Have you tried deep breathing exercises? I know they sound hokey but I actually found that they help me to feel calmer and less irritated. Since you cant run right now, you are not getting the deep and even breathing that you are used to having when you are running (because we tend to not think about our breathing when we are not exercising). Just a thought!

I definitely feel your pain. I have had a couple of stupid, shitty weeks now too mostly because my husband has been in Germany since Oct. 31st and I am sick of doing EVERYTHING. Not too mention we have construction going on and my job has also been pretty stressful. My kids are frustrated with not seeing him too, so they have been acting out.

I also struggle with the same issue of when to let stuff go. My 6 year old can piss me off like no one else, particularly when I am stressed and I hate to hold onto it and take it personally, but man, I just get so angry with her. Sometimes, I am at a total loss as to how to deal with her, but I do know the yelling isn’t working ;) I need to try exercise and deep breathing like others suggested for you.

I hope next week is better for you.

I couldn’t have written this post…. I think the weather plays a role, in that we can’t just throw the kids outside to make their noises and give the house a break. I have been a stay-at-home-mom for 6 1/2 years now and sometimes I feel like it is sucking the soul right out of me. I don’t do shit with myself, my house is in constant need of cleaning and it all starts to feel like too much. *hugs* you are not alone

You’re certainly not alone. Long week, dreary days, cold temps, yard that looks like shit because the leaves are all over hell and ill(er)-fitting pants have made me super crabby. I gave myself a good ass-chewing last night for being such a grump. Told myself to focus on the positive- warm house, bills paid, food in refrig, blah blah blah, b.s.

So fuck it, I’m heading for a pedi/mani after work tonight, then going over to Tuesday Morning store to wander around. (It’s not a thrift store, the items are new; it’s full of soup-to-nuts home items that are discounted. I think you guys have a store in Lynnwood and/or Everett.) I just grab a cart and nose around the aisles at my leisure. It’s mindless and I find it relaxing. I always end up with a few new items and feel like I had some good “me” time.

On the sole issue of “how long does it last” I think it’s a male / female thing. Growing up my mom could be punishing my brother and 10 minutes later they would be “normal”. Whereas me and my mom would be at odds for days.

I feel your pain.
I am a yeller. But it just feels like when I ask / say something three times in a normal voice, they don’t hear it / ignore me. Then I scream and yell like a drill sargent, then hop to it and follow directions. Of course then I end up feeling ugly and pissy for yelling.
Seems there is no solution.

How long to feel mad? Until hubby comes home with choc ice cream because he understands the frustrations and I can hide in the laundry room and take a couple of spoonfulls in peace?

I feel ya sister. Not only are you spending all day with the kids but you’re not exercising (a HUGE stress relief) AND you have to care about the shit that no one else cares about (the clutter, stickiness and crap) lest your house gets featured on Hoarders. I agree with other comments that you need a little break to blow off some steam.
Some days even a ten minute break from my 2.5 year old’s constant chatter is enough to help me regain my sanity.

I can’t tell you how comforting this is to me to know I am not the only mom who feels this way… I have 2 boys, 2 & 4 and there are times when I feel like I have a blinking neon arrow sign above my house that says, “World’s Crappiest Mom Lives HERE!” because I feel like I spend so much time yelling at them about the noise, the fighting, the mess, the EVERYTHING!!! And when I am in the moment, angry about a sticky floor or a spagetti on my WHITE (!!! What was I thinking?) sofa or whatever I wish someone would just give me a hard, “GET OVER IT” slap in the face…

Every year it is exactly the same thing with me and my family – I know it’s coming but it ALWAYS sucks. As soon as we change the clocks back we have two shitty days and then things SEEM to improve only to have everything go to shit again two weeks later. It’s like clockwork. After being a mom for nearly 9 years you’d think I’d have figured out a way to avoid/deal with/stop the cycle but no. Two weeks after the Fall time change we are all crabby as hell, cooped up in the dark and rain, and about to blow. I wish I had some incredibly awesome advice or solution, but all I have is to continue to hold on by the skin of your teeth until it gets a bit better.

Sorry you are having such a rough week. Hopefully it will get better soon. I totally second or third the breathing exercises, I started doing this a while back, and I cannot believe difference it has made in my life. I do the really simple breathe in deep, hold, let out slowly-I also think of the word “Change”. It helps me focus that I need to change the way I am thinking. I probably am not expressing myself well on this, but please try it. So simple and so effective.

You asked how long you should hold onto the anger and giving the cold shoulder to your kids? Well, I will put this out there-you shouldn’t. You discipline, and when it is over, it is over. My feeling was always how would I want to be treated? Would I want someone to hold a grudge or give me the silent treatment? Nope. I know parents get frustrated, and I speak as someone with a 17 yr old daughter-but little kids don’t think the way adults do, and do you really want them to learn not to let things go in their own lives?

Also, do you have anything that you are looking forward to? I know when I was home with a small child, it always helped when I had something in the future to anticipate with pleasure, it helped with the drudgery aspect of being a stay at home mom.

Good luck Linda, I know you are a great mom, and the fact you even ask the questions just proves that.

I’m with you! Seriously, even though you don’t want to, get outside and exercise today. Go for that damn run even if its the last thing you think you want to do. I don’t know you personally, but from what I “know” of you from following your blog the last few years, 5 minutes in, you are going to smile and you are going to realize its just what you needed. The fresh air (even if its cold and dreary), being away from the boys, moving your body that you are “unhappy” with. It will all feel better and be worth it. You will come back a new mom/woman and be a better parent because of it. Pampering is great, but you need to move. It may hurt, it may suck, but it will be worth it. GO!

I feel like I’m constantly yelling at my 3.5-yr-old, or at least arguing with her and “giving her consequences for her choices.” And therefore, she’s very nearly ALWAYS throwing a fit. It wears on a person, for sure. Dreary weather doesn’t help. DAMMIT.

I’m like you, I want to keep being mad, but she’s ready to play within the next hour.

Ask yourself, “how important is, this, really?” Ask yourself, “how would I feel if I could never see my child again?” That will put all the petty crap right in to perspective. Especially that second one…

Not to pretend that I know all the details of what’s going on (or what it’s like to have two kids!) but I find myself getting generally gloomy around this time of year and a few years ago my dad recommended I severely up my vitamin D intake. I rolled my eyes at him because he told me there have been all these studies that link depression/moods with a lack of vitamin D.

Maybe you already knew that or have heard of it but just thought it was worth a shot. I’ve noticed a huge difference in my stress level and weepiness this time of year and wanted to recommend! I take 2000 IU’s a day.

One thing that helps keep me on a more even keel is a daily meditation practice. Just 10 minutes of attempting to slow my thoughts and just sit, does wonders. But I have to do it every single day in order for it to help.

I know exactly how you feel. My 4yo is down for a nap right now, and this is the only sane part of my day so far. She’s been nothing but whiny and needy all week long, I’m sick of it. I agree with the others, throw them at JB when he gets home and take some time for yourself. And then, when the “pow pow pow” noises get to you next time, maybe set them up with a craft at the kitchen table and supervise from the doorway while drinking a glass of wine. Fingerpaints and paper work wonders.

Sister, I hear you. I make a conscious effort to get over my anger, because I remember my own mother being mad at me and it was DAYS of the cold shoulder. I don’t want to be that mom. But sometimes I’m afraid I am.

Damn it.

I could totally copy and paste this to my blog, changing names and it would be true. Living (and running) in the PacNW blows some days.

This may be too ultra personal, but are you PMSing? I was having these EXACT thoughts last week and then I realized I was PMS’ing. The world got better ! :)

I agree with what Jas and a few others have said. It sounds like you need some alone time!!

I’m a stay at home mom to two (3 and 1). I get out of the house 3 times a week for an hour and a half to go to the gym, or go run. My husband watches the kids either in the morning or the evening. Those 4 and a half hours are my sanctuary. My husband knows to make sure I get them. Why? He knows it makes for a happier me. I’m a better mom when I get out and do that. Whether its the working out/running or just the alone time…I don’t know. What I do know is that I come back home refreshed and happy to see my family. I’m ready to face whatever shit my kids throw at me.

Its always something when you’re a stay at home (or work from home!!) mom. People always say to make sure you take some time to take care of yourself, but I seriously think its extremely important in our case. You spend all day and night giving, right?

Also, I’m a bitch when I don’t get 8 hours of sleep…but that’s just me :)

Next week will be better!!

I hear you, friend. xo

PMS? That’s what I’m blaming. I’ve been a little raging this week, and the kids just aren’t that annoying, so I’m sure its the cold and winter setting in and PMS. Try to take a break if you can…I intend to shoot zombies tonight after the kids are in bed. Then I’ll feel better.

I think I finally learned that staying mad does not help anyone to feel better and it does not help a bit in terms of avoiding future misbehavior. I am actually very thankful for that insight, because it allows me to forgive as soon as my kid(s) calm down. My older one (6) is stubborn and will start a fight on a whim. (He’ll make putting on shoes a power struggle EVERY MORNING) I found the only thing working at all (i.e. some success) is when I talk to him in a happy moment. Some things can be reasoned: i.e. yelling at me and hitting me when I pick him up from Kindergarten because he doesn’t want to leave. I used to talk to him about this right after school (for more than a year…), but only now that I bring it up randomly when he is in a good mood and we explore how we can make this a more happy experience I actually start to see change. We both agreed that he could just ask me if he can stay longer. I also have him help to find solutions to problems where I constantly “screw up” (i.e. not having a snack ready in the car after school because he is always hungry.) He really enjoys this conept of finding solutions and talking about them all the time as not to forget.

(I was easier for me to forgive and “get over it” when I realized that my kids behavior will not improve even a little bit when I stay mad. If I can’t snap out of it, I distract myself with something and tell the kids to leave me alone until I am done with laundry/using the bathroom/…, because I need some time to relax/calm down. It is funny how concerned and understanding they are when it gets to that point.)

Btw, none of this seems to work for my 4 year old (i.e. talking/solutions), but he gets the “cooling off” part.

Another good indicator is my husband. If staying mad at him has absolutely no consequences except for him and me feeling bad, the same kind of behavior towards my kids is equally useless.

And I also need to get out more. I am already sick of this weather and it is just November.

I know how you feel and the winter is only just beginning. My mantra is “Endorphins, endorphins, endorphins”.” I need to go to the gym in the morning–it’s “out-of-the-house,” sort-of “social”, and makes me look and feel better. Yep, in the evening, I have got nothing left to give. It’s the only concrete thing I can DO to lift my mood and hopefully help me have more patience with my four, wild boys. I am a yeller (because they absolutely ignore me in my “Remain-calm-and-in-control” voice) and they drive me batty all the time. “No more wire hangars!” I can be Mommy Dearest and I hate that about me so I run and hope those endorphins will kick in. And when there are those rare, magical moments when everything is peaceful and enjoyable with my boys–like just the other day for 15 minutes in between harried shopping errands, we all sat down together in a bakery, had something to drink, shared pastries and told each other lame riddles–I try to etch those moments into my brain and pray my boys will remember those moments more than the Mommy Dearest ones. Run!

Doesn’t it suck that Mom’s are human, too? And, I must say my recent conversion to at home Mom has made me so much less tolerant of clutter and mess. As I said to my husband while (to be perfectly honest) nagging him to put his crap away at least (even I know there’s a limit to what I can ask of my 16 month old), I have to look at it ALL DAY now…. Also, I think you should at least pop an exercise DVD in and get some sort of work out for a mood lifter. You know, in case you wanted unsolicited advice from a stranger about something you know perfectly well as a highly functioning adult.

I get the weepy “it never ends” feeling. Sometimes u look around and just get PISSED OFF at all of them. WTF!!!!! I’m tired of picking up your shit!

I hear you!! I have to give myself little goals or things to look forward to. This time of year, the medication alone doesn’t help with Teh Crazy. Additionally, the medication needed to be piggy-backed, and the side effect of the new drug, is WEIGHT GAIN. Hullo? I’m depressed. I’m medicated for depression. Gaining 10 pounds DOESN’T HELP! LOL!!
I’m having the best 4 days of girl time, ever! I think it will go a long way toward helping me slog through the tougher days. I’m headed off on a (don’t laugh!) scrap book retreat in Gold Bar in a couple hours, with my bff. Last night we went to the (don’t laugh!!) 12:01am showing of Breaking Dawn. I’m sort of smashing it all into one weekend right now, but these are the kinds of things I need to look forward to, to survive the gray, raining, bitchy kid days.
My best advice is, forgive yourself for the bad days when you don’t feel like you’ve handled everything the best way you could have. Give yourself some stuff to look forward to. And (cliche coming, sorry) hang in there!

Whenever I don’t get enough exercise, it’s enough to make me extremely grumpy, and that’s before I factor in my job or my kids or the weather or my pants feeling tight. Any chance you can get a treadmill so that when the weather is so crappy for days on end, or when the only time you have to run is after kids’ bedtime/dinner/whatever, you still have an option?

I can totally sympathize with the yelling (’cause I come from a large family of loud italians) – although my bf tells me that it is a perfectly attainable choice of action to separate tone from emotion. ha. I do remember my Dad doing the silent treatment when he was esp mad and it felt like the world was crumbling around my ears. Which made me promptly forget what he was actually mad about. I’m pretty sure that wasn’t his goal…. Fidi’s advice, to work more on figuring out what works for the other person, really struck a chord for me.

I was in the same angry fog a few weeks ago. It got so bad that my husband actually offered to send me on a trip by myself for a few days. Alone. I didn’t go, but just the offer…and a few days of him doing a little more than his fair share of kid-duty stuff really helped.

wow! Do I feel your pain or what! That whole vicious cycle of gaining weight and wanting to eat more and then eating more – Check. Loosing patience with the kids – Check. I am hoping to reset myself for a more positive outlook this weekend.

As a mother of 5, I recommend that you tell your husband you need a day off for mental health. Don’t take no for an answer and then leave the house by yourself. Stay gone all day. You decide what you want to do as long as it isn’t anything except things you want to do. Go to the book store, go to the movie, get your nails done, go to the gym whatever YOU want to do… NO grocery shopping etc. Everyone deserves a break even(especially) full-time mothers. If you are refreshed you can come back and look at things from a different, happier perspective. You’ve heard the saying “happy wife, happy life” well it goes for mom’s too. Happy mom, means everyone else doesn’t get locked in the car and driven off a bridge! ha (jk)
And about holding a kid grudge. It isn’t worth the effort it takes. They don’t get it. It is really just for you and does it really make you feel better to keep ragging on them? That is usually just more frustrating. You sound like you really just need a break. Big Hugs!!!

Sorry I didn’t mean to write so much…can you tell you struck a cord?? ha

I have also been feeling “nearly weepy” all week. Maybe something atmospheric? I have not been feeling in sync with people or situations at all this week. I am looking to unwind and regroup this weekend and I think you need to as well. Previous commenters have had lots of great ideas for giving yourself a little break. Also…don’t forget vitamin D – helps a lot this time of year.

You need to seriously get out of the house even if it’s for a few hours, perferably go to a hotel for a weekend with a girlfriend and blow the stink off.

hugs sweetie.

It’s hard, especially when your husband doesn’t really get that you need time off and he goes to work or hunts for a few days. Getting out, going on TJ Maxx/Ross excursions sans the men in your life is great for the soul. I agree with running and working out. What’s strange is the grumpiness if you miss a work out, as some have mentioned. It just compounds the already crappy feeling. Forgive self, others, don’t misplace blame, and pick up tomorrow is a mantra of mine. I’ve been using the Y, and for 2 hours, I have my kids nearby and I can do my thing indoors or out.

I put myself in time out. Regularly. We institute “quiet time” every day and more than once on the days I.just.can’t.take.it. You MUST find something quiet to do in your room. Period. And we’re ALL more adjusted attitude wise after.

Hi Linda, I’m not going to pretend I have any advice or know how to fix it. Im just going to say “totally been there” and “you are not alone”. Hope this week is better for you. And the damn sun comes out.

Sweet sassafras, THANK YOU for also being annoyed with those spittle projecting fighting/machine gun noises that never stop. I find myself snapping at my oldest son (who is about to turn 6) to cut that crap out at least once a day.

I sincerely appreciate the honesty you pour into your blog here. I am the single mom to two boys who are about the same age as yours (2 and 5), and you often describe my feelings EXACTLY. I think our kids know we love them, and we really do the best we can. Take a deep breath and cut yourself some slack. Leave the stickiness for awhile.