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  • Aging is for the weak, and everyone else
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  • The Change
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  • Ok but ALSO:
  • Midlife POV
  • Influence and Dooce
  • Horse therapy
  • You can’t go home again
  • Obsolescence
  • Before and after
  • A cringe confession on friendship

Archives from 2002-2006

This DIY kit has been on my Amazon wishlist forever and when it became clear that we were going to be housebound for who knows how long I went ahead and ordered it, so that is my little ongoing project right now. I keep the materials on our kitchen table (we are savages who mostly eat at the counter in shifts rather than regularly sitting down to a family meal, I used to feel slightly guilty about that but is family togetherness something we’re short on right now IT SURE ISN’T) and when I’m not swatting the cat off of my various piles of impossibly tiny things I’m hunched over them cursing my middle-aged eyesight and wondering what kind of witchcraft a person has to be capable of to produce a final product that truly resembles the photos because holy shit.

Every single blessed item in the model has to be meticulously cut out and hand-assembled using tweezers and glue and needle-nosed pliers and a level of hand-eye coordination that’s pretty much beyond me and I’m sure if I ever do finish it the overall vibe will be very Pinterest Fail but, well, it’s something to periodically obsess over, and is generally a decent break from doing the web browsing equivalent of chain-smoking one terrifying infection/economy projection after another.

I gave the kids a shorter schedule of “school” for this week since we are technically on spring break (my calendar keeps prompting me with Disneyland reservation reminders, whomp) and that keeps them occupied at least until lunch, which lets John and I focus on work. Overall they have been quite resilient about all of this, if they are anxious in any way it’s not apparent to me. Riley in particular is well-suited for the indoor life because he can happily play infinite amounts of video games, and Dylan will shoot hoops in the driveway for actual hours on end.

They’ve always had plenty of friends in school and in sports but have been hardcore homebodies rather than wanting playdates or sleepovers. I’ve never quite understood that — spending time with friends was such a huge part of my younger years — but nothing about either of them has ever sent up a red flag in terms of being lonely or wishing to hang out more but being unable to do so for whatever reason. At any rate, their solo traits are serving them well right now, because while I’m sure they are missing their peers, they, like me, are not exactly having to press pause on a wildly overscheduled dance card.

The rains have returned and that feels a bit like Isolation: Hard Mode. Much gloomier and of course much less fun to walk in, and maybe that’s just the current headspace I’m in but there’s also this sort of national mood shift that seems to be underway, don’t you think? Like we’re all obviously going through our individual experiences and cycling through various emotions but there’s this gathering storm cloud of frustration with leadership and of course worry and fear about what each passing day means for the world as we know it.

There is a lot of good happening out there, too, and I suppose the best we can all do is try and focus on that. Sometimes I feel like there is so much that goes on between the brief hellos and waves that I exchange on my walks, that tiny little passing human connection where we try to express more than a greeting, we’re saying a million silent things with our faces. I see you, isn’t this crazy, I hope you’re doing okay, I hope we all make it through.

I’ve been working at home since 2010 and I can’t give you any great advice about trying to be productive with very small children underfoot since my main solution for that during the early years was to hire someone to come care for the kids while I escaped to a library or coffeeshop. Whenever I was on my own with them I pretty much constantly felt like I sucked at both work AND parenting and that wasn’t even with a global pandemic to worry about so my best tip there is to be kind to yourself and allow your children as many potentially unhealthy distractions as possible. This is not a time for heroic screen time limits or a reduction in carbohydrate-centric snacks.

I do have some general tips, though, if the hermit life is brand new to you:

Make your bed every morning. Even if you plan to crawl right back in it after lunch or whatever, I recommend doing so because it is a very small act that somehow holds a whole lot of entropy at bay.

Keep up with at least a minimal amount of personal maintenance. I am not suggesting that you spend half your day blow-drying and misting setting spray over a full face of makeup, I’m just saying that whatever your usual face-the-public routine is, do at least part of that. Not only will this be useful if you get a last-second Zoom invite, but I find that it helps me feel more pulled together and capable. The more you look like someone who hasn’t left the house in days, the more you will feel like that person, and what you want to avoid here is to begin carrying around a volleyball named Wilson.

Get dressed. Cozy clothes are obviously where it’s at right now but I can tell you from personal experience that spending the entire day in my sloppiest sweatpants makes me feel icky. Your mileage may vary in this department, maybe a Snuggie makes you feel comforted and happy and if so you should rock that look 24/7 until the world returns to some semblance of normal (or we all devolve and begin wearing harvested pelts), otherwise find some outfits that aren’t constrictive or unnecessarily fussy but still help you feel — well, I was going to say like your best self but ha ha ha ha, no. Like your most okayest self.

Take screen breaks. I know this advice applies to being in the office as well but I think it’s particularly important at home, where things can just feel really weird when you’ve been head-down on your laptop for actual hours while sitting on the couch or whatever. Set alarms if you have to, just get up and do something different: start a load of laundry, walk around the block, stare morosely out the window and remember when going to the grocery store didn’t feel like an extreme sport, etc.

Fix yourself a real lunch. Now that we’re all trying to make our food last as long as possible I realize our individual menu possibilities may be limited, I’m just saying that if your lunch routinely becomes seventeen handfuls of Triscuits mindlessly consumed while scrolling the news you’re going to get bummed out and your keyboard will become absolutely fucking disgusting, don’t ask me how I know this.

Stay connected. This has always been a challenge for me personally but we’re mostly all in some form of isolation now. Text someone. Click that heart button like crazy. Tell someone you miss them or you’re thinking of them. Write a silly post about being stuck at home and throw that blog-bottle out to sea, because maybe it’ll be a tiny bit useful or at least bring a smile to someone’s face. Tell people what they mean to you. (You, dear reader, mean a whole lot to me.)

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