Apr
9
I’ve had some really good days lately, starting last week helping with a family grief support group (sounds distressing, I know, but I was with a group of hopped-up kids and the vibe was far less Big Bleak Bummer and more Full-Scale Pint-Sized Chaos Goblin), buoyed by some live music and good company, then rounded out nicely with some unseasonably warm and sunny weather.
It’s been the sort of weather that makes a person nervous to enjoy it, really. I mean, I know we get the full mixed springtime bag in Oregon, but 80’s in April is pretty wild. On the one hand, I’ve been happily soaking up the vitamin D(opamine), on the other, I’m like … am I the frog who is cluessly splashing around praising the water’s comfort as it makes its way towards boiling point?
Well, probably. But what am I going to do about that, right? I bought those stupid resuable straws, I did my part!! (Just kidding. Although I DO have some v strong butthurts over the lie foisted upon consumers that it was up to us to save the planet by guiltily scrimping on paper toweling etc while the corporations doing the actual damage continued with full toxic impunity.)
It’s sort of like how I view AI tech. Do I increasingly believe it’s going to ruin our culture and ability to believe anything we see or read and possibly kill us all, yes, do I also enjoy using its tools for all sorts of things, also yes. It’s here, it’s far beyond my ability as one person to effect its advance in any way. May as well lie out in the deadly laser sunshine/ask ChatGPT how to fix my disconnected CarPlay.
Maybe it’s due to the surge in warm temps and/or being outside so much, but I’ve also been in full-scale histamine overkill the last two days. I would actually suspect something more serious except for how this presents, classic allergy hell of nonstop sneezing/itching nose/itching and watery eyes. THE WORST. Okay, the worst is having a president who openly declares his intent to commit genocide (wtf wtf wtf the whole world is shoulder-deep in a cycle of abuse by this dipshit psycho), but shitty allergies are no fun either. I don’t remember ever having so much trouble with allergies so perhaps that is something else that aging surprises you with. “Welcome to 52! Now your legs are saggy and breathing air makes you want to claw your face off!”
I am tired of blowing my nose for sure but it is worth it to have spent so much time enjoying my backyard. The yard was one place that still didn’t really feel like mine — aside from a bit of planting last fall, it had no personality to speak of. Now there are more flowers, container pots here and there, and some inexpensive places to sit and lounge. I’ve discovered that it’s a very quiet place, with no neighbors seeming to be in their own yards that touch up against mine. It’s different from my previous yard, smaller with less privacy, fewer trees, more far-off road noise. It’s got a lot of unpretty power lines strung overhead. The lawn is in a deathfight between grass and dandelions and the weeds are surging ahead.
But it is MINE, all mine. I was out there all weekend for the most part, with Billy hanging out nearby on his harness. Sunshine overhead, music playing from my little speaker. A yard full of potential, with some well-established plants and plenty of room for more. All up to me to decide how I want it to grow over time.
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