Dec
19
Believe it or not, there are times I hesitate over posting something that I worry might be too personal, or too whiny, or too . . . I don’t know, embarrassing. But every single time I kind of squint my eyes and hit the publish button, I am completely blown away by the kindness and comfort I receive in return. Thank you for that, a million times over.
This is probably a toooootal no-shitter at this point, but MAN have I been hormonal lately. I don’t remember getting all whacky in the head-meat when I was pregnant with Riley, but this time around? Whoah. The other night JB tried to blow up a balloon for Riley and it made this squeaky air-fart sound and I seriously had to change my pants because I laughed so hard. At a balloon. Later, I bawled like a calf during the evening news because some horrible story about a child’s death was aired. Oh, and then I watched this video (for the millionth time) and I was overwhelmed with a nearly painful love for humanity and the desire to buy the world a Coke, especially people who synchronize holiday lights with the Trans-Siberian Orchestra.
Emotionally, I feel very much like a too-full glass of water, constantly brimming and threatening to spill over my confines. Now that I think about it, this is not entirely dissimilar to how I feel physically at this point, too. MY CUP OF BELLEH RUNNETH OVER.
Anyway, with that in mind, please enjoy two photos that have been making me laugh pretty much nonstop over the last couple days. Depending on how unbalanced your brain chemistry is at the moment, your humor mileage may vary.
Okay, so this is my son’s most recent ‘school’ photo. Where to start? There is just SO MUCH THAT IS WRONG. The looming, phallic mushrooms; the terrifyingly bright-eyed turtle peering intently in its quest to find the most delicious, tender spot from which to take a bite of toddler-flesh; the cheesy background; and oh yes, the sobbing child. Normally I can’t stop myself from buying these lame, posed images, but I managed to take a pass on this particular round.
And this? Well, this is how we entertain ourselves when there’s nothing on TV, I guess. If you feel compelled to tell me how cruel the practice of cat-tossing is, let me assure you she was purring the whole time. Also, I used to think JB was kind of a stud for being able to leap fences with ease, but now I’m even more impressed he can catch a claws-out cat dropping from the sky without getting his jugular shredded in the process.
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That picture of Riley is almost as creepy as your creepy Santa picture. That turtle is way too devious…
Also, tossing cats is fine, tossing cats near ceiling fans is not…
Cat tossing, cool. But can he juggle them?
yeah, I think JB catching the claws-out projectile cat is more bad-ass than just catching air. There’s more inherent danger in the former.
Also, I love your poignant entries as much as the snorty-laugh-funny ones…you write with a lovely honesty that is very relatable. I think relatable is a word, no?
DON’T MAKE ME SIT IN THE SHROOMS!!!
Wasn’t it last picture time when he was wearing ripped jeans and a Ramones shirt or something?
omg. poor riley. those are the photos of us we wish never existed. hehe.
that cat-tossing photo is awesome (you can see the cat’s claws!), almost as great as the teary school photo.
Here’s something else fun and hilarious you can do to the cat: put some masking tape on his front paw. HAH! Then put him down to “walk”. Prepare to die laughing.
Liz: yes, because we are NEVER prepared for picture day and thus have never once sent him in wearing something suitably dressy. Then again, that’s probably the only thing that could make that photo even worse: if he were dressed in some uncomfortable Little Lord Fauntleroy outfit. That would put it over the edge into Abuse Territory, I think.
The cat tossing made my day.
I love both pictures. Cat is crazy.
Even though Cat’s body looks totally spastic her facial expression suggests she’s not out of her depth or her comfort zone. For all we know, JB is her personal trainer and she’s practicing for a gymnastics tournament or a skydiving meet.
That is one wickedly awesome cat.
JB totally is a bad ass that needs some sun on those arms! LOL
And turtle was just asking what matter booooy?
Cat is a shredder!
The whole emotional thing? Yeah. That’s me on almost a daily basis come winter time. That whole SAD thing? Commercials make me bawl and think we have no hope for humanity. >>;
LOVE CAT TOSSIN.. I Wonder if my cats would let me..
That JB has some mad skillz all right. I think we need a scoring system. +5 for fence-leaping, +5 for cat-catching (cat-tossing receives no points because anyone can do THAT part).
I think I would have had to keep the comically terrible photo, just for humor value.
You do realize, of course, that that picture is totally ending up on LOLcats.
Not that I would have anything to do with such a nefarious scheme. >:D
HAHAHA on both accounts! I think everyone has at least one sobbing child pic, my oldests’ last school pic I had to return it was so bad. There’s no way in hell I’m getting ass-raped to the tune of $67 for a pic of my kid looking like he’s shitting a pine cone. Your cat is the BEST CAT EVER. Oh yeah, JB is pretty cool, too.
I think you may have just up’d my interest in you and your family from obsession to stalker.
I would be crying too if I had to have my picture taken with all of those scary props!
Also baloon fart sounds are always funny!
The cat-tossing is ok, but can he do the same with Dog… now that would be impressive!
I admit, reading your last post, the concept of hormones DID cross my mind, but as you’re pregnant, I’d NEVER say that. Talk about bad karma. Especially with the way *MY* husband wants another baby. (we already have 4. FOUR. 4!)
Yeah, JB gets a 10 for degree of difficutly on the cat toss. I’d have only done that if Cat was declawed.
And you have to save that pic of Riley so you can tell him he was having bad ‘shroom flashbacks when the picture was taken.
The cat toss is fantastic! Now, let’s see him toss Dog! Ha!
I’m right there with you on the hormones. That Verizon commericial with the pony makes me loudly guffaw every time. And I sobbed hysterically at Polar Express. He lost the bell! *sob*
Here’s something a friend sent me to put you in the holiday spirit…
http://boortz.com/more/video/12_days_of_xmas.html
Supposedly, cats purr when they’re afraid, too. But I endorse cat tossing on the whole.
Love Riley’s shoes – where did you get them? I’ve been looking for cute boots for my little guy.
Dizzam! JB got crazy ups! If house cats were as big as dogs the human race would be extinct. True fact.
HAAAAAA. That photo of Riley is absolutely friggin priceless. I can’t stand it. THE WOE IN HIS EYES, it is palpable.
That really is the weirdest school picture. Ever.
Did you know that cats also purr when they are extremely distressed? I’m just sayin’…
‘Tis true, Laura, just like how dogs sometime wag their tails with defense / pre-emptive aggression, but: most people know which purr and which wag means which for their particular pet :).
Hey Linda, added fun (moohahahahaaaaa!) for the cat: home-made alfoil (tin foil) booties. Let the hours of hilarity ensue ;) :).
from now on, all my comments here will just be to remind you that you are, in fact, the most brilliant writer on the blogosphere to date. I hope you don’t get bored with that.
I don’t judge for animal tossing.
I endorse it.
I really do NOT understand the concept behind Riley’s school picture. The photographer should be shot.
http://i76.photobucket.com/albums/j3/kellywmars/poodle069-1.jpg
Any chance we can get a video of cat tossing? That would be awesome!
I feel kind of over the top emotional too. I’ve been on birth control pills for a year… it’s too late for it to be that, right?
I think it’s probably just seasonal-affective disorder combined with stress, but man, I can’t remember the last time winter hit me this hard. I’ve cried like 4 times in less than a week– and I really, truly, hate crying. The only time I’m not crying or depressed is if I’m post-coitally blissful.
And yes, I’m positive I’m not pregnant. I just had a gyno appointment less than a week ago… but my period is due tomorrow. Maybe it’s just PMS?
I can relate to your weird mood swings. Being a man, I have these humongous wonders called balls, and normally they even me out. But recently I’ve been all over the emotion spectrum like a three year old trying to draw a fractal with crayons. Turns out this is a normal side effect alcoholics experience when they start cutting back on their booze intake. So I’m not popping out some fresh Sundry Spawn, but I do wake up feeling slightly less like murdering everyone I see, so that’s cool.
And more power to JB for tossing the cat. I always have a lot of fun with that. Except I’ve never thought of tossing it vertically. Good idea. Less awkward vet visits that way.
Oh yeah, another thing alcoholics do is jump from thought to thought in such an erratic way that it doesn’t make sense to other people. Kind of like my toddler-fractal metaphor, (Simile? Which is which I’ll never know. Like, as, who cares) which should have included something about the color spectrum.
And I hope you aren’t offended, but I think I derived maybe four or five times more entertainment from Riley’s sobbing picture than I did from Cat’s frantic flying picture. Sad kids always make me happy.
What is wrong with me that I chuckle every time I see that teary-eyed photo of Riley? Yet even as an adult, that turtle SCARES ME.
It’s the creepy turtle that I love the most. That picture is AWESOME.
No worries about the cat tossing. We’re starting an Olympic team. When you live (or lived, at least for MB and I) with 20+ cats, you do some tossing from time to time. Want to join? You get a nifty jacket!
I would be up for some toddler tossing if you wouldn’t mind? My sense of humor has been skewed lately too and I am not pregnant!!
PS Cats purr when under stress too, not that your cat looks stressed, nope, not a bit. Heee!
I would totally buy that picture of Riley for my own photo album – it’s HILARIOUS.
Glad you are in better spirits. I was a lunatic with my first pregnancy, making you look like Mary Poppins, so don’t worry.
Both of those pictures made me snort and giggle!! SO funny!
I totally laughed at both pictures! What person in their right mind would put mushrooms in a picture?, unless of course it is 1972! And the cat! ha! love it! And the brimming over thing: I’m not pregnant and I balled like a baby at this short film on utube the other night. pitiful, huh? :)
I was sitting here, looking at the picture of cat and laughing my ass off, and my husband, God love him, asks, “Unicorn woman?” He knows that whenever I laugh THAT HARD, it is usually at a picture you have drawn or taken.
Merry Christmas!
Thank you for the photos. I certainly needed that this morning. I can only hope that when my children get school photos taken, that it can only be half as amazing your son’s.
Too hilarious.
Hey- I just saw this:
http://listoftheday.blogspot.com/2007/09/great-olan-mills-photos.html
and it reminded me of Riley’s backdrop issues.
By JacquelineSzalata November 23, 2012 – 8:20 amI think my cat must have seen this video all of a sudden she is trniyg to play paddy cake with me and she is always the one to screw it up!!!!!
A sto ako pravam pokkrtai razgovori na primer od 10min maksimum? Dali dobivam povekje razgovori togas od 200 ili nema vrska dolzinata na razgovorite? Vazno deka na sekoj povik ke mi se presmeta 2,5 den,pa od tamu sleduvaat 200 povici mesecno?