Dec
4
Egg mob
Filed Under Uncategorized | 19 Comments
Years ago—in 1999, when we were living in Las Vegas—JB and I went to his company holiday party. It was a luxurious semi-formal affair that included dinner and music and drinks and whatnot, which now seems like it happened in another lifetime altogether. Not only was it before Marriage and Kids, it was back when companies still hosted big expensive holiday bashes for their employees.
Anyway, towards the end of that evening, we were standing around chatting with friends when the dance floor suddenly cleared. The lights dimmed, all the party-sounds lowered to a curious murmur, and the company CFO strode out onto the floor with his wife. While everyone politely waited for him to give some boring little rah-team speech, a jazzy tune came on and the two of them launched into a well-rehearsed, perfectly timed, absolutely mesmerizing dance routine. I don’t think people could have been more shocked if he had squatted to the ground and birthed a live rhinoceros—I mean, the guy was a little on the uptight side, as CFOs so often are, and seeing him tear up the floor like Fred fucking Astaire was completely unexpected.
I still remember the delighted awe that swept through the crowd, and I was thinking of this because I watched one of those shopping mall flash mob videos recently and while the performers were giving it their all, singing and dancing and executing on their meticulously choreographed group routine, I swear the non-participants caught on camera just looked tired. Oh jesus, their faces seemed to be saying. Not one of these goddamned things again.
I don’t know, do you think social media has killed our ability to be enchanted by surprise dance numbers? I suspect if I saw that CFO’s breakout routine today, I’d mostly feel 1) faintly embarrassed for him and 2) worried that the inevitable YouTube video would include an unattractive view of my chin.
In less curmudgeonly holiday news, the weekend has been gloriously festive around here. We drove out to West Seattle to see the Menashe house (well worth the trip, locals), got our tree all decorated and situated in an awkward corner of the house as is our tradition, and I wrapped a shitload of presents while a baleful cat silently communicated death every time I rousted her from a box.
Also:
How was your weekend?
Dec
1
Creeped
Filed Under Uncategorized | 40 Comments
Today I received a somewhat startling email from Dylan’s preschool that began, “Hi Everyone! I need to let you know that your child has been exposed to MRSA.”
(My brain, instantly, in Troy McClure’s voice: “Hi Everyone! You may remember me from such emails as I Need to Let You Know That Your Child Has Been Exposed to Hand, Foot, and Mouth Disease, and Don’t Forget About Picture Day!‘”)
I know MRSA is basically lurking everywhere you look, sort of like Adam Levine, but holy crap, man. I mean, this is what my kid’s face is like right now:
(Literally right now, since he’s conked out for a rare afternoon nap.) (In case you thought he was unconscious, or something.) (He’s not.) (But how funny is the arms-above-the-head position? Hasn’t changed since he was a newborn.)
Like, that is basically a giant abrasion/OPEN WOUND across his face, from where he faceplanted on the cement two days ago. It’s all, OH HI STAPH INFECTIONS COME ON IN. Would you be freaking out? I am freaking out a little.
In other news, yesterday I got Riley all excited about the Triumphant Return of Relf, the Shelf Elf and then around 11 PM last night I suddenly remembered that oh yeah, I had to find the goddamned thing, and I ended up tearing through all our storage boxes and sent JB out to root around in the garage and it took about an hour before I remembered I’d cleverly stuffed it inside a Christmas stocking last year. Yay for flop-sweat-soaked traditions!
I know some people think the elf thing is creepy or whatever, but really, is a magic elf any creepier than Santa? Or Jesus? Or OPTIMUS PRIME? Seriously.
Besides, is this creepy?
December 1, 2010:
December 1, 2011:
No. No it is not.
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