Mar
7
So you say you have a wildly unattractive sofa that’s been smashed, stained, and beat all to hell by two rambunctious children?
And not only is it uncomfortable, it’s actually starting to fall apart at the seams—and the results are disturbingly vaginal?
Like, for real, you’ve started thinking of it as the CouchBeaver?
Well, don’t worry, because I’m here to help. Having experienced this very same interior design challenge recently, I’ve come across a number of solutions that are sure to work in any home!
First of all, I think we can all agree that a pantyliner is one of the most simple and contemporary furniture accessory options . . . not to mention sanitary.
If you’re looking for something that’s a little more playful, while remaining appropriate for traditional home environments, I recommend the exotic (yet elegant!) sofa G-string.
Furniture pubic styling is SO on trend right now! Will a modified Brazilian work in your house? Try it and see!
If you’re stuck for ideas, think about the message you want your furniture to send. Maybe you want a design theme that makes a statement of some kind! Be creative!
Finally, for the daredevil crowd, nothing says “Admire my curves and finger my upholstery” like a little strategically-placed bling. Think notice me—think sofa vajazzle.
Comments
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Rush is a moron, and this is an awesome representation of where his head is generally anyway … stuck up his ass. Thanks for the Friday evening laugh!
Someone had way too much time on their hands today!!! LMAO
Thank you for all the ideas. I have a couch that is a disaster because of a foster puppy and many small children. I feel a bit better about how I chose to repair it with decorative duct tape that was on sale at the Dollar Store. Next time I will tye dye panty liners.
Brilliant!!
LOL! What can I say?!! Actually, our sofa needs a little makeover now, I think I will do your advice! :D
That’s the funniest shit I have read in awhile. You’re a riot!
Hilarious! Shared this post with several friends.
you need to get out of the house more.
absolutely hysterical! :D
I love you. I really do.
So funny! It makes me want to rip my couch just so I can fix it with some of your creative ideas.
I just stumbled on your site from an entry you did back in 2008… In my perusing I found this and it is the funniest thing I think I have ever seen! Thank you! I am recovering from neck surgery and laughing this hard isn’t good for my healing!! I will be a dedicated follower and look forward to more crazy, clever, witty entries!!
I nominate this for the funniest blog post EVER! Thanks — I needed a good belly laugh this morning.
I’m finally de-lurking. This post is so flipping funny.