Mar
20
Those of you with unreliable lower backs are probably intimately familiar with the sensation of a warning shot across the bow — like, your back isn’t out, but it’s really unhappy with you and now you have to do that pinched-butt shuffle when you walk because Shit Isn’t Great, Bob.
(I didn’t even do anything. I was turning around in the bathroom to get a towel and my back was just like NOPE. That’s some annoying old person crap right there.)
It’s better now but I was quite worried for a bit that I would be laid up and wouldn’t that just be the icing on the crap sundae, ongoing long walks have suddenly become one of the most important parts of my day right now. If nothing else this strange way of life has certainly made me appreciate the things I can do, and that are available to me — although I must say that my reaction when my streamed movie kept glitching out two nights ago was not exactly full of generous-perspective patience (it was a shameful combo of “Is this regular Internet trouble or is civilization as we know it officially in the process of permanent collapse” and “WHY GOD WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME PERSONALLY??”).
I am slowly losing that dreamlike feeling where everything felt like a Hollywood script (cue the spinning large-print headlines and somber news anchors!) and I guess this is what it’s like to move past total disbelief and into the land of Okay, What Now. Dylan was with his grandparents most of the week and now that he’s home the boys are back to fighting over every tiny blessed thing and so I spent some time last night working up a schedule for them:
8 AM – 9 AM: Free screen time
9-9:30 book reading
9:30-10: Khan academy math (Khan is free)
10-11: Watch an episode of Crash Course in World History
Write a short presentation of what you learned and present to Mom & Dad
11-12: break for walk/bball/outside stuff
12: lunch
12:30-1:00 journaling
1-2 Khan academy grammar
2-3 Research and science: Keep track of the news and how the various countries are responding to the pandemic. Create a daily presentation of news and updates for mom and dad.
It doesn’t seem hugely strenuous on their end but is probably comically optimistic, we’ll see. Both kids were like “Wait, I thought school was canceled, this is bullshit,” but the alternative is me slowly spiraling into madness while James Franco’s gold teeth intone “Spring break forevaaaaa…” over and over.
Stay sane out there, friends.
Mar
18
Two things I read recently:
Instead of seeing social distancing and travel bans as panic, see them as acts of mass cooperation intended to protect the collective whole.
:::
Don’t change your behavior to avoid being infected. Assume you are infected, and change your behavior to avoid transmitting.
The first one is more soothing than the second, but both provided me with a perspective shift that is helping me feel more anchored.
Surely it’s the inability to really believe this is all happening that is driving some of the behaviors we’re still seeing. I will be the first to say that I should have taken this more seriously sooner, but it’s officially become mind-boggling to me how many folks who don’t need to be around a bunch of other people are doing so. Like, at least stop posting photos of your “social distancing party” on Facebook. YOU GUYS THAT’S NOT HOW ANY OF THIS WORKS.
It’s possible I am more annoyed that people are out socializing because I am feeling increasingly restless, rather than righteously judgmental about my own commitment to quarantine.
There’s a real contrariness to having to stay home. As a true introvert I love being home and have the weird little couch-nest to prove it, but not being able to leave changes a lot of those familiar feelings of comfort to a sense of being stifled.
Going for walks helps, as does exercise. Barre3 has a lot of great online classes, Blogilates, PopSugar Fitness, and Yoga with Adrienne on YouTube are personal faves, and I’m planning to try out the Peloton app now that it’s free for 3 months. I have a little pile of workout stuff — bands, small weights, a kettlebell — that I haul out when I’m watching TV at night and do floor exercises.
It’s also important to take a news break, which I know is a giant no duh but boy is it hard to just put down the damn phone. Things are changing so quickly I have this worry that if I don’t constantly check in something major will happen and … well, then what? The logic doesn’t play out, but it’s there all the same.
In happier news, the weeping cherry tree in our front yard is just starting to flower. I somewhat associate this tree with being in rehab, because the year I was in Serenity Lane I missed the bloom. It’s short but dramatic, just a gorgeous display of fuschia-pink petals that drape gracefully downward like falling firework sparks.
I’m glad to be here to see it, this year. Maybe I can think about that when I’m wishing for a return to the hustle and bustle of normal life: it’s not all bad, being asked to slow down. It goes against everything our society has become, but maybe something new will emerge from all of this, and maybe that is something to hope for instead of fear.
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