Mar
17
The pace of all the coronavirus news and updates is the scariest part of all of this, at least so far. There is of course the fact that we just don’t know what’s going to happen next, and that’s scary too, but it’s so disorienting to have things change so dramatically one day to the next, or even by the hour. I keep thinking about how last week — was it just last week!? — my friend and I were dithering over whether to cancel our San Francisco getaway plans. Like, we were having such a hard time making a decision because it wasn’t yet clear what everyone should be doing, and from this vantage point that all seems hopelessly naive. Oh, one week ago me, how cute that you were still browsing Bay Area menus.
It took me longer than it should have to really get my head around what’s happening and what’s required of us all. At one point a couple days ago I just up and drove to the library, thinking that being around people was worth stocking up on a bunch of books, and the library was closed. Oh riiiight, I thought.
Someone in my Facebook feed compared the feeling of being in this shutdown to the ongoing DUH when your house loses power, and that seems exactly right. It’s like I’m mentally walking around flipping light switches over and over and going, oh right. No you can’t go to the gym or Barre3 or TJ Maxx or the consignment place or the craft store, so stop lunging for the car keys, self.
I am, like all of us, so incredibly grateful this virus is not targeting children. Can you even begin to imagine what this would all be like if that were the case? My god. I’m also deeply grateful for the springlike sunshine we’re having in Eugene right now, it’s chilly but beautiful and that really helps.
The last two days I’ve gone for long walks while listening to podcasts and audiobooks, anything but pandemic news, and that has been head-clearing and good. I’m trying to keep up with my exercise routine. I’m trying to extend myself some grace about my eating habits going off the rails, while also trying to gently get myself back on track because honestly the carb bingeing just makes me more anxious.
It seems like we are all frozen in place, holding our collective breath, waiting to see what happens next. Take good care, friends.
Mar
16
Well! Things are certainly quite … *flaps hands helplessly* right now, aren’t they? It makes me long for the good old days, like a month ago, when it really seemed like things weren’t suuuuuuper great newswise, but ha ha ha WE HAD NO IDEA.
It’s not a great time for avoiding anxiety, that’s for sure, although the kind of anxiety I’m personally experiencing — generally useless, slowly increasing, and rooted in a whole hell of a lot of uncertainty — keeps getting superseded by the dreamlike feeling that we’re all living out a disaster movie. Hopefully one with a really boring un-Hollywood ending where things just kind of go back to normal except with more office work being done remotely because businesses finally figure out that forcing people to commute to cube farms for 8 hours a day is expensive and dumb.
If a week ago it seemed like panic was a very silly option for the truly paranoid, today it seems like panic is pulled up outside in an idling car. Just gonna hang out here for whenever you’re ready, panic says, swilling comfortably from a Big Gulp.
ANYWAY. In other news, there is no other news because this is officially all anyone is thinking about or talking about. Except my kids, that is, because they remain blissfully mostly entirely oblivious and unconcerned about everything except the cancellation of March Madness.
How are you holding up, friends?
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