Well, the thing about promising that you will post some kind of contest (see prior entry) in order to give away a pair of jeans is this: you have to actually think of a contest. Plus, you get people all up in your grill about how they could use a free pair of jeans, HELLO, what are they, chopped liver? And you have to be all, girl you be the finest chopped liver I know, you’re some a that creamy foie gras shit, but I still got to post this contest.

I asked JB to help me come up with a contest idea that didn’t involve trivia, google searching, or being online at precisely whatever-the-hell-thirty, and he said “Well, why don’t you do like Maxim and ask people to caption a photo.” I said that sounded fine to me, but what kind of photo?

He shrugged. “I’m sure you’ll think of something.”

So I thought of this one:



Okay then! If you want to be in the running for a pair of Cruel Girl Bailey jeans, size 13, then post your best caption idea in the comments section. Contest is over when I say so. Winner is picked by me, using whatever the hell criteria I want. Don’t forget to include your email info.

I would close this entry with a baby picture as usual, but just for right now I think we should, ahhhh, avoid considering any visible family resemblance.


37 Responses to “The silly jeans contest; third prize is you’re fired”

  1. Kirsten on May 8th, 2006 10:27 am

    “Sloth. Loves. Chunk! aaaaarrrrrrrgggghhh”


    “It’s stuck….dammit, Mom was right!”

  2. warcrygirl on May 8th, 2006 10:29 am

    I’ll never get my fat ass into a size 13 (at this moment, mind you) but I want to play anyway:

    Riley eventually learns to pull himself into a standing position using whatever is handy to grab onto at the moment. Much to JB’s dismay.

  3. Emily on May 8th, 2006 10:31 am

    That caption up there made me glad that those jeans wouldn’t fit me, because, Lord, I’d never be able to think of a better one after reading that! However, I submit:

    In true Jim Bob style, the last words he ever spoke were, “Hey, Ma! Watch this!”

  4. dorrie on May 8th, 2006 10:41 am

    How about….

    “That new product isn’t just warming…it’s mfing HOT! Get it OFF ME!”

  5. Amanda Foote on May 8th, 2006 10:44 am

    “While his lovely parents sat enjoying a simple, yet healthy meal at the dinner table, Riley enjoyed the freedom of crawling free range across the dining room floor. He looked up, and there in his father’s lap was an interesting new toy. He reached up and grasped it in his surprisingly strong hand. Suddenly, his father made a rather strangled noise and pulled a face.”

    Or simply,


  6. janet on May 8th, 2006 10:57 am

    “Honey, I know you hate it when I sneak around trying on your clothes, but I think I just may have a little, uhhh, zipper emergency with your new hot jeans. Save me so we can make sure Riley gets a little brother some day!”

    ps the jeans just might fit me! bonus points!

  7. biodtl on May 8th, 2006 11:36 am

    Cat! That is NOT a mouse!!

  8. Sarah on May 8th, 2006 11:42 am

    Daughter: “Mama, what’s wrong with that man’s face?”
    Mother: “Well dear, that’s what we call “inbred.” Now don’t stare too long, you know you don’t like it.”

    Not so funny, but I have to try! :)

  9. Danell on May 8th, 2006 11:43 am

    And Sundry manages to catch the moment JB’s extra-strength laxative kicks in.

  10. Hulda on May 8th, 2006 11:43 am

    Ooga Booga!

  11. pippa on May 8th, 2006 12:06 pm

    Wife… took… my… guns! And tools!

  12. Ali on May 8th, 2006 12:16 pm

    “My name is Gump, Forrest Gump”

  13. Haley on May 8th, 2006 12:21 pm

    No tv and no beer make JB go krrraaazzzzeeeeee.

  14. Sara on May 8th, 2006 12:27 pm

    Sundry is finally testing out that spray-on lube, and JB didn’t see it coming. Perhaps this is his first time?

  15. Wendi on May 8th, 2006 12:27 pm

    “Oh…my…God…there is a screwdriver stuck between my shoulder blades!”

    (ha ha…I’m sorry, every time I see a seagull now I think of that story!)

  16. oregoncoastgirl on May 8th, 2006 12:39 pm

    Further proof that the water system in the Coos County area needs to be tested for imbalances.


    Uncle Dad, is that you?

  17. Sarah on May 8th, 2006 1:31 pm

    JB’s sense of smell was never the same after that fateful day that Dog got into the litterbox and ate cat shit, producing the most god awful farts known to man.

  18. Laurabelle on May 8th, 2006 1:55 pm

    “You posted WHICH picture of my naked ass of your website?”

  19. Em on May 8th, 2006 2:05 pm

    “I….can….almost….see….wait….yeah…..that’s my brain…”

  20. Pete on May 8th, 2006 3:13 pm

    Follow my finger….with both eyes.

  21. aibee on May 8th, 2006 5:00 pm

    JB is perplexed by the discovery of his frontal lobe.

  22. Shawna on May 8th, 2006 6:04 pm

    When asked to comment, the suspect would only say, “Chomp! Chomp! Ba chooey chomp!”

  23. Shawna on May 8th, 2006 6:07 pm

    What do you mean I have a Dirty Sanchez under my nose?

  24. Donna on May 8th, 2006 6:50 pm


  25. CartwheelsAtMidnight on May 8th, 2006 6:54 pm

    “Beware of Dog”

    “…Extreme Downsyndrome”


  26. Sue on May 8th, 2006 7:10 pm

    Just for kicks… (b/c there will be no size 13 wearing for me anytime in the near future)
    I asked my 4 year old daughter what she thought when she saw this picutre! he he he
    She said “Halloween!”

    And Donna… woah boy… that is funny!

  27. Lesley on May 8th, 2006 8:35 pm

    “Meet the new Whitehouse Press Secretary”


    “Dick Cheney’s love child”

  28. Annie on May 8th, 2006 8:51 pm

    “Riley, go get Daddy’s medication. It’s time to up his dosage.”

  29. Kris on May 8th, 2006 10:10 pm

    “No! Don’t look at me! I’m…fabulous!”

    (no pantalones for me, either, I just wanted to play!)

  30. Kris on May 8th, 2006 10:15 pm

    (obscure, maybe?)

  31. Scott on May 8th, 2006 10:56 pm

    “Respect the bicuspids, tame the incisors!”

  32. Chloe on May 8th, 2006 11:50 pm

    Laurabelle– HILARIOUS! These are all sooo good. I don’t envy you, Sundry.

    Mine (though it’s not all that good, and I don’t really need the jeans anyway):

    “HULK ANGRY!!!”

  33. fifi on May 9th, 2006 1:18 am

    And behold, the wind had changed, and he was stuck that way!

  34. Kaire on May 9th, 2006 5:12 am

    “I understand why you want the lights off when we make love honey, but I still don’t understand the bag overy my head …..”

    size 13 is a dream (nice to hang them on the fridge to taunt myself with), but what the hell, gotta play :)

  35. Rae on May 11th, 2006 7:24 pm

    Only someone who grew up in the 80’s and loved O Henry’s would understand this caption:

    “It’s that big chunk…of FUUUUUUDGE!!”

    Now all you have to do is put him on a teeter-totter and a leather thong and you’re set!!!

  36. lee on May 12th, 2006 10:28 am

    my caption?

    “DANG! See what happen’s when you GIT-R-Done!”

    for some reason, the photo makes me think he could be larry the cableguy’s half-retarded step-cousin.

  37. Lynn on May 18th, 2006 1:14 pm

    Not playing, but maybe the lube would help with the zipper emergency of #VI….

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