May 15, 2007

Things I have learned about running so far:

• It sounds better to call it “running” than “lumbering along at a glacially slow trot”.

• Don’t try and run if you’re hungry, unless you want to find out what it feels like to have all of your molecules commit suicide at the same time.

• Thread your iPod cord under the strap of your sports bra, that will keep it from flapping around and making you crazy.

• Play music at a level guaranteed to cause hearing damage, that way you won’t be distracted by your own desperate gasping.

• Stuff a Kleenex in a pocket somewhere. Running does weird things to your sinuses.

• When you start a run your knees may feel like they are made out of concrete, and you will jog awkwardly along like a robot at first. This feeling will go away after a couple minutes, but go ahead and add “Mr. Roboto” to your playlist.

• At some point, you will accidentally eat a bug.

Ways in which JB impressed me yesterday:

• On his way to the front yard, effortlessly leaped our makeshift backyard fence, sailing through the air with his feet pushed off to the side like one of those urban gymnastics guys you’ve seen on YouTube. Honestly, I had no idea.

• Confronted with a DVR stuck on fast forward, unleashed a fantastically creative string of cuss words (heavily featuring “Comcast” and “cocksucking”) at top speed, like a cattle auctioneer with Tourette’s, complete with furious Ari-from-Entourage-esque hand-jacking maneuvers. The only way it would have been cooler is if he were also jumping over a fence at the time.

Physical reactions I had while watching this movie the other night:

• Lower jaw dangling down around my chest.

• Blood pressure soaring into seizure territory.

• Arms flapping around wildly to indicate extreme disbelief and horror.

• Random outbursts of “What! What! What!”


Number of nights in a row that Riley has woken up now because his pajamas are all h4x0r3d and his arm is shoved through the neckhole or some such thing:

• FIVE GODDAMNIT FIVE.

Hour at which the contractors arrived this morning to finally start the demolition work on our remodel:

• 7:30.

• In the AM.

• I was not prepared to find a stranger standing outside the kitchen window, and maybe next time I’ll comb my hair.

• Or better yet, have clothes on.

:::

Hey, got any suggestions for a good, fast-paced, not-too-long audio book that I could download for my flight tomorrow? You know, so I have a pile of magazines, a pile of books, a bunch of music, AND an audio book, in case the plane gets redirected to Australia or something.

Also! I have a day of meetings on Thursday, then we head directly for home. What kind of outfit would work for a ‘business casual’ setting, yet will survive a few hours of travel without wrinkling horribly, cutting off my circulation, or killing my feet? Can I get away with a t-shirt—if it’s black and sort of stretchy/dressy—pants, and low heels?

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