My luxurious Mother’s Day treat involved spending part of the afternoon rooting around our neighborhood Ross Dress for Less like a discount-sniffing truffle pig, and it was pretty much exactly my perfect sort of activity. Forget fancy breakfasts lovingly prepared by husbands and/or children: on my Very Special Day I want to go try on bargain basement clothing items in a crappy, smelly store lit by horrifying fluorescents and featuring the world’s most apathetic staff. Because I am KLASSY.

JB did give me breakfast in bed, though. Aw, who’s a good husband? He also slyly handed me one of his furniture-making periodicals first thing in the morning and announced he had an EXTRA gift for me, heh heh heh. Naturally, the title of the magazine was WOOD.

Our family outing for the day was to a nearby botanical garden, where I carefully balanced several river rocks on my shoulders while Dylan squirmed restlessly in the Bjorn carrier:
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And JB demonstrated Tantrum Management Maneuver #47: The Marlin Hold.
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On Saturday we left both kids with the grandparents as planned, despite the fact that both of them were acting like this:
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At first I felt bad about saddling JB’s folks with the crabby, soul-sucking children, but as our car pulled out of the driveway the guilt was replaced by a nearly giddy sense of freedom. “Let’s not talk about the kids at all tonight,” I said to JB, and he readily agreed. That promise lasted for about three minutes but it was a fine night regardless: we saw Iron Man (very fun, I highly recommend it), and had an amazing dinner including DESSERT. I haven’t had dessert in three damn months and it is maybe embarrassing to admit but the prospect of chocolate? Officially more enticing than the offer of morning WOOD. Listen up, men: this is why you should constantly tell your women how hot their muffin-tops are, because otherwise they go on diets and their priorities get all KINDS of fucked up.

Comments

25 Responses to “Offers on the table”

  1. Naomi the Strange on May 12th, 2008 12:17 pm

    I’ll have to check out that movie. Glad you had a good mother’s day. :)

  2. H on May 12th, 2008 12:21 pm

    Did Dylan have a hair growth spurt or is that a hair piece?

  3. Kathryn on May 12th, 2008 12:27 pm

    I’m more impressed by the rocks you’ve managed to balance on your head! Those look so precariously perched, but you’re so casual about it… And “perched” looks like a very odd word, I think.

  4. RubiaLala on May 12th, 2008 12:38 pm

    The rock balancing on the head thing is pretty special. You are quite talented.

  5. MRW on May 12th, 2008 1:08 pm

    I think that’s at least part of the reason why my husband tells me I look great and don’t need to lose weight etc, because he knows that Me-chocolate for three months = probably very scary spouse.

    I second the recommendation for Iron Man. Also saw it on Saturday due to parental babysitting and it was the perfect movie for me at that point. Nothing heavy, good dialogue, RDJ, and some good funny scenes.

  6. Ann on May 12th, 2008 1:09 pm

    That’s soooo funny that your Ross smells like ass too!! I thought it was just the one’s in Florida!

  7. Eric's Mommy on May 12th, 2008 1:31 pm

    Muffin tops ARE hot!!!!

    Glad you had a good Mother’s Day :)

  8. Ginitag44 on May 12th, 2008 1:40 pm

    Happy belated Mother’s Day! Your hair looks fab.

    That JB, he is so clever!

  9. Janssen on May 12th, 2008 1:50 pm

    I loved Iron Man also – it was a great great movie. I laughed my head off.

  10. Christina on May 12th, 2008 1:51 pm

    Must have been something in the air because my kid went mad yesterday. He woke up from his nap sobbing hysterically and there was no getting him to stop. AND he was just crabby all day until we let him watch Shrek in its entirety something we never do…

    I like the rocks balanced on your head as well!

  11. Marie Green on May 12th, 2008 2:08 pm

    Ok, balancing rocks on your shoulders- very talented! I never knew this about you. =)

    Also, the diet/muffin top comment had me smiling broadly, and even making some ACTUAL noises sitting here alone at the computer.

  12. Chris on May 12th, 2008 2:51 pm

    The rocks on your head just crack me the hell up. every time I see it.

    Also, does your front carrier splay Dylan’s legs out like a frog? I swear I saw a lady at the zoo with a baby in a front carrier and that kid’s legs couldn’t have been more far apart, like doing to splits practically. Looked uncomfortable, even though they are bendy, the wee ones.

  13. Amy on May 12th, 2008 2:53 pm

    Happy Anniversary! We celebrated 9 years on May 2! Dessert over wood….you crack me up, but entering week 5 of weight watchers, I would have to agree!

  14. sundry on May 12th, 2008 2:55 pm

    Chris: no, it doesn’t, maybe because he’s not as little and his legs are longer? I didn’t use the Bjorn for the first couple months specifically because of the leg-splaying issue.

  15. Kym on May 12th, 2008 3:12 pm

    I am glad you had a lovely mother’s day, I got the “your not my mother” bullshit. Loved the rock balance act :)

  16. Belle on May 12th, 2008 3:33 pm

    Oh my god. JB’s holding of Riley upside down is EXACTLY how my hubby carried our fit-throwing son out of places like Toys ‘R Us back in the day. It calmed him down, believe it or not, but oh the looks we got! ha

  17. Josh on May 12th, 2008 6:19 pm

    Dude, that’s what I’m talking about! Muffin tops ARE sexy! And I do tell my woman this all the time, and she loves me for it. In fact I just addressed this very issue in a recent post, which I will shamelessly plug right friggin now, because what are the odds, really?

    http://sprintingtohell.wordpress.com/2008/03/31/which-sucks-worse-furries-or-jersey/

    Anyway, happy Mo’s day Sundry, you certainly deserve it after the seemingly endless maternal hijinks/living hell you’ve been describing for the last … uh … well since I started reading your blog a long time ago. I’m so very glad I’ll never have to be a mother.

  18. Josh on May 12th, 2008 6:20 pm

    Insert thinking outside the box joke here. ^

  19. Emily on May 12th, 2008 6:33 pm

    I read many of your posts out loud to my husband, and now he quotes your husband around our house. Particularly the “Make sure you mention the part about it being terrifying” post from many moons ago. :)

  20. Misguided mommy on May 13th, 2008 6:40 am

    I think JB needs a website dedicated to all his come hither antics. I mean really, he has possibly the most clever antics I’ve ever encountered when it comes to asking for some favors.

    Anyway he should make a website, because if my husband said more clever things besides, “umm it’s been a long time can we please have sex tonight,” while pouting and jumping up and down like a 2 year old he might get some

  21. Ginitag44 on May 13th, 2008 6:46 am

    I would also like to chime in with a vote for JB starting his own site – It should be titled “Come Hither – for there is WOOD”.

  22. kristylynne on May 13th, 2008 8:51 am

    Ross: WORST STORE EVER. I like Marshall’s and TJ Maxx much better.

    And Happy Mother’s Day. Your pictures are great.

  23. Emerald on May 13th, 2008 9:09 am

    Hah! I was webcamming with Josh (see above :P) when he suddenly goes “HA!!! See? I’m reading Sundry, and she’s ALLLLL over the muffintops! See?” It’s an eternal battle, but it’s nice to know one can down a whole key lime pie and actually get encouragement from the man we’re trying to be sexy for! :D

  24. Sunshyn on May 13th, 2008 11:42 am

    All Ross stores smell like ass. What I want to know is, is Dylan’s hair coming in RED?

  25. Angela on May 21st, 2008 12:39 pm

    “Because I am KLASSY.”

    OMG. I thought I was the only person that referred to themselves in this manner. It’s been a running joke with my friend for years, my klassdom. LOL.

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