My luxurious Mother’s Day treat involved spending part of the afternoon rooting around our neighborhood Ross Dress for Less like a discount-sniffing truffle pig, and it was pretty much exactly my perfect sort of activity. Forget fancy breakfasts lovingly prepared by husbands and/or children: on my Very Special Day I want to go try on bargain basement clothing items in a crappy, smelly store lit by horrifying fluorescents and featuring the world’s most apathetic staff. Because I am KLASSY.

JB did give me breakfast in bed, though. Aw, who’s a good husband? He also slyly handed me one of his furniture-making periodicals first thing in the morning and announced he had an EXTRA gift for me, heh heh heh. Naturally, the title of the magazine was WOOD.

Our family outing for the day was to a nearby botanical garden, where I carefully balanced several river rocks on my shoulders while Dylan squirmed restlessly in the Bjorn carrier:
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And JB demonstrated Tantrum Management Maneuver #47: The Marlin Hold.
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On Saturday we left both kids with the grandparents as planned, despite the fact that both of them were acting like this:
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At first I felt bad about saddling JB’s folks with the crabby, soul-sucking children, but as our car pulled out of the driveway the guilt was replaced by a nearly giddy sense of freedom. “Let’s not talk about the kids at all tonight,” I said to JB, and he readily agreed. That promise lasted for about three minutes but it was a fine night regardless: we saw Iron Man (very fun, I highly recommend it), and had an amazing dinner including DESSERT. I haven’t had dessert in three damn months and it is maybe embarrassing to admit but the prospect of chocolate? Officially more enticing than the offer of morning WOOD. Listen up, men: this is why you should constantly tell your women how hot their muffin-tops are, because otherwise they go on diets and their priorities get all KINDS of fucked up.

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Naomi the Strange
14 years ago

I’ll have to check out that movie. Glad you had a good mother’s day. :)

H
H
14 years ago

Did Dylan have a hair growth spurt or is that a hair piece?

Kathryn
Kathryn
14 years ago

I’m more impressed by the rocks you’ve managed to balance on your head! Those look so precariously perched, but you’re so casual about it… And “perched” looks like a very odd word, I think.

RubiaLala
14 years ago

The rock balancing on the head thing is pretty special. You are quite talented.

MRW
MRW
14 years ago

I think that’s at least part of the reason why my husband tells me I look great and don’t need to lose weight etc, because he knows that Me-chocolate for three months = probably very scary spouse.

I second the recommendation for Iron Man. Also saw it on Saturday due to parental babysitting and it was the perfect movie for me at that point. Nothing heavy, good dialogue, RDJ, and some good funny scenes.

Ann
Ann
14 years ago

That’s soooo funny that your Ross smells like ass too!! I thought it was just the one’s in Florida!

Eric's Mommy
Eric's Mommy
14 years ago

Muffin tops ARE hot!!!!

Glad you had a good Mother’s Day :)

Ginitag44
14 years ago

Happy belated Mother’s Day! Your hair looks fab.

That JB, he is so clever!

Janssen
14 years ago

I loved Iron Man also – it was a great great movie. I laughed my head off.

Christina
14 years ago

Must have been something in the air because my kid went mad yesterday. He woke up from his nap sobbing hysterically and there was no getting him to stop. AND he was just crabby all day until we let him watch Shrek in its entirety something we never do…

I like the rocks balanced on your head as well!

Marie Green
14 years ago

Ok, balancing rocks on your shoulders- very talented! I never knew this about you. =)

Also, the diet/muffin top comment had me smiling broadly, and even making some ACTUAL noises sitting here alone at the computer.

Chris
14 years ago

The rocks on your head just crack me the hell up. every time I see it.

Also, does your front carrier splay Dylan’s legs out like a frog? I swear I saw a lady at the zoo with a baby in a front carrier and that kid’s legs couldn’t have been more far apart, like doing to splits practically. Looked uncomfortable, even though they are bendy, the wee ones.

Amy
Amy
14 years ago

Happy Anniversary! We celebrated 9 years on May 2! Dessert over wood….you crack me up, but entering week 5 of weight watchers, I would have to agree!

Kym
Kym
14 years ago

I am glad you had a lovely mother’s day, I got the “your not my mother” bullshit. Loved the rock balance act :)

Belle
Belle
14 years ago

Oh my god. JB’s holding of Riley upside down is EXACTLY how my hubby carried our fit-throwing son out of places like Toys ‘R Us back in the day. It calmed him down, believe it or not, but oh the looks we got! ha

Josh
14 years ago

Dude, that’s what I’m talking about! Muffin tops ARE sexy! And I do tell my woman this all the time, and she loves me for it. In fact I just addressed this very issue in a recent post, which I will shamelessly plug right friggin now, because what are the odds, really?

http://sprintingtohell.wordpress.com/2008/03/31/which-sucks-worse-furries-or-jersey/

Anyway, happy Mo’s day Sundry, you certainly deserve it after the seemingly endless maternal hijinks/living hell you’ve been describing for the last … uh … well since I started reading your blog a long time ago. I’m so very glad I’ll never have to be a mother.

Josh
14 years ago

Insert thinking outside the box joke here. ^

Emily
Emily
14 years ago

I read many of your posts out loud to my husband, and now he quotes your husband around our house. Particularly the “Make sure you mention the part about it being terrifying” post from many moons ago. :)

Misguided mommy
14 years ago

I think JB needs a website dedicated to all his come hither antics. I mean really, he has possibly the most clever antics I’ve ever encountered when it comes to asking for some favors.

Anyway he should make a website, because if my husband said more clever things besides, “umm it’s been a long time can we please have sex tonight,” while pouting and jumping up and down like a 2 year old he might get some

Ginitag44
14 years ago

I would also like to chime in with a vote for JB starting his own site – It should be titled “Come Hither – for there is WOOD”.

kristylynne
kristylynne
14 years ago

Ross: WORST STORE EVER. I like Marshall’s and TJ Maxx much better.

And Happy Mother’s Day. Your pictures are great.

Emerald
14 years ago

Hah! I was webcamming with Josh (see above :P) when he suddenly goes “HA!!! See? I’m reading Sundry, and she’s ALLLLL over the muffintops! See?” It’s an eternal battle, but it’s nice to know one can down a whole key lime pie and actually get encouragement from the man we’re trying to be sexy for! :D

Sunshyn
14 years ago

All Ross stores smell like ass. What I want to know is, is Dylan’s hair coming in RED?

Angela
Angela
14 years ago

“Because I am KLASSY.”

OMG. I thought I was the only person that referred to themselves in this manner. It’s been a running joke with my friend for years, my klassdom. LOL.