It’s been six years since I last had any contact with my father. He’s never met his own grandchildren. He may not even know they exist, but I think it’s far more likely he does. I think he probably sees them in the same way anyone else who visits this website does.

On this subject I have no generosity, no forgiveness, and no willingness to accept explanation. I don’t think about him much, but I hope it hurts to see what he’s missing. I hope with every photo, every word, every tiny glimpse into the lives he so easily cast aside, his heart weighs heavy with the knowledge of what could have been.

I don’t even have the words for how grateful I am that my sons have a father that is everything my own father was not. Their father is strong, selfless, committed, and most of all, he loves them with everything in his heart. Riley and Dylan will always be secure in the knowledge that there is nothing in this world that could cause JB to leave his children. They will be loved throughout their lives, and they will never know a day when their father will not be there to support them.

On this Father’s Day, I want JB to know what an amazing dad he is every single day of the year. I want him to know he truly embodies everything fatherhood should be. I want him to know how lucky I feel for having him by my side, and how blessed his children are for having him as their dad.

Father’s Day 2009 from Linda Lee on Vimeo.

Comments

66 Responses to “Father’s Day”

  1. ashley on June 22nd, 2009 8:15 am

    Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are extremely hard for me, because it always reminds me of what I didn’t/don’t have.

  2. Rebecca (Bearca) on June 22nd, 2009 8:24 am

    That was awesome.

  3. Sarah @ BecomingSarah.com on June 22nd, 2009 8:57 am

    In the case of my marriage, my husband is the one who does not have a relationship with his father that is worth speaking of. It has never occurred to me that my father would do anything but love and cherish and protect me, from infancy through today. My husband never had that security.

    My father, like my husband, had a father with whom he did not have a relationship worth speaking of. And because of that, he became a man who loved and adored his family and who was twice the average father. I am so unyieldingly happy that my husband has arrived at the same point, that his father has made him determined to be a father whose children, like me, never had a reason to even THINK they might be left behind.

    Your children are very lucky indeed to have such a man in their lives, to have such a lucky solidity in their family. I know because I do too and it makes a world of difference.

    Happy Father’s Day (however belated) to JB =)

  4. Amy on June 22nd, 2009 9:11 am

    The video was so awesome – especially the head-bogging!

  5. Amy on June 22nd, 2009 9:12 am

    The video was so awesome – especially the head-bobbing.

  6. Janet on June 22nd, 2009 9:40 am

    Thank you so much for this post. For the longest time I have always wondered if it was just me that hit the “jackpot” in the paternal respect.

    Last time I saw my father was when I was 18 (my mother and he divorced when I was 7). After years of abuse from him he cast the final blow when he torched my car (on my 18th birthday)and threathened to kill my mother and me. I know (in my heart) that we’re better off without him but it still stings. He has two beautiful grand daughters (15 & 20)that he has never seen (and I doubt even knows about) and a son in law that he could take a few parenting lessons from. But you know what…he doesn’t deserve us and I think the same goes for your father.

  7. Susan on June 22nd, 2009 10:10 am

    Best video ever ::sniffle sniffle/discreet eyewipe::. Adorable! Thank you so much for sharing.

  8. marie on June 22nd, 2009 10:22 am

    as usual, that was awesome. what a tribute! i’m so happy for you, your boys & JB – I don’t know you, but I think you have a pretty amazing family. :)

    ps, i won’t hold it against you for making me realize how much i suck re: doing something cool for my husband for FD…. great idea on the video!

  9. rayshell on June 22nd, 2009 10:26 am

    Amen Sister!!! I also have not had contact with my “father” for the past 15 years. I think he sees what he’s missing and I’m glad.

    What an amazing video! :)

  10. Katherine on June 22nd, 2009 10:38 am

    The makeup of one’s biological family is a lottery and not all of us get winning tickets. As you know, you’re fortunate to have met and married someone who can turn around the definition of father and husband that you got from your dad. As one who is still looking for that, I’m envious.

    And I will offer this: it became clear to me about two years ago that I could trip over that new example of husband/father and not recognize him until I had gotten a clearer picture of who my own father was and is. After 20 years of no contact, I went to see him. After 4 days of questions and observations, I don’t understand everything but I do have a better grasp on how horribly limited he was/is as a human, let alone as a father. Those limitations existed before I ever arrived, and there wasn’t jack shit I could have done to have changed his perceptions and treatment of me.

    I’m still working on the self-perception and trust issues left in the wake of getting that loser lottery ticket. One of the things that helps me a lot is the view of your family and husband that you give us through your blog. So thanks for that. And thanks to JB for the example he sets for the rest of us.

  11. Deb on June 22nd, 2009 12:54 pm

    What Shelley said – “When you have children, you really see your own parents so clearly”.

    I am right this minute in the midst of deciding not to continue a relationship with my parents. When I had kids, I was my own childhood in such a different light – it was practically a primer on what not to do. I just can’t continue such a destructive relationship any longer. It is a very difficult and sad decision and both Mother’s Day and Father’s Day stung this year. My babies have a wonderful father and I am eternally grateful that they will never have a dad-shaped hole in thier hearts.

  12. MelV on June 22nd, 2009 2:37 pm

    Oh wow! What a great video and what a precious family. I have never had a relationship with my father either. There was the forced annual Christmas phone call (him by his wife, mine by my mother) but they were awkward and rushed). We dont talk anymore now that im grown. He’s never met his grandkids, he knows about them though. I too wonder if it ever bothers him – what he’s missed. But probably not. And thats fine. B/c I have an amazing husband who wouldnt let all the fires of hell come between him and his kids and I love that.

  13. H on June 23rd, 2009 11:33 am

    I missed this post earlier. Like some of the other commenters, this is a sensitive issue for me as well. I’m bitter that I can’t even imagine what it would be like to have a loving, caring father and to love him back. I don’t think about this often but I do on Father’s Day. I’m so thankful my children have a great father. I appreciate this post. It reminds me that I should be extra thankful for my husband and it makes me feel less alone, in the Sucky Father Department.

  14. Lacey (Laptops to Lullabies) on June 23rd, 2009 11:48 am

    Wonderfully said. I have not seen my father in three years, or even had contact with him in over a year. When my husband and I have kids, I have no intention of ever letting him meet them. I truly think of it as his loss.

  15. Niki P on June 25th, 2009 9:05 am

    I remember that post about your father- it made me cry when I read it. I have so many issues with my own father but the bottom line is he isn’t someone that I want my kids around. My boys are 14 and 12 and they have never met him. I struggled this Father’s Day as my youngest “moved up” from elementary school to Jr high and my father hadn’t seen a single second of this great kids life. He made the choices that he did but we all had to pay for it. I have a lot of anger.

    Great video, great post.

  16. jimaiemarie on July 14th, 2009 4:36 pm

    this video was absolutely precious!!!! It gave me goosebumps, i seriously dont think I’ve ever seen a more heartwarming father’s day video along with a more heartfelt letter, what a fabulous daddy he must be! :D

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